If I Were Evil Audiobook By James Johnson cover art

If I Were Evil

A Playbook for Pretend Power

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If I Were Evil

By: James Johnson
Narrated by: Piper Ruhmkorff
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About this listen

If I were evil, I wouldn’t start a cult. I’d start a sales company. And I’d build it from the ground up using exploitation, manipulation, and psychological warfare. But I wouldn’t call it that. I’d call it “growth.” “Opportunity.” “Hustle.”

If I Were Evil is the ultimate anti-guide—a satire that sounds like a how-to for building a modern-day cult disguised as a sales team. Based on real-life experiences from inside the system, this book walks you step-by-step through the tactics, traps, and twisted incentives that turn rookies into revenue and loyalty into leverage.

From commission-only pay structures and inflated awards to fake reviews and ghosting employees post-season, nothing is off-limits. Every chapter asks one question: “What would I do... if I were evil?” Spoiler: it’s what they’re already doing.

©2025 James Johnson (P)2025 James Johnson Dark Humor Literature & Fiction Satire
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