Episodes

  • Carlsbad Butt Clinic & Sandhills Plant Life

    Carlsbad Butt Clinic & Sandhills Plant Life
    Jun 1 2025
    Rants about colonoscopies, plant life on the sandhills East of Carlsbad New Mexico, Eurytaenia hinckleyi (Apiaceae ), Pomaria jamesii (Fabaceae), the Sierra Madre and more

    Ad-Free episodes of the podcast are available on the Patreon for $5 a month at https://www.patreon.com/c/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt
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    1 hr and 56 mins
  • Hollistic Healing Colon Cleanse in Gypsum Habitats

    Hollistic Healing Colon Cleanse in Gypsum Habitats
    May 29 2025
    Rants about permaculture, holistic snake oil, Southern New Mexico habitats, the Guadalupe mountains, gypsum dunes, and more

    All episodes of this podcast are available for $5 a month ad-free on the crime pays patreon stop whining about the ads you jadrool bastard.
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    1 hr and 44 mins
  • A Clusterf*ck of Mustards - The Order Brassicales

    A Clusterf*ck of Mustards - The Order Brassicales
    May 21 2025
    Ad-Free versions of this podcast are available for $5 a month on the Crime Pays Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/c/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt

    In this episode we talk with Makenzie Mabry, PhD, about the order Brassicales and all the cool and bizarre plants and plant families within it. We talk about the trend of polyploidy, whole genome duplication, the affinity for deserts and arid habitats, the evolution of succulents and the particular phytochemistry known as glucosinolates.

    We start off talking about the octopus plant that was recently discovered in 2020 in the salt pan deserts of Namibia, Tiganophyton karasense, and go through the entire phylogeny of the order, talking about little known families from disparate parts of the globe and why so many families only contain one species.

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    1 hr and 45 mins
  • Atlanta, Granitic Knobs, Limestone Glades, Native Habitat Project, Etc.

    Atlanta, Granitic Knobs, Limestone Glades, Native Habitat Project, Etc.
    May 9 2025
    In this episode we talk about the granite/gneiss knobs that surround the Atlanta, Georgia area and the cool plants that grow there, getting unintentionally shot at by morons at Arabia mountain, exploring limestone glades of Alabama with Kyle Lybarger, how much puke would it take to reach the confederate statue on the side of Stone Mountain if one were puking down from above, how important fire is to East Coast and Southeast ecosystems (especially for suppressing tick populations) and a ton more.

    If you're annoyed by the ads, stop complaining and sign up for the Crime Pays Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt

    Plants mentioned in this podcast:

    Schoenolirion croceum
    Cotinus obovatus
    Packera dubia
    Polymnia laevigata
    Diamorpha smallii
    Tradescantia hirsuticaulis
    Ribes curvatum
    Chionanthus virginicum
    Kalmia latifolia
    Neviusia alabamensis
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    2 hrs and 18 mins
  • Easter Brunch With Father Santore Livestream

    Easter Brunch With Father Santore Livestream
    Apr 20 2025
    A 2 hour, unhinged livestream rant about ecological succession in lawn slaughter, book reviews, the deranged texas anti-plant bill (SB 1868), and more, all done while wearing a priest outfit.
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    2 hrs and 2 mins
  • Costa Rica Habitat Synopsis Rants

    Costa Rica Habitat Synopsis Rants
    Apr 11 2025
    Episodes of the Crime Pays podcast are available Ad-Free on the Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't Patreon at: www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt

    In this episode of the podcast we rant about a myriad of topics and also discuss 4 main habitat types of Costa Rica :

    Lowland dry forest, where you can get pissed on by spider monkeys and capuchins while photographing columnar cacti growing on karstic limestone dominated by Bursera simaruba. We also talk about the dry forest oak Quercus oleoides which tolerates a 6 month long dry season and doesn't even receive that much rain during the wet season since it tends to grow on thin-soiled limestone.

    Montane Wet Forest dominated by oaks like Quercus insignis, which produces acorns the size of baseballs and grows with epiphytic orchids and bat pollinated Bromeliads.

    Cloud Forest dominated by ectomycorrhizal trees such Quercus costricensis and Comarostaphylis arbutoides (Ericaceae), a kind of habitat which also contains tropical variations of plant genera that are generally more associated with temperate latitudes.

    Páramo habitat, where it's summer every day and winter every night due to the thin air at high elevations above 10,000' (3300 m) and plants produce layerings of hairs not to protect against drought but to protect against frost and increased Ultraviolet intensity.



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    2 hrs and 32 mins
  • Mosquito Traps & Burrowing "Toads"

    Mosquito Traps & Burrowing "Toads"
    Mar 30 2025
    Rants about Mosquito Traps, Burrowing "toads" (Rhinophrynus dorsalis), Texas botanists' resistance to using scientific names, replacing windas, a new species of succulent bamboo from Laos, and more

    I recommend the hell outta the Biogents Mosquito Trap, which is a pleasant way to reduce mosquito populations in your area using a compound that mimics the smell of human sweat, attracting mosquitos, then sucking the little bastards into the netting. The netting can then be frozen for 20 minutes which kills the mosquitoes, then the mosquitos dumped out onto a sheet of paper and fed to your carnivorous plants (Dionaea, Pinguicula, Drosera, etc). For 20% off the trap use code botany20 at www.biogents.com

    Podcast are available on the Patreon for a measly five bucks a month, so quit your whinin about the awful ads (as if you don't have fingers you can use to press buttons to skip through them) and sign up, where you'll have access to see early screenings of videos, photo dumps of rare plants, free literature, educational PDFs and more at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
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    1 hr and 32 mins
  • Trans-Pecos Botany with Dr Mike Powell

    Trans-Pecos Botany with Dr Mike Powell
    Mar 26 2025
    Dr. Michael Powell is the curator of the Sul Ross Herbarium in Alpine, Texas and a proverbial wizard of West Texas Botany and Plants of the Trans-Pecos. In this episode we discuss
    how the endangered species act influenced the wariness of Texas ranchers and land owners, the current drought that Texas is in, describing new species of plants, the rock-daisies and cliff-dwellers of the Perityle clade (Asteraceae), limestone endemism among Texas plants, how to propagate Texas Madrones, how chromosome-counting was done using immature buds before the advent of PCR, propagating rare native plants of the Trans Pecos, botanizing Mexico in the 1960s and 70s, gypsophile plants, and how a single teacher inspired him to ditch baseball for Botany in the early 1960s.

    Episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon.
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    1 hr and 51 mins
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