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The One You Want to Marry (And Other Identities I've Had)
- A Memoir
- Narrated by: Sophie Santos
- Length: 13 hrs and 37 mins
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Publisher's summary
A hilarious and heartfelt memoir about finding your true voice by Sophie Santos, the fearless comic and host of The Lesbian Agenda.
From the self-proclaimed Queen of the Stunted Late Bloomers and one of the most exciting emerging voices in comedy comes an honestly funny memoir about the awkward, cringeworthy, hilarious, and longest possible journey of coming of age and into her own.
The only child of a perpetually transferring Filipino-Spanish US Army officer and a spitfire nurse, Sophie Santos spent her early years starting over again and again - and accumulating her fair share of anxieties. Growing up in 99.6 percent white communities, where girls had to learn to flash Vaseline-capped smiles before they’d be considered real women, Sophie adapted. Determined to fit in, she transformed from a tomboy misfit into a hormone-crazed beauty pageant contestant and a southern sorority girl, among other personalities. She nailed each role she took on, not shockingly, but nothing seemed to fit her true self.
In her twenties, floundering and locked in her bedroom with lesbian YouTube clips playing on repeat, Sophie began to understand that her true self might be more tomboy misfit than Southern belle. That realization set her off on a journey that led her through an unexpected lesbian puberty and eventually toward a New York comedy career.
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Critic reviews
“[A] hilarious, identity-affirming memoir…a must read for anyone who has ever struggled to just be.”—Shondaland
“Her breezy tone feels intimate and makes the more serious and somber moments—such as her first comprehension of race (and the term ‘ethnically ambiguous’), her struggles with mental health, and rueful admissions of having mistreated former girlfriends—hit all the harder. LGBTQ millennials are sure to find a kindred spirit, warts and all, in these clever pages.”—Publishers Weekly
“Sophie Santos isn’t your average comedian…she details the plot points of her own life—like constant moves due to her dad’s gig in the Army and her stint in pageantry—with hilarious aplomb.”—Entertainment Weekly
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- Length: 6 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Striking in their emotional immediacy, the stories in Before You Suffocate Your Own Fool Self are based in a world where inequality is reality but where the insecurities of adolescence and young adulthood, and the tensions within family and the community, are sometimes the biggest complicating forces in one's sense of identity and the choices one makes.
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things we do to oursekves
- By Jamintel on 02-06-23
By: Danielle Evans
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A Very Punchable Face
- A Memoir
- By: Colin Jost
- Narrated by: Colin Jost
- Length: 7 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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If there’s one trait that makes someone well-suited to comedy, it’s being able to take a punch - metaphorically and, occasionally, physically. Told with a healthy dose of self-deprecation, A Very Punchable Face reveals the brilliant mind behind some of the dumbest sketches on television, and lays bare the heart and humor of a hardworking guy - with a face you can’t help but want to punch.
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Amazing
- By Erin E. Kace on 07-27-20
By: Colin Jost
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The Secret Side of Empty
- By: Maria E. Andreu
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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What's it like to be undocumented? High school senior M.T. knows all too well. With graduation and an uncertain future looming, she must figure out how to grow up in the only country she's ever called home... a country in which she's "illegal". M.T. was born in Argentina and brought to America as a baby without any official papers. And as questions of college, work, and the future arise, M.T. will have to decide what exactly she wants for herself, knowing someone she loves will unavoidably pay the price for it.
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Heavy topics handled well but just fell short 4 me
- By AudioBookHoe on 07-30-17
By: Maria E. Andreu
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Instructions for Dancing
- By: Nicola Yoon
- Narrated by: Bahni Turpin
- Length: 7 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Evie Thomas doesn't believe in love anymore. Especially after the strangest thing occurs one otherwise ordinary afternoon: She witnesses a couple kiss and is overcome with a vision of how their romance began...and how it will end. After all, even the greatest love stories end with a broken heart, eventually.
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Cute.. but that ending :(
- By Doha on 06-06-21
By: Nicola Yoon
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The Filthy Truth
- By: Andrew Dice Clay, David Ritz
- Narrated by: Bruce Rubenstein
- Length: 8 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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In this unapologetic and uncensored autobiography, Andrew Dice Clay is ready to set the record straight. He was the eighties’ answer to Lenny Bruce, with material that stretched the boundaries of decency and good taste to their breaking point, and in turn became the most vilified stand-up comic of all time.
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The Diceman Returns!
- By Steven D. Sorrell on 03-26-15
By: Andrew Dice Clay, and others
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Foolish Hearts
- By: Emma Mills
- Narrated by: Stephanie Willing
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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When Claudia accidentally eavesdrops on the epic breakup of Paige and Iris, the it-couple at her school, she finds herself in hot water with prickly, difficult Iris. Thrown together against their will in the class production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, along with the goofiest, cutest boy Claudia has ever known, Iris and Claudia are in for an eye-opening senior year.
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So cute and heartwarming!
- By Kimmy on 01-17-24
By: Emma Mills
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Swear on This Life
- A Novel
- By: Renée Carlino
- Narrated by: Traci Odom
- Length: 7 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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A struggling writer must come to terms with her past, present, and future after she discovers that she's the inspiration for a pseudonymously published best-selling novel.
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Outstanding Story!
- By Jen Seagraves on 07-28-20
By: Renée Carlino
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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Where I End and You Begin
- By: Preston Norton
- Narrated by: Michael Crouch
- Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Ezra Slevin is an anxious, neurotic insomniac who spends his nights questioning his place in the universe and his days obsessing over Imogen, a nerdy girl with gigantic eyebrows and a heart of gold. For weeks, Ezra has been working up the courage to invite Imogen to prom. The only problem is Imogen's protective best friend, Wynonna Jones. Wynonna has blue hair, jams to 80s rock, and has made a career out of tormenting Ezra for as long as he can remember. Then, on the night of a total solar eclipse, something strange happens to Ezra and Wynonna - and they wake up in each other's bodies.
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Just soooooo good!
- By Tamra L. Torero-linares on 06-21-19
By: Preston Norton
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Wish You Were Here
- A Novel
- By: Renée Carlino
- Narrated by: Ava Lucas
- Length: 8 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Charlotte has spent her 20s adrift, searching for a spark to jump-start her life and give her a sense of purpose. She’s had as many jobs as she’s had bad relationships, and now she’s feeling especially lost in her less-than-glamorous gig at a pie-and-fry joint in Los Angeles, where the uniforms are bad and the tips are even worse. Then she collides - literally - with Adam, an intriguing, handsome, and mysterious painter.
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language within first 2 minutes
- By kay on 04-11-20
By: Renée Carlino
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Better Than Chocolate
- By: Sheila Roberts
- Narrated by: Gayle Hendrix
- Length: 11 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Sweet Dreams Chocolate Company has been in the Sterling family for generations, ever since Great-Grandma Rose literally dreamed up her first fabulous recipe. But now it looks as if they're about to lose Sweet Dreams to the bank - and that would be a disaster, not only for the family but for the town of Icicle Falls, Washington. Can Samantha, the oldest daughter and new head of the company, come up with a way to save it? After Samantha does some brainstorming with her mother and sisters, inspiration strikes.
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No consent!
- By R. Hernandez on 10-01-19
By: Sheila Roberts
What listeners say about The One You Want to Marry (And Other Identities I've Had)
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Etoile NEOhio
- 07-12-23
It was fine
It was fine. An interesting, but not earth shattering wander through the author's life as she struggled to find her own sexual identity. Proof that life is messy. I would call it droll, but not "hilarious".
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- Melissa D
- 10-25-21
Funny and realistic
Is not predictable and it made me laugh out loud. Feels modern and depicts how hard it is to find a mate!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 12-30-21
If you enjoy WHGS, you'll love Sophie Santos
This is a long audio book, but enjoyable for lots of driving. It spans Sophie's life from early childhood to the present and will have you chuckle hard at times. As a 33 year old American woman in 2021, this audiobook has a ton of relatable material through childhood and college, and world events. Lots of brilliant and absurd gay memories, along with a lot of family love. I hope to see Sophie Santos write more and perform more.
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- Casey Steele
- 10-23-21
sophie, you’re my hero
I didn’t want this to be over. it was such a joy to read this (well, listen to sophie read it.) It’s really incredible to feel not alone and laugh along with your adventures. Thank you for this, for you, for all of it.
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- Bryan
- 10-14-24
Great impressions
I love the way she mimics accents.
Her comedic timing is perfect.
She makes very serious topics humorous in a wonderful way.
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- Charisse s
- 06-16-22
A pleasant read
Funny, light hearted, and honest. Sophie doesn’t shy away from the uglier parts of her story, & I respect that. Though bits and pieces were heavier topics, she keeps an upbeat tone through out.
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- noelle
- 02-23-23
ROTFL non stop
so many things about this book were great! even if you don't recognize Sophie Santos by name, she is hilarious and is one of unrecognized contributors that make our favorite TV shows and movies possible. her story is interesting and I connected to it unexpectedly (both 90s kids, divorced parents, southern raised misfits, socially and politically progressive) and also saw some life experiences from a different perspective.
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- Kindle Customer
- 06-25-24
She nails it!
Sophie relayed very difficult issues, mental health and otherwise, in a very digestible tone of voice. It gives insight to family members of people living with mental illness.
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- Sabrina Ponce Clemenceau
- 06-07-22
Do you really want to listen to an unknown memoir?
Who is this person, why did audible recommended this one? I have no idea, but I'm half way to it and it's probably one of the most boring and pointless book I had listened. I'm so annoyed I have to complete it.
Really, do yourself a favor and maybe listen to someone who has done something or a novel or mystery or something else.
She tries to be funny. She yells and make obvious parts like she discovered a huge thing and is not.
Sorry but no.
Ni siquiera por la parte latina. Es una cosa al medio, una vida normal y cringe al mismo tiempo. Te cuenta desde los miedos en la infancia, (sin ahondar en aquellos que podrían ser interesantes) a los frívolos y pointless.
No lo escuche. Escuche algo más.
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