In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and Erin Snow answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They consider timelines in recovery, what full disclosure entails, and how to know if your partner is an addict or just a full-blown jerk, or both.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] Is this seminar only for partners experiencing betrayal?

[3:55] How do I know if my partner is an addict or just an a**hole?

[7:25] How should I define my inner circle behaviors after chem sex recovery?

[12:09] My wife can’t get over my affair, it’s already been 10 months.

[19:50] Can I trust that my husband suddenly has no urges to act out?

[27:10] My husband says he’ll tell me anything that I ask him about. Was his disclosure incomplete?

[31:52] Do you suggest a 12-Step program for the betrayed partner? It’s not my fault!

[35:55] Can you clarify between a porn addict and a sex/love addict?

[44:10 How long does recovery take on average?

[49:19] Can recovery happen without a formal 12-Step program?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “She’s not going to believe that you’re not sexually attracted to them when she doesn’t believe anything you say right now.”

• “The action that it takes to rebuild trust takes time.”

• “You may not be enmeshed in your partner’s behavior, but you are deeply involved.”

• “What matters most is the quality of the time that you are spending on your own individual work to heal and to rebuild trust.”

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They offer resources for therapeutic separation, communication at every stage of recovery and reconciliation, and tools for practicing empathy with betrayed partners.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:24] Does my partner need to see a psychoanalyst first to get honest about his past?

[4:28] What resources are available for communication building in the later stages of recovery and reconciliation?

[9:17] How can I work to regain trust after recent relapses?

[13:35] How do I start the amends process with my betrayed spouse?

[17:43] Why do betrayers have to go to Porn Addiction 101 through Seeking Integrity?

[22:10] How can I handle my ex’s new girlfriend joining the family?

[24:30] What does loving detachment really look like?

[30:51] Can addicts and their partners heal outside the therapeutic setting?

[34:20] What is the correlation between sex addiction and OCD?

[36:41] How can I feel safe even though I have forgiven my partner?

[41:05] What tools can an addict use to practice empathy with their partner?

[42:25] What resources are available to get CSAT couples on the same page regarding key terms?

[47:00] My partner’s blameshifting and defensiveness is escalating in therapeutic separation, what should I do next?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “Stop the problematic behavior first, then address the underlying issues.”

• “I’m never in the later stages of recovery. Recovery is something I will do for my whole life.”

• “Your living amends happens when you act differently.”

• “If the worst thing happens, what are you going to do to take care of you?”

Troy Love and Tami answer participant questions about attachment wounds, shame, healthy boundaries, and the reality that an addict is always going to be an addict. It’s only how they chose to move forward in recovery that will change their life for better.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] My partner betrayed me and now we live like roommates. How can I refine myself whether I stay or go?

[6:27] How can I stop judging myself for staying?

[10:01] My wife doesn’t think I’m working hard enough in recovery. Is there a timeline we should know about?

[17:09] Will I ever be able to live my life without triggers?

[21:55] Are men and women meant to be in marital couples? It appears to be societal not biological.

[24:40] How can I engage in healthy sexual activity, without blurring the lines between the patterns of my unhealthy sexual behavior?

[30:16] I’m not sure my spouse is even sober, which treatment group is right for him?

[34:03] How can I address the pain of recovery preemptively before I move to soothe by acting out?

[38:42] My partner is still acting out and even harming others. How can I move forward?

[41:19] My avoidant attachment style is making connection feel non-exisistent.

[45:54] Has Seeking Integrity considered having a moderator who is a betrayed partner?

[47:51] If relationships are so painful, why don’t we tell people that relationships aren’t for everyone?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “Wounds need to be healed regardless of what choice you make about staying in a relationship.”

• “Every partner wants it to be all better right now, and that’s just not reality. You will always be an addict.”

• “Shame is going to unravel connection faster than anything else.”

• “We all have attachment wounds, and they are going to get bumped.”