As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and helping your nine-year-old develop their sharing, collaboration, turn-taking, and healthy friendship skills is a perfect opportunity.

Children ages five to ten are in the process of learning about themselves, their strengths and limitations, why they feel the way they do, and how they relate to others. This is also known as their self-awareness. ^1^ They better understand themselves through interactions with you, their teachers, and their peers. Learning to share “stuff” in social play allows your child to naturally practice cooperation, negotiation, inclusion, communication, flexibility, conflict management, and diversity appreciation. Children utilize toys, art supplies, games, household objects, and more to exercise their social, emotional, and cognitive skills.

Yet, there are challenges. Sensitivity over ownership and sharing is expected in your child’s development. Turn-taking and sharing can be a challenge. When your eight-year-old rips a ball away from a neighborhood friend, yelling, “That’s mine!” it can cause upset in their relationship. Connecting with and caring about others and their property is essential to your child’s development. Learning how you can support their growing friendships and their taking responsibility for the care of their possessions can help you feel more competent in your role as a parent. The steps below include specific, practical strategies to prepare you to help your child through the ups and downs of growing healthy friendships, learning to collaborate, taking turns, and sharing.

Whether it’s your five-year-old breaking down because their friend won’t share their Lego set or your ten-year-old obsessing over the presents they want for their birthday, your child’s relationship with “stuff” can become a daily challenge. As your child grows, the idea of sharing transitions from physical items to sharing power in the relationship and learning how to give and take. For example, this may look like who leads and who follows in play or how your child resolves disagreements on what to do with friends. Your child’s emerging ability to engage with peers and become part of a social community is essential to their development.

Today, in the short term, sharing can create

● opportunities for your child to build relationships with others

● a growing sense of care for others

● a sense of confidence that your child can manage a certain level of difficulty

● a strong connection between you as you navigate these challenges together

Tomorrow, in the long term, your child

● develops empathy

● helps them see others’ perspectives

● shifts their focus away from self to contributing to the well-being of their community

● builds self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationships, and responsible decision-making skills

This five-step process helps you and your child through the ups and downs of growing healthy friendship skills like turn-taking and sharing. It also builds essential skills in your child. The same process can also be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process)[1] .

Tip: These steps are best when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication