Nine-year-olds must follow directions to succeed at home and school. Whether they are completing chores, following safety instructions, completing assignments, or showing their knowledge on tests, they will need to be able to follow directions. Though telling your child to do something may seem simple enough, the process of a child listening and engaging in several steps given in an instruction necessitates several brain functions in addition to motivational factors. Children can vary tremendously in their ability to carry out instructions.

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you can be deliberate in offering instructions to help your child follow directions. Understanding multiple-step directions engages their short-term and complex working memory, an executive function that requires practice and development over time. In the case of short-term memory, you might ask your child, “Would you grab the butter, eggs, and milk out of the refrigerator, please?” They must remember those three items as they move to the kitchen. In an academic setting, as another example, a teacher may say, “At the end of our class, I’ll give you time to take out your pencils, read the directions at the top of the page, and fill in only questions 3. and 5.” Students have to retain that information as the teacher moves on to other topics and also plan for what they will need to do when they come to the time when they have to implement the teacher’s instructions. This expectation utilizes complex working memory and can be challenging for students.^1^

Following directions can involve all five core social and emotional competencies[1] . Children may need to be aware of their strengths and limitations (self-awareness) to complete the tasks given. They must use their self-management skills to wait and focus on what’s been instructed when necessary. They may require social awareness or empathy as they work to understand the needs, feelings, and thoughts of the one giving them directions. They will use their relationship skills by listening actively to what’s required. They will also use their responsible decision-making skills to decide whether and how to follow through with a request or instruction.

Some parents and those in a parenting role may feel frustrated and even angry when their children do not follow their directions as they requested. A parent may perceive a child not following their directions as defiant or disrespectful, but there may be another reason for the behavior. There are several factors to consider when a child does not follow a direction. When faced with this situation, a parent may ask themselves:

- Does the child have the full capacity and skills to follow the directions?

- Does the child have any barriers to completing the tasks, including motivation or environmental issues (for example, a sibling distracting them)?

- Have you communicated how a child can best understand, listen, retain, and act successfully?

Building a trusting relationship can provide the foundational safety and motivation for your child to follow directions. Using teachable moments that grow your child’s skills can be transformational in preparing your child to follow directions at home and school. The steps below include specific, practical strategies along with effective conversation starters.

When your five-year-old can’t seem to remember to brush their teeth before bedtime without multiple reminders, or your seven-year-old seems to forget what you’ve asked them to do the moment they leave your sight, or your ten-year-old is refusing to go to bed, these situations are opportunities to support your child in following directions.

Today, in the...