Playing Hurt
My Journey from Despair to Hope
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Narrated by:
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Dion Graham
About this listen
For the first time ever, the popular late host of ESPN's The Sports Reporters and ABC's college football openly discusses a lifelong battle with depression.
During his three decades on ESPN and ABC, John Saunders became one of the nation's most respected and beloved sportscasters. In this moving, jarring, and ultimately inspiring memoir, Saunders discusses his troubled childhood, the traumatic brain injury he suffered in 2011, and the severe depression that nearly cost him his life.
As Saunders writes, Playing Hurt is not an autobiography of a sports celebrity but a memoir of a man facing his own mental illness, and emerging better off for the effort. I will take you into the heart of my struggle with depression, including insights into some of its causes, its consequences, and its treatments. I invite you behind the façade of my apparently "perfect" life as a sportscaster, with a wonderful wife and two healthy, happy adult daughters. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am truly grateful. But none of these things can protect me or anyone else from the disease of depression and its potentially lethal effects.
Mine is a rare story: that of a black man in the sports industry openly grappling with depression. I will share the good, the bad, and the ugly, including the lengths I've gone to to conceal my private life from the public. So why write a book? Because I want to end the pain and heartache that comes from leading a double life. I also want to reach out to the millions of people, especially men, who think they're alone and can't ask for help.
John Saunders died suddenly on August 10, 2016, from an enlarged heart, diabetes, and other complications. This book is his ultimate act of generosity to help those who suffer from mental illness, and those who love them.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying reference material will be available in your Library section along with the audio.
©2017 John Saunders and John U. Bacon (P)2017 Hachette AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Dion Graham narrates with just the right touches of emotion to get across the gravity of Saunders's story... Something about Graham's reading evokes Saunders - his steady on-air presence and likable personality.... Graham delivers a strong narration of this gripping book." (AudioFile)
"Playing Hurt is John Saunders's personal, poignant story of how he responded to childhood traumas, abuse, clinical depression, an array of head traumas, sports injuries, suicidal thoughts, and excessive use of prescribed medications throughout his life. His hard-learned message: when depression strikes, it is a sign of real strength to talk and turn to family, friends, and experts." (John F. Greden, MD, Founding Chair, National Network of Depression Centers, NNDC)
"Playing Hurt is a public service. Here is a trusted friend, a man who has spent so many hours in our living rooms, providing an education about brain injury, about depression, and the symbiosis between the two. Knowing he died so soon after he emerged from this fog is heartbreaking. Playing Hurt is a testament to John and the hidden struggles he overcame." (Ivan Maisel, ESPN.com, six-time winner Best Writing, Football Writers Association)
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- By: Craig Carton
- Narrated by: Craig Carton
- Length: 6 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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In this debut, Carton invites the listener to join him as he recounts tales from his suburban youth, defends his long-held love affair with the New York Jets, reminisces about the shenanigans of some of the highest paid and most celebrated athletes playing today, and reflects on his work as one of radio's craftiest, most hilarious personalities ever to get behind the microphone.
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Fun but too much about early life
- By Anthony A. Ciaccio on 07-13-13
By: Craig Carton
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Basketball Junkie
- A Memoir
- By: Chris Herren, Bill Reynolds
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 6 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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At basketball-crazy Durfee High School in Fall River, Massachusetts, junior guard Chris Herren carried his family’s and the city’s dreams on his skinny frame. His grandfather, father, and older brother had created their own sports legends in a declining city; he was the last, best hope for a career beyond the shuttered mills and factories. Herren was heavily recruited by major universities, chosen as a McDonald’s All-American, featured in a Sports Illustrated cover story, and at just seventeen years old became the central figure in Fall River Dreams, an acclaimed book about the 1994 Durfee team’s quest for the state championship.
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most powerful recovery story I've ever heard
- By Brian Swasey on 03-23-22
By: Chris Herren, and others
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Shattered
- Struck Down, But Not Destroyed
- By: Frank Pastore, Ellen Vaughn
- Narrated by: Frank Pastore
- Length: 6 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Shattered is part sports audio book, because you’ll go on road trips, enter clubhouses, and walk on the fields of professional baseball. It’s part romantic novel, because you’ll journey with two young kids who fall in love and eventually elope, evading not only her family, but the law as well - for she was only 16. It’s also a story of brokenness, betrayal, and burn-out. If you were raised in a dysfunctional family, if you’ve ever had your dreams fall apart, been betrayed by close friends, or hit the psychological “wall” in your professional career, this is your audio book too.
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Loved it
- By Jim Battle on 01-29-23
By: Frank Pastore, and others
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Here's the Story
- Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice
- By: Maureen McCormick
- Narrated by: Maureen McCormick
- Length: 5 hrs and 58 mins
- Abridged
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Marcia Brady, eldest daughter on television's The Brady Bunch, had it all. But what viewers didn't know about the always sunny, perfect Marcia was that offscreen, her real-life counterpart, Maureen McCormick was living a very different - and not so wonderful - life. Maureen tells the shocking and inspirational true story of the beloved teen and the woman she became.
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Gripping
- By Chris on 08-12-14
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Open
- An Autobiography
- By: Andre Agassi
- Narrated by: Erik Davies
- Length: 18 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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From Andre Agassi, one of the most beloved athletes in history and one of the most gifted men ever to step onto a tennis court, a beautiful, haunting autobiography. Agassi brings a near-photographic memory to every pivotal match and every relationship. Never before has the inner game of tennis and the outer game of fame been so precisely limned. In clear, taut prose, Agassi evokes his loyal brother, his wise coach, his gentle trainer, all the people who help him regain his balance and find love at last with Stefanie Graf.
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Just an Incredible Story!
- By Patrick on 12-13-09
By: Andre Agassi
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The Pact
- By: Cody Garbrandt, Mark Dagostino
- Narrated by: Dave Hoffman
- Length: 7 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Cody Garbrandt grew up in a rough town in the Central Appalachian region of Ohio, surrounded by a longstanding culture of fighting - and drugs. Raised in this environment by a single mom (his dad left him at the young age of three to reside in the Ohio State Penitentiary), Cody grew up fighting, and he grew up wild. His future seemed predestined to end in the coal mines or in prison. Thankfully, Cody had visions of something more. His American dream? Mixed martial arts.
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Yikes.
- By Rebecca Whitman on 06-20-18
By: Cody Garbrandt, and others
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The Chicken Runs at Midnight
- A Daughter’s Message from Heaven That Changed a Father’s Heart and Won a World Series
- By: Tom Friend, Tim Kurkjian - foreword
- Narrated by: Ben Holland - foreword, Mark Schlicher
- Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Weaving baseball history with personal memoir, this book is one that will make you thrill to victory, believe in hope, stand up to cheer for what is good in peoples' lives. It's a powerful story of redemption and faith that reminds us that God can work in our lives even when we think it's too late to change - and sometimes he sends us signs from heaven if we only have eyes to see.
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not really a sport's fan
- By virginia loranger on 09-24-20
By: Tom Friend, and others
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The Pursuit of Happyness (Abridged)
- By: Chris Gardner
- Narrated by: Andre Blake
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Abridged
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At the age of 20, Chris Gardner arrived in San Francisco to pursue a promising career in medicine. However, he surprised everyone and himself by setting his sights on the competitive world of high finance. Yet no sooner had he landed an entry-level position at a prestigious firm, Gardner found himself caught in a web of incredibly challenging circumstances that left him part of the city's working homeless with his toddler son.
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Very Good Story!
- By Lito Da Critic on 06-02-06
By: Chris Gardner
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The Cost of These Dreams
- Sports Stories and Other Serious Business
- By: Wright Thompson
- Narrated by: Wright Thompson
- Length: 12 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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There is only one Wright Thompson. He is, as they say, famous if you know who he is: his work includes the most-read articles in the history of ESPN (and it's not even close) and has been anthologized in the Best American Sports Writing series ten times, and he counts John Grisham and Richard Ford among his ardent admirers. But to say his pieces are about sports, while true as far as it goes, is like saying Larry McMurtry's Lonesome Dove is a book about a cattle drive.
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Just great
- By ACK on 06-02-19
By: Wright Thompson
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Wherever I Wind Up
- My Quest for Truth, Authenticity and the Perfect Knuckleball
- By: R. A. Dickey, Wayne Coffey
- Narrated by: Ben Hunter
- Length: 9 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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> The Glass Castle meets Ball Four as Mets knuckleballer R. A. Dickey weaves searing honesty and baseball insight in this memoir about his unlikely journey to the big leagues. An English Lit major at the University of Tennessee, Dickey is as articulate and thoughtful as any professional athlete in any sport - and proves it page after page, as he provides fresh and honest insight into baseball and a career unlike any other.
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Marred (for me) by unfortunate performance issues
- By Anthony on 03-28-13
By: R. A. Dickey, and others
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Because I Come from a Crazy Family
- The Making of a Psychiatrist
- By: Edward M. Hallowell
- Narrated by: Paul Boehmer
- Length: 13 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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When Edward M. Hallowell was 11, a voice out of nowhere told him he should become a psychiatrist. A mental health professional of the time would have called this psychosis. But young Edward (Ned) took it in stride, despite not quite knowing what "psychiatrist" meant. With a psychotic father, an alcoholic mother, an abusive stepfather, and two so-called learning disabilities of his own, Ned was accustomed to unpredictable behaviour from those around him and to a mind he felt he couldn't always control.
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Love and connection permeates through this book!
- By Steve Steinmetz on 06-29-18
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The Pact
- Three Young Men Make a Promise and Fulfill a Dream
- By: Drs. Sampson Davis, George Jenkins, Rameck Hunt
- Narrated by: Drs. Sampson Davis, George Jenkins, Rameck Hunt
- Length: 5 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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All too often, we hear about the dangers of male friendships in which peer pressure prevails over common sense. But for George Jenkins, Sampson Davis, and Rameck Hunt, strong and supportive male friendship was a powerful antidote to the temptations and pitfalls of street life. It led three boys to make a vow to be there for one another, to encourage one another every step of the way, until they overcame the odds and became doctors.
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Very Inspirational
- By Heather on 04-10-09
By: Drs. Sampson Davis, and others
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The Todd Glass Situation
- A Bunch of Lies about My Personal Life and a Bunch of True Stories about My 30-Year Career in Standup Comedy
- By: Todd Glass, Jonathan Grotenstein
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing up in a Philadelphia suburb in the 1970s was an easy life. Well, easy as long as you didn't have dyslexia or ADD, or were a Jew. And once you added gay into the mix, life became more difficult. So Todd Glass decided to hide the gay part, no matter how comic, tragic, or comically tragic the results. Now, Todd has written an open, honest, and hilarious memoir in an effort to help everyone - young and old, gay and straight - breathe a little more freely.
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Worth It
- By Heather on 11-17-14
By: Todd Glass, and others
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The Keeper
- A Life of Saving Goals and Achieving Them
- By: Ali Benjamin, Tim Howard
- Narrated by: J.D. Jackson
- Length: 8 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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In the summer of 2014, Tim Howard became an overnight sensation after more than 10 years as one of America's leading professional soccer players. His record-breaking 15 saves for the United States national team against Belgium in the World Cup electrified a nation that had only recently woken up to the Beautiful Game after decades of hibernation. In this inspiring and candid memoir, the beloved US and Everton goalkeeper finally allows himself to do something that he would never do on the field: He drops his guard.
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Tim Howard Saves more then Goals!
- By Ron on 12-16-14
By: Ali Benjamin, and others
What listeners say about Playing Hurt
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Brock A. Wortman
- 12-07-17
And awesome story about a true fighter
If you could sum up Playing Hurt in three words, what would they be?
Fighter, Loving, Father
Who was your favorite character and why?
John Saunders for being so brave in telling his story!
Have you listened to any of Dion Graham’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
No. Great Listen. Easily my favorite Audible voice
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
Yes
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2 people found this helpful
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- Kindle Customer
- 09-28-17
From the heart
This book was well worth the time and I recommend it. It will provide deep insight into the type of turmoil that people with depression have to deal with and how difficult it is to remain productive. Saunders really opens up his life for the reader to view and I was glad to see that he was able to remain grateful for all of the good things that happened to him.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 11-07-17
a difficult subject very well told. Thanks you
This was a book I almost stopped listening to a couple of time due to the story. Having watched John Saunders since he came to ESPN, I appreciated his skill and professionalism, but hearing the stories made me feel terrible. I have also been a long time fan of John U Bacon and his works. If you know or are suffering from depression I highly recommend this book. Amazing work
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- Tyler Hardy
- 04-04-24
You never know what someone’s going through
I usually don’t like listening to audio books that are not read by the author. But this guy did a great job performing John’s incredible story. It’s amazing how you can be oblivious to someone’s inner pain. I use to love watching John on tv and I’m grateful for him sharing his story. Great Read/Listen
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- michael toles
- 10-05-17
what I needed
loved this book! explained a lot of what I was thinking but couldn't put into words. I really appreciated the honest language and emotions in this book as well
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- steve finkelstein
- 03-01-24
Sadly honest
Sad but honest account of dealing with depression. Helps explain bouts of depression, too. Bless Mr Saunders’ family and friends.
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- Chris
- 12-27-17
Great Book!
Very relatable and in the edge, can’t wait to hear what happens next story telling.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Mike
- 02-16-18
A Story That Can Save Lives!
John Saunders was one of my favorite sportscasters. As a young person, watching him on television aided in my inspiration to speak and read well. In Black culture, often, those of us who speak properly are seen as less than Black, or somehow ashamed of our heritage. This is an issue Mr. Saunders addressed briefly in his book. It was encouraging to know how he dealt with that, counteracting that stigma with poise and grace. More importantly, I wish that I could thank him personally for sharing his life experience with the world. His struggle could help tip the scale in the fight against depression, which is a real and intense battle. It helped me in my own struggle with depression, giving me tremendous insight into how I can cope with this disease. Thank you John, you may have saved my life!
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- eric dolan
- 09-20-19
good story
loved it favorite ESPN host. amazing story of a man who dealt with a variety of issues .
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- Patricia M. O'Neil
- 06-28-18
A worthwhile read!
Very interesting autobiography. John led a full life in his 60 years. I admire his honesty and courage in sharing the details of that life in an effort to help others.
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