As parents or those in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and helping your nine-year-old learn to deal with their tantrums provides a great opportunity.

Children ages five to ten are in the process of learning about their strong feelings. They do not understand the full-body takeover that can occur when angry, hurt, or frustrated. A sense of a lack of control can be scary and add to the length and intensity of their upset.

Tantrums and meltdowns can be overwhelming for children and the adults in their lives. Learning how to deal with anger or upset without choosing destructive responses is critical. Understanding the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown will help parents and those in a parenting role properly guide their children through these intense times. Your support and guidance matter greatly.

Even though they may look like the same behaviors, tantrums and meltdowns are different and require different approaches to handle each.

Tantrums are

● a typical reaction or outburst to feeling anger or frustration

● a cry for attention or an inability to communicate

● within a child’s scope of awareness and control

● goal-oriented

A child throwing a tantrum is experiencing intense feelings and acting out in hopes of a desired outcome. Sensory meltdowns, like tantrums, are characterized by a child experiencing big feelings, but the difference is that the child is not acting out in search of a desired outcome.

Meltdowns are

● most common among children with sensory processing disorders, autism, or other medical issues who are easily overstimulated or cannot cope with emotional triggers such as fear or anxiety

● an instinctive survival reaction to being overstimulated or feeling distressed

● not goal-oriented, meaning they are not affected by a reward system

● long-lasting

● children may never grow out of them like they do tantrums

To a parent or someone in a parenting role, tantrums and meltdowns may seem like mischievous behaviors that the child needs to curb immediately. However, it is critical to remember that these outbursts are a child’s attempt to communicate something about their intense feelings. Parents and those in a parenting role can help guide their children through these feelings and teach them skills to manage them.

Parents’ recognition and understanding of tantrums and meltdowns are essential for teaching children how to recognize and handle their big feelings.

This tool is most applicable to parents handling children with tantrums. While many of the strategies for tantrums help children experiencing meltdowns, it is essential to note that meltdowns require immense patience, calm, and presence of mind to keep children safe. There are many helpful resources for parents of children with sensory processing challenges. A few resources about sensory meltdowns include:

● The Autism Speaks website has multiple articles and information on meltdowns. A simple search of “meltdowns” in the search bar brings up numerous options. https://www.autismspeaks.org/

● National Autistic Society, an organization in the United Kingdom, has a website that also provides multiple articles on meltdowns and dealing with anger and anxiety when “meltdowns” are...