Austin Cresap is therapist specialising in sex therapy and sex education in Seattle, Washington, and Hawaii.

In this conversation, she shared some fantastic ideas and practical tips for making intimacy easier, more playful and that takes the pressure out of who initiates sex. She talked about using a secret signal, like a coffee cup, to indicate interest in intimacy. Austin also introduced the "No, but…" approach, as a way of overcoming the challenge of mismatched libidos - a more thoughtful way to reject an act without rejecting your partner, keeping the connection intact.

For me, preparation is a big part of intimacy. Whether it’s putting on something that makes me feel attractive, doing my hair, or just mentally getting into the mood, it’s all part of the process. I also made the case for scheduling intimacy and we discussed why it’s not unromantic. As we discussed, we schedule everything else in life, so why not prioritise time for connection?

What really resonated with me was how creativity can transform intimacy. Whether it’s playful signals like the coffee cup, role-playing, or simply planning ahead, it’s all about keeping things fresh and fun. As Austin pointed out, these approaches help couples navigate busy lives and different arousal styles, making intimacy less about spontaneity and more about meaningful connection.

You can find Austin at:

http://www.icameheretotalktherapy.com

00:00 Introduction to Sex Advice for Seniors

01:54 Exploring Intimacy and Nonverbal Cues

12:20 Understanding Female Hormones and Sexuality

19:33 Cultural Perspectives on Aging and Sexuality

26:00 The Pressure of Performance in Sexual Relationships

30:10 Creative Approaches to Intimacy

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