Episodes

  • Hellraiser/ The Hellbound Heart
    Nov 7 2024

    ⏱ Jump to the Book vs. Movie Review at 46:06

    We have such sights to show you! Fresh off the torture rack- and burning up with sex appeal that only a hairless demon scorpion monster can bring- it's time to dig your pins into a VHS classic.

    Kelly joins Julia at the bar to pick up her latest kills, I mean reads. Finally a horror novella that cuts to the point- though maybe the name doesn't quite pull it off. Don't be fooled by the appearance-something dark & familiar lurks beneath. Clive Barker channels boredom into just the right amount of blood that it's almost torture to put it down. Short but sweet, the Hellbound Heart made Jesus weep.

    Jimmy isn't really falling for Pinheads plea to "Come to daddy!" Can't blame him after years of avoiding Blockbuster's version of Lamarchand's box. The scares might have just been contained to the box set cover art- but if you are down to get grossed out on 80s gore then the Cenobites are ready to please. It might be iconic but did Clive Barker get his own book a little... skewed?

    Your pleasure might not be the same as ours- but we know you'll enjoy the pain of deciding if book or movie can master your senses. Grab a chain and get ready to pull apart Hellraiser with a very leather clad Halloween episode.

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    1 hr and 32 mins
  • Dune Part 1
    Oct 3 2024

    It's time to Spice up your life!

    Arrakis might look like a dead planet on the surface but it's swimming in sweet sweet stimulants. You don't need to have visions of the future to know we're talking about Dune. It's a space opera that blends a trippy college bender with the fun of LARP'ing. Thankfully in neither book or movie you won't smell a sietch.

    Kelly struggled with her stillsuit but Frank Herbert lent her the mentat advice she needed to hear... it just needed to be said in a Bene Gesserit voice. The OG science fiction novel brought the stars to earth and established a cult following that continues to worship its prolific world-building. Sure, your mind might hurt a bit... and you'll have to read the series backwards and forwards to begin to understand what the heck is happening...but that's the fun of being a messiah.

    Denis Villeneuve showed Jimmy a whole new world- without the Guild cost. This sweeping & visually stunning film infuses the universe with the intent and intelligence it was written as. Polarizing pod favorite Timothee Chalamet delivers a Paul Atreides worth following into... a holy war? We'll have to get back to you on that one. Regardless, you'll drink up these epic performances. The movie found the way to show and tell complicated material and still entertain its audience. Explosions help the exposition go down. The film is like a ride of a sand worm... a gritty acid trip.

    So hop in the ornithopter and get that sand-walk right: It's time to find the golden path between book and movie.

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    1 hr and 44 mins
  • Murder on the Orient Express
    Aug 29 2024

    Jump to the Book vs. Movie Review at 50:00

    A Swede, a Brit and a Belgian board a train. In case you're worried that this is going to turn into an off-color joke about stereotypes... you'd be half right! So tuck your knives before customs confiscates them and join us on the soul train for a special birthday Patreon episode: Agatha Christie's Murder on the Orient Express.

    Kelly hops on board the wrong MTA line time and time again, praying she gets the simple title right. Thankfully Hercule Poirot is a more organized man than herself. With police pad and paper in hand she's made a weak effort to try and solve the murder with the detective supreme. Failing at deducing a motive from a few out of place materials, she can always disappear for a few days.
    Agatha Christie is waiting for her at the spa with the best cover story.

    Jimmy is measuring mustaches with Kenneth Branagh. A master at masterpiece theatre, Branagh brings day time mystery to the celluloid screen. Guns and romance pepper an otherwise cut and dry murder by numbers. Can a narcissist drum up the intrigue of American movie goers or will the film be laid out flat like Johnny Depp?

    Did the subject matter die by words or confusing casting? Only you can decide if we go with option one or two. So gather up all you sleuths with Jim and Kelly in Cabin 16 for a stab at solving a murder.

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    1 hr and 53 mins
  • Jurassic Park
    Aug 12 2024

    Hey kids do you like dinosaurs? Science? Being gored by an extinct animal? Unchecked capitalism? The imminent destruction of our fragile ecosystem? Ugh boring, right? But what if I told you a man gets eaten by a TRex... on a toilet? Yeehaw cue the theme song, pack your lunch boxes with Dino DNA and hop in the helicopter, we're heading to Jurassic Park!

    Kelly wasn't confident the book would be worth the price of admission but boy was she thankful Crichton was a bigger man than Spielberg. The maths all add up and the chaos in the aviary was enough to have her thinking that science could use some regulation. Social commentary is packed with action- it'll take a few chapters before the tranquilizer hits. If you agree with all of this, meet her and Crichton in the hatchery to dismantle AI.

    Jimmy is ready to take you on a tour of a park you'll never forget. So make some room for Chilean sea bass and turn over those Barbasol cans. IT's DODGSON. Spielberg proves that nature always finds a way... to merchandize a franchise. Paradigm shifts aren't just for science. This movie changed the course of Blockbuster films and has forever altered our way of seeing Jeff Goldblum.

    The science about dinosaurs has greatly improved since the 90s but not the ideologies about how we use it. Whether you choose book or movie- women will inherit the earth.

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    1 hr and 45 mins
  • Call Me By Your Name
    Jun 27 2024

    'Tis the season to go fruit picking in Italy! If you don't have a translator handy, no worries, we found the subtitles on Amazon prime... but you'll still need to know the etymology for the word apricot. It's Call Me By Your Name.

    Jim and Kelly celebrate Pride by finding a new letter on the LGBT spectrum to join them. Guest Peter Turo joins a very queer episode that celebrates fluidity and solipsism. Yet this throuple still have their disagreements.

    Author Andre Aciman proves that a rose by any other name would still be so horny. A poetic and lovingly written novel that brings adolescence and sexual awakening to eloquent heights. But is it short sighted when it comes to its ancillary characters? Can a straight man capture everything about a queer love affair?

    Luca Guadagnino knows what guys want and it's not Heraclitus. Stunning cinematography, haunting soundtracks, and unforgettable performances made this movie an instant classic. Besides who can celebrate Father's Day without Michael Stuhlbarg (and Jimmy)? But can we overlook a casting choice? Man-eater indeed.

    It's a long episode that follows an emotional and physical journey through northern Italy. We meet characters we love, relationships we hate, and ourselves along the way.

    Gay, straight, or however you may identify... this book and movie is relatable to all. Come sit in Heaven with us for a summer you will never want to forget.

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    2 hrs and 43 mins
  • Watchmen
    Jun 6 2024

    Who watches the Watchmen? Us. Duh.

    Nixon is clutching the nuclear launch codes and we took the month to anatomically put ourselves back together for this special patreon birthday episode. How could this go wrong?

    Kelly cracks open her first comic book to find a fun way to play philosopher. Is this really about masked avengers or is it just Kierkegaard in tights? We don't think, therefore we aren't sure. Challenging as a new medium can be, an expression of intellect is still not something to throw into a radioactive particle test chamber and disregard. The squid may have destroyed the city, but it won her heart. She's now on step 3 of the Veidt Method!

    Jimmy would like to fight, really he would, but from his spot on Mars... Zack Synder just feels so... insignificant. He saw all the atoms come together, but, though they might look a lot like the comic, the soul of the story just didn't make the director's cut. It doesn't take a Rorschach test to prove you're nuts for preferring the film to the comic. Or maybe you're just seeing a pretty butterfly?

    Count down the dooms day clock -and how many times Billy Crudup's blue penis is mentioned- with us. Comic or movie? It's all perspective.

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    1 hr and 45 mins
  • The Handmaid's Tale
    Apr 25 2024

    Ladies, are modern day options crippling? Do you spend way too much time deciding between which primary color to wear and enjoy the thrill of voting against your basic needs? Well do we have a future for you!

    Kelly puts all her eggs in Margaret Atwood's basket. This Canadian author wrote a long form poem that chills, maybe not thrills, but certainly instills a fear for our future autonomy. We humans need love, touch, communication, and most importantly...to read. Apparently "my body my choice" translates into Latin as "Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum."

    Civil war! Canada! Men! Clitoridectomies! The tv series The Handmaid's Tale might not have the subtle haunting poetry of the novel, but the bodies be swinging under his eye. If you don't want to delve in the cold waters of prose to understand how your human rights are at stake, maybe Elizabeth Moss' face will get you freaked enough to swear off red. Commander Jimmy certainly thinks so.

    If you're Offred or just Off-men we've got you covered. Whether you choose book or TV show, it's a perfect May Day for a revolution.

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    2 hrs and 2 mins
  • The Cuckoo's Calling
    Mar 28 2024

    It's a bird! No, it's a plane! No, it's just a supermodel swan diving off the balcony. Some might call it foul play so it's up to a British sleuth(s)and these American readers to get to the bottom of it. But first, let's hit the pub and pick up a special guest to help us solve the murder of the teleplay for the Cormoran Strike Series.

    Kelly has found a friend to help defend JKRowling's pseudonym and detective series. She'd use their pronouns but that might not jive with the author. Regardless, the book holds strong as a fun read with a shocking and impactful twist. Developed characters make for better red herrings... to not agree is plain cuckoo.

    Jimmy might not have a leg to stand on but he tries his best to pass off this Max's miniseries as watchable. If they had the HBO money daytime television could really be brought to new heights. Oh well, it's not worth drawing a hot bath over.

    Don't leave us chilling on the balcony, help us pour the piping hot tea on this special birthday episode.


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    1 hr and 40 mins