The Nine Musketeers
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Narrated by:
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Richard Henzel
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By:
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Bill Bernico
About this listen
I've written more than 250 short stories, but this is my only full-length audiobook.
Most people who've listened to it think it's a work of fiction from a guy with a fantastic imagination, but actually it's not fiction at all. I tell those people that it's "95% truth with 5% embellishment for humor's sake."
This autobiography covers more than 50 years, from the time I was four and was run over by a car and dragged along a Chicago street, to the present day. If there had to be a central theme, it would be the story of growing up in a dysfunctional family with nine children during the 50s and 60s. As the cover text suggests, we were not, "All for one and one for all."
We were more like, "Every man for himself." Some stories will make you laugh, some may make you cry, others will make you cringe and thank your lucky stars that you grew up in a "normal" environment, whatever normal is. And yet others of you will identify with my plight and say, "Been there, done that."
©2013 Bill Bernico (P)2013 Bill BernicoListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
After waking from a coma following a car crash, Beverly Thornton's once sweet and gentle disposition had been replaced by violent mood swings, profanity-laced tirades, and uncontrollable fits of rage. Inside the Thornton house, floors and countertops were piled high with dirty laundry and garbage because Bev was unable to move well enough to clean. Dinners were a Russian roulette of half-cooked meat, spoiled milk, and foods well past their expiration dates.
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Should be in the religous category
- By Shreridan on 10-24-16
By: Shawn Thornton
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What's So Funny?
- My Hilarious Life
- By: Tim Conway, Jane Scovell, Carol Burnett - foreword
- Narrated by: Tim Conway, Carol Burnett, Dick Hill, and others
- Length: 8 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Six-time Emmy Award-winning funnyman Tim Conway, best known for his characters on The Carol Burnett Show, offers a straight-shooting and hilarious memoir about his life on stage and off as an actor and comedian. In television history, few entertainers have captured as many hearts and made as many people laugh as Tim Conway. There's nothing in the world that Tim Conway would rather do than entertain - and in his first-ever memoir, What's So Funny?, that's exactly what he does.
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Not narrated by Tim
- By Bob Murdock on 05-05-14
By: Tim Conway, and others
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Signals: New and Selected Stories
- By: Tim Gautreaux
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 13 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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After the stunning historical novels The Clearing and The Missing, Tim Gautreaux now ranges freely through contemporary life with 12 new stories and eight from previous collections. Most are set in his beloved Louisiana, many hard by or on the Mississippi River, others in North Carolina, and even in midwinter Minnesota. But generally it's heat, humidity, and bugs that beset his people as they wrestle with affairs of the heart, matters of faith, and the pros and cons of tight-knit communities.
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Perfection! Amazing writer/amazing reader
- By Monique on 01-08-19
By: Tim Gautreaux
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The Year We Disappeared
- By: Cylin Busby, John Busby
- Narrated by: Cylin Busby, David Baker
- Length: 8 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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A peaceful summer night is shattered by gunfire as an unseen assailant tries to murder police officer John Busby. Though horribly wounded, Busby survives. But the perpetrator remains at large, meaning neither Busby, nor his wife, nor their three children are safe. In separate chapters John and his daughter, Cylin, who was nine at the time, recount the story of that year. John writes graphically, and movingly, of his wounds, his pain, his multiple surgeries, and his rage.
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Heartbreaking. Justice just out of reach.
- By Amanda on 01-07-14
By: Cylin Busby, and others
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A Girl Named Zippy
- Growing Up Small in Mooreland, Indiana
- By: Haven Kimmel
- Narrated by: Haven Kimmel
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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When Haven Kimmel was born in 1965, Mooreland, Indiana, was a sleepy little hamlet of 300 people. Nicknamed "Zippy" for the way she would bolt around the house, this small girl was possessed of big eyes and even bigger ears. In this witty and lovingly told memoir, Kimmel takes readers back to a time when small-town America was caught in the amber of the innocent postwar period - people helped their neighbors, went to church on Sunday, and kept barnyard animals in their backyards.
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Beautifully written, beautifully read.
- By shopgirl on 03-06-08
By: Haven Kimmel
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Rabbit
- The Autobiography of Ms. Pat
- By: Patricia Williams, Jeannine Amber
- Narrated by: Patricia Williams
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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One of five children, Pat watched as her alcoholic mother struggled to get by on charity, cons, and petty crimes. At age seven, Pat was taught to roll drunks for money. At 12, she was targeted for sex by a man eight years her senior; by 13, she was pregnant. By 15, Pat was a mother of two. Alone at 16, Pat was determined to make a better life for her children. But with no job skills and an eighth-grade education, her options were limited. She learned quickly that hustling and humor were the only tools she had to survive.
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Amazing story but dry reading
- By SpazzyMaggee on 11-03-17
By: Patricia Williams, and others
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Diary of a Stage Mother's Daughter
- By: Melissa Francis
- Narrated by: Cris Dukehart
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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When Melissa Francis was eight years old, she won the role of lifetime: playing Cassandra Cooper Ingalls, the little girl who was adopted with her brother (played by young Jason Bateman) by the Ingalls family on the world’s most famous prime-time soap opera, Little House on the Prairie. But behind the scenes, her success was fueled by the pride, pressure, and sometimes grinding cruelty of her stage mother.
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Awesome book - really enjoyed it.
- By Jane C. Bailey on 11-16-12
By: Melissa Francis
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KooKooLand
- A Memoir
- By: Gloria Norris
- Narrated by: Gloria Norris
- Length: 14 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Gloria Norris grew up in the projects of Manchester, New Hampshire, with her parents; her sister, Virginia; and her cat, Sylvester. A snapshot might show a happy young family, but only a dummkopf would buy that. Nine-year-old Gloria is gutsy and wisecracking. Her father, Jimmy, all dazzle and danger, is often on the far side of the law and makes his own rules - which everyone else better follow. Gloria's mom, Shirley, tries not to rock the boat, Virginia unwisely defies Jimmy, and Gloria fashions herself into his sidekick - the son he never had.
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this was so awful I could only listen to a little
- By Wyowoman on 09-14-18
By: Gloria Norris
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Please Ignore Vera Dietz
- By: A. S. King
- Narrated by: Lynde Houck
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Vera’s spent her whole life secretly in love with her best friend, Charlie Kahn. And over the years she’s kept a lot of his secrets. Even after he betrayed her. Even after he ruined everything. So when Charlie dies in dark circumstances, Vera knows a lot more than anyone - the kids at school, his family, even the police. But will she emerge to clear his name? Does she even want to? Edgy and gripping, Please Ignore Vera Dietz is an unforgettable novel: Smart, funny, dramatic, and always surprising.
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Moving, disturbing, and humorous
- By Julie on 08-26-11
By: A. S. King
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She's Come Undone
- By: Wally Lamb
- Narrated by: Linda Stephens
- Length: 18 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Meet Dolores Price. She's 13, wise-mouthed but wounded, having bid her childhood goodbye. Beached like a whale in front of her bedroom TV, she spends the next few years nourishing herself with the Mallomars, potato chips, and Pepsi her anxious mother supplies. When she finally rolls into young womanhood at 257 pounds, Dolores is no stronger and life is no kinder. But this time she's determined to rise to the occasion and give herself one more chance before really going belly-up.
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Really disappointing narrator!
- By Jessica Williams on 01-21-12
By: Wally Lamb
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May We Be Forgiven
- By: A. M. Homes
- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 20 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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May We Be Forgiven, a darkly comic novel of 21st-century domestic life, stars Harold Silver, a historian who's always been jealous of his successful brother, George. But when the hot-tempered George is institutionalized for committing a violent act, Harold finds himself comforting his brother's wife and children. What follows is a scathing examination of a family so fractured it may never be whole again.
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Give this one a try!
- By JWB on 02-13-13
By: A. M. Homes