
Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed

Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $8.24
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
David Duchovny
-
By:
-
David Duchovny
About this listen
A rollicking, globe-trotting adventure with a twist: a four-legged heroine you won't soon forget
Elsie Bovary is a cow, and a pretty happy one at that—her long, lazy days are spent eating, napping, and chatting with her best friend, Mallory. One night, Elsie and Mallory sneak out of their pasture; but while Mallory is interested in flirting with the neighboring bulls, Elsie finds herself drawn to the farmhouse. Through the window, she sees the farmer's family gathered around a bright Box God—and what the Box God reveals about something called an "industrial meat farm" shakes Elsie's understanding of her world to its core.
There's only one solution: escape to a better, safer world. And so a motley crew is formed: Elsie; Jerry—excuse me, Shalom—a cranky, Torah-reading pig who's recently converted to Judaism; and Tom, a suave (in his own mind, at least) turkey who can't fly, but who can work an iPhone with his beak. Toting stolen passports and slapdash human disguises, they head for the airport.
Elsie is our wise-cracking, pop-culture-reference-dropping, slyly witty narrator; Tom—who does eventually learn to fly (sort of)—dispenses psychiatric advice in a fake German accent; and Shalom, rejected by his adopted people in Jerusalem, ends up unexpectedly uniting Israelis and Palestinians. David Duchovny's charismatic creatures point the way toward a mutual understanding and acceptance that the world desperately needs.
©2015 King Baby, Inc. (P)2014 Macmillan AudioListeners also enjoyed...
-
Miss Subways
- A Novel
- By: David Duchovny
- Narrated by: David Duchovny, Tea Leoni
- Length: 6 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Emer is just a woman living in New York City who takes the subway, buys ice cream from the bodega on the corner, has writerly aspirations, and lives with her boyfriend, Con. But is this life she lives the only path she’s on?
-
-
Irish Myth + NYC Subway = A Wonderful Book
- By Steve Winnett on 05-16-18
By: David Duchovny
-
Truly Like Lightning
- A Novel
- By: David Duchovny
- Narrated by: David Duchovny
- Length: 13 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For the past 20 years, Bronson Powers, former Hollywood stuntman and converted Mormon, has been homesteading deep in the uninhabited desert outside Joshua Tree with his three wives and 10 children. Bronson and his wives, Yalulah, Mary, and Jackie, have been raising their family away from the corruption and evil of the modern world. Their insular existence - controversial, difficult, but Edenic - is upended when the ambitious young developer Maya Abbadessa stumbles upon their land. Hoping to make a profit, she crafts a wager with the family that sets in motion a deadly chain of events.
-
-
BOOM!
- By Annya E. on 06-12-21
By: David Duchovny
-
Bucky F*cking Dent
- A Novel
- By: David Duchovny
- Narrated by: David Duchovny
- Length: 6 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ted Fullilove, aka Mr. Peanut, is not like other Ivy League grads. He shares an apartment with Goldberg, his beloved battery-operated fish, sleeps on a bed littered with yellow legal pads penned with what he hopes will be the next great American novel, and spends the waning malaise-filled days of the Carter administration at Yankee Stadium, waxing poetic while slinging peanuts to pay the rent.
-
-
David Fucking Duchovny
- By Kelly W. on 05-04-16
By: David Duchovny
-
The Reservoir
- By: David Duchovny
- Narrated by: David Duchovny
- Length: 1 hr and 47 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Reservoir follows an unexceptional man in an exceptional time. We see our present-day pandemic world and New York City through the eyes of a former Wall Street veteran, Ridley, as he, in his enforced quarantined solitude, looks back upon his life. He examines his wins, his failures, the gnawing questions - his career, his divorce, his estranged daughter - and questions what it all means and who he really was.
-
-
had hope but it's just a self indulgent work.
- By james on 05-30-21
By: David Duchovny
-
A Vision of Fire
- By: Gillian Anderson, Jeff Rovin
- Narrated by: Gillian Anderson
- Length: 9 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Renowned child psychologist Caitlin O'Hara is a single mom trying to juggle her job, her son, and a lackluster dating life. Her world is suddenly upturned when Maanik, the daughter of India's ambassador to the United Nations, starts speaking in tongues and having violent visions. Caitlin is sure that her fits have something to do with the recent assassination attempt on her father - a shooting that has escalated nuclear tensions between India and Pakistan to dangerous levels.
-
-
A Vision of Fire: A KILLER Debut Novel
- By Barbara Guerra on 10-11-14
By: Gillian Anderson, and others
-
Uncommon Type
- Some Stories
- By: Tom Hanks
- Narrated by: Tom Hanks
- Length: 10 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A collection of 17 wonderful short stories showing that two-time Oscar winner Tom Hanks is as talented a writer as he is an actor. The short stories are surprising, intelligent, heartwarming, and, for the millions and millions of Tom Hanks fans, an absolute must-have!
-
-
Old fashioned romp of stories, some real gems!
- By Lili on 11-13-17
By: Tom Hanks
-
Miss Subways
- A Novel
- By: David Duchovny
- Narrated by: David Duchovny, Tea Leoni
- Length: 6 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Emer is just a woman living in New York City who takes the subway, buys ice cream from the bodega on the corner, has writerly aspirations, and lives with her boyfriend, Con. But is this life she lives the only path she’s on?
-
-
Irish Myth + NYC Subway = A Wonderful Book
- By Steve Winnett on 05-16-18
By: David Duchovny
-
Truly Like Lightning
- A Novel
- By: David Duchovny
- Narrated by: David Duchovny
- Length: 13 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For the past 20 years, Bronson Powers, former Hollywood stuntman and converted Mormon, has been homesteading deep in the uninhabited desert outside Joshua Tree with his three wives and 10 children. Bronson and his wives, Yalulah, Mary, and Jackie, have been raising their family away from the corruption and evil of the modern world. Their insular existence - controversial, difficult, but Edenic - is upended when the ambitious young developer Maya Abbadessa stumbles upon their land. Hoping to make a profit, she crafts a wager with the family that sets in motion a deadly chain of events.
-
-
BOOM!
- By Annya E. on 06-12-21
By: David Duchovny
-
Bucky F*cking Dent
- A Novel
- By: David Duchovny
- Narrated by: David Duchovny
- Length: 6 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ted Fullilove, aka Mr. Peanut, is not like other Ivy League grads. He shares an apartment with Goldberg, his beloved battery-operated fish, sleeps on a bed littered with yellow legal pads penned with what he hopes will be the next great American novel, and spends the waning malaise-filled days of the Carter administration at Yankee Stadium, waxing poetic while slinging peanuts to pay the rent.
-
-
David Fucking Duchovny
- By Kelly W. on 05-04-16
By: David Duchovny
-
The Reservoir
- By: David Duchovny
- Narrated by: David Duchovny
- Length: 1 hr and 47 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Reservoir follows an unexceptional man in an exceptional time. We see our present-day pandemic world and New York City through the eyes of a former Wall Street veteran, Ridley, as he, in his enforced quarantined solitude, looks back upon his life. He examines his wins, his failures, the gnawing questions - his career, his divorce, his estranged daughter - and questions what it all means and who he really was.
-
-
had hope but it's just a self indulgent work.
- By james on 05-30-21
By: David Duchovny
-
A Vision of Fire
- By: Gillian Anderson, Jeff Rovin
- Narrated by: Gillian Anderson
- Length: 9 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Renowned child psychologist Caitlin O'Hara is a single mom trying to juggle her job, her son, and a lackluster dating life. Her world is suddenly upturned when Maanik, the daughter of India's ambassador to the United Nations, starts speaking in tongues and having violent visions. Caitlin is sure that her fits have something to do with the recent assassination attempt on her father - a shooting that has escalated nuclear tensions between India and Pakistan to dangerous levels.
-
-
A Vision of Fire: A KILLER Debut Novel
- By Barbara Guerra on 10-11-14
By: Gillian Anderson, and others
-
Uncommon Type
- Some Stories
- By: Tom Hanks
- Narrated by: Tom Hanks
- Length: 10 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A collection of 17 wonderful short stories showing that two-time Oscar winner Tom Hanks is as talented a writer as he is an actor. The short stories are surprising, intelligent, heartwarming, and, for the millions and millions of Tom Hanks fans, an absolute must-have!
-
-
Old fashioned romp of stories, some real gems!
- By Lili on 11-13-17
By: Tom Hanks
-
Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the unique perspective of David Sedaris comes a new collection of essays taking his listeners on a bizarre and stimulating world tour. From the perils of French dentistry to the eating habits of the Australian kookaburra, from the squat-style toilets of Beijing to the particular wilderness of a North Carolina Costco, we learn about the absurdity and delight of a curious traveler's experiences.
-
-
Devout Fan Disappointed
- By FanB14 on 05-07-13
By: David Sedaris
-
Go Set a Watchman
- A Novel
- By: Harper Lee
- Narrated by: Reese Witherspoon
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
An historic literary event: the publication of a newly discovered novel, the earliest known work from Harper Lee, the beloved, best-selling author of the Pulitzer Prize-winning classic To Kill a Mockingbird. Originally written in the mid-1950s, Go Set a Watchman was the novel Harper Lee first submitted to her publishers before To Kill a Mockingbird. Assumed to have been lost, the manuscript was discovered in late 2014.
-
-
To Kill A Mockingbird vs Go Set A Watchman
- By Sara on 07-15-15
By: Harper Lee
-
Trust No One
- X-Files, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Maberry - editor/author
- Narrated by: Bronson Pinchot, Hillary Huber
- Length: 15 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
We all want to believe. The truth is still out there. The X-Files have been reopened. IDW Publishing and series creator Chris Carter have authorized new investigations into the weird, the strange, and the mysterious. New York Times best-selling author and multiple Bram Stoker Award winner Jonathan Maberry brings together some of today's top storytellers for a series of anthologies featuring all-new stories from the X-Files. Scully and Mulder continue their journey into darkness as they face aliens, monsters, shadow governments, and twisted conspiracies.
-
-
Mulder and Scully are at it again
- By Diana Hart 33 on 11-23-15
-
The Wizard's Butler
- The Wizard's Butler, Book 1
- By: Nathan Lowell
- Narrated by: Tom Taylorson
- Length: 12 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For five grand a month and a million-dollar chaser, Roger Mulligan didn't care how crazy the old geezer was. All he had to do was keep Joseph Perry Shackleford alive and keep him from squandering the estate for a year. But they didn't tell him about the pixies.
-
-
I LOVED this book!
- By Kristin Butner on 04-24-21
By: Nathan Lowell
-
Noor
- By: Nnedi Okorafor
- Narrated by: Délé Ogundiran
- Length: 7 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Anwuli Okwudili prefers to be called AO. To her, these initials have always stood for Artificial Organism. AO has never really felt...natural, and that's putting it lightly. Her parents spent most of the days before she was born praying for her peaceful passing because even in-utero she was "wrong". But she lived. Then came the car accident years later that disabled her even further. Yet instead of viewing her strange body the way the world views it, as freakish, unnatural, even the work of the devil, AO embraces all that she is.
-
-
Slow audio speed to 0.9x
- By Camille on 02-02-22
By: Nnedi Okorafor
-
The Gown
- A Novel of the Royal Wedding
- By: Jennifer Robson
- Narrated by: Marisa Calin
- Length: 12 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the internationally best-selling author of Somewhere in France comes an enthralling historical novel about one of the most famous wedding dresses of the 20th century - Queen Elizabeth’s wedding gown - and the fascinating women who made it.
-
-
Such a disappointment...
- By Cynthia in NoCO on 05-12-19
By: Jennifer Robson
-
Ready Player One
- By: Ernest Cline
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 15 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the year 2045, reality is an ugly place. The only time Wade Watts really feels alive is when he’s jacked into the OASIS, a vast virtual world where most of humanity spends their days. When the eccentric creator of the OASIS dies, he leaves behind a series of fiendish puzzles, based on his obsession with the pop culture of decades past. Whoever is first to solve them will inherit his vast fortune—and control of the OASIS itself.
-
-
I’m sorry I waited so long to read this book.
- By Julie W. Capell on 05-27-14
By: Ernest Cline
-
Good Omens
- By: Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett
- Narrated by: Martin Jarvis
- Length: 12 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The world will end on Saturday. Next Saturday. Just before dinner, according to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch, the world's only completely accurate book of prophecies, written in 1655. The armies of Good and Evil are amassing and everything appears to be going according to Divine Plan. Except that a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon are not actually looking forward to the coming Rapture. And someone seems to have misplaced the Antichrist.
-
-
At long last!!
- By Mike From Mesa on 11-21-09
By: Neil Gaiman, and others
-
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
- By: Douglas Adams
- Narrated by: Stephen Fry
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Seconds before the Earth is demolished to make way for a galactic freeway, Arthur Dent is plucked off the planet by his friend Ford Prefect, a researcher for the revised edition of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy who, for the last 15 years, has been posing as an out-of-work actor.
-
-
HHTGH - Lightly Fried
- By J. Medany on 05-08-05
By: Douglas Adams
-
Silent Child
- Silent Child, Book 1
- By: Sarah A. Denzil
- Narrated by: Joanne Froggatt
- Length: 9 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the summer of 2006, Emma Price watched helplessly as her six-year-old son's red coat was fished out of the River Ouse. It was the tragic story of the year - a little boy, Aiden, wandered away from school during a terrible flood, fell into the river, and drowned. His body was never recovered. Ten years later Emma has finally rediscovered the joy in life...until Aiden returns.
-
-
Joanne Froggatt 💕
- By Anonymous User on 09-06-17
By: Sarah A. Denzil
-
The Power of One
- By: Bryce Courtenay
- Narrated by: Humphrey Bower
- Length: 21 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Born in a South Africa divided by racism and hatred, this one small boy will come to lead all the tribes of Africa. Through enduring friendships with Hymie and Gideon, Peekay gains the strength he needs to win out. And in a final conflict with his childhood enemy, the Judge, Peekay will fight to the death for justice.
-
-
Compelling story lifted higher by the narration
- By Bob on 05-14-09
By: Bryce Courtenay
-
Patriot Games
- By: Tom Clancy
- Narrated by: Scott Brick
- Length: 22 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It is fall. CIA analyst Jack Ryan, historian and former Marine, is vacationing in London with his wife and young daughter. Suddenly, right before his eyes, a terrorist group launches its deadly attack. Instinctively, he dives forward to break it up, and is shot. It is not until he wakes up in the hospital that he learns whose lives he has saved - the Duke and Duchess of Kent.
-
-
Oldie but Goodie!
- By K. Masheter Deal on 08-13-12
By: Tom Clancy
Critic reviews
“[Duchovny's] zany, madcap first novel, Holy Cow . . . is a seriously entertaining fable that doesn't take itself too seriously . . Duchovny is a witty writer, and he's especially good at conjuring these oddball voices.” —John Wilwol, The Washington Post
“For one of the most engaging allegorial tales since Animal Farm, look no further than the surprising debut from Hollywood star Duchovny. His tale of Elsie, an American cow who learns the truth about her fate, is filed with humor and relevance.” —Time Out, Critics' pick
“*Starred review* "[Duchovny's] debut novel is a charming fable about dignity and tolerance, complete with anthropomorphized animals and replete with puns, double-entendres and sophisticated humor . . . Between the book's sly humor, gently humanist (animalist?) message and wry illustrations by Natalya Balnova, this is a pseudo-children's book that smart adults should greatly enjoy. An offbeat adventure that reads like Bill Willingham's Fables directed by Ralph Bakshi.” —Kirkus Reviews
Easy listen and I laughed the whole time. Bravo !!
Hilarious! A must read!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Well written, pretty good
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
One of my favorites
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
The narration was lovely and superb, held your attention.
Coming of Age: Our Place in the World
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
I giggled. I laughed. I was happy.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
it's like Hank Moody wrote and read the story
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
What made the experience of listening to Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale the most enjoyable?
David Duchovny's telling was key. He has this deadpan, yet hopeful way of reading the story.What was one of the most memorable moments of Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale?
I cracked up every time I heard "product placement," and Essie's references to her publisher were so believable.Which scene was your favorite?
Spoiler! The pig's visit to the mohel had me in stitches. Not good to be laughing so hard you are crying when driving a car! I never believed it would happen and then....Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
I didn't think I would find it so funny at first. It started as an odd little book, but I was laughing and really rooting for the team. I would totally follow these characters to a new book.Any additional comments?
Don't read while eating a turkey/bacon sandwich.I laughed and snorted (I admit it)
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Satire with a message
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Silly and Sardonic
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Fun and meaningful story.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.