
To Those Who Have Confused You to Be a Person
Words as Violence and Stories of Women's Resistance Online
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed

Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $18.00
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Nikki Massoud
-
By:
-
Alia Dastagir
About this listen
An urgently needed reckoning with the harm, harassment, and abuse women face on the Internet, complicating how we think about violence online and featuring deep reporting on how women are surviving the trauma—by an award-winning reporter
When Alia Dastagir published a story for USA Today as part of an investigation into child sexual abuse, she became the target of an online mob launched by QAnon and encouraged by Donald Trump, Jr. While female journalists, politicians, academics, and influencers receive a disproportionate amount of online attacks because of the nature of their professions, all women online experience hate, creating profound harms for individual women and society.
In To Those Who Have Confused You to Be a Person, Dastagir uses critical analysis from psychologists, sociologists, neuroscientists, technologists, and philosophers to offer a uniquely deep and intimate look at what women experience during online abuse, as well as how they cope and make meaning out of violence.
Dastagir weaves together her story with those of thirteen other women, including a comedian who uses feminist humor to subvert her harassment and an ob-gyn who channels anger over her abuse to fight attacks on reproductive rights. Dastagir explores why language online cannot be ignored, how it damages bodies, when it triggers and traumatizes, and why women’s responses are so varied. Dastagir analyzes why online abuse is perpetrated by people across the ideological spectrum and how it intersects with the dangers of disinformation. She argues that while online abuse is often framed exclusively as a problem of misogyny, it is also connected to a culture of white supremacy and the systems with which it intertwines.
To Those Who Have Confused You to Be a Person is the book on online abuse for this cultural moment, when being online is a daily necessity for so many, even as we grow ever more polarized. Systemic solutions are key to combating violence online, but the narrative of reform does not help women today. This nuanced examination of what it means to effectively cope will empower women to raise their voices against the forces bent on silencing them.
©2025 Alia Dastagir (P)2025 Random House AudioCritic reviews
“A meticulous accounting of the effects of online harassment, the way it can upend women’s careers, their health and their minds.”—The Washington Post
“An astonishing, brilliant, and timely book, Dastagir’s To Those Who Have Confused You to Be a Person sheds more light on misogynistic online culture and what women face today as a result than any other book I have read. A courageous, moving, and vital piece of reporting that I want to press into the hands of every person with an Internet connection.”—Kate Manne, author of Unshrinking
“Alia Dastagir has written an urgent and necessary argument for a more humane internet and, as a result, a better world. Weaving together profiles of women who have become the center of targeted harassment campaigns, To Those Who Have Confused You to Be a Person untangles the violence of internet abuse and shows how it silences the voices we need to hear the most. This book is both a manual and a manifesto for bringing about a better way to exist online. Dastagir has written a must-read for our digital age.”—Lyz Lenz, New York Times bestselling author of This American Ex-Wife
Related to this topic
-
The Let Them Theory
- A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About
- By: Mel Robbins
- Narrated by: Mel Robbins
- Length: 10 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In her latest groundbreaking book, The Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins—New York Times bestselling author and one of the world's most respected experts on motivation, confidence, and mindset—teaches you how to stop wasting energy on what you can't control and start focusing on what truly matters: YOU. Your happiness. Your goals. Your life.
-
-
“…Grant me the serenity…”
- By Rachel Cornell on 12-25-24
By: Mel Robbins
-
The 5 Second Rule
- Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage
- By: Mel Robbins
- Narrated by: Mel Robbins
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
How to enrich your life and destroy doubt in five seconds. Throughout your life, you've had parents, coaches, teachers, friends, and mentors who have pushed you to be better than your excuses and bigger than your fears. What if the secret to having the confidence and courage to enrich your life and work is simply knowing how to push yourself?
-
-
I turned it off after an hour.
- By Zac on 04-08-17
By: Mel Robbins
-
Take Control of Your Life
- How to Silence Fear and Win the Mental Game
- By: Mel Robbins
- Narrated by: Mel Robbins
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Mel Robbins is back! The international bestselling phenomenon and creator of The Five Second Rule and Kick Ass with Mel Robbins returns to help you tackle the single biggest obstacle you face: fear. This life-changing Audible Original features a powerful mix of one-on-one life-coaching sessions and a personal narrative with vital take-aways that you can start using immediately.
-
-
Stop living in fear
- By Nike7 on 02-08-19
By: Mel Robbins
-
Can't Hurt Me
- Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds
- By: David Goggins
- Narrated by: David Goggins, Adam Skolnick
- Length: 13 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For David Goggins, childhood was a nightmare--poverty, prejudice, and physical abuse colored his days and haunted his nights. But through self-discipline, mental toughness, and hard work, Goggins transformed himself from a depressed, overweight young man with no future into a US Armed Forces icon and one of the world's top endurance athletes. The only man in history to complete elite training as a Navy SEAL, Army Ranger, and Air Force tactical air controller, he went on to set records in numerous endurance events.
-
-
Opting for the book instead
- By S David on 12-24-18
By: David Goggins
-
The Art of War
- By: Sun Tzu
- Narrated by: Aidan Gillen
- Length: 1 hr and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The 13 chapters of The Art of War, each devoted to one aspect of warfare, were compiled by the high-ranking Chinese military general, strategist, and philosopher Sun-Tzu. In spite of its battlefield specificity, The Art of War has found new life in the modern age, with leaders in fields as wide and far-reaching as world politics, human psychology, and corporate strategy finding valuable insight in its timeworn words.
-
-
The actual book The Art of War, not a commentary
- By Nemo71 on 12-31-19
By: Sun Tzu
-
You Will Not Recognize Your Life
- By: Micaela Blei
- Narrated by: Micaela Blei
- Length: 2 hrs and 48 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It’s 2006. After a string of rejections from men who tell her they could never, ever, ever see her “that way,” awkward third-grade teacher Micaela Blei signs up for a mysterious course called “The Divine Feminine,” and feels like she might have found the key to the perfect life. Turns out if you’re an A student, you can get an A in anything–including men. Pretty soon she’s learning to "conjure" her desires with vision boards, flirtations, and even a daring jumbotron viewing party for her, ahem ... "divine center."
-
-
Humor, Humanity, and the Heart of Self-Love
- By David on 12-12-24
By: Micaela Blei
-
The Let Them Theory
- A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About
- By: Mel Robbins
- Narrated by: Mel Robbins
- Length: 10 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In her latest groundbreaking book, The Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins—New York Times bestselling author and one of the world's most respected experts on motivation, confidence, and mindset—teaches you how to stop wasting energy on what you can't control and start focusing on what truly matters: YOU. Your happiness. Your goals. Your life.
-
-
“…Grant me the serenity…”
- By Rachel Cornell on 12-25-24
By: Mel Robbins
-
The 5 Second Rule
- Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage
- By: Mel Robbins
- Narrated by: Mel Robbins
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
How to enrich your life and destroy doubt in five seconds. Throughout your life, you've had parents, coaches, teachers, friends, and mentors who have pushed you to be better than your excuses and bigger than your fears. What if the secret to having the confidence and courage to enrich your life and work is simply knowing how to push yourself?
-
-
I turned it off after an hour.
- By Zac on 04-08-17
By: Mel Robbins
-
Take Control of Your Life
- How to Silence Fear and Win the Mental Game
- By: Mel Robbins
- Narrated by: Mel Robbins
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Mel Robbins is back! The international bestselling phenomenon and creator of The Five Second Rule and Kick Ass with Mel Robbins returns to help you tackle the single biggest obstacle you face: fear. This life-changing Audible Original features a powerful mix of one-on-one life-coaching sessions and a personal narrative with vital take-aways that you can start using immediately.
-
-
Stop living in fear
- By Nike7 on 02-08-19
By: Mel Robbins
-
Can't Hurt Me
- Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds
- By: David Goggins
- Narrated by: David Goggins, Adam Skolnick
- Length: 13 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For David Goggins, childhood was a nightmare--poverty, prejudice, and physical abuse colored his days and haunted his nights. But through self-discipline, mental toughness, and hard work, Goggins transformed himself from a depressed, overweight young man with no future into a US Armed Forces icon and one of the world's top endurance athletes. The only man in history to complete elite training as a Navy SEAL, Army Ranger, and Air Force tactical air controller, he went on to set records in numerous endurance events.
-
-
Opting for the book instead
- By S David on 12-24-18
By: David Goggins
-
The Art of War
- By: Sun Tzu
- Narrated by: Aidan Gillen
- Length: 1 hr and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The 13 chapters of The Art of War, each devoted to one aspect of warfare, were compiled by the high-ranking Chinese military general, strategist, and philosopher Sun-Tzu. In spite of its battlefield specificity, The Art of War has found new life in the modern age, with leaders in fields as wide and far-reaching as world politics, human psychology, and corporate strategy finding valuable insight in its timeworn words.
-
-
The actual book The Art of War, not a commentary
- By Nemo71 on 12-31-19
By: Sun Tzu
-
You Will Not Recognize Your Life
- By: Micaela Blei
- Narrated by: Micaela Blei
- Length: 2 hrs and 48 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It’s 2006. After a string of rejections from men who tell her they could never, ever, ever see her “that way,” awkward third-grade teacher Micaela Blei signs up for a mysterious course called “The Divine Feminine,” and feels like she might have found the key to the perfect life. Turns out if you’re an A student, you can get an A in anything–including men. Pretty soon she’s learning to "conjure" her desires with vision boards, flirtations, and even a daring jumbotron viewing party for her, ahem ... "divine center."
-
-
Humor, Humanity, and the Heart of Self-Love
- By David on 12-12-24
By: Micaela Blei
-
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
- A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed
- By: Lori Gottlieb
- Narrated by: Brittany Pressley
- Length: 14 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis causes her world to come crashing down. Enter Wendell, the quirky but seasoned therapist in whose office she suddenly lands. With his balding head, cardigan, and khakis, he seems to have come straight from Therapist Central Casting. Yet he will turn out to be anything but.
-
-
It was like a hallmark movie being waterboarded into my ears for 15 hours
- By Amazon Customer on 10-01-19
By: Lori Gottlieb
-
The 6 Habits of Growth
- By: Brendon Burchard
- Narrated by: Brendon Burchard
- Length: 5 hrs and 4 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The world’s leading high-performance coach and multiple New York Times best-selling author Brendon Burchard delivers the six habits of personal growth that will help you create the life of your dreams. Forged from Brendon Burchard’s personal experiences, data from his GrowthDay app, and his many years as a high-performance coach, The 6 Habits of Growth presents the tools you need to construct the life of your dreams.
-
-
Don’t bother
- By B. Sharpe on 10-30-22
By: Brendon Burchard
-
Deep Sleep Hypnosis: Fall Asleep Instantly and Sleep Well
- By: Jasmine Harris
- Narrated by: Allison Mason
- Length: 2 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A lack of quality sleep can hinder your alertness and quality of life while awake, as anyone with sleeping issues already knows. Suffering through sleepless nights does not have to be your reality. Instead you can fall asleep fast and get quality sleep tonight and every night. Hypnosis has been used for centuries to cure many ailments, including the inability to get better sleep. You can help yourself improve the quality of your life with hypnotherapy.
-
-
put me right to sleep
- By Cassandra on 05-08-17
By: Jasmine Harris
-
The Daily Stoic
- 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living
- By: Ryan Holiday, Stephen Hanselman
- Narrated by: Brian Holsopple
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Why have history's greatest minds - from George Washington to Frederick the Great to Ralph Waldo Emerson along with today's top performers, from Super Bowl-winning football coaches to CEOs and celebrities - embraced the wisdom of the ancient Stoics? Because they realize that the most valuable wisdom is timeless and that philosophy is for living a better life, not a classroom exercise. The Daily Stoic offers a daily devotional of Stoic insights and exercises, featuring all-new translations.
-
-
Not well made as audio
- By Andreas on 12-27-16
By: Ryan Holiday, and others
-
12 Months to $1 Million
- How to Pick a Winning Product, Build a Real Business, and Become a Seven-Figure Entrepreneur
- By: Ryan Daniel Moran
- Narrated by: Ryan Daniel Moran
- Length: 7 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
By cutting out the noise and providing a clear and proven plan, this road map helps even brand-new entrepreneurs make decisions quickly, get their product up for sale, and launch it to a crowd that is ready and waiting to buy. This one-year plan will guide you through the three stages to your first $1 million: the Grind (months 0-4), the Growth (months 5-8), and the Gold (months 9-12). If your goal is to be a full-time entrepreneur, get ready for one chaotic, stressful, and rewarding year. If you have the guts to complete it, you will be the proud owner of a million-dollar business.
-
-
Good, but a Little Misleading
- By Chris Love on 11-28-20
-
How to Train Your Mind
- Exploring the Productivity Benefits of Meditation
- By: Chris Bailey
- Narrated by: Chris Bailey
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Meditation makes you more productive because it lets you earn back time. For each minute you spend meditating, you'll earn around nine minutes back, as Chris Bailey - author of The Productivity Project and Hyperfocus - will show in this candid and counter-intuitive guide to the productivity benefits of meditation.
-
-
Started Listening By Accident
- By T.D.Willis on 01-17-21
By: Chris Bailey
People who viewed this also viewed...
-
The Cost of Fear
- Why Most Safety Advice Is Sexist and How We Can Stop Gender-Based Violence
- By: Meg Stone
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Questionable advice to avoid violence, like “don’t go shopping alone,” comes mostly from the police or other men in authority. But gender-based violence is often enacted in the most intimate spheres of our lives, not when we’re out grocery shopping. To stop this violence, we need strategies that are just as intimate. In The Cost of Fear, nationally recognized violence prevention expert Meg Stone helps listeners separate fact from fiction. It’s full of practical, research-based strategies that listeners can use to keep themselves and their communities safer.
By: Meg Stone
-
American Laughter, American Fury
- Humor and the Making of a White Man's Democracy, 1750–1850
- By: Eran A. Zelnik
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 11 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Eran A. Zelnik offers a cultural history of early America that shows how humor among white men served to define and construct not only whiteness and masculinity but also American political culture and democracy more generally. Zelnik traces the emerging bonds of affinity that white male settlers in North America cultivated through their shared, transformative experience of mirth. This humor—a category that includes not only jokes but also play, riot, revelry, and mimicry—shaped the democratic and anti-elitist sensibilities of Americans.
By: Eran A. Zelnik
-
Is It My ADHD?
- Navigating Life as a Neurodivergent Adult
- By: Grace Timothy
- Narrated by: Grace Timothy
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Writer, journalist and podcaster Grace Timothy speaks to experts and those living with ADHD about what life is truly like as a neurodivergent adult, offering support, comfort and advice along the way, as well as providing the reader with tools to understand what ADHD really is. With expert help, this book will bust the myths, offer helpful guides to different aspects of ADHD and give key insight into the lived experience of ADHD, exploring the common—and not so common—symptoms and traits specific to the women.
By: Grace Timothy
-
The Narrative Brain
- The Stories Our Neurons Tell
- By: Fritz Alwin Breithaupt PhD
- Narrated by: Brian Wiggins
- Length: 10 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As humans, we think in stories—stories that allow us to feel and share emotions. In order for this phenomenon to work, our brains and the ways in which we tell stories must be attuned to each other. But how exactly does this happen? Tapping into the essence of thinking in stories, Fritz Breithaupt draws on the latest scientific research, including a retelling study (comparable to the telephone game) with more than 12,000 participants, and experiments in which ChatGPT functions as storyteller.
-
Crush
- A Novel
- By: Ada Calhoun
- Narrated by: Robyn Maryke
- Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
She’s happy and settled and productive and content in her full life—a child, a career, an admirable marriage, deep friendships, happy parents, and a spouse she still loves. But when her husband urges her to address what the narrow labels of “husband” and “wife” force them to edit out of their lives, the very best kind of hell breaks loose. Using the author’s personal experiences as a jumping-off point, Crush is about the danger and liberation of chasing desire, the havoc it can wreak, and most of all the clear sense of self one finds when the storm passes.
By: Ada Calhoun
-
One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This
- By: Omar El Akkad
- Narrated by: Omar El Akkad
- Length: 5 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As an immigrant who came to the West, El Akkad believed that it promised freedom. A place of justice for all. But in the past twenty years, reporting on the War on Terror, Ferguson, climate change, Black Lives Matter protests, and more, and watching the unmitigated slaughter in Gaza, El Akkad has come to the conclusion that much of what the West promises is a lie. That there will always be entire groups of human beings it has never intended to treat as fully human—not just Arabs or Muslims or immigrants, but whoever falls outside the boundaries of privilege.
-
-
Superb work of non-fiction
- By S. Armor on 03-15-25
By: Omar El Akkad
-
The Cost of Fear
- Why Most Safety Advice Is Sexist and How We Can Stop Gender-Based Violence
- By: Meg Stone
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Questionable advice to avoid violence, like “don’t go shopping alone,” comes mostly from the police or other men in authority. But gender-based violence is often enacted in the most intimate spheres of our lives, not when we’re out grocery shopping. To stop this violence, we need strategies that are just as intimate. In The Cost of Fear, nationally recognized violence prevention expert Meg Stone helps listeners separate fact from fiction. It’s full of practical, research-based strategies that listeners can use to keep themselves and their communities safer.
By: Meg Stone
-
American Laughter, American Fury
- Humor and the Making of a White Man's Democracy, 1750–1850
- By: Eran A. Zelnik
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 11 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Eran A. Zelnik offers a cultural history of early America that shows how humor among white men served to define and construct not only whiteness and masculinity but also American political culture and democracy more generally. Zelnik traces the emerging bonds of affinity that white male settlers in North America cultivated through their shared, transformative experience of mirth. This humor—a category that includes not only jokes but also play, riot, revelry, and mimicry—shaped the democratic and anti-elitist sensibilities of Americans.
By: Eran A. Zelnik
-
Is It My ADHD?
- Navigating Life as a Neurodivergent Adult
- By: Grace Timothy
- Narrated by: Grace Timothy
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Writer, journalist and podcaster Grace Timothy speaks to experts and those living with ADHD about what life is truly like as a neurodivergent adult, offering support, comfort and advice along the way, as well as providing the reader with tools to understand what ADHD really is. With expert help, this book will bust the myths, offer helpful guides to different aspects of ADHD and give key insight into the lived experience of ADHD, exploring the common—and not so common—symptoms and traits specific to the women.
By: Grace Timothy
-
The Narrative Brain
- The Stories Our Neurons Tell
- By: Fritz Alwin Breithaupt PhD
- Narrated by: Brian Wiggins
- Length: 10 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As humans, we think in stories—stories that allow us to feel and share emotions. In order for this phenomenon to work, our brains and the ways in which we tell stories must be attuned to each other. But how exactly does this happen? Tapping into the essence of thinking in stories, Fritz Breithaupt draws on the latest scientific research, including a retelling study (comparable to the telephone game) with more than 12,000 participants, and experiments in which ChatGPT functions as storyteller.
-
Crush
- A Novel
- By: Ada Calhoun
- Narrated by: Robyn Maryke
- Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
She’s happy and settled and productive and content in her full life—a child, a career, an admirable marriage, deep friendships, happy parents, and a spouse she still loves. But when her husband urges her to address what the narrow labels of “husband” and “wife” force them to edit out of their lives, the very best kind of hell breaks loose. Using the author’s personal experiences as a jumping-off point, Crush is about the danger and liberation of chasing desire, the havoc it can wreak, and most of all the clear sense of self one finds when the storm passes.
By: Ada Calhoun
-
One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This
- By: Omar El Akkad
- Narrated by: Omar El Akkad
- Length: 5 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As an immigrant who came to the West, El Akkad believed that it promised freedom. A place of justice for all. But in the past twenty years, reporting on the War on Terror, Ferguson, climate change, Black Lives Matter protests, and more, and watching the unmitigated slaughter in Gaza, El Akkad has come to the conclusion that much of what the West promises is a lie. That there will always be entire groups of human beings it has never intended to treat as fully human—not just Arabs or Muslims or immigrants, but whoever falls outside the boundaries of privilege.
-
-
Superb work of non-fiction
- By S. Armor on 03-15-25
By: Omar El Akkad