Hello Friends!Merry Christmas! I love the week before and after Christmas almost as much as the holiday itself. Everyone is so excited and doing their last-minute shopping, traditions, eating, and dreaming of getting their pit bull in a Christmas tutu (or is it just me?), but don’t because she would eat the glittery tutu first. Gigi likes to chew and eat everything. I think a goat got involved in her lineage somehow. If we ever have a wildebeest problem… she’s our girl. But, I digress, ::: lifting up a mug of eggnog ::: enjoy your holiday. I remember as a kid having great Christmas mornings with presents piled under the Christmas tree and taking a nap in the middle of all the torn wrapping paper and bows. Then, I remember piling into the car to see our extended family at Great Granny’s house. She would always greet us with a gigantic smile, hugs, and kisses and rush back to the kitchen, where she and my Great Aunt Ruby would finish cooking Christmas dinner.She made me feel special; I always got my chocolate pie and hot dogs. When Uncle Boochie died, I was the oldest blood-male relative, so I also got to sit at the head of the table. I was nervous as all got out, thinking my Uncles (married in) hated me for it.They didn’t. They could care less… Eventually, with the passing of time and Sallie Mae’s (my Great Granny) promotion to a guardian angel, the holiday feasts at her house ceased. Add that to the negativity at home; we stopped celebrating Christmas. It was “just another day,” according to my stepfather, so the celebrations stopped for all holidays and even birthdays. No more piles of presents, naps in wrapping paper, no chocolate pies, but sometimes there were hot dogs because they were easy to make.Sidenote: my stepfather is a very different person nowadays…that journey could be a whole other book. But I can say I love him with genuine affection.Later in life, during the years believing I was “called” to celibacy, sometimes I would get invites to friends’ houses. While they were lovely and inclusive, I always felt incredibly awkward. I did try to make my own set of traditions but getting drunk while decorating a Walmart tree with dollar store ornaments only goes so far. Nevertheless, I loved my humble tree. It was adorable. It was even cute when blurred by tears.Now, in the present, last weekend, when our little family was getting ready for a Christmas party. I was drinking a Christmas cocktail as Dan finished primping, and Autumn showed off her ugly Christmas sweater by dancing around the house to the classic Christmas music playing on all speakers. The Christmas tree in the corner was lit; Dan beautifully decorated the house. The dogs were super sweet hanging out after their evening feast, guarding me as I type this; I will admit to being flushed with emotion, seeing that the Divine had arranged for and provided a family to enjoy once again. Today, I even make whiskey chocolate pecan pie in honor of Great Granny Sallie Mae every year. Now, it would be perfect if I could get Dan and Autumn on board with the hot dogs at the Christmas meal.Are You Having A Tough Time This Holiday? I UnderstandMany folks are alone or having a difficult holiday; I can genuinely empathize. However, if someone has a holiday where negative religious reasons knowingly/unknowingly burden them, I get it. It sucks. That would describe far too many Holidays in my life.At one point, I started to combat the suckiness by reviving or creating traditions that genuinely made me happy.OH yes, before Dan, Autumn, and the fur kids came along… as many hot dogs and chocolate pies as I wanted :). One year my Christmas meal was lobster mac and cheese! I loved eating every delicious bite. I had classic Christmas carols and hymns playing throughout the day, painting, writing, talking with loved ones on the phone… whatever brought peace and joy into the home.I also stopped comparing my current situation to my childhood and what others were doing. Even in the closet, to myself and others, my authentic self was aching to be expressed. In the last few years in the stained glass closet, despite not feeling complete (yearning for my own family), I did enjoy those Bachelor Christmas festivities. I chose to be grateful, to be content regardless of circumstance.And if I needed to allow the black hole of shoulda, woulda, coulda to suck all the life out of the room, I permitted myself to do that as long as I made a fun plan afterward. Usually, I would get involved in making the fun plan in my head, and the black hole of despair would stomp off for lack of attention.I hope those experiencing sadness this holiday will embrace intentional gratitude and joy. Even though my life is dreamy now, part of my heart will always be with the lonely at Christmas. So regardless of how your holidays are going, whether I know you yet or not if you need a friend on this side of the screen… Hi! Feel free to email me or private message me ...
