Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, Shira Gill is a globally recognized home organizing expert, speaker, coach, and content creator with a less-is-more philosophy. Over the past decade, she has helped thousands of people around the world reduce clutter and create more space for what matters. Shira’s books center around the intimate relationship between people’s homes and lives and how they inform and inspire each other. Her work and home have been featured in Vogue, Dwell, Better Homes & Gardens, House Beautiful, Architectural Digest, Domino, Forbes, goop, Harper's Bazaar, HGTV, InStyle, Parents, Real Simple, and The New York Times. She has also been a guest on Good Morning America.

In this episode of Over It and On With It, Christine Hassler coaches Valentina, a listener at a crossroads in her relationship and living situation. Valentina shares the challenges of navigating her partner’s sudden decisions and their impact on her sense of self. This episode dives deep into how family-of-origin patterns influence current relationships, and offers profound insights for anyone questioning their life direction.

Christine helps Valentina explore her feelings, confront patterns of compliance and codependency, and move toward clarity and empowerment. Together, they unpack the importance of honoring one’s truth, and voice in relationships and in life.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you find yourself putting others' needs before your own in relationships?
• Are you afraid to speak your truth, fearing it might lead to conflict or rejection?
• Have you noticed patterns in your relationships that reflect your childhood experiences?
• Are you currently in a situation that feels like a compromise of your authentic self?

The Guest's Key Insights & A-HA's:

• Valentina recognizes her tendency to prioritize her partner's desires over her own, a pattern rooted in her upbringing.
• Christine highlights the importance of self-honoring choices and boundary-setting.
• Through coaching, Valentina gains clarity on her relationship's dynamics and how they mirror her family history.
• Valentina finds empowerment in understanding that leaving a relationship or staying should align with her soul’s highest good.

How to Get Over It & On With It:

• Reflect on whether your relationships support or suppress your authentic self.
• Notice patterns from your family of origin that might be playing out in your current relationships.
• Prioritize communication and honesty in relationships to foster mutual respect and understanding.
• Seek external support, whether from therapy or coaching, to help navigate big decisions.

Sponsors:

• Organifi: Christine loves Organifi’s clean, plant-based superfood blends that nourish the body. Her current favorite is the Shilajit Gummies, an energizing supplement made from an ancient compound that naturally supports energy levels. Check out the Shilajit Gummies and all Organifi products at organifi.com/overit for 20% off your entire order. Use promo code "OVERIT" at checkout.
• AirDoctor: Breathe clean air with AirDoctor! This powerful air purifier filters out 99.99% of harmful particles, including allergens, mold, bacteria, and viruses. Christine trusts AirDoctor to improve her indoor air quality, especially during mold surges. Receive up to $300 off your AirDoctor purifier at airdoctorpro.com using promo code "OVERIT."

Social Media + Resources:

• Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
• Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
• Christine on Facebook
• Expectation Hangover by Christine Hassler
• @ChristineHassler on Twitter
• @ChristineHassler on Instagram
• @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
• Email: jill@christinehassler.com — For information on any of my services!
• Get on the waitlist to be coached on the show!
• Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches!

In this transformative coaching session, Christine guides Sarah, a 39-year-old single woman, through releasing guilt, healing her self-worth, and letting go of codependent patterns in relationships. Sarah shares the profound guilt she feels after leaving an abusive marriage, particularly since her ex-husband later passed away. Struggling with feelings of responsibility, she’s found herself repeating self-sacrificing patterns and attracting emotionally unavailable partners. Christine helps Sarah uncover how her childhood experiences of emotional neglect and caretaking shaped her beliefs about love and self-worth.

As they delve deeper, Sarah realizes that her guilt and sense of responsibility are rooted in early family dynamics, where she learned to prioritize others’ needs over her own. Christine encourages her to reconnect with her inner “adult self”—a wise, grounded voice within her that initially gave her the strength to leave her toxic marriage. This part of Sarah is key to rebuilding her confidence, trusting her instincts, and setting healthy boundaries.

The conversation highlights how our subconscious often seeks familiar relationship dynamics from childhood, making it challenging to break-free from harmful cycles. For Sarah, Christine suggests focusing on cultivating self-worth by reframing her inner dialogue and practicing self-care over dating. By pausing romantic pursuits, Sarah can create the inner stability needed to attract healthier connections, and leave behind codependent tendencies.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Have you been drawn to relationships where your needs are ignored or undervalued?
• Do you struggle with guilt when setting boundaries or prioritizing self-care?
• Are you holding yourself responsible for something that was never truly in your control?

The Guest’s Key Insights & A-HA’s:

• Sarah realizes she has been unconsciously choosing emotionally unavailable partners, mirroring her unmet needs from childhood.
• She understands that her lingering guilt about leaving her ex-husband has fueled codependent behaviors.
• Her “adult Sarah” voice, which led her to leave her marriage, is an essential inner resource she can rely on.
• Sarah sees how the part of her focused-on guilt, and self-punishment needs to make way for self-love and healing.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Prioritize Self-Worth: Reframe your self-image by focusing on your worth outside of relationship dynamics.
• Reconnect with Your Inner Child: Address the needs of your inner child and give yourself permission to release old survival strategies.
• Focus on Self-Growth: Take dating off the table temporarily to focus on self-healing practices.
• Seek Healthy Relational Dynamics: Cultivate relationships where you feel seen, safe, and appreciated rather than diminished.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware - Caraway offers beautifully designed, non-toxic ceramic cookware that’s both safe and stylish. Perfect for anyone looking to upgrade their kitchen in time for the holidays. For a limited time, get 20% off at carawayhome.com/overit.

Social Media + Resources:

• Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
• Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
• Christine on Facebook
• Expectation Hangover by Christine Hassler
• @ChristineHassler on Twitter
• @ChristineHassler on Instagram
• @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
• Email: jill@christinehassler.com — For information on any of my services!
• Get on the waitlist to be coached on the show!
• Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches!