[Note: This episode originally ran exclusively at our Patreon page on August 21, 2024. As promised on the episode, since John Tavares was not signed to a contract extension before the Leafs' season began, the episode is now free for all to enjoy.] This summer, John Tavares was removed as captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs in favor of Auston Matthews. What followed a few days later was a cringy press conference at a restaurant and (predictably) a wave of even more cringe-inducing articles written by some of the stars of the Leafs Industrial Complex. Joined by actor, writer, podcaster and our friend Michael Paul Smith, we reinterpret these breathless columns in even more dramatic fashion, bestowing upon them the ridiculousness they deserve. Through Michael's emoting and our choices of cinematic music, we discover new classics such as children that don't exist (or getting used as cruel propaganda), new paths toward personal fulfillment, unfair dismissiveness, selfless acts of non-leadership and straight up lies. We also examine every excerpt and dissect just how insane they all are. Be sure to check out Michael's podcast, Ted and Michael Read Sketches Into Microphones. But that's not all. In the interest of equal time, we also speak with another friend, The Athletic's Arthur Staple, who lays out a bold and unlikely scenario in which Tavares returns to the Islanders should he hit free agency. It sounds crazy at first, but Art makes a compelling case that may make you actually want to see it happen. Just hear him out (and buy his wife Beth's book - The Snap: A Novel - available everywhere right now). Thanks to both Michael and Arthur for giving us their time and energy this summer. This is easily the best Master Leaf Theatre we've ever done and is exclusive to Patreon for right now. Should Tavares not be signed to an extension by the start of the season, we'll make it free for everyone. Works referenced in this episode: Matthews getting the 'C' with Maple Leafs was inevitable, but timing is compelling by LukeFoxJukeBox. How John Tavares handled passing Maple Leafs' captaincy to Auston Matthews by LukeFoxJukeBox. Johnston: John Tavares’ graceful exit as Maple Leafs captain could lead to longer stay in Toronto by Chris Johnston ($). Handing Over the 'C' Must Not Have Been Easy, But It's What Made John Tavares a Perfect Toronto Maple Leafs Captain by Michael Traikos. Auston Matthews is ready for the added spotlight that comes with being Maple Leafs captain by Joshua Kloke ($). This tweet by Jeff Veillette. Subscribe to our Patreon! Members get ad-free episodes of the shows, bonus podcasts, written posts and much more. Or follow us for free to get announcements and our weekly release calendar. Visit our friends: Vintage Ice Hockey for t-shirts, hoodies and jerseys with hundreds of classic hockey logos, as well as the full line of Islanders Anxiety merch. As always our portion of those sales go directly to the Center for Dementia Research. The Pinot Project has a Rosé, a Pinot Grigio and a Wine Enthusiast Best Buy Pinot Noir, all under $15 a bottle. Available at local wine stores and UBS Arena. Visit Lighthousehockey.com for the most up-to-date Islanders news and discussion. Islanders Anxiety podcasts are part of the Fans First Sports Network (@FansFirstSN). Master Leaf Theatre theme: The Lively Garden (instrumental) by Morris Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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