No One Leaves the Castle
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Narrated by:
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Jessica Almasy
About this listen
The Brothers Grimm meets Knives Out in this unexpected, hilarious, and wholly original fantasy-murder-mystery.
The Lilac. The bard songs say that she’s the world’s most fearsome bounty hunter. That there’s no criminal she can’t catch, no mystery she can’t solve.
None of that is true. Yet.
In reality, the Lilac is just a kid, and the bard who wrote all that is her best friend, Dulcinetta. But the Lilac has set her goals on becoming the best bounty hunter in the Thirteen Kingdoms—and when a priceless artifact goes missing from the home of famed monster hunter Baron Angbar, the Lilac and Netta are eager to apprehend the thief and make a name for themselves.
But when their investigation brings them to a dinner party at Castle Angbar, and they meet the Angbar family and their servants and guests—an unsavory group of nobles, mages, and assorted creatures, each more shady than the last—the Lilac begins to wonder if the reward is worth the trouble.
And that’s before the dead body is discovered.
Now, everyone is magically sealed inside the castle—and there is a murderer among them. If the Lilac wants to make it out with her reputation intact, it’s going to be up to her to figure out who the killer is. But everyone in the castle—even the Lilac herself—has secrets to hide, and as the walls literally start to close in around them, the Lilac worries that her first job as a bounty hunter may be her last…
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The first three books in this action-packed, wildly original fantasy series by New York Times bestselling author Jasmine Walt. This kick-ass urban fantasy series has been compared to books by Ilona Andrews, Patricia Briggs, Karen Marie Moning, and more. You're sure to enjoy it if you like spunky heroines, kick-ass fight scenes, wild new worlds, and sizzling, slow-building romance.
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Decent YA light read, but no Patricia Briggs
- By Life's A Beach on 12-25-16
By: Jasmine Walt
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The Broken Ones
- By: Danielle L. Jensen
- Narrated by: Eric Michael Summerer, Erin Moon
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Below Forsaken Mountain, a plot is being hatched to overthrow the tyrant king of Trollus, and Marc is the right-hand man of its leader. His involvement is information more than one troll would kill to possess, which is why he must keep it a secret from everyone, even the girl he loves. After accidentally ruining her sister's chance to become queen, Pénélope is given one last opportunity by her father, the Duke d'Angoulême, to make herself useful: she must find proof that the boy she's in love with is conspiring against the crown.
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A-MAZE-ING!!!!!!!
- By L. DelPrete on 06-30-17
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The Fairy Godmother
- Tales of the Five Hundred Kingdoms, Book 1
- By: Mercedes Lackey
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 12 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Elena Klovis was supposed to be her kingdom's Cinderella - until an accident of fate left her with a completely inappropriate prince! Determined not to remain with her stepfamily, Elena set out to get a new job - and ended up becoming the Fairy Godmother for the land. But "Breaking with Tradition" was no easy matter. True, she didn't have to sleep in the chimney, but she had to deal with arrogant, stuffed-shirt princes who kept trying to rise above their place in the tale.
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An excellent start to a new series
- By Captain Skurvy on 01-16-13
By: Mercedes Lackey
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Heroics for Beginners
- By: John Moore
- Narrated by: Joe Delafield
- Length: 7 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Prince Kevin Timberline must retrieve Ancient Artifact Model Seven from the clutches of the evil Lord Voltmeter - He Who Must Be Named - before said evil lord unleashes his diabolical plan. Luckily, Kevin wields a secret weapon that will cause the forces of darkness to tremble: The Handbook of Practical Heroics.
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Milking the Giant Cow!
- By Timothy on 03-28-13
By: John Moore
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Big Trouble
- Small Medium, Book 1
- By: Andrew Seiple
- Narrated by: Tim Gerard Reynolds
- Length: 11 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Chase Berrymore dreams of adventure, excitement, and getting the heck out of her pastoral halven village. But when adventure finds her, she'll be scrambling to save her family and friends from a necromancer's wrath. Outmatched in almost every way, she'll have to use her wits, charisma, and a bit of divine favor to figure out the path to victory. Even worse, she'll have to figure out ways to deal with the weird and nigh-immortal beings that call themselves "playas"...and she'll have to do it with the most powerful weapon she has available: words.
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Great continuation of threadbear-verse
- By Randall on 08-17-19
By: Andrew Seiple
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Off to Be the Wizard
- Magic 2.0, Book 1
- By: Scott Meyer
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 10 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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It's a simple story. Boy finds proof that reality is a computer program. Boy uses program to manipulate time and space. Boy gets in trouble. Boy flees back in time to Medieval England to live as a wizard while he tries to think of a way to fix things. Boy gets in more trouble. Oh, and boy meets girl at some point.
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Hang in there
- By Kelly on 03-04-17
By: Scott Meyer
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Misfits
- Royal Academy Rebels
- By: Jen Calonita
- Narrated by: Kristin Condon
- Length: 5 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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In the magical fairytale kingdom of Enchantasia, becoming a legendary prince or princess doesn't happen overnight. Enter Royal Academy, the training ground for the fairytale leaders of tomorrow! But reluctant future princess and new student Devin has some reservations about RA, especially when it comes to its headmistress. Olivina seems obsessed with preparing students for possible villain attacks. But when Devin asks when they're going to learn how to actually rule a kingdom, Olivina becomes enraged. Something isn't right with this lady.
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FUN and light read!
- By Spydergwen03 on 02-14-19
By: Jen Calonita
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The Hex Files Bundle, Books 1-3
- By: Gina LaManna
- Narrated by: Allyson Ryan
- Length: 25 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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This bundle includes books 1-3 in the Hex Files series, a fast-paced paranormal mystery series with a kickass heroine, hilarious sidekicks, and an immersive world that will pull you in faster than you can say pizza: Wicked Never Sleeps, Wicked Long Nights, and Wicked State of Mind.
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Poorly executed, naration is fine though
- By Annette on 05-04-24
By: Gina LaManna
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Cloche and Dagger
- Hat Shop Mystery Series # 1
- By: Jenn McKinlay
- Narrated by: Karyn O'Bryant
- Length: 8 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Not only is Scarlett Parker's love life in the loo - as her British cousin Vivian Tremont would say - it's also gone viral with an embarrassing video. So when Viv suggests Scarlett leave Florida to lay low in London, she hops on the next plane across the pond. Viv is the proprietor of Mims's Whims, a ladies' hat shop on Portobello Road bequeathed to both cousins by their beloved grandmother, and she wants Scarlett to finally join her in the millinery business. But a few surprises await Scarlett in London.
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Charming story. Disappointing ending.
- By happydisabledmom on 05-27-20
By: Jenn McKinlay
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Between
- The Chronicles of Between, Book 1
- By: L. L. Starling
- Narrated by: Steve West, Emily Ellet
- Length: 32 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Sasha Pierce hasn’t had a single dream since she was a child...until she accepts a substitute teaching position in the charmingly witchy village of Old Middleton. Her first dream in twenty-five years ought to be enchanting, but her wonder quickly turns to shock when she realizes that it’s not a dream at all, but an entirely different sort of magic. Catapulted through an ancient portal into the fairytale kingdom of Between, Sasha’s astonishment is swiftly upgraded to panic when she accidentally performs a supposedly impossible feat and is declared the True Queen of Between.
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perfect narrators for my favorite characters
- By AnglophileLV on 03-07-23
By: L. L. Starling
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Jhereg
- Vlad Taltos, Book 1
- By: Steven Brust
- Narrated by: Bernard Setaro Clark
- Length: 8 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Vlad Taltos, a mobster and assassin in the magical metropolis of Adrilankha, is given the largest contract of his career, but the job is even more complicated than he expects.
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Known Of For Decades, Audible Opens My Eyes...
- By Michael on 09-23-12
By: Steven Brust
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Storm Glass
- By: Maria V. Snyder
- Narrated by: Jennifer Van Dyck
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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As a glassmaker and a magician-in-training, Opal Cowen understands trial by fire. Now it's time to test her mettle. Someone has sabotaged the Stormdancer clan's glass orbs, killing their most powerful magicians. The Stormdancers--particularly the mysterious and mercurial Kade--require Opal's unique talents to prevent it happening again. But when the mission goes awry, Opal must tap in to a new kind of magic as stunningly potent as it is frightening.
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Interesting character, no Gabra
- By Glenn J on 06-16-09
By: Maria V. Snyder
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Any Old Diamonds
- By: KJ Charles
- Narrated by: Cornell Collins
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Lord Alexander Pyne-ffoulkes, the younger son of the Duke of Ilvar, holds a bitter grudge against his wealthy father. The Duke intends to give his Duchess a priceless diamond parure on their wedding anniversary - so Alec hires a pair of jewel thieves to steal it. The Duke's remote castle is a difficult target, and Alec needs a way to get the thieves in. Soldier-turned-criminal Jerry Crozier has the answer: He'll pose as a Society gentleman and become Alec's new best friend.
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Emotional whiplash
- By Cranky Reader on 10-16-19
By: KJ Charles
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Bizarre and delightful
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No blubbering idiots here
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For the past two hundred years, the demon sword Asperides has led a quiet life. While his physical form has been tasked with guarding the body of an evil sorcerer, the rest of his consciousness has taken a well-earned vacation. That constant need to trick humans into wielding him (at the price of their very souls, of course) was rather draining.
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Fun middle grade fantasy!
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The Charity Shop Detective Agency
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Fiona, Sue, and Daisy, three retired ladies who volunteer at the local charity shop, Dogs Need Nice Homes, can’t believe their favorite customer is dead. Eighty-six-year-old Sarah Brown was found murdered in her hallway by her delivery man, a domino clutched in her hand—with a name scratched on it. When another person is found dead with a domino in their hand, and with the police making no progress, the ladies will need to help unmask a serial killer. At least they have Fiona’s scruffy-haired terrier cross to assist them.
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Incredulous
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Death in Provence: A Novel
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It’s love at first sight when Penelope Kite sees Le Chant d’Eau - The Song of Water - the stone farmhouse tucked high in the hills above the Luberon valley. For years, Penelope put her unfaithful ex-husband and her ungrateful stepchildren first. Now, she’s going to start living for herself. Though her dream house needs major renovations, Penelope impulsively buys the property and moves to St. Merlot. But Penelope’s daydreams of an adventurous life in Provence didn’t include finding a corpse floating face down in her swimming pool.
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Too Laconic
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What listeners say about No One Leaves the Castle
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amazon Customer
- 01-04-24
Amazing
This was an excellent mystery story with a fantasy twist the characters were great and the story had the right amount of humor and drama.
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- 🔥 Phx17 🔥
- 01-04-24
Cheeky and fun
This was a delightful tale of stolen kitchenware, delicious cream puffs, and a nefarious ferret.
Oh, and also a tale of a 14 year old bounty hunter, her bard, and a castle full of suspects.
It was free of cussing, sex, politics, and religion. There’s treatment of classism, blackmail, and
murder most foul … at kid-friendly levels, like the game Clue, where the focus is not on the deed
but on the whodunnit.
I avoid this narrator for adult listens, but she’s perfect for the frisky, overly emoted characters.
I also would have liked a bit more magic or magical creatures, especially with the majority of the story confined to the castle. These are minor criticisms, however. Overall, this is a great book for my kids.
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- taterGirl
- 01-19-24
Unexpected, funny, enjoyable story
I really enjoyed this story. It was funny, unexpected, and excellent at calling out foolish politics. Our heroine decides she wants to be a bounty hunter and ends up trapped in a castle with a murderer on the loose. Once that happens she decides to become a detective. Goofy mayhem ensues while the heroine tries to figure out the many loose threads of what's going on while trying to figure out who the culprit is.
I loved the story, got completely into it, and plan to look up the author's other books.
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- Abigail Marks
- 03-05-24
Empowering story!
Humor, twists and turns, writing. Very fun tale for all! Read it with your kids.
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- Redjess81
- 03-28-24
Hilarious and clean mystery for the whole family
Oh my goodness- I’m the mother of two boys and stumbled on this as a recommendation after listening to another book. And MAN am I glad!! I found myself laughing out loud and trying to figure out WHODUNNIT the whole time. I love the twists and goofy shenanigans.
The narrator is amazing- we’ve listened to her for The Book Scavenger series. She didn’t disappoint for this one either! If you have elementary to middle school kids, please listen to this together. There is a little violence- I mean, someone does die. But you know your kids. I did this as a preview (we’ve gotten burned on a few that seemed appropriate and definitely weren’t) and I HIGHLY recommend this! I wish there were more with this group of characters!!
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- Alexis Fox
- 08-21-23
Excellent
Christopher Healey does it again...very fun and entertain8ng story. I enjoyed it very much...
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- Raistlin Hughes
- 01-22-24
Great story and hilarious characters!
I loved the humor and witicism! I hope there are more stories of the lilac!
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