-
An Oracle Walks into a Bar
- The Misadventures of a Paranormal Post-Relationship Personal Effects Repossession Specialist, Book 1
- Narrated by: Ray Lesniewski
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $19.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
Publisher's summary
Messy breakup? Want your stuff back from your ex? Shapeshifter August Shade can help. Satisfaction not guaranteed.
When a power-hungry elf hires August to get her favorite book back from her vampire ex-lover, August figures it’ll just be another job. Except that vampire is the meanest vampire this side of Canada, the book bestows its reader with the power to write their own future, and the elf isn’t the only one that wants the book. Things go from bad to worse when a horoscope-writing oracle starts having visions of the end of the world, and August pops up in all of them.
The cranky shapeshifter can change into a lot of things, but can he change the future? Haunted by a dark past, plagued by the oracle’s predictions, and grappling with his penchant for making bad decisions, the only sure thing about August’s future is that it looks short.
***
Human Brain Pledge
This story was written by a human. No AI writing assist technology was used in the creation of this story.
Related to this topic
-
Project Hail Mary
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 16 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ryland Grace is the sole survivor on a desperate, last-chance mission - and if he fails, humanity and the Earth itself will perish. Except that right now, he doesn't know that. He can't even remember his own name, let alone the nature of his assignment or how to complete it. All he knows is that he's been asleep for a very, very long time. And he's just been awakened to find himself millions of miles from home, with nothing but two corpses for company.
-
-
Bazinga
- By Davidgonzalezsr on 05-04-21
By: Andy Weir
-
Wynonna Earp
- Tales from Purgatory
- By: Emily Andras
- Narrated by: Melanie Scrofano, Tim Rozon, Dom Provost-Chalkley, and others
- Length: 4 hrs
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Saddle up and join Wynonna Earp on an immersive new audio adventure in the gritty supernatural world of Purgatory. This Audible Original invites you deeper into the Weird West to follow Wynonna Earp (Melanie Scrofano), as she embarks on her craziest adventure yet: riding off into the sunset with her soulmate, Doc Holliday (Tim Rozon)—yes ... that Doc Holliday. Brace yourself for more wise-cracking demon hunters, earth-shattering revelations and all the genre-blending action you've come to expect from the cult hit TV series.
-
-
Happy #Earper ☺️
- By Kate Skidmore on 10-17-24
By: Emily Andras
-
Starter Villain
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Inheriting your uncle's supervillain business is more complicated than you might think. Particularly when you discover who's running the place. Charlie's life is going nowhere fast. A divorced substitute teacher living with his cat in a house his siblings want to sell, all he wants is to open a pub downtown, if only the bank will approve his loan. Then his long-lost uncle Jake dies and leaves his supervillain business (complete with island volcano lair) to Charlie. But becoming a supervillain isn't all giant laser death rays and lava pits.
-
-
Volcanic Lairs, Death Rays & Cats… Oh My! 😼
- By C. White on 09-19-23
By: John Scalzi
-
The Martian
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Six days ago, astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars. Now, he's sure he'll be the first person to die there. After a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate while thinking him dead, Mark finds himself stranded and completely alone with no way to even signal Earth that he’s alive - and even if he could get word out, his supplies would be gone long before a rescue could arrive. But Mark isn't ready to give up yet.
-
-
I love Wil Wheaton but why not R. C. Bray?
- By L. Newman on 01-11-20
By: Andy Weir
-
Constituent Service
- A Third District Story
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Amber Benson
- Length: 2 hrs and 30 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ashley Perrin is fresh out of college and starting a job as a community liaison for the Third District–the city’s only sector with more alien residents than humans. Ashley’s barely found where the paper clips are kept when she’s beset with constituent complaints–from too much noise at the Annual Lupidian Celebration Parade to a trip-and-fall chicken to a very particular type of alien hornet that threatens the very city itself. And if that’s not terrifying enough, Ashley is next up at the office karaoke night.
-
-
What a silly and sweet quick listen!
- By Geoffrey Christian on 10-08-24
By: John Scalzi
-
Temporal
- By: Julian Simpson, Richard MacLean Smith, Bec Boey, and others
- Narrated by: Nicola Walker, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Jessie Mei Li, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 26 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the not-too-distant future, a 21-member crew launches from Earth. Their mission: to establish a temporary colony on Mars. Little do they know that colony will become permanent–and the last stand of the human race. Because, without warning, every single person left on Earth simply...vanishes. Now, a thousand years later, the resources needed to sustain life are running out, and the very existence of the Mars colony is threatened. Humankind has only one option–to return to its home planet.
-
-
It was ok.
- By Cregg Terasa on 08-06-24
By: Julian Simpson, and others
-
Project Hail Mary
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 16 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ryland Grace is the sole survivor on a desperate, last-chance mission - and if he fails, humanity and the Earth itself will perish. Except that right now, he doesn't know that. He can't even remember his own name, let alone the nature of his assignment or how to complete it. All he knows is that he's been asleep for a very, very long time. And he's just been awakened to find himself millions of miles from home, with nothing but two corpses for company.
-
-
Bazinga
- By Davidgonzalezsr on 05-04-21
By: Andy Weir
-
Wynonna Earp
- Tales from Purgatory
- By: Emily Andras
- Narrated by: Melanie Scrofano, Tim Rozon, Dom Provost-Chalkley, and others
- Length: 4 hrs
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Saddle up and join Wynonna Earp on an immersive new audio adventure in the gritty supernatural world of Purgatory. This Audible Original invites you deeper into the Weird West to follow Wynonna Earp (Melanie Scrofano), as she embarks on her craziest adventure yet: riding off into the sunset with her soulmate, Doc Holliday (Tim Rozon)—yes ... that Doc Holliday. Brace yourself for more wise-cracking demon hunters, earth-shattering revelations and all the genre-blending action you've come to expect from the cult hit TV series.
-
-
Happy #Earper ☺️
- By Kate Skidmore on 10-17-24
By: Emily Andras
-
Starter Villain
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Inheriting your uncle's supervillain business is more complicated than you might think. Particularly when you discover who's running the place. Charlie's life is going nowhere fast. A divorced substitute teacher living with his cat in a house his siblings want to sell, all he wants is to open a pub downtown, if only the bank will approve his loan. Then his long-lost uncle Jake dies and leaves his supervillain business (complete with island volcano lair) to Charlie. But becoming a supervillain isn't all giant laser death rays and lava pits.
-
-
Volcanic Lairs, Death Rays & Cats… Oh My! 😼
- By C. White on 09-19-23
By: John Scalzi
-
The Martian
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Six days ago, astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars. Now, he's sure he'll be the first person to die there. After a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate while thinking him dead, Mark finds himself stranded and completely alone with no way to even signal Earth that he’s alive - and even if he could get word out, his supplies would be gone long before a rescue could arrive. But Mark isn't ready to give up yet.
-
-
I love Wil Wheaton but why not R. C. Bray?
- By L. Newman on 01-11-20
By: Andy Weir
-
Constituent Service
- A Third District Story
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Amber Benson
- Length: 2 hrs and 30 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ashley Perrin is fresh out of college and starting a job as a community liaison for the Third District–the city’s only sector with more alien residents than humans. Ashley’s barely found where the paper clips are kept when she’s beset with constituent complaints–from too much noise at the Annual Lupidian Celebration Parade to a trip-and-fall chicken to a very particular type of alien hornet that threatens the very city itself. And if that’s not terrifying enough, Ashley is next up at the office karaoke night.
-
-
What a silly and sweet quick listen!
- By Geoffrey Christian on 10-08-24
By: John Scalzi
-
Temporal
- By: Julian Simpson, Richard MacLean Smith, Bec Boey, and others
- Narrated by: Nicola Walker, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Jessie Mei Li, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 26 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the not-too-distant future, a 21-member crew launches from Earth. Their mission: to establish a temporary colony on Mars. Little do they know that colony will become permanent–and the last stand of the human race. Because, without warning, every single person left on Earth simply...vanishes. Now, a thousand years later, the resources needed to sustain life are running out, and the very existence of the Mars colony is threatened. Humankind has only one option–to return to its home planet.
-
-
It was ok.
- By Cregg Terasa on 08-06-24
By: Julian Simpson, and others
What listeners say about An Oracle Walks into a Bar
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Laura
- 01-30-24
Humorous Dark Fantasy
This was my first experience with Scott Burtness' work, and I found it mesmerizing and humorous. This was one of those audiobooks that I had a hard time turning off as I was so captivated by the story. After one experienced a breakup, one could hire August to get one's stuff back from their ex-partner. August's job filled his life with complications, but once an oracle walked into the bar where August was located, things became even more complicated. I enjoyed the story a lot. I liked the twists and turns. I was entertained by the humor. I appreciated the paranormal beings that populated the book. I thought August, the oracle, and some of the characters were a lot of fun. Ray Lesniewski's narration was skillful, and his performance added to my enjoyment of the story. I was given a free copy of the audiobook, and I have voluntarily posted this review.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Aiden Maddox
- 01-30-24
Harry Dresden Meets Kate Daniels Levels of Snark
Gleeful Goblin Review: As someone with a deep appreciation for snark and sarcasm this audiobook is right up my alley. The voice acting is on point and made me laugh aloud multiple times. The story and world building is a ton of fun. And our MC reminds me of Harry Dresden meets Kate Daniels in terms of tone and personality and those are two of my favorite MCs in urban fantasy so take that as the high complement o intend it to be! I'm thrilled to have gotten an opportunity to review this audiobook and discover a fun new world and author. 5/5 Stars
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Jo B.
- 02-09-24
Loved Loved Loved!!!
Absolutely loved the "Harry Dresden-esque" snark of the main character! The first-person viewpoint kept me engaged and laughing all the way through and I can't wait to check out subsequent books in the series as they come out :) Thanks so much for letting me review it! (I was given this book for free in exchange for my honest review)
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Tami
- 02-06-24
The narrator is masterful and the story is awesome
If you're looking for something with a lot of action and the humor to go along with it, you NEED to read this book. I LOVED the characters and the story was fabulous. I can't wait to read more by this author.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Jocelyne
- 02-08-24
Entertaining!
This was my first Scott Burtness's book, and won't be my last. This is the first installment in the series, a darkly funny urban fantasy/paranormal comedy. The story is original, and entertaining, filled with humor, and twists and turns. The cast of characters is impressive. The writing is imaginative, and refreshing. Ray Lesniewski did an excellent job bringing this story to life. I enjoyed it. Looking forward to more in the series. #StoryOrigin
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Shannon Skinner
- 02-24-24
Wow
Such a good book! A quirky and fun paranormal shifter novel that you don’t want to miss. The storyline is unlike anything I’ve read before, oracles are new to me and super interesting. I also really liked this narrator, his voice was so easy to follow along and understand.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!