-
Amusing Musings
- Hilarious One-Liners and Deep Thoughts for the Offbeat Sense of Humor
- Narrated by: Kevin McGonagle
- Length: 28 mins
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $2.33
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
Publisher's summary
Warning: This book may be a choking hazard if listened to while eating or drinking.
If you’re a fan of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, then you’re going to love Amusing Musings.
Are you ready to enjoy the most hilarious and absurd audiobook of the year? This hysterical compilation of profound thoughts and ridiculous one liners will make you laugh until you cry. Relish delightfully witty quotes such as these:
“I bet a popular joke in the medieval days was to sneak up behind a knight and stick a “kick me” sign on his armor with a magnet.”
“I think it would be a good idea if scientists invented a new fruit. It should look like an orange, but, surprise, it tastes like a watermelon. Also, it screams when you peel it.”
“If cats could talk, I bet that when they cleaned themselves they’d never shut up about how good they taste.”
If you are a fan of non-sequitur or absurdist comedy in the style of Mitch Hedburg, Steven Wright, or Saturday Night Live’s Jack Handey, then buy this outrageously entertaining audiobook now!
Related to this topic
-
Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
-
-
Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
-
There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say
- By: Paula Poundstone
- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
-
-
More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
-
Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic
- And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up with Facts
- By: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Narrated by: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this latest mommy audiobook from the popular blogger, author, and TV personality, Stefanie will share her secrets for achieving a balance in motherhood between being protective and caring and downright bats--t crazy. She'll debunk some of the looniest parenting myths and reinforce others; she'll describe how, through as simple a process as good old trial and error, she's learned to pick and choose what works for her and her family, and tune out the rest.
-
-
You’re A Parent Now...Don't Mess It Up
- By Tim on 04-16-15
-
Dr. Snow Has Got to Go!
- My Weirder-est School, Book 1
- By: Dan Gutman
- Narrated by: Maxwell Glick
- Length: 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this first audiobook in the My Weirder-est School series, Ella Mentry School is having a science fair! Guest scientist Dr. Snow has arrived to help A.J. and his friends conduct their own cool experiments. But what is “the Snowman” really planning? And what does S.T.E.M. even stand for, anyway?
-
-
Great
- By Anna on 06-01-20
By: Dan Gutman
-
Hey Mom
- By: Louie Anderson
- Narrated by: Louie Anderson
- Length: 6 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Louie Anderson has been channeling his beloved mom in his iconic stand-up comedy for decades - but she passed away before getting to see him reach new heights with his breakout role. Hey Mom is Louie's way of catching Ora Zella Anderson up on everything that has been going on in his life, including his continued struggles with food and family, but also how so much has changed for the better. He also has plenty of laugh-out-loud stories about his incredibly resilient mother and his 10 siblings, as well as observations on the absurdities of life.
-
-
I love Louie even more now
- By Candace on 05-02-18
By: Louie Anderson
-
I'll Get There. It Better Be Worth the Trip.
- By: John Donovan
- Narrated by: Michael Urie, Stacey Donovan, Brent Hartinger, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When the grandmother who raised him dies, Davy Ross, a lonely 13-year-old boy, must move to Manhattan to live with his estranged mother. Between alcohol-infused lectures about her self-sacrifice and awkward visits with his distant father, Davy's only comfort is his beloved dachshund, Fred. Things start to look up when he and a boy from school become friends. But when their relationship takes an unexpected turn, Davy struggles to understand what happened and what it might mean.
-
-
Will I get there?
- By michael on 04-03-11
By: John Donovan
-
Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
-
-
Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
-
There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say
- By: Paula Poundstone
- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
-
-
More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
-
Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic
- And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up with Facts
- By: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Narrated by: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this latest mommy audiobook from the popular blogger, author, and TV personality, Stefanie will share her secrets for achieving a balance in motherhood between being protective and caring and downright bats--t crazy. She'll debunk some of the looniest parenting myths and reinforce others; she'll describe how, through as simple a process as good old trial and error, she's learned to pick and choose what works for her and her family, and tune out the rest.
-
-
You’re A Parent Now...Don't Mess It Up
- By Tim on 04-16-15
-
Dr. Snow Has Got to Go!
- My Weirder-est School, Book 1
- By: Dan Gutman
- Narrated by: Maxwell Glick
- Length: 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this first audiobook in the My Weirder-est School series, Ella Mentry School is having a science fair! Guest scientist Dr. Snow has arrived to help A.J. and his friends conduct their own cool experiments. But what is “the Snowman” really planning? And what does S.T.E.M. even stand for, anyway?
-
-
Great
- By Anna on 06-01-20
By: Dan Gutman
-
Hey Mom
- By: Louie Anderson
- Narrated by: Louie Anderson
- Length: 6 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Louie Anderson has been channeling his beloved mom in his iconic stand-up comedy for decades - but she passed away before getting to see him reach new heights with his breakout role. Hey Mom is Louie's way of catching Ora Zella Anderson up on everything that has been going on in his life, including his continued struggles with food and family, but also how so much has changed for the better. He also has plenty of laugh-out-loud stories about his incredibly resilient mother and his 10 siblings, as well as observations on the absurdities of life.
-
-
I love Louie even more now
- By Candace on 05-02-18
By: Louie Anderson
-
I'll Get There. It Better Be Worth the Trip.
- By: John Donovan
- Narrated by: Michael Urie, Stacey Donovan, Brent Hartinger, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When the grandmother who raised him dies, Davy Ross, a lonely 13-year-old boy, must move to Manhattan to live with his estranged mother. Between alcohol-infused lectures about her self-sacrifice and awkward visits with his distant father, Davy's only comfort is his beloved dachshund, Fred. Things start to look up when he and a boy from school become friends. But when their relationship takes an unexpected turn, Davy struggles to understand what happened and what it might mean.
-
-
Will I get there?
- By michael on 04-03-11
By: John Donovan
-
Dear Fahrenheit 451
- Love and Heartbreak in the Stacks
- By: Annie Spence
- Narrated by: Stephanie Spicer
- Length: 5 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Librarians spend their lives weeding - not weeds, but books - books that have reached the end of their shelf life both literally and figuratively. They remove books that patrons no longer check out, and they put back books they treasure. Annie Spence, who has a decade of experience as a Midwestern librarian, does this not only at her Michigan library but also at home, for her neighbors, at cocktail parties - everywhere. In Dear Fahrenheit 451, she addresses those books directly.
-
-
Totally captivating
- By Grace Smith on 03-24-18
By: Annie Spence
-
The Neddiad
- By: Daniel Pinkwater
- Narrated by: Daniel Pinkwater
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When young Neddie Wentworthstein is accidentally left behind by his family at a train stop in the Wild West, he suddenly finds himself at the center of a whirlwind adventure involving sinister villains and extraordinary new allies - all seeming to revolve around a little jade turtle given to him by a mysterious shaman.
-
-
Lots of Chuckles
- By Anne Toslosky on 08-28-07
By: Daniel Pinkwater
-
Dave Barry Does Japan
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Arte Johnson
- Length: 4 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Without bothering to get approval from the President, the State Department, or even the FTC, Dave Barry's publishers sent him to Tokyo. You'd think they would have known better. Now the word is Barry has set back our diplomatic relations with the whole Pacific Rim by a couple of decades. Japanese culture, dining, sport, and industry all come under Barry's relentless scrutiny.
-
-
Uplifting and fun
- By S. Blaine on 04-30-03
By: Dave Barry
-
Kian and Jc: Don't Try This at Home!
- By: Kian Lawley, Jc Caylen
- Narrated by: Kian Lawley, Jc Caylen
- Length: 1 hr and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From personalities and entertainers Kian Lawley and Jc Caylen comes a completely wild and entirely true account of their rise to Internet fame: Kian and Jc: Don't Try This at Home! More than seven million YouTube subscribers, five million Twitter followers, and five million Instagram followers cannot wait for this sometimes hilarious, sometimes awkward, and always crazy collection of stories and interviews narrated by Kian and Jc themselves.
-
-
OMG
- By Lesley on 06-28-16
By: Kian Lawley, and others
-
Emily the Strange
- The Lost Days
- By: Rob Reger
- Narrated by: Angela Goethals
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Emily the Strange: 13 years old. Able to leap tall buildings, probably, if she felt like it. More likely to be napping with her four black cats; or cobbling together a particle accelerator out of lint, lentils, and safety pins; or rocking out on drums/ guitar/ saxophone/ zither; or painting a swirling feral sewer mural; or forcing someone to say "swirling feral sewer mural" 13 times fast.... and pointing and laughing.
-
-
Grrrrrrrrrraaattrt!!!
- By Vkatz76 on 05-20-23
By: Rob Reger
-
500 Funny Quotes for Women
- Inspirational Quotes to Boost Your Mood Instantly & Make Your Day a Little Happier!
- By: Stan Hardy
- Narrated by: Jill Rolls
- Length: 1 hr and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Funny quotes are great; they allow us to take a quick break, relax, and take life a bit easier. And who doesn’t need those in today’s hectic life? Whether you are looking for an innovative way to cheer yourself up and deal with the daily stresses, stay focused and motivated, or simply trying to find a fantastic gift for a friend or a loved one, 500 Funny Quotes for Women could be a perfect choice!
-
-
Made me smile.
- By Lyvon Netherton on 04-13-24
By: Stan Hardy
-
Wildflower
- By: Drew Barrymore
- Narrated by: Drew Barrymore
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Wildflower is a portrait of Drew's life in stories as she looks back on the adventures, challenges, and incredible experiences of her earlier years. It includes tales of living on her own at 14 (and how laundry may have saved her life), getting stuck in a gas station overhang on a cross-country road trip, saying good-bye to her father in a way only he could have understood, and many more adventures and lessons that have led her to the successful, happy, and healthy place she is today.
-
-
Hold the shrieking !
- By Dawne on 11-27-15
By: Drew Barrymore
-
Short Stories of William Somerset Maugham, Volume 1
- By: W. Somerset Maugham
- Narrated by: Charlton Griffin
- Length: 3 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Winner of the 2001 Audie Award for Classic Fiction, this is an unparalleled presentation of Maugham's stories, complete with sound effects and music.
-
-
Jewels!
- By Jacko45 on 07-05-04
-
Familyhood
- By: Paul Reiser
- Narrated by: Paul Reiser
- Length: 5 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In Familyhood, Reiser shares his observations on parenting, marriage, and mid-life with the wit, warmth, and humor that he’s so well-known for. From the first experience of sending his two boys off to summer camp to maneuvering the minefield of bad words learned at school, this hilarious new book captures the spirit of familyhood, the logical next frontier for Reiser’s trademark perspective on the universal truths of life, love, and relationships.
-
-
Witty and warm, a pleasurable read
- By Frank on 06-03-11
By: Paul Reiser
-
The Boy Next Door: A Novel
- Boy Series 1
- By: Meg Cabot
- Narrated by: Carly Robins
- Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This is a message from the Human Resources Division of the New York Journal, New York City's leading photo-newspaper. Please be aware that according to our records you have not yet listened to this book. What exactly are you waiting for? This book has it all: humor, romance, cooking tips, Great Danes, heroine in peril, and dolphin-shaped driftwood sculptures. If you wish to hear about any of the above, please do not hesitate to scroll to the top of this page, where you will find the button to help you buy this book. Sincerely, Human Resources Division, New York Journal
-
-
Description doesn’t give summary
- By Tara on 10-19-23
By: Meg Cabot
-
Learning to Die in Miami
- Confessions of a Refugee Boy
- By: Carlos Eire
- Narrated by: Robert Fass
- Length: 11 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Carlos Eire's story of a boyhood uprooted by the Cuban Revolution quickly lures us in, as eleven-year-old Carlos and his older brother Tony touch down in the sun-dappled Miami of 1962 - a place of daunting abundance where his old Cuban self must die to make way for a new, American self waiting to be born. In this enchanting new work, narrated in Eire's inimitable and lyrical voice, young Carlos adjusts to life in his new country.
-
-
Excellent memoir of a forgotten time in history
- By BRB on 03-23-15
By: Carlos Eire
-
A Very Scalzi Christmas
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Khristine Hvam, Dina Pearlman, Kevin T. Collins, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
New York Times best-selling and Hugo Award-winning author John Scalzi gift-wraps 15 short takes on the holiday season - interviews with holiday notables, "informational" articles about TV specials and Christmas carols, short stories and poems, and even a couple of nods to Thanksgiving and New Year’s - and puts them all into a stocking stuffer-sized package that makes the perfect gift for friends, family, or yourself.
-
-
Very Scalzian indeed!
- By Andre Wallace Simonsen on 12-03-19
By: John Scalzi