
The Making of A Man (and Why We're so Afraid to Talk About It)
Myths of Race, Sex and Masculinity
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $18.14
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Obioma Ugoala
-
By:
-
Obioma Ugoala
About this listen
“A blisteringly honest take on contemporary Britishness that manages to be both nuanced and shocking. Highly recommended.” Afua Hirsch, author of Brit(ish)
You’re a black man.
Aggressive. Athletic.
Feared. Fetishised.
Policed. Politicised.
It’s limiting. It’s tiring. And it’s not true.
What makes a man in the 21st century? For generations ‘being a man’ has meant behaving in a very particular way. It has meant being strong, sexually assertive and overtly heterosexual. Assumptions around masculinity have been the root cause of countless problems which, to this day, continue to affect the whole of society.
When the question of masculinity intersects with race, these assumptions too often mutate into pernicious prejudice in ways that are particularly damaging for the men themselves. In this groundbreaking and revealing book, actor, activist and writer Obioma Ugoala – a man of mixed Nigerian and Irish heritage – examines the ways in which his life has been affected by people failing to address their own prejudices about what they conceive a Black man to be.
As well as talking about these – often shocking – experiences he take a broader cultural and historical view to challenge notions of race and masculinity that have over centuries become embedded in British society, poisoning the public discourse and blighting people’s lives.
With unflinching honesty and deep humanity, this unique and important book challenges us all to face our personal failings while offering a vision of a more positive future if we dare to do better.
When first published as The Problem with My Normal Penis the book met resistance from some who considered the title unnecessarily provocative. In this updated edition, Ugoala addresses the reception his book received and the light this shed on the very issues of race and masculinity that he was addressing.
‘Whipsmart and refreshingly vulnerable. In this book, Obioma Ugoala brilliantly exposes the systems and the individuals that have long perpetuated dangerous and irresponsible ideals around Blackness and masculinity.’ Candice Carty-Williams, author of Queenie
"A valiant venture of a book that is somehow both tender memoir and unflinching excavation of the sociological blights that affect both self and society. Looking outward, inwards and forward, it lucidly explores complicated truths. Hopeful and honest, uncomfortable and encouraging, it is a book this country needs." Bolu Babalola, author of Love in Colour
“An urgent, personal, compassionate book that never backs away from the difficulty of what we are facing but provides a forgiving mirror and a useable map so we can truly reflect & navigate. Obioma Ugoala’s treatise should be a set text for a world in crisis.” Deborah Frances White
'In his enquiring memoir, he astutely explores where the expectations of his race and masculinity meet, unpicking and challenging his past experiences of prejudice. His personal stories are told in the context of the wider culture, and the book is a compassionate rallying cry to be more conscious.' Evening Standard©2022 Obioma Ugoala (P)2022 Simon & Schuster, UK
Listeners also enjoyed...
-
I'm Still Here
- Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness
- By: Austin Channing Brown
- Narrated by: Austin Channing Brown
- Length: 3 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Austin Channing Brown’s first encounter with a racialized America came at age seven, when she discovered her parents named her Austin to deceive future employers into thinking she was a white man. Growing up in majority-white schools and churches, Austin writes, “I had to learn what it means to love blackness,” a journey that led to a lifetime spent navigating America’s racial divide as a writer, speaker, and expert helping organizations practice genuine inclusion.
-
-
A Black woman in a middle class White America
- By Adam Shields on 05-16-18
-
Eloquent Rage
- A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower
- By: Brittney Cooper
- Narrated by: Brittney Cooper
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
So what if it's true that Black women are mad as hell? They have the right to be. In the Black feminist tradition of Audre Lorde, Brittney Cooper reminds us that anger is a powerful source of energy that can give us the strength to keep on fighting. Far too often, Black women's anger has been caricatured into an ugly and destructive force that threatens the civility and social fabric of American democracy. But Cooper shows us that there is more to the story than that.
-
-
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Eloquent AF
- By Erica on 03-05-18
By: Brittney Cooper
-
Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race
- By: Reni Eddo-Lodge
- Narrated by: Reni Eddo-Lodge
- Length: 5 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In February 2014, Reni Eddo-Lodge posted an impassioned argument on her blog about her deep-seated frustration with the way discussions of race and racism in Britain were constantly being shut down by those who weren't affected by it. She gave the post the title 'Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race'. Her sharp, fiercely intelligent words hit a nerve, and the post went viral, spawning a huge number of comments from people desperate to speak up about their own similar experiences.
-
-
In truth, I don't have THAT particular privilege
- By Buretto on 03-08-18
By: Reni Eddo-Lodge
-
Tears We Cannot Stop
- A Sermon to White America
- By: Michael Eric Dyson
- Narrated by: Michael Eric Dyson
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Fifty years ago Malcolm X told a White woman who asked what she could do for the cause, "Nothing." Dyson believes he was wrong. In Tears We Cannot Stop, he responds to that question. If we are to make real racial progress, we must face difficult truths, including being honest about how Black grievance has been ignored, dismissed, or discounted.
-
-
Invite this man in and listen closely
- By Catherine S. Read on 02-03-17
-
For Brown Girls with Sharp Edges and Tender Hearts
- A Love Letter to Women of Color
- By: Prisca Dorcas Mojica Rodríguez
- Narrated by: Prisca Dorcas Mojica Rodríguez
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The founder of Latina Rebels and a “Latinx Activist You Should Know” (Teen Vogue) arms women of color with the tools and knowledge they need to find success on their own terms.
-
-
Must Read for BIWOC
- By Veronica Garcia on 09-24-21
-
The Measure of a Man
- A Spiritual Autobiography
- By: Sidney Poitier
- Narrated by: Sidney Poitier
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this luminous memoir, a true American icon looks back on his celebrated life and career. His body of work is arguably the most morally significant in cinematic history, and the power and influence of that work are indicative of the character of the man behind the many storied roles. Sidney Poitier here explores these elements of character and personal values to take his own measure: as a man, as a husband and a father, and as an actor.
-
-
Powerful
- By Alfred on 10-29-08
By: Sidney Poitier
-
I'm Still Here
- Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness
- By: Austin Channing Brown
- Narrated by: Austin Channing Brown
- Length: 3 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Austin Channing Brown’s first encounter with a racialized America came at age seven, when she discovered her parents named her Austin to deceive future employers into thinking she was a white man. Growing up in majority-white schools and churches, Austin writes, “I had to learn what it means to love blackness,” a journey that led to a lifetime spent navigating America’s racial divide as a writer, speaker, and expert helping organizations practice genuine inclusion.
-
-
A Black woman in a middle class White America
- By Adam Shields on 05-16-18
-
Eloquent Rage
- A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower
- By: Brittney Cooper
- Narrated by: Brittney Cooper
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
So what if it's true that Black women are mad as hell? They have the right to be. In the Black feminist tradition of Audre Lorde, Brittney Cooper reminds us that anger is a powerful source of energy that can give us the strength to keep on fighting. Far too often, Black women's anger has been caricatured into an ugly and destructive force that threatens the civility and social fabric of American democracy. But Cooper shows us that there is more to the story than that.
-
-
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Eloquent AF
- By Erica on 03-05-18
By: Brittney Cooper
-
Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race
- By: Reni Eddo-Lodge
- Narrated by: Reni Eddo-Lodge
- Length: 5 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In February 2014, Reni Eddo-Lodge posted an impassioned argument on her blog about her deep-seated frustration with the way discussions of race and racism in Britain were constantly being shut down by those who weren't affected by it. She gave the post the title 'Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race'. Her sharp, fiercely intelligent words hit a nerve, and the post went viral, spawning a huge number of comments from people desperate to speak up about their own similar experiences.
-
-
In truth, I don't have THAT particular privilege
- By Buretto on 03-08-18
By: Reni Eddo-Lodge
-
Tears We Cannot Stop
- A Sermon to White America
- By: Michael Eric Dyson
- Narrated by: Michael Eric Dyson
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Fifty years ago Malcolm X told a White woman who asked what she could do for the cause, "Nothing." Dyson believes he was wrong. In Tears We Cannot Stop, he responds to that question. If we are to make real racial progress, we must face difficult truths, including being honest about how Black grievance has been ignored, dismissed, or discounted.
-
-
Invite this man in and listen closely
- By Catherine S. Read on 02-03-17
-
For Brown Girls with Sharp Edges and Tender Hearts
- A Love Letter to Women of Color
- By: Prisca Dorcas Mojica Rodríguez
- Narrated by: Prisca Dorcas Mojica Rodríguez
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The founder of Latina Rebels and a “Latinx Activist You Should Know” (Teen Vogue) arms women of color with the tools and knowledge they need to find success on their own terms.
-
-
Must Read for BIWOC
- By Veronica Garcia on 09-24-21
-
The Measure of a Man
- A Spiritual Autobiography
- By: Sidney Poitier
- Narrated by: Sidney Poitier
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this luminous memoir, a true American icon looks back on his celebrated life and career. His body of work is arguably the most morally significant in cinematic history, and the power and influence of that work are indicative of the character of the man behind the many storied roles. Sidney Poitier here explores these elements of character and personal values to take his own measure: as a man, as a husband and a father, and as an actor.
-
-
Powerful
- By Alfred on 10-29-08
By: Sidney Poitier
-
Thick
- And Other Essays
- By: Tressie McMillan Cottom
- Narrated by: Tressie McMillan Cottom
- Length: 4 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Smart, humorous, and strikingly original essays by one of “America’s most bracing thinkers on race, gender, and capitalism of our time.” (Rebecca Traister) In these eight piercing explorations on beauty, media, money, and more, Tressie McMillan Cottom - award-winning professor and acclaimed author of Lower Ed - embraces her venerated role as a purveyor of wit, wisdom, and Black Twitter snark about all that is right and much that is wrong with this thing we call society.
-
-
A different perspective
- By ANNE on 08-13-19
-
Waking Up White, and Finding Myself in the Story of Race
- By: Debby Irving
- Narrated by: Debby Irving
- Length: 9 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For 25 years, Debby Irving sensed inexplicable racial tensions in her personal and professional relationships. As a colleague and neighbor, she worried about offending people she dearly wanted to befriend. As an arts administrator, she didn't understand why her diversity efforts lacked traction. As a teacher, she found her best efforts to reach out to students and families of color left her wondering what she was missing.
-
-
White people learning from White people
- By Hyli~Fav on 05-23-20
By: Debby Irving
-
Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions
- Third Edition
- By: Gloria Steinem
- Narrated by: Barrie Kreinik, Gabra Zackman, Gloria Steinem, and others
- Length: 14 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
An updated third edition of the renowned feminist’s most diverse and timeless collection of essays, with a new foreword written by Emma Watson and new material written and read by Gloria Steinem.
-
-
A Must Read (or listen) For Every Generation
- By Rachel Marsala on 05-15-20
By: Gloria Steinem
-
All the White Friends I Couldn't Keep
- Hope - and Hard Pills to Swallow - About Fighting for Black Lives
- By: Andre Henry
- Narrated by: Andre Henry
- Length: 6 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When the rallying cry “Black Lives Matter” was heard across the world in 2013, Andre Henry was one of the millions for whom the movement caused a political awakening and a rupture in some of his closest relationships with White people. As he began using his artistic gifts to share his experiences and perspective, Henry was aggrieved to discover that many White Americans - people he called friends and family - were more interested in debating whether racism existed or whether Henry was being polite enough in the way he used his voice.
-
-
Refreshing…
- By Jeremy Cushman on 05-23-22
By: Andre Henry
-
Patriarchy Blues
- Reflections on Manhood
- By: Frederick Joseph
- Narrated by: Preston Butler III, Novell Jordan
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this thought-provoking collection of essays, poems, and short reflections, Frederick Joseph contemplates these questions and more as he explores issues of masculinity and patriarchy from both a personal and cultural standpoint. From fatherhood, and “manning up” to abuse and therapy, he fearlessly and thoughtfully tackles the complex realities of men’s lives today and their significance for society, lending his insights as a Black man.
-
-
Great read!
- By BlissfullyT on 11-15-23
By: Frederick Joseph
-
How Not to Be Wrong
- The Art of Changing Your Mind
- By: James O'Brien
- Narrated by: James O'Brien
- Length: 5 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In his best-selling How to Be Right, James provided an invigorating guide to how to talk to people with bad opinions. And yet the question he always gets asked is: 'if you're so sure about everything, haven't you ever changed your mind?' In an age of us vs them, tribal loyalties and bitter divisions, the ability to change our minds may be the most important power we have. In this intimate, personal new book, James' focus shifts from talking to other people to how you talk to yourself about what you really think.
-
-
Life changing
- By Mr. Chris on 11-04-22
By: James O'Brien
-
Brit(ish)
- On Race, Identity and Belonging
- By: Afua Hirsch
- Narrated by: Afua Hirsch
- Length: 11 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Afua Hirsch is British. Her parents are British. She was raised, educated and socialised in Britain. Her partner, her daughter, her sister and the vast majority of her friends are British. So why is her identity and sense of belonging a subject of debate? The reason is simply because of the colour of her skin. Blending history, memoir and individual experiences, Afua Hirsch reveals the identity crisis at the heart of Britain today. Far from affecting only minority people, Britain is a nation in denial about its past and its present.
-
-
Important read
- By L. Ingarfield on 01-04-23
By: Afua Hirsch
-
Under Our Skin
- Getting Real About Race - and Getting Free from the Fears and Frustrations That Divide Us
- By: Benjamin Watson
- Narrated by: JD Jackson
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
An NFL tight end for the New Orleans Saints and a widely read and followed commentator on social media, Watson has taken the Internet by storm with his remarkable insights about some of the most sensitive and charged topics of our day. Now, in Under Our Skin, Watson draws from his own life, his family legacy, and his role as a father to sensitively and honestly examine both sides of the race debate and appeal to the power and possibility of faith as a step toward healing.
-
-
What's Under Our Skin?
- By Felton L Woodson on 03-19-16
By: Benjamin Watson
-
Invisible Man, Got the Whole World Watching
- A Young Black Man's Education
- By: Mychal Denzel Smith
- Narrated by: Kevin R. Free
- Length: 5 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
How do you learn to be a Black man in America? For young Black men today, it means coming of age during the presidency of Barack Obama. It means witnessing the deaths of Oscar Grant, Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, Akai Gurley, and too many more. It means celebrating powerful moments of Black self-determination for LeBron James, Dave Chappelle, and Frank Ocean. In Invisible Man, Got the Whole World Watching, Mychal Denzel Smith chronicles his own personal and political education during these tumultuous years.
-
-
History through a Young Black Man's Eyes!! Perfect
- By Patricia Hambsch on 08-31-16
-
Feminists Don't Wear Pink and Other Lies
- Amazing Women on What the F-Word Means to Them
- By: Scarlett Curtis - curator
- Narrated by: Rosie Akerman, Pippa Bennett-Warner, Grace Campbell, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A diverse group of celebrities, activists, and artists open up about what feminism means to them, with the goal of helping listeners come to their own personal understanding of the word.
-
-
4.5/5 Estrellas
- By Airy on 01-27-21
-
Who's Afraid of Post-Blackness
- What It Means to Be Black Now
- By: Touré, Michael Eric Dyson
- Narrated by: Touré
- Length: 7 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A provocative look at what it means to be Black today. This audiobook includes excerpts from over 100 interviews with Rev. Jesse Jackson, Cornel West, Skip Gates, Melissa Harris-Perry, Kara Walker, Kehinde Wiley, Glenn Ligon, Malcolm Gladwell, Paul Mooney, NY Gov. David Paterson, Harold Ford, Jr., Soledad O'Brien, Kamala Harris, Chuck D, Questlove, and others.
-
-
Food for Thought
- By Sara on 12-22-11
By: Touré, and others
-
Manifesto
- On Never Giving Up
- By: Bernardine Evaristo
- Narrated by: Bernardine Evaristo
- Length: 6 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the best-selling and Booker Prize-winning author of Girl, Woman, Other, Bernardine Evaristo’s memoir of her own life and writing, and her manifesto on unstoppability, creativity, and activism.
-
-
Glorious performance and inspiring story
- By Maggi Morehouse on 01-25-22
What listeners say about The Making of A Man (and Why We're so Afraid to Talk About It)
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- LynnS
- 03-08-23
Enlightening and Thoughtful
The book really gave me, a white woman, a lot to ponder concerning stereotypes, inequality, and the systemic nature of privilege. I’m recommending this to my friends, particularly the audiobook.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!