Clarity is kind

• It’s been months since I’ve shared a podcast episode with you.

• I had to get clear with myself on how I wanted to move forward before I could communicate it clearly to you.

• Post-sabbatical, I still felt drained and like I had so little to give.

• I’ve spent a lot of time feeling discouraged by the results of my podcast. But it finally hit me that even if I make $8k on the podcast, I spent $7k on the podcast.

• As I told you in January, my vision for this year is “less is more” and “simplify.” In an effort to follow that vision and promise, this will be my final podcast episode (potentially ever).

Here’s what staying in touch looks like moving forward…

• Patreon

• • patreon.com/therefinedcollective

  • You can join for $5/mo (or $5/mo if you want access to the book club)

  • We have four events each month:

  • • Exclusive video (this month I’m talking about the Barbie movie)

    • Coaching Q+A video (you ask questions, I answer them)

    • Connection call (this month, we’re chatting about embodiment)

    • Book club (this month, we’re reading Shameless by Nadia Bolz-Weber)

• Coaching

• • I still offer coaching in my shop! You can purchase individual or bundles of coaching calls therefinedwoman.com/coaching.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I feel like I start every episode with “this week’s episode, I’m doing things a little differently,” and that’s because I’m really just playing around with what feels good! Since before my sabbatical, I’ve felt lost as to what to share on the podcast. So this week, I decided to do something I thought would be fun (and maybe you’ll think it’s fun too)... an episode where I talk about five things I’m LOVING right now. Are you ready?

Resources

• Join Patreon here and sign up for book club! This month is Falling Upward by Richard Rohr.

• Go to link.primallypure.com/therefinedwoman and use code TRW10 for 10% off. P.S. if you want 25% off, follow me on IG and keep an eye out for a code on May 11th. The code will only be valid on May 11th!

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This week, we’re doing something a little different and very exciting: Kobe Campbell is guest hosting an episode of The Refined Collective with her husband Kyle (the hosts of The Healing Circle Podcast). In this episode, Kobe will be breaking down the different types of traumas, the nuances of each, and what they can look like in your life.

Trauma Myth

• We can sometimes have this perspective of “Trauma” and “trauma” where we have an idea that one is worse than the other. But that is NOT the case!

• There are boulders (acute trauma) and pebbles (chronic trauma), and even though pebbles are smaller, they become a large mass as the number of pebbles grow.

• “Our body processes emotional pain almost identically to the way it processes physical pain.” - Kobe Campbell

Acute Trauma

• A single traumatic incident. 

• This is what most people think of when they think of trauma. This includes major traumatic events like getting hit by a car, being sexually assaulted, or your house catching on fire.

• Even going through the pandemic can be considered an acute trauma.

Chronic Trauma

• Prolonged and ongoing abuse or pain.

• This might be the fact that your feelings were always dismissed by your parents growing up.

• “If your internal voice is mimicking the external invalidation you’ve heard your entire life, you’ve experienced chronic emotional trauma.” - Kobe Campbell

Complex Trauma

• A combination of acute and chronic trauma and/or several acute traumas or several chronic traumas.

• “Trauma freezes you in time… There are a lot of 9-year-olds trapped in 50-year-old bodies.” - Kobe Campbell

• Kobe’s husband, Kyle, shares his own story of complex trauma.

Resources

• Join Patreon here and listen to another Kobe episode!

• Order Kobe’s book Why Am I Like This?

• Work with Kobe Campbell.

• Join Kobe’s inner circle.

• Listen to The Healing Circle Podcast.

• Listen to Kobe on TRC ep 174 “Is It The Holy Spirit Or My Trauma?”

• Listen to Kobe on TRC ep 150 “When Is It Time To Go To Therapy?”

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mike Maeshiro is the founder of Numa, an organization that supports people in deconstruction, spirituality, and faith. Mike is gay, an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, and a queer theology enthusiast. He is a life coach, speaker and thought leader. In this episode, Mike shares his story of coming out, the beliefs that kept him in the closet for so long, and why he still believes in God as a gay person.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Language disclaimer: this episode includes explicit language so maybe listen with headphones if you’re around children.

As you all know, I took a sabbatical last fall. I needed that time to focus on my own growth and healing without having a microphone in my hand. One thing I knew I wanted to experience during my time away from The Refined Collective was a psilocybin journey (aka mushroom journey). I know there are a lot of immediate reactions that come to mind when someone hears something like that. And I know there are a million questions that you want answered. This episode is a deep dive into the 2-day guided mushroom journey, including why I felt at peace with the decision.

It is important to note that I am not a doctor and this experience is not for everybody. But I wanted to share with you what my experience was like.

My Background

• I come from a family with addiction in it, and so I have always been careful about all substances. On top of that growing up Christian—I assumed anything drug related would be an open doorway for the demonic. For these reasons and so many more, I never thought a mushroom journey would be something I’d do.

• A few years ago I started hearing rumblings of people I knew micro-dosing mushrooms to support things like PTSD, anxiety, and depression.  Out of curiosity, I started doing some research of my own.

• Three years into my research, I was presented with an opportunity to take part in a guided journey and I felt ready to do it.

The Basics

• I checked in with my therapist, my doctor, and my family. Everyone knew I was taking part in this experience.

• The experience cost $500 and was led by three facilitators and there was a doctor on the premises as well. It felt incredibly safe.

• The mushrooms themselves were put into a sort of hot chocolate.

The Breakthroughs

• I felt so held by God during this experience. I knew God was there with me and that I was safe even in the unknown of what this experience would feel like.

• There was a particular moment from childhood that came up and brought up some heavy and powerful physical reactions.

Resources

• Join Patreon here!

• Fantastic Fungi documentary on Netflix 

• How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan 

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk 

• Old episodes of TRC about anxiety 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Language disclaimer: this episode includes explicit language so maybe listen with headphones if you’re around children.

You know how when you say something to your best friend it's not as scary as saying it to an audience of thousands of people so you feel free to be completely honest and vulnerable? Well my best friend and I recorded an episode that we didn't think we'd ever share, but here it is! We really just let ‘er rip in this convo. We talk about:

• What if we gave ourselves the permission to feel anger?

• Navigating disappointment in dating

• Why is the bar set so low for men in dating right now?

• Are our dating expectations too high?

• Are we expecting our partner to meet needs for us they were never meant to need?

• How do we process our disappointment in dating without turning into a bitter + cynical single woman (you know “that girl”...we’ve all met her!)

• Why is voicing our needs in a romantic relationship so hard?

• How owning my voice in dating has been as vulnerable as it has been liberating!

Feeling Frustrated

• We share recent stories of being ghosted and stood up and how we felt about those situations and how we responded to them.

• “It feels really vulnerable to put on a podcast because I get afraid that if I’m really honest about how disappointed I am with my experience with men, being a 37 year old woman, I become the ‘bitter single woman.’”

What We’re Working On

• Tutti talks a lot about voicing her needs being something she wants to prioritize moving forward.

• I share a breakthrough moment where I sent a text to a guy who stood me up— a text I wouldn’t have ever sent before.

• What is something you are working on?

Moving Forward

• Where do you think the disconnect is in these situations? 

• How did we get here? 

• How do you think we need to move forward?

Resources

• Join Patreon here!

• Listen to Dear Diary: Am I A Good Kisser?

• Listen to Dear Diary: Excerpts from my Middle School Journal

• Keep up with Tutti on Instagram at @tuttidelmonte

• If you need a boudoir photographer, check out budoirbytutti.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

• I took a 2-day psilocybin journey.
• Expanded my dating life quite a bit including dating an ethically non-monogamous guy.
• Bought a second property!
• And more…

• Join Patreon here!

• Listen to my podcast episode about why I took a sabbatical here.

• Listen to the teaser episode I released last week here.

• Connect with Michelle Peterson here.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

• Two TRC Podcast episodes a month. 
• The rest of my live content will publish to Patreon every month where I’ll be interesting most of my efforts to cultivate community + meaningful convos.
• Each month on patreon I’ll host a live group coaching call on Zoom. The final week of each month, I host a book club (this month’s book is Caste by Isabel Wilkerson).

Resources

• Join Patreon here!
• Listen to my podcast episode about why I took a sabbatical here.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.