If setting boundaries makes you anxious, guilty, or afraid they’ll walk away—you’re exactly who this episode was made for.

In this powerful solo episode, I unpack the complicated relationship anxious attachers have with boundaries—and why setting them can feel so triggering. We explore the real reasons guilt shows up, the role of nervous system dysregulation, and why some boundaries feel more like walls (and what to do about it).

You’ll learn:

• The difference between a boundary and a request—and why it matters
• Why boundaries don’t have to be dramatic or confrontational
• How nervous system regulation plays a role in boundary success
• Common myths that keep anxious attachers stuck in self-abandonment
• Scripts and mindset shifts for setting (and keeping) boundaries without guilt
• Why boundaries with yourself are just as important

Plus, I share some of my favorite quotes about boundary-setting and walk you through how to identify where in your life a boundary might be overdue. Boundaries aren’t about control. They’re about connection—starting with the one you have with yourself.

Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:

• Read dozens of free blogs on how to heal the anxious attachment style on my website, crackliffe.com
• Grab a copy of my new book, Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment, at crackliffe.com/needy
• Explore my downloadable healing toolkit for anxious attachers at crackliffe.com/starterkit
• Learn more about the Needy No More coaching program and set up a free consultation at crackliffe.com/coaching
• Follow @crackliffe on Instagram and TikTok for tons more content on all things healing anxious attachment

Keywords: anxious attachment, boundaries, requests, guilt, nervous system, self-care, emotional well-being, communication, personal growth, relationship advice

In honor of Pride Month, I’m sitting down with therapist and author Tom Bruett to unpack how gay relationships differ from straight ones—and why so many of us in the LGBTQ+ community struggle with intimacy, identity, and emotional safety in dating. Whether you're queer or an ally, this conversation is packed with insights that go far beyond sexuality—because at the end of the day, we’re all trying to love and be loved in healthier, more secure ways.

We dive deep into the complex, often misunderstood dynamics that shape gay relationships, including:

• Internalized homophobia and the self-hatred that can block connection

• The impact of trauma, especially when you’ve had to hide parts of yourself just to feel safe
• The myth of the “relationship escalator” and how queer folks are rewriting the rules
• Why so many gay men feel alone and how attachment wounds shape that experience
• How dating apps and scarcity mindset reinforce the belief that love isn’t possible
• The importance of differentiation—holding onto yourself and your partner at the same time

If you’re a gay man, this episode will help you feel seen, supported, and hopefully a little more hopeful. And if you’re a straight listener—especially if you're in a relationship or doing personal growth work—I promise you’ll walk away with a better understanding of how identity, attachment, and emotional safety shape all relationships. So many of the struggles we discuss are universal—just experienced through a different lens.

Tom also shares tools and insights from his incredible book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men, and we talk about how to expand your dating mindset, build emotional resilience, and create space for joy—even if you’ve been burned before or doubt that real connection is possible.

Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:

• Read dozens of free blogs on how to heal the anxious attachment style on my website, crackliffe.com
• Grab a copy of my new book, Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment, at crackliffe.com/needy
• Explore my downloadable healing toolkit for anxious attachers at crackliffe.com/starterkit
• Learn more about the Needy No More coaching program and set up a free consultation at crackliffe.com/coaching
• Follow @crackliffe on Instagram and TikTok for tons more content on all things healing anxious attachment

To connect with Tom Bruett, follow him @queerrelationshipinstitute on Instagram visit his website at https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/

Keywords: Pride Month, queer relationships, LGBTQ+, mental health, internalized homophobia, dating challenges, second queer adolescence, differentiation, attachment styles, gay relationships, self-compassion, dating advice, emotional health, relationship dynamics, gay men

Is your relationship stuck in the anxious-avoidant "trap" or a cycle of pushing and pulling, ups and downs? In this powerful episode, I sit down with relationship writer Rikki Cloos (@anxiousheartsguide on Instagram and TikTok) to talk about why anxious-avoidant relationships feel so hard—and how to make the dynamic more secure. Here's what we discuss:

• 🔁 How Rikki broke up with her now-husband eight times early on in their relationship—and what finally helped them break the anxious-avoidant cycle

• 🧠 Why avoidant partners aren't “bad” or emotionally broken—and how anxious partners can unintentionally push them further away

• 🔍 The surprising ways anxious behavior can create avoidant responses in otherwise secure people

• 💬 How to stop blaming avoidant attachers and start reflecting on your own role in the anxious-avoidant dynamic

• 💖 What self-compassion actually looks like—and how changing your inner dialogue can transform every relationship in your life, by starting with the one you have with yourself

• 🔧 The art of healthy conflict resolution—why it’s essential for growth and how to make conflict feel connecting instead of catastrophic

• 📈 Why doing the work on yourself (even solo) can shift the entire energy of your relationships, whether platonic or romantic

• 🛠️ Practical tools, real-life scripts, and tangible phrases you can use in moments of conflict or disconnection

• 🌱 How secure relationships aren’t found—they’re built through emotional maturity, communication, and mutual effort

Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:

• Read dozens of free blogs on how to heal the anxious attachment style on my website, crackliffe.com
• Grab a copy of my new book, Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment, at crackliffe.com/needy
• Explore my downloadable healing toolkit for anxious attachers at crackliffe.com/starterkit
• Learn more about the Needy No More coaching program and set up a free consultation at crackliffe.com/coaching
• Follow @crackliffe on Instagram and TikTok for tons more content on all things healing anxious attachment

To connect with Rikki Cloos, visit her website at http://anxiousheartsguide.com/.

Keywords: anxious attachment, relationship dynamics, attachment theory, self-awareness, self-compassion, conflict resolution, healing relationships, secure attachment, personal growth, attachment styles, compassion, relationships, healing, communication, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, personal growth, vulnerability