
Toad’s Terrible, No-Good, Very Excellent Adventure
How Not to Quest Properly
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Narrated by:
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Virtual Voice
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By:
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Joseph Santiago

This title uses virtual voice narration
About this listen
(How Not to Quest Properly)
What happens when an imp with the self-preservation instincts of a sock in a tornado, a wizard who can’t stop turning things into chickens, a ghost rabbit with a talent for bad decisions, and a knight-turned-frog who just wants some peace get tangled in a fate-woven disaster?
Well… this.
Toad, an imp with a talent for absolutely the wrong kind of mischief, has been "banished" (read: promoted) to the Mortal Realm. Osric, a wizard desperately trying to master magic without creating more poultry, has somehow become the group's reluctant voice of reason (against his will and better judgment). Sir Croakalot, formerly a noble knight and currently an exhausted frog, would really like to sit this one out. And then there’s Travisano Rabbit—Bunny—ghost, rogue, and full-time connoisseur of questionable life choices, here for the chaos and, apparently, a body swap.
Their journey takes them through haunted ruins, cursed bargains, sentient labyrinths, and straight into interdimensional creature court, where the Swamp Witch (yes, that Swamp Witch) is suing them for violating reality itself. (She’s also charging admission. Classic.)
So if you enjoy:
✔️ Dubiously legal magical shenanigans
✔️ Contracts that absolutely should have been read more carefully
✔️ Heroic nonsense
✔️ Found family, but with extra chaos
✔️ A story that is both deeply ridiculous and strangely profound
Then, my friend, this is the book for you.
Turn the page. Your terrible, no-good, very excellent adventure awaits.
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