Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups

By: A.J. Mahari
  • Summary

  • A.J. Mahari is a Counselor and Trauma Recovery Coach who has 34 years experience working with those surviving Borderline Personality Relationship Breakups in all relationship types, healing from codependency, Inner Child Healing, Family of Origin and Self Differentiation, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and much more.
    A.J. Mahari
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Episodes
  • BPD Triggers Explained & Why They Are So Crazy-Making
    Nov 23 2024
    BPD Triggers Explained & Why They Are So Crazy-Making

    BPD triggers are explained and why they are so crazy-making. What you really need to know about BPD triggers that so many don't realize. What is the core of impossibility with BPD triggers? Why are BPD triggers central to endless lack of taking personal responsibility or accountability that is so crazy-making? BPD triggers are affecting you and part of how you as a partner, loved one, family member, of someone with BPD are losing yourself. You must stop care-taking for the person with BPD in your life. Stop trying to get the person with BPD to see how their triggered dysregulated emotion is hurting you because they just don't get it!

    https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
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    17 mins
  • What is BPD Transient Paranoid Ideation?
    Oct 27 2024
    What Is BPD Transient Paranoid Ideation?

    What is Borderline Transient Paranoid Ideation? What does it mean? How can does it manifest for people with BPD and how can you recognize it and understand its scope and effect on you? Why does this trait (number 9) along with how it drives BPD splits to devaluation cause so many BPD Breakups and so much heartbreak for people who loves someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?

    https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
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    29 mins
  • Borderlines Just Aren't That Into You The Emptiness of Idealization
    Oct 15 2024
    Borderlines Just Aren't That In To You & The Emptiness of BPD Idealization

    Borderlines just aren't that in to you, Codependents. The incredible emptiness of BPD idealization takes a long time to understand because it felt so great and felt and was too good to be true. BPD idealization just as BPD devaluation isn't about YOU. It's about who you represent unconsciously to un-treated person with Borderline Personality Disorder. You think you can do better, give more, understand more and do it differently and that it will make a difference - Nope! Codependents also often believe that they are so to blame for why people with BPD act out, act in, punish, as you walk on the impossible egg-shells. No matter what you, as a Codependent try to do differently, promise, change, fix and so on - NONE OF IT will work because you are insignificant (for who you really are) to the Borderline.

    For the Borderline, it's all about the Borderline. You are just the "object other" that they blame. They don't actually ever get to know who you really are as you lose yourself more and more to their lost selves as they seek to use (unconsciously often) to just survive. There's no excuse for what they do to you in their attempts (all about them) to just survive, seeking identity through you but not ever seeking to truly KNOW you!

    https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
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    22 mins

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maybe not for you?

as the comment currently shown when scrolling past this podcast claims heartbreak from the way bpd is discussed, perhaps you are experiencing emotional pain from realizing that you're kind of a terrible person when going through the described cycles of behavior? If so instead of being heartbroken go to therapy and stop propagating these, basically true and honest, perceptions of those people interacting with those with the diagnosis.
use this as a test. remove the label, it doesn't matter what but in this case dbt I think. now it's just a person that will engage another individual, happily establish what appears to be a healthy relationship, and then suddenly act as if their former partner is the source of all their problems and refuse to ever talk to them again never saying why.
when anyone else in the world behaves like that they are called many things, and really, none flattering. BUT! just like the podcast says (if you listen and attempt to improve your life and thus those who try to love you rather than go straight to uhh heartbreak) going to therapy can help and one day you'll be able to be with someone without the inevitable dumpster fire that always happens. and it's not the fault of everyone else in the world, it's definitely the person with the matches and dumpster.
go. to. therapy.

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Unbelievably Negative

This is the worst podcast series ever! The speaker is extremely negative and demeaning towards BPD. I cant help but to feel discouraged, unworthy and hopeless by this series! Completely heartbreaking.

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A bitter rant about a misunderstood group

As the spouse of someone with BPD, I am well aware of the heartache and frustration that can be caused by those with BPD. However, this podcast is simply someone ranting about their negative experiences with BPD individuals, by someone who has not bothered to take the time to try to understand individuals who suffer from this diagnosis. Despite their challenges and inappropriate behaviors, individuals with BPD can also be creative, loving, insightful, and fun to be around. I will not pretend that dealing with BPD individuals is always easy, but the black & white/good & evil view of of this disorder voiced in this podcast is simply ignorant & inaccurate.

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Absolutely Inaccurate

It's people like her that give BPD a stigma. As a person diagnosed with BPD, I can tell you that this doctor is trying to sway the perception of people diagnosed with BPD in a bad light. We do know how to have a successful intimate relationship. We know who we are and our worth. So trying to be heard and understood is not us, projecting it onto our partner, rather its us trying to have healthy communication addressing normal needs and concerns within the relationship. Is it for fear of abandonment or fear of losing the relationship? Yes, absolutely. it's called trying to find a resolution to everyday relationship problems. Something healthy relationships require. So quit trying to make it something it is not. We are not dramatic. It may seem that way when the other party refuses to contribute to coming to a mutual understanding on what is borderlines are trying to address. and not all of us are violent or give the silent treatment. Some just want to be heard and understood. To feel validated. Like any human being. I would appreciate it if you did not portray us as unstable people incapable of having good relationships.

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Thank You

Thank you for your well informed and truthful discussions . I listen to all of your videos . This has helped keep me together as I try to not reverse hover my ex. He told me he would marry me 5 times always coming up with excuses and empty promises. It was my responsibility to not continually enable or stay sitting in this mistreatment. We have the power to value ourselves and take back our lives

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So helpful

AJ has been through it and really understands the pain and confusion one experiences in a relationship with pwbpd. Her advice is spot on with no unnecessary fluff and has helped keep me grounded. She definitely keeps it real.

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