
I Can't Date Jesus
Love, Sex, Family, Race, and Other Reasons I've Put My Faith in Beyoncé
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed

Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $14.99
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Michael Arceneaux
About this listen
New York Times best seller
Featured as one of summer’s most anticipated books by the Los Angeles Times, Vogue, Vulture, Entertainment Weekly, ELLE, Buzzfeed, and Bitch Media
From the author of I Don’t Want to Die Poor and in the style of New York Times best sellers You Can’t Touch My Hair, Bad Feminist, and I’m Judging You, a timely collection of alternately hysterical and soul‑searching essays about what it is like to grow up as a creative, sensitive Black man in a world that constantly tries to deride and diminish your humanity.
It hasn’t been easy being Michael Arceneaux.
Equality for LGBTQ people has come a long way and all, but voices of persons of color within the community are still often silenced, and being Black in America is...well, have you watched the news?
With the characteristic wit and candor that have made him one of today’s boldest writers on social issues, I Can’t Date Jesus is Michael Arceneaux’s impassioned, forthright, and refreshing look at minority life in today’s America. Leaving no bigoted or ignorant stone unturned, he describes his journey in learning to embrace his identity when the world told him to do the opposite.
He eloquently writes about coming out to his mother; growing up in Houston, Texas; being approached for the priesthood; his obstacles in embracing intimacy that occasionally led to unfortunate fights with fire ants and maybe fleas; and the persistent challenges of young people who feel marginalized and denied the chance to pursue their dreams.
Perfect for fans of David Sedaris, Samantha Irby, and Phoebe Robinson, I Can’t Date Jesus tells us - without apologies - what it’s like to be outspoken and brave in a divisive world.
©2018 Michael Arceneaux. All rights reserved. (P)2018 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.Listeners also enjoyed...
-
I Don't Want to Die Poor
- By: Michael Arceneaux
- Narrated by: Michael Arceneaux
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
I Don’t Want to Die Poor is an unforgettable and relatable examination about what it’s like leading a life that often feels out of your control. But in Michael’s voice that’s “as joyful as he is shrewd” (BuzzFeed), these razor-sharp essays will still manage to make you laugh and remind you that you’re not alone in this often intimidating journey.
-
-
Amazing
- By April Walker on 04-09-20
-
All Boys Aren't Blue
- A Memoir-Manifesto
- By: George M. Johnson
- Narrated by: George M. Johnson
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the memories of getting his teeth kicked out by bullies at age five, to flea marketing with his loving grandmother, to his first sexual relationships, this young-adult memoir weaves together the trials and triumphs faced by Black queer boys. Both a primer for teens eager to be allies as well as a reassuring testimony for young queer men of color, All Boys Aren't Blue covers topics such as gender identity, toxic masculinity, brotherhood, family, structural marginalization, consent, and Black joy.
-
-
This book is everything!
- By Anonymous User on 06-24-20
-
The Woman in Me
- By: Britney Spears
- Narrated by: Michelle Williams, Britney Spears - introduction
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In June 2021, the whole world was listening as Britney Spears spoke in open court. The impact of sharing her voice—her truth—was undeniable, and it changed the course of her life and the lives of countless others. The Woman in Me reveals for the first time her incredible journey—and the strength at the core of one of the greatest performers in pop music history. Written with remarkable candor and humor, Spears’s groundbreaking book illuminates the enduring power of music and love—and the importance of a woman telling her own story, on her own terms, at last.
-
-
Lack of transparency
- By Lori K on 10-31-23
By: Britney Spears
-
Hunger
- A Memoir of (My) Body
- By: Roxane Gay
- Narrated by: Roxane Gay
- Length: 5 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In her phenomenally popular essays and long-running Tumblr blog, Roxane Gay has written with intimacy and sensitivity about food and body, using her own emotional and psychological struggles as a means of exploring our shared anxieties over pleasure, consumption, appearance, and health. As a woman who describes her own body as "wildly undisciplined", Roxane understands the tension between desire and denial, between self-comfort and self-care.
-
-
Dark, thought provoking, sometimes frustrating
- By River Holmes-miller on 06-21-17
By: Roxane Gay
-
The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl
- By: Issa Rae
- Narrated by: Issa Rae
- Length: 5 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
"My name is 'J' and I'm awkward--and Black. Someone once told me those were the two worst things anyone could be. That someone was right. Where do I start?" Being an introvert in a world that glorifies cool isn't easy. But when Issa Rae, the creator of the Shorty Award-winning hit series The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, is that introvert--whether she's navigating love, work, friendships, or rapping--it sure is entertaining.
-
-
Loved
- By Jamila on 02-25-15
By: Issa Rae
-
Hood Feminism
- Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot
- By: Mikki Kendall
- Narrated by: Mikki Kendall
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Today's feminist movement has a glaring blind spot, and paradoxically, it is women. Mainstream feminists rarely talk about meeting basic needs as a feminist issue, argues Mikki Kendall, but food insecurity, access to quality education, safe neighborhoods, a living wage, and medical care are all feminist issues. All too often, however, the focus is not on basic survival for the many, but on increasing privilege for the few. Author Mikki Kendall takes aim at the legitimacy of the modern feminist movement arguing that it has chronically failed to address the needs of all but a few women.
-
-
I Learned So Much!!!
- By Rebecca on 06-13-20
By: Mikki Kendall
-
I Don't Want to Die Poor
- By: Michael Arceneaux
- Narrated by: Michael Arceneaux
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
I Don’t Want to Die Poor is an unforgettable and relatable examination about what it’s like leading a life that often feels out of your control. But in Michael’s voice that’s “as joyful as he is shrewd” (BuzzFeed), these razor-sharp essays will still manage to make you laugh and remind you that you’re not alone in this often intimidating journey.
-
-
Amazing
- By April Walker on 04-09-20
-
All Boys Aren't Blue
- A Memoir-Manifesto
- By: George M. Johnson
- Narrated by: George M. Johnson
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the memories of getting his teeth kicked out by bullies at age five, to flea marketing with his loving grandmother, to his first sexual relationships, this young-adult memoir weaves together the trials and triumphs faced by Black queer boys. Both a primer for teens eager to be allies as well as a reassuring testimony for young queer men of color, All Boys Aren't Blue covers topics such as gender identity, toxic masculinity, brotherhood, family, structural marginalization, consent, and Black joy.
-
-
This book is everything!
- By Anonymous User on 06-24-20
-
The Woman in Me
- By: Britney Spears
- Narrated by: Michelle Williams, Britney Spears - introduction
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In June 2021, the whole world was listening as Britney Spears spoke in open court. The impact of sharing her voice—her truth—was undeniable, and it changed the course of her life and the lives of countless others. The Woman in Me reveals for the first time her incredible journey—and the strength at the core of one of the greatest performers in pop music history. Written with remarkable candor and humor, Spears’s groundbreaking book illuminates the enduring power of music and love—and the importance of a woman telling her own story, on her own terms, at last.
-
-
Lack of transparency
- By Lori K on 10-31-23
By: Britney Spears
-
Hunger
- A Memoir of (My) Body
- By: Roxane Gay
- Narrated by: Roxane Gay
- Length: 5 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In her phenomenally popular essays and long-running Tumblr blog, Roxane Gay has written with intimacy and sensitivity about food and body, using her own emotional and psychological struggles as a means of exploring our shared anxieties over pleasure, consumption, appearance, and health. As a woman who describes her own body as "wildly undisciplined", Roxane understands the tension between desire and denial, between self-comfort and self-care.
-
-
Dark, thought provoking, sometimes frustrating
- By River Holmes-miller on 06-21-17
By: Roxane Gay
-
The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl
- By: Issa Rae
- Narrated by: Issa Rae
- Length: 5 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
"My name is 'J' and I'm awkward--and Black. Someone once told me those were the two worst things anyone could be. That someone was right. Where do I start?" Being an introvert in a world that glorifies cool isn't easy. But when Issa Rae, the creator of the Shorty Award-winning hit series The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, is that introvert--whether she's navigating love, work, friendships, or rapping--it sure is entertaining.
-
-
Loved
- By Jamila on 02-25-15
By: Issa Rae
-
Hood Feminism
- Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot
- By: Mikki Kendall
- Narrated by: Mikki Kendall
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Today's feminist movement has a glaring blind spot, and paradoxically, it is women. Mainstream feminists rarely talk about meeting basic needs as a feminist issue, argues Mikki Kendall, but food insecurity, access to quality education, safe neighborhoods, a living wage, and medical care are all feminist issues. All too often, however, the focus is not on basic survival for the many, but on increasing privilege for the few. Author Mikki Kendall takes aim at the legitimacy of the modern feminist movement arguing that it has chronically failed to address the needs of all but a few women.
-
-
I Learned So Much!!!
- By Rebecca on 06-13-20
By: Mikki Kendall
-
Boys Come First
- By: Aaron Foley
- Narrated by: Jelani Alladin
- Length: 8 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Suddenly jobless and single after a devastating layoff and a breakup with his cheating ex, advertising copywriter Dominick Gibson flees his life in Hell's Kitchen to try to get back on track in his hometown of Detroit. He’s got one objective—exit the shallow dating pool ASAP and get married by 35—and the deadline’s approaching fast.
-
-
Boys Come First
- By Renard on 12-17-24
By: Aaron Foley
-
Feeding the Soul (Because It's My Business)
- Finding Our Way to Joy, Love, and Freedom
- By: Tabitha Brown
- Narrated by: Tabitha Brown
- Length: 5 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tabitha Brown's path to stardom was a long and winding one. For years she pursued acting while raising a family and dealing with undiagnosed chronic autoimmune pain. Before she became vegan, her condition made her believe she wouldn't live to see forty. Now she's one of the most popular personalities in the world, with millions of followers on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook whom she inspires to live and eat well with her blend of homespun wisdom and delicious home cooking. With her relatable personality and health struggles, Tabitha connects with a good story and gentle hand.
-
-
Honey Verrrry Good Auntie Tab!!!!
- By Desiree on 09-29-21
By: Tabitha Brown
-
You Are Your Best Thing
- Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience
- By: Tarana Burke, Brené Brown
- Narrated by: Tarana Burke, Brené Brown, the Contributors, and others
- Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tarana Burke and Dr. Brené Brown bring together a dynamic group of Black writers, organizers, artists, academics, and cultural figures to discuss the topics the two have dedicated their lives to understanding and teaching: vulnerability and shame resilience.
-
-
Listen up...
- By HeyJude on 04-29-21
By: Tarana Burke, and others
-
Poverty, by America
- By: Matthew Desmond
- Narrated by: Dion Graham
- Length: 5 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The United States, the richest country on earth, has more poverty than any other advanced democracy. Why? Why does this land of plenty allow one in every eight of its children to go without basic necessities, permit scores of its citizens to live and die on the streets, and authorize its corporations to pay poverty wages?
-
-
A testimonial based on facts and witness
- By Alonzo Nightjar on 03-27-23
By: Matthew Desmond
-
Will
- By: Will Smith, Mark Manson
- Narrated by: Will Smith
- Length: 16 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
One of the most dynamic and globally recognized entertainment forces of our time opens up fully about his life, in a brave and inspiring book that traces his learning curve to a place where outer success, inner happiness, and human connection are aligned. Along the way, Will tells the story in full of one of the most amazing rides through the worlds of music and film that anyone has ever had.
-
-
Will sure loves Will
- By Kejeco on 11-18-21
By: Will Smith, and others
-
Beyond the Wand
- The Magic and Mayhem of Growing Up a Wizard
- By: Tom Felton
- Narrated by: Tom Felton
- Length: 6 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tom Felton’s adolescence was anything but ordinary. His early rise to fame in beloved films like The Borrowers catapulted him into the limelight, but nothing could prepare him for what was to come after he landed the iconic role of the Draco Malfoy, the bleached blonde villain of the Harry Potter movies. For the next ten years, he was at the center of a huge pop culture phenomenon and yet, in between filming, he would go back to being a normal teenager trying to fit into a normal school. Speaking with great candor and his signature humor, Tom shares his experience.
-
-
So enjoyable
- By Lisa Suit on 10-22-22
By: Tom Felton
-
Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
-
-
Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
-
She Memes Well
- By: Quinta Brunson
- Narrated by: Quinta Brunson
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From comedian Quinta Brunson (creator and star of Abbott Elementary) comes a deeply personal and funny collection of essays about trying to make it when you're struggling, the importance of staying true to your roots, and how she's redefined humor online. In her debut essay collection, Quinta applies her trademark humor and heart to discuss what it was like to go from a girl who loved the World Wide Web to a girl whose face launched a thousand memes. This special Audible edition includes never-before-heard details about the making of Abbott Elementary.
-
-
That moment you know you’re a TEACHER…
- By chrissybrown on 09-19-22
By: Quinta Brunson
-
Greenlights
- By: Matthew McConaughey
- Narrated by: Matthew McConaughey
- Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
I’ve been in this life for fifty years, been trying to work out its riddle for forty-two, and been keeping diaries of clues to that riddle for the last thirty-five. Notes about successes and failures, joys and sorrows, things that made me marvel, and things that made me laugh out loud. How to be fair. How to have less stress. How to have fun. How to hurt people less. How to get hurt less. How to be a good man. How to have meaning in life. How to be more me. Recently, I worked up the courage to sit down with those diaries.
-
-
Love this!
- By Nancy on 10-21-20
-
We're Going to Need More Wine
- Stories That Are Funny, Complicated, and True
- By: Gabrielle Union
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Union
- Length: 7 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this moving collection of thought-provoking essays infused with her unique wisdom and deep humor, Union tells astonishingly personal and true stories about power, color, gender, feminism, and fame. Union tackles a range of experiences, including bullying, beauty standards and competition between women in Hollywood, growing up in white California suburbia and then spending summers with her Black relatives in Nebraska, coping with crushes, puberty, and the divorce of her parents.
-
-
👏🏾👏🏾 thank you. Thank You. THANK YOU!! #BRAVO
- By Kenneisha T. on 11-22-17
By: Gabrielle Union
-
The Unapologetic Guide to Black Mental Health
- Navigate an Unequal System, Learn Tools for Emotional Wellness, and Get the Help You Deserve
- By: Rheeda Walker PhD, Na'im Akbar PhD - foreword
- Narrated by: Janina Edwards
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
There is an unaddressed Black mental health crisis in our world today. In The Unapologetic Guide to Black Mental Health, psychologist Reeda Walker offers a comprehensive guide to help African Americans combat stigma, increase awareness around mental illness, practice emotional wellness, and get the best care possible for Black people in an unequal system.
-
-
Great Book!
- By Ginger on 12-20-20
By: Rheeda Walker PhD, and others
-
Ride or Die
- A Feminist Manifesto for the Well-Being of Black Women
- By: Shanita Hubbard
- Narrated by: Tovah Ott
- Length: 3 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Do you have a “ride or die chick” in your life? A “ride or die chick” is a Black woman who holds down her family and community. She’s that friend or family member that you can call up in the middle of the night to bail you out of jail, if ever needed, and you know she’ll show up and won’t ask any questions. She does anything for her family, friends, and significant other, even at the cost of her own well-being. “No” is not in her vocabulary. She’s beloved by you and many others, but her ride or die trope becomes a problem when she does it indiscriminately.
-
-
Great voice
- By STACEY LANCASTER on 04-08-25
By: Shanita Hubbard
Critic reviews
"[A] witty and powerful collection of personal essays.... Arceneaux’s confident voice and unapologetic sense of humor will appeal to fans of Roxane Gay." (Publishers Weekly)
"Arceneaux's essays penetrate to the heart of intersectionality to reveal personal and religious trials of faith. Together, they make a powerful statement of self-acceptance in a world much in need of lessons about diversity, tolerance, and openness. A funny, fierce, and bold memoir in essays." (Kirkus Reviews)
"Hilarious...Arceneaux’s acerbic humor is reminiscent of the very best work of American humorist and author David Sedaris." (The Advocate)
Editorial Review
Putting his love on top I’ve been following Arceneaux on social media for a while now, cracking up at his witty nicknames and verbal backflips, and find it immensely gratifying to see him flesh out his funny and uniquely descriptive voice in his memoir, I Can’t Date Jesus. He shares what it was like to grow up black and gay as a Catholic whose first reference point for being gay was the death of an uncle from AIDS. It took a long dark road for him to embrace his life and sexuality, but Arceneaux manages to keep it real and heavy (with Houston references, including lots of love for his hometown’s Queen Bey), but not so emotionally heavy that you can’t thoroughly enjoy the ride. —Abby W., Audible Editor
Great listen!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Authentic & Honest
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Great work!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Must read ... so many laughs
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Excellent book!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Must read.
Witty, thought provoking, well narrated
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
A Phenomenal book, written by a Phenomenal young man!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
It did inspire
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Great Book!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Michael Arceneaux is charming and relatable in this book, even if every vignette is not. As with many memoirs, if you are open to hearing a stranger's life story through their own eyes and willing to connect with them on a human level, you will enjoy this book.
See Yourself, See someone new
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.