
Chickens Are Not Pets
A Kid's-Eye View of a Shattered American Dream
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed

Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $6.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Joseph Bevilacqua
-
By:
-
John Owens
About this listen
Growing up isn't easy. But in this collection of stories by John Owens, childhood is a hilarious, insightful flashback packed with joyfully offbeat characters and you-can't-make-this-up experiences. At the same time, the audiobook explores the disturbing frailty of the American dream and how it can devastate families.
Author of the critically acclaimed best-seller Confessions of a Bad Teacher, John takes listeners to his own youth in suburban Long Island. With his quirky family and his own oddball fat-kid ADHD personality, it is a world of eating raw Duncan Hines cake mixes and begrudgingly collecting pennies for UNICEF, as well as watered-down soup, hand-me-down square-dancing boots, pocket-sized false teeth, and, yes, chickens. Lots and lots of chickens.
John's youthful turn at poultry farming, along with other peculiar exploits both in and out of the backyard, taught the author many valuable life lessons, with which listeners will readily identify.
Wrapped in all of these laugh-out-loud adventures are family tragedy and pain. In all, Chickens Are Not Pets is a brutally honest and soul-baring celebration of childhood. Not just John's, but the listener's, too.
©2018 John Owens (P)2018 John OwensListeners also enjoyed...
-
Ship the Kids on Ahead
- By: Bill Stokes
- Narrated by: Sean Runnette, James Foster, Stefan Rudnicki, and others
- Length: 3 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
We all have that one older funny family member. You know the one, he tells stories from his experiences and usually has people rolling their eyes. William Stokes is that person! He presents a delightful collection of memories that are truly life lessons even today! Stokes, through his memories and wit, provides opportunities to learn through laughter, sharing of memories and love.
-
-
Different and fun
- By erobbins33 on 09-20-16
By: Bill Stokes
-
The Glass Castle
- A Memoir
- By: Jeannette Walls
- Narrated by: Jeannette Walls
- Length: 10 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jeannette Walls grew up with parents whose ideals and stubborn nonconformity were both their curse and their salvation. Rex and Rose Mary Walls had four children. In the beginning, they lived like nomads, moving among Southwest desert towns, camping in the mountains. Rex was a charismatic, brilliant man who, when sober, captured his children's imagination. Rose Mary painted and wrote and couldn't stand the responsibility of providing for her family; she called herself an "excitement addict."
-
-
What's normal?
- By Kmrsy on 11-30-13
By: Jeannette Walls
-
Uncommon Type
- Some Stories
- By: Tom Hanks
- Narrated by: Tom Hanks
- Length: 10 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A collection of 17 wonderful short stories showing that two-time Oscar winner Tom Hanks is as talented a writer as he is an actor. The short stories are surprising, intelligent, heartwarming, and, for the millions and millions of Tom Hanks fans, an absolute must-have!
-
-
Old fashioned romp of stories, some real gems!
- By Lili on 11-13-17
By: Tom Hanks
-
Naked
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris, Amy Sedaris
- Length: 3 hrs and 4 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Welcome to the hilarious, strange, elegiac, outrageous world of David Sedaris. In Naked, Sedaris turns the current mania for the memoir on its proverbial ear, mining the exceedingly rich terrain of his life, his family, and his unique worldview, a sensibility at once take-no-prisoners sharp and deeply charitable.
-
-
Not the whole book
- By Gabriela on 03-09-13
By: David Sedaris
-
The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid
- A Memoir
- By: Bill Bryson
- Narrated by: Bill Bryson
- Length: 7 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Bill Bryson was born in the middle of the American century, 1951, in the middle of the United States, Des Moines, Iowa, in the middle of the largest generation in American history, the baby boomers. As one of the best and funniest writers alive, his is perfectly positioned to mine his memories of a totally all-American childhood for 24-carat memoir gold. Like millions of his generational peers, Bill Bryson grew up with a rich fantasy life as a superhero.
-
-
Fun, but not for squeamish
- By David on 11-30-06
By: Bill Bryson
-
Blood, Bones & Butter
- The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef
- By: Gabrielle Hamilton
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Hamilton
- Length: 10 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Before Gabrielle Hamilton opened her acclaimed New York restaurant Prune, she spent 20 fierce, hard-living years trying to find purpose and meaning in her life. Above all she sought family, particularly the thrill and the magnificence of the one from her childhood that, in her adult years, eluded her. Hamilton’s ease and comfort in a kitchen were instilled in her at an early age when her parents hosted grand parties, often for more than 100 friends and neighbors. The smells of spit-roasted lamb, apple wood smoke, and rosemary garlic marinade became necessary to her.
-
-
A Little Prickly--But Yummy
- By Mel on 03-11-12
-
Ship the Kids on Ahead
- By: Bill Stokes
- Narrated by: Sean Runnette, James Foster, Stefan Rudnicki, and others
- Length: 3 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
We all have that one older funny family member. You know the one, he tells stories from his experiences and usually has people rolling their eyes. William Stokes is that person! He presents a delightful collection of memories that are truly life lessons even today! Stokes, through his memories and wit, provides opportunities to learn through laughter, sharing of memories and love.
-
-
Different and fun
- By erobbins33 on 09-20-16
By: Bill Stokes
-
The Glass Castle
- A Memoir
- By: Jeannette Walls
- Narrated by: Jeannette Walls
- Length: 10 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jeannette Walls grew up with parents whose ideals and stubborn nonconformity were both their curse and their salvation. Rex and Rose Mary Walls had four children. In the beginning, they lived like nomads, moving among Southwest desert towns, camping in the mountains. Rex was a charismatic, brilliant man who, when sober, captured his children's imagination. Rose Mary painted and wrote and couldn't stand the responsibility of providing for her family; she called herself an "excitement addict."
-
-
What's normal?
- By Kmrsy on 11-30-13
By: Jeannette Walls
-
Uncommon Type
- Some Stories
- By: Tom Hanks
- Narrated by: Tom Hanks
- Length: 10 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A collection of 17 wonderful short stories showing that two-time Oscar winner Tom Hanks is as talented a writer as he is an actor. The short stories are surprising, intelligent, heartwarming, and, for the millions and millions of Tom Hanks fans, an absolute must-have!
-
-
Old fashioned romp of stories, some real gems!
- By Lili on 11-13-17
By: Tom Hanks
-
Naked
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris, Amy Sedaris
- Length: 3 hrs and 4 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Welcome to the hilarious, strange, elegiac, outrageous world of David Sedaris. In Naked, Sedaris turns the current mania for the memoir on its proverbial ear, mining the exceedingly rich terrain of his life, his family, and his unique worldview, a sensibility at once take-no-prisoners sharp and deeply charitable.
-
-
Not the whole book
- By Gabriela on 03-09-13
By: David Sedaris
-
The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid
- A Memoir
- By: Bill Bryson
- Narrated by: Bill Bryson
- Length: 7 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Bill Bryson was born in the middle of the American century, 1951, in the middle of the United States, Des Moines, Iowa, in the middle of the largest generation in American history, the baby boomers. As one of the best and funniest writers alive, his is perfectly positioned to mine his memories of a totally all-American childhood for 24-carat memoir gold. Like millions of his generational peers, Bill Bryson grew up with a rich fantasy life as a superhero.
-
-
Fun, but not for squeamish
- By David on 11-30-06
By: Bill Bryson
-
Blood, Bones & Butter
- The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef
- By: Gabrielle Hamilton
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Hamilton
- Length: 10 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Before Gabrielle Hamilton opened her acclaimed New York restaurant Prune, she spent 20 fierce, hard-living years trying to find purpose and meaning in her life. Above all she sought family, particularly the thrill and the magnificence of the one from her childhood that, in her adult years, eluded her. Hamilton’s ease and comfort in a kitchen were instilled in her at an early age when her parents hosted grand parties, often for more than 100 friends and neighbors. The smells of spit-roasted lamb, apple wood smoke, and rosemary garlic marinade became necessary to her.
-
-
A Little Prickly--But Yummy
- By Mel on 03-11-12
-
Riddles, Brain Teasers, and Trick Questions for Kids
- A Fun Book of Questions for You and Your Friends!
- By: Harold Foster
- Narrated by: Kaeomakana Tiwanak
- Length: 3 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This kids’ audiobook is a collection of more than 300 brain-teasing riddles, trick questions, and puzzles for kids. Their purpose is to make children think and stretch their minds. They are designed to test logic, lateral thinking, as well as memory and to engage the brain in seeing patterns and connections between different things and circumstances.
-
-
My son is happy.
- By Melvin on 01-28-20
By: Harold Foster
-
Lake Wobegon Days
- By: Garrison Keillor
- Narrated by: Garrison Keillor
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Garrison Keillor is the consummate storyteller, gifted with the rare ability, both in print and in performance, to hold an audience spellbound with his tales of ordinary people whose lives contain extraordinary moments of humor, tenderness, and grace. This exclusive recording of Garrison Keillor reading a carefully edited abridgement of the book also includes a few segments taken from live performances recorded during a fundraising tour for public radio stations in 1985.
-
-
A great shot of Garrison Keillor...
- By MrGee on 08-28-05
By: Garrison Keillor
-
My Southern Journey
- True Stories from the Heart of the South
- By: Rick Bragg
- Narrated by: Rick Bragg
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From celebrated New York Times best-selling author and winner of the Pulitzer Prize Rick Bragg comes a poignant and wryly funny collection of essays on life in the South. Keenly observed and written with his insightful and deadpan sense of humor, Bragg explores enduring Southern truths about home, place, spirit, table, and the regions' varied geographies, including his native Alabama, Cajun country, and the Gulf Coast.
-
-
Brushed Words
- By Tina M. on 10-16-15
By: Rick Bragg
-
Miller's Valley
- A Novel
- By: Anna Quindlen
- Narrated by: Brittany Pressley
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As a young girl in Miller's Valley, an ordinary farming town that may be facing its final days, Mimi is observing adults, selling corn, growing up and changing, and watching the world around her change, too. As the years go by, the unthinkable starts to seem inevitable. Anna Quindlen's novel takes us through the changing eras of Mimi and her family, as secrets are revealed, and the heartbreaks of growing up and falling in love with the wrong man are overcome.
-
-
Quietly engaging
- By Taryn on 01-07-17
By: Anna Quindlen
-
Give a Girl a Knife
- A Memoir
- By: Amy Thielen
- Narrated by: Amy Thielen
- Length: 10 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Before Amy Thielen frantically plated rings of truffled potatoes in some of New York City's finest kitchens - for chefs David Bouley, Daniel Boulud, and Jean-Georges Vongerichten - she grew up in a northern Minnesota town home to the nation's largest French fry factory, the headwaters of the fast food nation, with a mother whose generous cooking dripped with tenderness, drama, and an overabundance of butter.
-
-
Brings me back to my Midwest roots
- By Eric on 01-02-18
By: Amy Thielen
-
Truck
- A Love Story
- By: Michael Perry
- Narrated by: Michael Perry
- Length: 10 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The author of Population: 485 returns, delivering a truckload of humor, heart, and...gardening tips? Think Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, complete with stock cars, sexy vegetables, and a laugh track. "All I wanted to do was fix my old pickup truck," says Michael Perry. "That, and plant my garden. Then I met this woman...." Truck: A Love Story recounts a year in which Perry struggles to grow his own food, live peaceably with his neighbors, and sort out his love life.
-
-
Everything I needed!!
- By ALW on 02-11-22
By: Michael Perry
-
Stealing Buddha's Dinner
- By: Bich Minh Nguyen
- Narrated by: Alice H. Kennedy
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As a Vietnamese girl coming of age in Grand Rapids, Michigan, Bich Nguyen is filled with a rapacious hunger for American identity. In the pre-PC-era Midwest, where the devoutly Christian blond-haired, blue-eyed Jennifers and Tiffanys reign supreme, the barely conscious desire to belong transmutes into a passion for American food.
-
-
Don't both
- By Sindi on 04-18-10
By: Bich Minh Nguyen
-
Onions in the Stew
- By: Betty MacDonald
- Narrated by: Heather Henderson
- Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The author recalls episodes of love and humor from her experiences living on Vashon Island in Puget Sound.
-
-
A humorous tale of island living!
- By DabOfDarkness on 03-26-17
By: Betty MacDonald
-
Wobegon Boy
- By: Garrison Keillor
- Narrated by: Garrison Keillor
- Length: 5 hrs and 36 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the millions of listeners who follow the tales of Lake Wobegon and A Prairie Home Companion every Saturday night on public radio, and for fans of Garrison Keillor's literary take on life in our times, this audiobook will be most welcome.
-
-
This Book Makes you Think
- By Lynda on 02-06-05
By: Garrison Keillor
-
Back to the Prairie
- A Home Remade, a Life Rediscovered
- By: Melissa Gilbert, Timothy Busfield
- Narrated by: Melissa Gilbert
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Known for her childhood role as Laura Ingalls Wilder on the classic NBC show Little House on the Prairie, Melissa Gilbert has spent nearly her entire life in Hollywood. From Dancing with the Stars to a turn in politics, she is always on the lookout for her next project. She just had no idea that her latest one would be completely life changing. When her husband introduces her to the wilds of rural Michigan, Melissa begins to fall back in love with nature. And when work takes them to New York, they find a rustic cottage in the Catskill Mountains to call home.
-
-
Disappointing
- By Amazon Customer on 05-18-22
By: Melissa Gilbert, and others
-
The Egg and I
- By: Betty MacDonald
- Narrated by: Heather Henderson
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Betty MacDonald married a marine and moved to a small chicken farm on the Olympic Peninsula in Washington State, she was largely unprepared for the rigors of life in the wild. With no running water, no electricity, a house in need of constant repair, and days that ran from four in the morning to nine at night, the MacDonalds had barely a moment to put their feet up and relax. And then came the children. Yet through every trial and pitfall - through chaos and catastrophe - this indomitable family somehow, mercifully, never lost its sense of humor.
-
-
Oh, I remember those August canning days.
- By Jean on 08-25-15
By: Betty MacDonald
-
The Dirty Life
- On Farming, Food, and Love
- By: Kristin Kimball
- Narrated by: Kristin Kimball
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Kristin Kimball left New York City to interview a dynamic young farmer named Mark, her world changed. On an impulse, she shed her city self and started a new farm with him on 500 acres near Lake Champlain. The Dirty Life is the captivating chronicle of the couple’s first year on Essex Farm, from the cold North Country winter through their harvest-season wedding in the loft of the barn.
-
-
I have mixed feelings about this one...
- By Maria on 01-01-20
By: Kristin Kimball