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50 Philosophers You’ll Regret Reading
Best Sellers
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Plotinus Shredded
- The Decisive Dismemberment of Neoplatonic Gibberish (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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In Plotinus Shredded, we tear through his Neoplatonic fever dream. The One? A vague cosmic buzzword that explains nothing. Emanations? A divine PowerPoint presentation gone horribly wrong. The Nous?
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Plotinus Shredded
- The Decisive Dismemberment of Neoplatonic Gibberish (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 10 mins
- Release date: 06-05-25
- Language: English
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Sartre's No Exit
- Other People Are Hell (Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 6)
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Ever found yourself staring into the void and wished it would at least tell a good joke? Wonder how a chain-smoking French philosopher with unflattering glasses became an intellectual sex symbol? Want to understand existentialism without developing an addiction to black turtlenecks and cigarettes?
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Sartre's No Exit
- Other People Are Hell (Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 6)
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 49 mins
- Release date: 04-18-25
- Language: English
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Lacan Sucks and So Do You
- A Friendly Guide to Language, Desire, and Political Helplessness (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 51 mins
- Unabridged
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What if your political identity, your core beliefs, and even your taste in snack food weren’t really yours? What if they were built out of language, hijacked by desire, and quietly manipulated by slogans, myths, and a Symbolic Order you didn’t ask to be born into?
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Lacan Sucks and So Do You
- A Friendly Guide to Language, Desire, and Political Helplessness (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 51 mins
- Release date: 05-01-25
- Language: English
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Nothing Means Anything (And That's, Like, Profound)
- A Guide to Postmodernism (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Finally, a philosophy book that doesn't take itself as seriously as the theorists it eviscerates! Nothing Means Anything mercilessly skewers postmodernism's most pretentious thinkers with savage wit and zero academic mercy.
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Nothing Means Anything (And That's, Like, Profound)
- A Guide to Postmodernism (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 29 mins
- Release date: 05-08-25
- Language: English
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I Think I Own That
- John Locke’s Guide to Justifying Land Theft with Polite Language (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 57 mins
- Unabridged
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John Locke: Enlightenment philosopher, father of liberalism, inventor of “natural rights,” and accidental spiritual patron of land developers, libertarians, and your uncle who won’t shut up about property taxes.
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I Think I Own That
- John Locke’s Guide to Justifying Land Theft with Polite Language (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 57 mins
- Release date: 05-05-25
- Language: English
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Kant You Not
- A Categorical Imperative to Stay Awake (Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 4)
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Ever tried reading Kant and felt your brain melt into a puddle of transcendental confusion? You're not alone! "Kant You Not" is the hilarious antidote to philosophical pretension that explains Immanuel Kant's revolutionary ideas without inducing narcolepsy.
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Kant You Not
- A Categorical Imperative to Stay Awake (Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 4)
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 45 mins
- Release date: 04-18-25
- Language: English
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Hegel's Dialectic
- Making Simple Ideas Complicated Since 1807 (Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 1)
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Are you tired of pretending to understand Hegel? Do you feel personally attacked by German idealism? Have you ever wondered if “sublation” is just a fancy word for “I have no idea what I’m saying”? Congratulations. You’ve found your people.
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Hegel's Dialectic
- Making Simple Ideas Complicated Since 1807 (Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 1)
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 14 mins
- Release date: 04-15-25
- Language: English
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Derrida's Deconstruction
- Tearing Texts Apart Because He Had Nothing Better to Do (Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 2)
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 2 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Ever wanted to sound unbearably pretentious at dinner parties? Wondered how one French philosopher managed to make an entire career out of writing sentences no human being could understand?
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Derrida's Deconstruction
- Tearing Texts Apart Because He Had Nothing Better to Do (Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 2)
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 2 hrs and 2 mins
- Release date: 04-16-25
- Language: English
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From Bad to Worse
- How Structuralism and Post-Structuralism Ruined Everything (Including This Book) (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Finally, an academic roast that's more entertaining than a faculty meeting where someone brought donuts! "From Bad to Worse" mercilessly skewers the most pretentious philosophical movements of the 20th century with savage wit and zero academic mercy.
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From Bad to Worse
- How Structuralism and Post-Structuralism Ruined Everything (Including This Book) (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 44 mins
- Release date: 06-09-25
- Language: English
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Plato's Cave: Philosophy's First Reality Show
- Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 5
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Ever wondered why a rich Athenian who died 2,400 years ago still dominates Western thought? Or why your professor keeps talking about invisible triangles and prisoners staring at shadows? "Plato's Cave: Philosophy's First Reality Show" is the hilarious guide to Plato you never knew you needed.
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Plato's Cave: Philosophy's First Reality Show
- Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 5
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 40 mins
- Release date: 04-16-25
- Language: English
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Why Did That Happen?: Aristotle Has Four Answers and None of Them Are Helpful
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Why Did That Happen? Aristotle Has Four Answers and None of Them Are Helpful is your brutally sarcastic, surprisingly educational crash course in Aristotelian philosophy.
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Why Did That Happen?: Aristotle Has Four Answers and None of Them Are Helpful
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 13 mins
- Release date: 05-02-25
- Language: English
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What the Hell: How Wittgenstein Made Philosophy Even More Confusing While Claiming to Solve Everything
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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What the Hell tears into Ludwig Wittgenstein—history's most insufferable genius—with savage wit and zero academic pretension.
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What the Hell: How Wittgenstein Made Philosophy Even More Confusing While Claiming to Solve Everything
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 34 mins
- Release date: 05-06-25
- Language: English
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No Self, No God, No Clue: David Hume and the Joy of Destroying Everything
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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No Self, No God, No Clue: David Hume and the Joy of Destroying Everything is your ruthlessly sarcastic crash course in the philosophy of David Hume—history’s most cheerful intellectual arsonist.
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No Self, No God, No Clue: David Hume and the Joy of Destroying Everything
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 3 mins
- Release date: 05-02-25
- Language: English
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Existence Is Pointless (And So Is This Book)
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 2 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Ever wondered what would happen if someone explained existentialism without the pretentious jargon, cigarette smoke, and unbearable French ennui? Wonder no more! Existence Is Pointless (And So Is This Book) delivers all the existential dread with none of the academic torture.
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Existence Is Pointless (And So Is This Book)
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 2 hrs and 5 mins
- Release date: 06-09-25
- Language: English
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Atlas Struggled
- Ayn Rand's Selfish Delusions and the Cult of Mediocre White Men (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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In "Atlas Struggled," Sophia Blackwell delivers a hilarious and scathing takedown of Ayn Rand, the failed screenwriter who somehow convinced generations of insecure men that being selfish isn't just acceptable—it's the highest moral virtue.
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Atlas Struggled
- Ayn Rand's Selfish Delusions and the Cult of Mediocre White Men (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
- Release date: 06-09-25
- Language: English
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God's Wager: Pascal's Existential Gambling Problem
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Think philosophy is boring? Wait until you meet the anxiety-ridden French genius who turned religion into a casino game.
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God's Wager: Pascal's Existential Gambling Problem
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 42 mins
- Release date: 06-09-25
- Language: English
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Marcus Aurelius: Meditations: The Brutally Honest Translation: What the Emperor Really Meant
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 2 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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This isn't your philosophy professor's translation. This is Marcus Aurelius like you've never seen him before—unfiltered, unhinged, and absolutely roasted. Our translator strips away all the reverent nonsense to reveal what the Emperor was REALLY saying.
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Marcus Aurelius: Meditations: The Brutally Honest Translation: What the Emperor Really Meant
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 2 hrs and 32 mins
- Release date: 06-05-25
- Language: English
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Stoic This: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Crybabies
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 2 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Whether you're a philosophy enthusiast with a sense of humor or someone who's tired of being told your emotions are "irrational judgments," Stoic This delivers ancient wisdom with modern wit and just the right amount of mockery.
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Stoic This: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Crybabies
- Cogito Ergo Nope
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 2 hrs and 33 mins
- Release date: 06-04-25
- Language: English
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Voltaire’s Mic Drop
- How a Skinny French Troll Invented Snark and Accidentally Enlightened Europe (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 1 hr and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Meet history's original keyboard warrior—except with quills, imprisonment, and better one-liners.
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Voltaire’s Mic Drop
- How a Skinny French Troll Invented Snark and Accidentally Enlightened Europe (Cogito Ergo Nope)
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 1 hr and 31 mins
- Release date: 05-30-25
- Language: English
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Foucault’s Power: Knowledge Is Power, Obscurity Is Apparently Also Power
- Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 3
- By: Sophia Blackwell
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Length: 2 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Foucault's Power is the antidote to pretentious philosophical obscurity you've been waiting for. This irreverent guide takes you on a sarcasm-soaked journey through Michel Foucault's most influential ideas....
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Foucault’s Power: Knowledge Is Power, Obscurity Is Apparently Also Power
- Cogito Ergo Nope, Book 3
- Narrated by: Benjamin Powell
- Series: Cogito Ergo Nope
- Length: 2 hrs and 33 mins
- Release date: 04-17-25
- Language: English
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