• How to Set Right-Sized Commitments to Yourself

  • Feb 14 2024
  • Length: 12 mins
  • Podcast

How to Set Right-Sized Commitments to Yourself

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  • Summary

  • Would you love a dedicated practice of proactively setting clear goals, priorities, and commitments to yourself? If so, I wrote this for you. Most of my clients don’t have a practice like this when they first come to me. Many spend their days putting out fires and reacting to the next request/demand that comes their way. Others are in the habit of prioritizing other peoples’ needs while rarely checking in with themselves about their own. And yet other clients come to me feeling called to make a big change in their lives—either in terms of contributing more to their communities or taking better care of themselves—but they have yet to set specific benchmarks for how they’ll make their callings a reality. Without a regular practice of setting and keeping clear commitments to themselves, most people end up feeling like they’re letting themselves or other people down. At the heart of radical discernment is the practice and skill of making choices—in other words, right-sized commitments—that honor our needs. And with that in mind, I want to offer you five principles today to help you set clear, right-sized goals and commitments to yourself. To do that, I’ll share with you my version of the SMART goal acronym. Here’s how I use it: Specific Monthly(ish) Actionable Realistic Trustworthy Let’s explore each of these now. One: Specific. Here are some pointers for setting specific goals: Be as precise as possible. Instead of saying “Go to bed on time” or “Don’t stay up late,” a specific goal sounds like “Be in bed reading a book by 9:30pm every weeknight for the next two weeks and turn off the lights by 10pm.” Ask: Would this be clear to my future self? If your goal is specific, when your future self looks at it in the future, they should be able to know precisely and immediately what you meant when you set it. Catch yourself using tentative language like I guess I will… or I’ll try… or I’ll see…, ask, What am I actually able and willing to commit to?If you find yourself using language like this, edit your commitment until you can honestly say I will… or I commit to doing my best to… (fill in the blank). Decide when you aim to complete your goal, and write it down. If your goal is to engage in an ongoing practice, be realistic about how frequently you’ll practice and how long you commit to practicing for. For example, rather than committing to practicing every single day, committing to practicing daily(ish) or five out of seven days of the week can make sticking with a practice more doable. And rather than committing to doing the practice indefinitely, commit to a defined period of time like two weeks. Then, at the end of this time, check in and decide whether you’d like to continue the commitment. Two: Monthly(ish). Over the years, many clients who struggle with goal-setting have told me that they want to start a practice of choosing goals every morning. However, I’ve found that this practice often backfires. When clients set goals every morning, as opposed to goals that cover a longer time-span, they often experience decision fatigue and have a harder time discerning how to respond when interruptions inevitably arise mid-day. Likewise, some clients come to me with a longer-term vision but no shorter-term goals to help them implement it. Without shorter-term benchmarks, people often struggle to create concrete change and feel frustrated with their lack of progress. In contrast, I’ve found that monthly(ish) goals are the most helpful-sized stepping stones between what we can accomplish today and what we long to achieve in the long-term. The month(ish) is a forgiving, flexible, and yet practically useful-sized chunk of time for deciding what I can realistically say yes to and what I just do not have the capacity to get done. The precise timeline for your monthly(ish) goals may change each month, depending on what you’re working on. For example,
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