Preview
  • Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale

  • By: David Duchovny
  • Narrated by: David Duchovny
  • Length: 2 hrs and 55 mins
  • 4.4 out of 5 stars (530 ratings)

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Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale

By: David Duchovny
Narrated by: David Duchovny
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Publisher's summary

A rollicking, globe-trotting adventure with a twist: a four-legged heroine you won't soon forget

Elsie Bovary is a cow, and a pretty happy one at that—her long, lazy days are spent eating, napping, and chatting with her best friend, Mallory. One night, Elsie and Mallory sneak out of their pasture; but while Mallory is interested in flirting with the neighboring bulls, Elsie finds herself drawn to the farmhouse. Through the window, she sees the farmer's family gathered around a bright Box God—and what the Box God reveals about something called an "industrial meat farm" shakes Elsie's understanding of her world to its core.

There's only one solution: escape to a better, safer world. And so a motley crew is formed: Elsie; Jerry—excuse me, Shalom—a cranky, Torah-reading pig who's recently converted to Judaism; and Tom, a suave (in his own mind, at least) turkey who can't fly, but who can work an iPhone with his beak. Toting stolen passports and slapdash human disguises, they head for the airport.

Elsie is our wise-cracking, pop-culture-reference-dropping, slyly witty narrator; Tom—who does eventually learn to fly (sort of)—dispenses psychiatric advice in a fake German accent; and Shalom, rejected by his adopted people in Jerusalem, ends up unexpectedly uniting Israelis and Palestinians. David Duchovny's charismatic creatures point the way toward a mutual understanding and acceptance that the world desperately needs.

©2015 King Baby, Inc. (P)2014 Macmillan Audio
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Critic reviews

“[Duchovny's] zany, madcap first novel, Holy Cow . . . is a seriously entertaining fable that doesn't take itself too seriously . . Duchovny is a witty writer, and he's especially good at conjuring these oddball voices.” —John Wilwol, The Washington Post

“For one of the most engaging allegorial tales since Animal Farm, look no further than the surprising debut from Hollywood star Duchovny. His tale of Elsie, an American cow who learns the truth about her fate, is filed with humor and relevance.” —Time Out, Critics' pick

“*Starred review* "[Duchovny's] debut novel is a charming fable about dignity and tolerance, complete with anthropomorphized animals and replete with puns, double-entendres and sophisticated humor . . . Between the book's sly humor, gently humanist (animalist?) message and wry illustrations by Natalya Balnova, this is a pseudo-children's book that smart adults should greatly enjoy. An offbeat adventure that reads like Bill Willingham's Fables directed by Ralph Bakshi.” —Kirkus Reviews

What listeners say about Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale

Average customer ratings
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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Hilarious! A must read!

David is a brilliant writer and tells this story in the most whimsical and hysterical way possible. It was great hearing it told through his voice...

Easy listen and I laughed the whole time. Bravo !!

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Well written, pretty good

Overall, I enjoyed the book, although Duchovny has a sort of weakness of wearing his political leanings a little bit too clearly in fiction. I do want to clarify, however, that I don't have a problem with exposing political biases in fiction (if that was an issue, even Orwell would be a horrible writer), but the way Duchovny present his conservative view of technology seems to permeate beyond his writing and his characters on TV to the point where it becomes often more obvious than the actual point he is trying to make or the character he is trying to portray. That being said, I only focus on that because I so much enjoyed the rest of the story that I do not have other comments. In reality, it barely affected my experience with the story just as much as it barely affects my ability to get into anything he does on-screen. Of course I would highly recommend giving this a listen/read.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

One of my favorites

I was skeptical about listening to this Dairy Tale. But, it's Duchovny. And, it turned out to be hilarious. Laugh out loud, wait - what did he say, oh my gosh this is great, hilarious. Yet, it has a deeper point that made it even better. Worth the download. It's perfectly short, amazingly well read (okay, it's Duchovny, so yeah, well read), and contains pearls of beauty and charm that I didn't expect. Download this, and I'm pretty sure you'll have a good time.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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Coming of Age: Our Place in the World

Found myself smiling through much of the story. So many truths hidden in the unexpected and sometimes unfamiliar. Loved the chapters about airline travel. Very accurate but very entertaining. Our human failings exposed the through the eyes and experiences of various very intelligent animals
The narration was lovely and superb, held your attention.

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Beautiful narration of a very enchanting story

I really enjoyed listening to David read this book. His elloquence and wordplay was the most enjoyable aspect of this book. The story takes you wholly into Elsie's world and it is a fascinating place to be.

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De - lic - ious

I debated between 4 and 5 stars. It was really good. As Jerry would say - De - lic - ious!

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Dream big!

I loved this book! Sometimes adults need to remember they once had dreams, and dreams are ok. A story of self worth, friendship, life, death, and living.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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So fun & enjoyable

Listening to this book was super fun! I literally LOL’ed on several occasions! I highly recommend if you need a break from the norm.
I’m going to find more books by Duchovny.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Listen if only for the dialog

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, as a writer and actor, Duchovny can do no wrong in my eyes. His fresh take (albeit left-leaning) on a variety of subjects is unique and most entertaining. His wit is unmatched and a hallmark in all of his novels.

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    4 out of 5 stars

it's like Hank Moody wrote and read the story

I can't imagine the story being as funny if I read it myself rather than David Duchovny reading it. he truly made it entertaining like it was supposed to be. the actual story was a little hokey but funny as hell with David D reading. and like my headline reads, it had a lot Hank Moody humor. i loved it.

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1 person found this helpful