IF STRONG LANGUAGE, NUDITY, AND REFERENCES TO NATURAL BODILY FUNCTIONS ARE UPSETTING TO YOU, I RECOMMEND AVOIDING THIS BOOK. IT IS BEST TO STEER CLEAR OF ALL MY WORKS, ESPECIALLY THE GET SPAINED SERIES.

LIVING IN SPAIN CAN OFTEN BE MORE MANURE THAN ROSES.

Caution: This book includes some scenes that may be unsettling to some readers. The author does not support all of Spain's customs, but believes it is important to acknowledge them in order to provide an authentic portrayal of life in Spain, which is not solely about leisure and relaxation by the beach.

Abbie had been living in Spain for over fifteen years when she met Mark; a charismatic, talented artist, apparent Phil Vickery lookalike and an all round arsewipe. Now, thirteen years on, and wanting to slow down their hectic lifestyle, they decide to sell their successful business on the Spanish coast, and move to the countryside.

Faced with unrelenting insects, savage heat waves and ruthless farmers, she shares the good, the bad and the ugly of their venture. They learn that life in the country is very different than the coast, their idea of a dream home might be months without electric, mains water, chicken grabbing eagles and the old Spanish farmer who refuses to leave.

Is Mark in it for the long haul? Can he overcome the hardships and pitfalls of moving and starting all over again? He’s done it once, what could go wrong?

Lock, stock and Two Smoking Paellas is a light-hearted book that is not intended to send you running back home. But, life is a challenge, no matter where you live, and if you don’t speak the lingo you had better hope the sun keeps shining.