Santa Steps Out
The Santa Claus Chronicles, Book 1
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Narrated by:
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Chet Williamson
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By:
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Robert Devereaux
About this listen
Visions far tastier than sugarplums dance in Santa’s head tonight!
His generosity is legendary. He has a devoted wife, a crack team of sky-borne reindeer, hordes of industrious elves, and the love of good little boys and girls around the globe. But what unholy desires now propel him into the lascivious clutches of a certain fairy? And who was he before the sleigh and workshop, in times forgotten?
She munches on molars, summons drowned sailors to her pleasure, and recalls, sharp as a pinprick, her life as the most savage of ash nymphs. Why then is she stuck, night after night, hovering above pillows to leave coins for gap-toothed brats? More importantly, how quickly can she captivate the jolly old elf to the north?
He's huge, fluffy, lonesome, and unbearably horny. On his Easter rounds, he contrives, as often as possible, to get a grip on himself and peer into interesting bedrooms. But who in the world will throw him down and ravage him as the lovers under his gaze ravage one another?
For the answers, unknot that bright red bow, tear off those wrappings, and enjoy!
©1998, 2000, 2011 Robert Devereaux (P)2020 Robert DevereauxListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
Psychologist Loche Newirth becomes hunted when he sees a painting that opens a window onto the afterlife. An ancient order of men seeking to control the art pursue him across the world, through centuries, into madness, and beyond. The first part of Michael B. Koep's the Newirth Mythology The Invasion of Heaven is mystery, adventure, myth, betrayal, murder, and madness. Loche Newirth wonders if it was his fall: The 50-foot drop from the rocky cliff to the icy water below. Is this why he has been hallucinating?
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Good story - well written
- By Amy Q on 05-17-20
By: Michael B. Koep
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Divine by Mistake
- Partholon, Book 1
- By: P. C. Cast
- Narrated by: Lorelei King
- Length: 16 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Surrounded by old folks and even older artifacts at an auction, high school English teacher Shannon Parker never expects to find something that shocks her down to her very core: an ancient vase, complete with a beautiful painting of a goddess that looks just like her. And just as she's stealing away with her seriously suspicious purchase, she's magically thrown into the world of Partholon, where not only has she taken the place of Rhiannon, Goddess Incarnate and Epona's Chosen, but she's due to be married to a surly (but oh-so-handsome) High Shaman centaur, ClanFintan.
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Skip if rape is a trigger
- By Renee Smith on 12-11-19
By: P. C. Cast
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Darkness Dawns
- Immortal Guardians Series #1
- By: Dianne Duvall
- Narrated by: Kirsten Potter
- Length: 10 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Once, Sarah Bingham's biggest challenge was making her students pay attention in class. Now, after rescuing a wounded stranger, she's landed in the middle of a battle between corrupt vampires and powerful immortals who also need blood to survive. Roland Warbrook is the most compelling man Sarah has ever laid hands on. But his desire for her is mingled with a hunger he can barely control...
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Luscious, Enthralling & Sensual w/o being porn
- By Linda on 08-16-11
By: Dianne Duvall
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That Scandalous Evening
- The Governess Brides, Book 1
- By: Christina Dodd
- Narrated by: Karen Cass
- Length: 8 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times bestselling author Christina Dodd spins the captivating tale of a nobleman whose path crosses again with the one woman he absolutely cannot resist....
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Heroine's a pathetic doormat
- By karen on 03-26-21
By: Christina Dodd
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Storm of Visions
- The Chosen Ones, Book 1
- By: Christina Dodd
- Narrated by: Samantha Brentmoor
- Length: 9 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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When the world was young, twins were born. One brought light to a dark world; the other, darkness and danger. Their powers could not be denied, and they gathered others around them, men and women destined to use their gifts for good or evil. Today, their descendants walk the earth as the Chosen... and the ultimate battle is about to begin. Jacqueline Vargha has always run from her gift. Now Caleb D'Angelo forces his way into her life, demands his place as her lover, and insists she take her place as one of the Chosen. She flees, he pursues, but she can no longer deny her visions.
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Great start to the series
- By VJ on 08-23-21
By: Christina Dodd
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The Lightkeeper
- By: Susan Wiggs
- Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor
- Length: 11 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Jesse Morgan is a man hiding from the pain of his past, a man who has vowed never to give his heart again. Keeper of a remote lighthouse along a rocky and dangerous coast, he has locked himself away from everything but his bitter memories. A beautiful stranger washes ashore, the sole survivor of a shipwreck. Penniless and pregnant, Mary Dare is a woman who carries painful memories of her own.
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Story was wonderful. Did not like narration
- By Bette Moody on 06-05-23
By: Susan Wiggs
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She Walks in Beauty
- A Woman's Journey Through Poems
- By: Adrienne Rich, Pablo Neruda, Elizabeth Bishop, and others
- Narrated by: John Bedford Lloyd, Campbell Scott, Jane Alexander, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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She Walks in Beauty draws on poetry’s eloquent wisdom to ponder the many joys and challenges of being a woman. Caroline Kennedy has divided the collection into sections that signify to her the most notable milestones, passages, and universal experiences in a woman’s life, and she begins each of these sections with an introduction in which she explores and celebrates the most important elements of life’s journey.
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Still struggling with poetry
- By Beatrice on 01-30-12
By: Adrienne Rich, and others
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Between Wrath and Mercy
- The Divine Between, Book 1
- By: Jess Wisecup
- Narrated by: Kelsey Navarro, Sean Crisden
- Length: 27 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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After her daughter is kidnapped, Emmeline Highclere—a thirty-four-year-old mother living in isolation with memories and grief her only companion—must do everything in her limited power and divine abilities to get the girl back. Emmeline believes her daughter, Elora, is the Beloved—the conduit with goddess-granted divine abilities prophesied to bring peace to the Three Kingdoms. Because the last person thought to be the Beloved was brutally murdered by the enemy kingdom of Folterra, Emmeline has dedicated the last sixteen years to hiding her daughter and keeping her safe.
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Quite possibly my all time favorite book.
- By Emma B on 03-14-23
By: Jess Wisecup
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Bellefleur
- Gothic Saga Series, Book 1
- By: Joyce Carol Oates
- Narrated by: Xe Sands
- Length: 27 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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A wealthy and notorious clan, the Bellefleurs live in a region not unlike the Adirondacks, in an enormous mansion on the shores of mythic Lake Noir. They own vast lands and profitable businesses, they employ their neighbors, and they influence the government. A prolific and eccentric group, they include several millionaires, a mass murderer, a spiritual seeker who climbs into the mountains looking for God, a wealthy noctambulist who dies of a chicken scratch.
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Old School Gothic Literature (Not a beach read)
- By Keijon ford on 05-01-20
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Courting Catherine
- The Calhoun Women, Book 1
- By: Nora Roberts
- Narrated by: Kate Rudd
- Length: 5 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Catherine "C.C." Calhoun is determined to keep her family's estate, known affectionately as the Towers, in the family. She admits the cost of keeping up the crumbling mansion might be quickly exceeding what C.C., her sisters and her aunt can afford, but the only way to save the house can't be to sell it. Especially not to arrogant and handsome hotel magnate Trenton St. James III.
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The narration is really annoying
- By Kate on 04-08-15
By: Nora Roberts
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Goddess of the Hunt
- Wanton Dairymaid, Book 1
- By: Tessa Dare
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Baker
- Length: 12 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Lucy Waltham is hunting for a husband, but she needs some target practice. She turns to her brother's cold-as-ice best friend, Jeremy Trescott, the earl of Kendall, to test her seductive wiles on him before setting her sights on another man. But her practice kisses spark a smoldering passion - one that could send all her plans up in smoke.
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GREAT til Ch. 26 (Warning & Reason for 3 Stars!)
- By A. American Woman on 09-17-22
By: Tessa Dare
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Grigori
- Brothers of Ash and Fire, Book 1
- By: Lauren Smith
- Narrated by: Lucy Rivers
- Length: 7 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Mythological researcher Madelyn Haynes is running out of time to prove dragons are real. But she never expected her hunt for the truth would cause her to become the hunted. When the wickedly dangerous Grigori Barinov learns a mortal is onto the existence of his magical bloodline, he's prepared to do whatever it takes to stop her. But when Grigori catches Madelyn's irresistible scent, all bets are off for the strong and powerful dragon shifter and his intended mate. He'll do anything to make her his, including kidnapping and seduction.
By: Lauren Smith
What listeners say about Santa Steps Out
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Mel Dex
- 09-07-22
santa steps out
It's not this is not your normal santa story I would definitely keep out of hands of children with that said it was very entertaining.
chet Did a good job narrating.
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- Chrishel
- 09-06-22
DNF
Did not finish. The book was well written and entertaining. It's not for kids. Written by a man with a raunchy style. I listened to about an hour of it, then decided this style of story just isn't for me. The style reminds me of Animal House or Austin Powers. If you are looking for this kind of sexual humor, this book is perfect. I'm used to reading and listening to romance so it just wasn't interesting enough to me to continue another 7 hours.
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- B.McGrath
- 10-04-20
meet the revised santa
This is not the santa I grew up with or know today, but I'm very pleased to have met this version of him. This story is an adult version of some of your favorite and mist sacred childhood icons ripped to shreds and then stomped into the mud. You must gave a skewed perspective to enjoy it properly, and I did!! Horror, humor. and heat. I voluntarily listened to a free copy of this and am giving an honest review. The narrator did a great job bringing it to sick life.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Camisha
- 11-02-22
disturbing
I gave this book 4 stars because of it's creativity and performance. now I'm a HUGE fan of erotica of most types, but some of the content on this book really turned my stomach. for example: Santa shoots his load on a Christmas tree and turns the jizz into candy canes. that was all fine and dandy until it went on to describe children eating them. I know it's fiction, but that literally made me sick and I stopped listening shortly after the tooth fairy shat out dimes to put under a pillow.
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- kixfan
- 09-27-22
Really funny
I really found myself laughing at this a lot. Great story, well written and performed. Definitely not a holiday story for the kids though. Very enjoyable.
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- Anonymous User
- 01-17-21
sleep deprived purchase that I didn't regret
laughed at the cover art at 2am rocking a Baby to sleep. next day thought I had made a terrible mistake.
decided to listen at Christmas because it felt fitting.
I was entertained.
it's silly, crude and reduculous, but that's fine.
if you are looking for great plot and character development, leave now. if you want a completely brain shutting off dose of silly while you giggle at Santa trying to hide an affair from his wife, step right up
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- AmberK5
- 10-21-22
This story wasn't for me
DNF
This story just wasn't for me. I barely made it to the end of chapter one.
From the bit I did hear, the audio narration was ok
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