Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale
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Narrated by:
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David Duchovny
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By:
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David Duchovny
About this listen
A rollicking, globe-trotting adventure with a twist: a four-legged heroine you won't soon forget
Elsie Bovary is a cow, and a pretty happy one at that—her long, lazy days are spent eating, napping, and chatting with her best friend, Mallory. One night, Elsie and Mallory sneak out of their pasture; but while Mallory is interested in flirting with the neighboring bulls, Elsie finds herself drawn to the farmhouse. Through the window, she sees the farmer's family gathered around a bright Box God—and what the Box God reveals about something called an "industrial meat farm" shakes Elsie's understanding of her world to its core.
There's only one solution: escape to a better, safer world. And so a motley crew is formed: Elsie; Jerry—excuse me, Shalom—a cranky, Torah-reading pig who's recently converted to Judaism; and Tom, a suave (in his own mind, at least) turkey who can't fly, but who can work an iPhone with his beak. Toting stolen passports and slapdash human disguises, they head for the airport.
Elsie is our wise-cracking, pop-culture-reference-dropping, slyly witty narrator; Tom—who does eventually learn to fly (sort of)—dispenses psychiatric advice in a fake German accent; and Shalom, rejected by his adopted people in Jerusalem, ends up unexpectedly uniting Israelis and Palestinians. David Duchovny's charismatic creatures point the way toward a mutual understanding and acceptance that the world desperately needs.
©2015 King Baby, Inc. (P)2014 Macmillan AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“[Duchovny's] zany, madcap first novel, Holy Cow . . . is a seriously entertaining fable that doesn't take itself too seriously . . Duchovny is a witty writer, and he's especially good at conjuring these oddball voices.” —John Wilwol, The Washington Post
“For one of the most engaging allegorial tales since Animal Farm, look no further than the surprising debut from Hollywood star Duchovny. His tale of Elsie, an American cow who learns the truth about her fate, is filed with humor and relevance.” —Time Out, Critics' pick
“*Starred review* "[Duchovny's] debut novel is a charming fable about dignity and tolerance, complete with anthropomorphized animals and replete with puns, double-entendres and sophisticated humor . . . Between the book's sly humor, gently humanist (animalist?) message and wry illustrations by Natalya Balnova, this is a pseudo-children's book that smart adults should greatly enjoy. An offbeat adventure that reads like Bill Willingham's Fables directed by Ralph Bakshi.” —Kirkus Reviews
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Dirty Chick
- Adventures of an Unlikely Farmer
- By: Antonia Murphy
- Narrated by: Antonia Murphy
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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One month into our stay, we'd managed to dispatch most of our charges. We executed the chickens. One of the cats disappeared, clearly disgusted with our urban ways. And Lucky [the cow] was escaping almost daily. It seemed we didn't have much of a talent for farming. And we still had eleven months to go." Antonia Murphy, you might say, is an unlikely farmer. Born and bred in San Francisco, she spent much of her life as a liberal urban cliché, and her interactions with the animal kingdom rarely extended past dinner.
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Loved it!
- By kara-karina on 02-11-15
By: Antonia Murphy
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KooKooLand
- A Memoir
- By: Gloria Norris
- Narrated by: Gloria Norris
- Length: 14 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Gloria Norris grew up in the projects of Manchester, New Hampshire, with her parents; her sister, Virginia; and her cat, Sylvester. A snapshot might show a happy young family, but only a dummkopf would buy that. Nine-year-old Gloria is gutsy and wisecracking. Her father, Jimmy, all dazzle and danger, is often on the far side of the law and makes his own rules - which everyone else better follow. Gloria's mom, Shirley, tries not to rock the boat, Virginia unwisely defies Jimmy, and Gloria fashions herself into his sidekick - the son he never had.
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this was so awful I could only listen to a little
- By Wyowoman on 09-14-18
By: Gloria Norris
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Hannah's Dream
- By: Diane Hammond
- Narrated by: Laura Flanagan
- Length: 10 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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For 41 years, Samson Brown has been caring for Hannah, the lone elephant at the down-at-the-heels Max L. Biedelman Zoo. Having vowed not to retire until an equally loving and devoted caretaker is found to replace him, Sam rejoices when smart, compassionate Neva Wilson is hired as the new elephant keeper. But Neva quickly discovers what Sam already knows: that despite their loving care, Hannah is isolated from other elephants and her feet are nearly ruined from standing on hard concrete all day.
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excellent narration, enjoyable story
- By Elizabeth on 05-11-13
By: Diane Hammond
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Beasts of Extraordinary Circumstance
- A Novel
- By: Ruth Emmie Lang
- Narrated by: Piper Goodeve, Peter Berkrot, Cassandra Campbell, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Stopping a tornado was the first of many strange events that seem to follow Weylyn from town to town, although he doesn't like to take credit. As amazing as these powers may appear, they tend to manifest themselves at inopportune times and places. From freak storms to trees that appear to grow over night, Weylyn's unique abilities are a curiosity at best and at worst, a danger to himself and the woman he loves. But Mary doesn't care.
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An Accidental Wonder!
- By Brandy Pendergrass on 02-16-18
By: Ruth Emmie Lang
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The Folk of the Fringe
- By: Orson Scott Card
- Narrated by: Scott Brick, Stefan Rudnicki, Emily Janice Card, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Only a few nuclear weapons fell. But in the chaos of famine and plague, there existed a few pockets of order. The strongest of them was the state of Deseret. The climate has changed, and the lake has filled up. There, on the fringes, brave, hardworking pioneers are making the desert bloom again.
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Short Story Collection
- By Sam on 02-09-07
By: Orson Scott Card
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A Horse Walks into a Bar
- By: David Grossman, Jessica Cohen
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 5 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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In a little dive in a small Israeli city, Dov Greenstein, a comedian a bit past his prime, is doing a night of stand-up. In the audience is a district court justice, Avishai Lazar, whom Dov knew as a boy, along with a few others who remember Dov as the awkward, scrawny kid who walked on his hands to confound the neighborhood bullies. Gradually, teetering between hilarity and hysteria, Dov's patter becomes a kind of memoir, taking us back into the terrors of his childhood.
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An extraordinary experience
- By Judith on 07-28-17
By: David Grossman, and others
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Vampires in the Lemon Grove
- Stories
- By: Karen Russell
- Narrated by: Arthur Morey, Joy Osmanski, Kaleo Griffith, and others
- Length: 9 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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In the collection's marvelous title story, two aging vampires in a sun-drenched Italian lemon grove find their hundred-year marriage tested when one of them develops a fear of flying. In "The Seagull Army Descends on Strong Beach, 1979", a dejected teenager discovers that the universe is communicating with him through talismanic objects left in a seagull's nest. "Proving Up" and "The Graveless Doll of Eric Mutis" find Russell veering into more sinister territory.
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Stylish modern magic realism
- By Ryan on 04-10-13
By: Karen Russell
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Fragile Beasts
- A Novel
- By: Tawni O'Dell
- Narrated by: Paul Boehmer, Laural Merlington
- Length: 15 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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When their hard-drinking but loving father dies in a car accident, teenage brothers Kyle and Klint Hayes face a bleak prospect: leaving their Pennsylvania hometown for an uncertain life in Arizona with the mother who ran out on them years ago. But in a strange twist of fate, their town's matriarch, an eccentric, wealthy old woman whose family once owned the county coal mines, hears the boys' story and takes them in.
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Tawni O'Dell Fan
- By bette on 09-20-10
By: Tawni O'Dell
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Falling Together
- A Novel
- By: Marisa de los Santos
- Narrated by: Julia Gibson
- Length: 14 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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It’s been six years since Pen Calloway watched her best friends walk out of her life. And through the birth of her daughter, the death of her father, and the vicissitudes of single motherhood, she has never stopped missing them. Pen, Cat, and Will met on their first day of college and formed what seemed like a magical and lifelong bond, only to see their friendship break apart amid the realities of adulthood. When, after years of silence, Cat - the bewitching, charismatic center of their group - e-mails Pen and Will with an urgent request to meet at their college reunion, they can’t refuse.
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Narrator's breathy voice a turn off
- By Amy on 10-16-11
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The Boy Who Talked to Dogs
- A Memoir
- By: Martin McKenna
- Narrated by: Aaron Abano
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Badly misunderstood by his family and teachers, Martin escaped from endless bullying by running away from home and eventually adopting or being adopted by six street dogs. Camping out in barns, escaping from farmers, and learning to fend for himself by caring for his new friends, Martin discovered a different kind of language, strict laws of behavior, and strange customs that defined the world of dogs.
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*Changes, -EVERYTHING
- By Michelle wilkes on 09-05-20
By: Martin McKenna
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The Dinosaur Hunter
- A Novel
- By: Homer Hickam
- Narrated by: Michael Kramer
- Length: 10 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Life on the ranchlands of Montana comes with more than its share of trouble. The unique people who live and work on this untamed stretch of today's American West expect it---and some of them even enjoy it. One of them is Mike Wire, a former homicide detective who once worked the decadent hills and valleys of Hollywood.
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Like Craig Johnson? You'll like this, a good story
- By Cheryl on 01-05-11
By: Homer Hickam
What listeners say about Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- halle n grano
- 02-10-15
Hilarious! A must read!
David is a brilliant writer and tells this story in the most whimsical and hysterical way possible. It was great hearing it told through his voice...
Easy listen and I laughed the whole time. Bravo !!
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- Nuova
- 09-19-16
Well written, pretty good
Overall, I enjoyed the book, although Duchovny has a sort of weakness of wearing his political leanings a little bit too clearly in fiction. I do want to clarify, however, that I don't have a problem with exposing political biases in fiction (if that was an issue, even Orwell would be a horrible writer), but the way Duchovny present his conservative view of technology seems to permeate beyond his writing and his characters on TV to the point where it becomes often more obvious than the actual point he is trying to make or the character he is trying to portray. That being said, I only focus on that because I so much enjoyed the rest of the story that I do not have other comments. In reality, it barely affected my experience with the story just as much as it barely affects my ability to get into anything he does on-screen. Of course I would highly recommend giving this a listen/read.
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- Lisa Chaddock
- 05-26-18
One of my favorites
I was skeptical about listening to this Dairy Tale. But, it's Duchovny. And, it turned out to be hilarious. Laugh out loud, wait - what did he say, oh my gosh this is great, hilarious. Yet, it has a deeper point that made it even better. Worth the download. It's perfectly short, amazingly well read (okay, it's Duchovny, so yeah, well read), and contains pearls of beauty and charm that I didn't expect. Download this, and I'm pretty sure you'll have a good time.
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- dani
- 04-20-24
Coming of Age: Our Place in the World
Found myself smiling through much of the story. So many truths hidden in the unexpected and sometimes unfamiliar. Loved the chapters about airline travel. Very accurate but very entertaining. Our human failings exposed the through the eyes and experiences of various very intelligent animals
The narration was lovely and superb, held your attention.
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- XOXOXOXO
- 07-20-16
it's like Hank Moody wrote and read the story
I can't imagine the story being as funny if I read it myself rather than David Duchovny reading it. he truly made it entertaining like it was supposed to be. the actual story was a little hokey but funny as hell with David D reading. and like my headline reads, it had a lot Hank Moody humor. i loved it.
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1 person found this helpful
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- BookLuvr
- 05-21-15
I laughed and snorted (I admit it)
What made the experience of listening to Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale the most enjoyable?
David Duchovny's telling was key. He has this deadpan, yet hopeful way of reading the story.
What was one of the most memorable moments of Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale?
I cracked up every time I heard "product placement," and Essie's references to her publisher were so believable.
Which scene was your favorite?
Spoiler! The pig's visit to the mohel had me in stitches. Not good to be laughing so hard you are crying when driving a car! I never believed it would happen and then....
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
I didn't think I would find it so funny at first. It started as an odd little book, but I was laughing and really rooting for the team. I would totally follow these characters to a new book.
Any additional comments?
Don't read while eating a turkey/bacon sandwich.
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- RueRue
- 02-08-15
Satire with a message
There is a lot to like about this satire-with-a-message. I enjoyed it and thought David Duchovny did a great job of narrating his book. Great message about acceptance and humane treatment of all living things, without being heavy handed.
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- David
- 06-14-15
Silly and Sardonic
I thought it was very funny. David's humor is perfectly sardonic and sarcastic. It's not for everyone... What book is though?
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- Amazon Customer
- 03-22-15
Fun and meaningful story.
Extremely well written satire. It was fun to read and it contained the wisdom of the ages. I fully subscribe to his philosophy of life. Indeed we are all one and wonderfully a part of nature. Thank you David for this beautiful story.
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- Suze
- 01-07-24
Thoughtful and funny as hell
I may be biased, big DD fan, but man can he write. Prolific is his middle name, smart and sharp… LOVE the music references. Elsie for President!
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