Episodes

  • Episode 1: Succulent Rat-Killing Tar

    Episode 1: Succulent Rat-Killing Tar
    Aug 15 2014
    Our premiere episode. Officer Doug Eiffel, communications officer on board the U.S.S. Hephaestus Station, is willing to go to any lengths to procrastinate his work. Tasked with a pointless hunt for alien intelligence, Eiffel would much rather spend his time complaining about the station’s malfunctioning autopilot system and making sure his stash of contraband cigarettes doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. But when his instruments start picking up a mysterious radio signal from an unidentified source, Eiffel begins to wonder if someone - or something – could be trying to communicate with the Hephaestus. Plus, explosions, dangerous experiments, non-destructive hair driers, handy-dandy tips for surviving in outer space, and creative interpretations for the word coffee. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    19 mins
  • Episode 2: Little Revolución

    Episode 2: Little Revolución
    Aug 15 2014
    When Eiffel discovers that there’s only one tube of toothpaste remaining on board the Hephaestus, he realizes that a delicate situation is upon the crew. His solution? Steal the toothpaste, barricade the door to the comms room, and hope for the best. How far are Commander Minkowski and Doctor Hilbert willing to go to recover the vital hygiene product? Plus, subzero temperatures, unique negotiating tactics, hydrochloric acid, Winston Churchill misquoting, and Peter Sellers playing a Gameboy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    19 mins
  • Episode 3: Discomforts, Pains, and Irregularities

    Episode 3: Discomforts, Pains, and Irregularities
    Aug 15 2014
    The time arrives for another one of Dr. Hilbert’s infamous biannual physical and wellness checks, causing Eiffel and Minkowski to descend into a state of panic. With life and limb on the line, they each find creative ways to delay the inevitable: Eiffel through one of his patented mendacity-filled schemes, Minkowski through a very unusual discovery in the station’s greenhouse. Plus, manual resets, meditations on the effects of sticks and stones, anesthetics, the limits of anesthetics, and spinal fluid samples. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    18 mins
  • Episode 4: Cataracts and Hurricanoes

    Episode 4: Cataracts and Hurricanoes
    Aug 29 2014
    Eiffel takes a quick trip to the exterior of the Hephaestus in pursuit of a cleaner reading of one of the mysterious space transmissions. Things seem to be going well – until an unexpected stellar flare leaves Eiffel stranded outside of the station. Will Commander Minkowski be willing to launch a dangerous rescue mission to save her communications officer? Plus, air guitar solos, dramatic irony, complimentary electroshock therapy, jetpacks, and the realm of the Alpha and the Omega. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    17 mins
  • Episode 5: Cigarette Candy

    Episode 5: Cigarette Candy
    Sep 12 2014
    A mysterious illness strikes Eiffel, quickly leaving him out of commission and bedridden. It falls on Dr. Hilbert’s medical expertise to find some way to get the Communications Officer back to full health. But as the days go by, Eiffel begins to suspect that something more sinister is afoot and starts to question whether Hilbert is curing the disease or causing it. Plus, medicinal lozenges, morbilliform, the full Nick Riviera, swollen glands, and looking on the bright, sunshiny side. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    21 mins
  • Episode 6: Super Energy Saver Mode

    Episode 6: Super Energy Saver Mode
    Sep 26 2014
    The Hephaestus Mission reaches its 500th day since launch, and Eiffel is determined to make the most of the occasion. His celebration is cut short, however, when a power outage knocks out Hera and all of the station’s automated systems. The crew must find a way to get the station’s central processor back online, and Eiffel stumbles onto a new mystery in the process. Plus, homemade walkie-talkies, Hammer Horror, dance cards, Stephen King FM, and barreling towards certain death. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    18 mins
  • Episode 7: The Sound and the Fury

    Episode 7: The Sound and the Fury
    Oct 9 2014
    When Minkowski and Hera get into a fight, Eiffel decides to stay out of the way until the dust settles. But the station’s deadly mutant plant monster stowaway somehow gains control of Doctor Hilbert’s mind, and it soon becomes clear that the crew has an emergency on their hands. Can Eiffel and his dubious interpersonal relationship skills patch things up between the Commander and the operating system before something goes disastrously wrong? Plus, Olympic obstinacy, wire-tapping, the peril-o-meter, mustard, and Doug’s Swiss Ass. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    19 mins
  • Mini Episode 1: Are Space Suits Itchy?

    Mini Episode 1: Are Space Suits Itchy?
    Oct 23 2014
    Eiffel takes some time from his busy schedule to answer third graders' questions. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    7 mins