My partner asked me the other day, “Do you ever envy other people?” and I had to think about it for a second. His health has been a significant challenge recently and our relationship is strong but new - so I’ve been in a place of “well fuck, universe, thanks for sending me the love of my life and threatening to take him away just as quickly.” It's been a real practice in gratitude to stay in ACTUAL gratitude for the time I have with him - because I am here watching him suffer from severe pain & distress as his organs rebel for some unknown reason and his body fills with fluid. So, in some ways the answer to his question is yes. In fact, hell yeah! I currently envy all those people who take their health and their partnerships for granted. I envy his ex’s who used, abused, and didn’t covet every minute they had with him while he was healthy but instead threw the time away. As here I am picking up the pieces of their heartbreak mess as I stand beside one of the strongest, bravest men I’ve ever met. But at the same time - even though I am jealous of his ghosts, I’m not envious of them. I’d never want to be in those past women’s shoes (i.e. not self aware, actually taking for granted such a gem of a man in their life). I know that it would be nice to have been in their time and place - adventuring, dancing, living an active life - but would I have been ready then? Would he have been ready for me then? Would we have been ready then? It's best we are here right now, the people we are right now, facing this now with the strengths we both have together. In this now. I know many people who are doing really well and I’m honestly happy for them. I hold no envy or yearning to be in a different place than I am, with a different person, with a different life. I hold gratitude that I finally met this man that I can share space & time with, and just be me with, and feel safe with and give my loyalty to. Someone I can create even more love in this world with. Someone I can be a better person with, and dedicate myself to doing just that. We both share this desire to help others, making the world a better place because we were here. And I just want to enjoy our life together no matter how much time we have left. So no - I don’t envy anyone else. I do not want to be anyone else. I am very satisfied and happy in my life and I am extremely capable of experiencing and generating more joy even in the face of knowing the one who I am most attached to could leave me alone in this physical life sooner than later. Every single day is precious. We just do not have the luxury of taking it for granted anymore. There is a poem I read when teaching to empower thyself that I shall paraphrase right now - essentially it says that God is not “I was” because you cannot find any joy living in the past. And God is not “I will” because you cannot find any joy worrying about the future. God is only “I AM” because you can find all possibilities in the present. All ability to create, live, love and enjoy is here right now. So that is where you will find joy. (Sing) “I close my eyes only for a moment and the moments are gone. All my dreams pass before my eyes a curiosity. Dust in the wind. All they are is dust in the wind. Don’t hang on,nothing forever but the earth and sky. It slips away and all your dollars won’t buy another minute. Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind…” (read) “Where for I perceive there is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be better after him?” Ecclesiastes 3-22. I’m writing this podcast on May 1st, Beltane, May Day, the 1st day of summer in the ancient Celtic and pre-Celt calendars. Beltane is a day of celebration for creation, passion, fertility because here in Spring - is the TIME to start the creation process because the divine masculine and divine feminine energies are at their peak. Father Sky and the sun are perfect to send their rays and mature our plants & endeavors and mover earth’s womb is ready to grow them. She as divine feminine will gestate the seed in her fertile womb so that in a few months a harvest shall come. Two things are going on here. The earth is ripe & ready and the sun's rays are about to peak into crescendo. And the hermetic principle of gender - the universal rule that masculine and feminine energy is needed in a relationship to create (otherwise known as divine union). The holy marriage of opposites results in the perfect harmony necessary to spark and nurture creation. And now is the time for this creation. We are made in God's image - The Elohim. Elo & Eloha - divine masculine & feminine in divine union creator gods. And this is why when we are in balance both within and without we are more effective in creation. Also, now in the wheel of the year we have this peak moment to invest our ...
