
My Government Means to Kill Me
A Novel
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $14.99
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Jelani Alladin
-
By:
-
Rasheed Newson
About this listen
2022 New York Times Book Review Notable Books of the Year, Long-listed
2022 The Philadelphia Inquirer Best Books of the Year, Long-listed
This program is read by actor, singer, and dancer Jelani Alladin, who originated the role of Kristoff in Broadway's Frozen musical.
A fierce and riveting queer coming-of-age story following the personal and political awakening of a young gay Black man in 1980s New York City, from the television drama writer and producer of The Chi, Narcos, and Bel-Air
“Full of joy and righteous anger, sex and straight talk, brilliant storytelling and humor, Rasheed Newson’s debut novel has given us the story of Trey, set against the history of 80s queer Black New York, AIDS, and the movements that changed the era. A spectacularly researched Dickensian tale with vibrant characters and dozens of famous cameos, it is precisely the book we’ve needed for a long time. That—and a rollicking read! What more could you want?” —Andrew Sean Greer, Pulitzer Prize-winning author of Less
Born into a wealthy Black Indianapolis family, Earl “Trey” Singleton III leaves his overbearing parents and their expectations behind by running away to New York City with only a few dollars in his pocket. In the city, Trey meets up with a cast of characters that changes his life forever. He volunteers at a renegade home hospice for AIDS patients, and after being put to the test by gay rights activists, becomes a member of the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP). Along the way Trey attempts to navigate past traumas and searches for ways to maintain familial relationships—all while seeking the meaning of life amid so much death.
Vibrant, humorous, and fraught with entanglements, Rasheed Newson’s My Government Means to Kill Me is an exhilarating, fast-paced coming-of-age story that lends itself to a larger discussion about what it means for a young gay Black man in the mid-1980s to come to terms with his role in the midst of a political and social reckoning.
A Macmillan Audio production from Flatiron Books.
©2022 Rasheed Newson (P)2022 Macmillan AudioListeners also enjoyed...
-
Boys Come First
- By: Aaron Foley
- Narrated by: Jelani Alladin
- Length: 8 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Suddenly jobless and single after a devastating layoff and a breakup with his cheating ex, advertising copywriter Dominick Gibson flees his life in Hell's Kitchen to try to get back on track in his hometown of Detroit. He’s got one objective—exit the shallow dating pool ASAP and get married by 35—and the deadline’s approaching fast.
-
-
Boys Come First
- By Renard on 12-17-24
By: Aaron Foley
-
Dancer from the Dance
- A Novel
- By: Andrew Holleran
- Narrated by: David Pittu
- Length: 9 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Now in audio for the first time! Award-winning actor and two-time Tony Award nominee David Pittu narrates one of the most influential books in gay literature. Andrew Holleran's Dancer from the Dance defined gay life in late 1970s New York. Published in 1978, the novel captures the time post-Stonewall and pre-AIDS where sexual freedom was celebrated and the future appeared limitless.
-
-
Excellent
- By Charles Lloyd on 12-25-22
By: Andrew Holleran
-
The New Life
- A Novel
- By: Tom Crewe
- Narrated by: Freddie Fox
- Length: 13 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the summer of 1894, John Addington and Henry Ellis begin writing a book arguing that homosexuality, which is a crime at the time, is a natural, harmless variation of human sexuality. Though they have never met, John and Henry both live in London with their wives, Catherine and Edith, and in each marriage, there is a third party: John has a lover, a working-class man named Frank, and Edith spends almost as much time with her friend Angelica as she does with Henry.
-
-
Brilliant historical fiction
- By Shrewsie Shrew on 01-15-23
By: Tom Crewe
-
Gay Bar
- Why We Went Out
- By: Jeremy Atherton Lin
- Narrated by: Jeremy Atherton Lin
- Length: 7 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the era of Grindr and same-sex marriage, gay bars are closing down at an alarming rate. What, then, was the gay bar? Set between Los Angeles, San Francisco, and London, Gay Bar takes us on a time-traveling, transatlantic bar hop through pulsing nightclubs, after-work dives, hardcore leather bars, gay cafes, and saunas, asking what these places meant to their original clientele, what they meant to the author as a younger man, and what they mean now.
-
-
Gay Bar : A Review
- By Anonymous User on 05-17-21
-
Blackouts
- A Novel
- By: Justin Torres
- Narrated by: Ozzie Rodriguez, Torian Brackett
- Length: 6 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Out in the desert in a place called the Palace, a young man tends to a dying soul, someone he once knew briefly, but who has haunted the edges of his life. Juan Gay—playful raconteur, child lost and found and lost, guardian of the institutionalized—has a project to pass along. It is inspired by a true artifact of a book, Sex Variants: A Study in Homosexual Patterns, which contains stories collected in the early twentieth century from queer subjects by a queer researcher, Jan Gay, whose groundbreaking work was then co-opted by a committee, her name buried.
-
-
meh
- By Thomas E Flint on 10-28-24
By: Justin Torres
-
Farrell Covington and the Limits of Style
- A Novel
- By: Paul Rudnick
- Narrated by: Daniel Henning
- Length: 14 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Devastatingly handsome and insanely rich, Farrell Covington is capable of anything and impossible to resist. He’s a clear-eyed romantic, an aesthete but not a snob, self-indulgent yet wildly generous. As the son of one of the country’s most powerful and deeply conservative families, the world could be his. But when he falls for Nate Reminger, an aspiring writer from a nice Jewish family in Piscataway, New Jersey, the results are passionate and catastrophic. Together, the two embark on a unique romance that spans half a century.
-
-
Great audiobook
- By Ryan Macht on 11-30-23
By: Paul Rudnick
-
Boys Come First
- By: Aaron Foley
- Narrated by: Jelani Alladin
- Length: 8 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Suddenly jobless and single after a devastating layoff and a breakup with his cheating ex, advertising copywriter Dominick Gibson flees his life in Hell's Kitchen to try to get back on track in his hometown of Detroit. He’s got one objective—exit the shallow dating pool ASAP and get married by 35—and the deadline’s approaching fast.
-
-
Boys Come First
- By Renard on 12-17-24
By: Aaron Foley
-
Dancer from the Dance
- A Novel
- By: Andrew Holleran
- Narrated by: David Pittu
- Length: 9 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Now in audio for the first time! Award-winning actor and two-time Tony Award nominee David Pittu narrates one of the most influential books in gay literature. Andrew Holleran's Dancer from the Dance defined gay life in late 1970s New York. Published in 1978, the novel captures the time post-Stonewall and pre-AIDS where sexual freedom was celebrated and the future appeared limitless.
-
-
Excellent
- By Charles Lloyd on 12-25-22
By: Andrew Holleran
-
The New Life
- A Novel
- By: Tom Crewe
- Narrated by: Freddie Fox
- Length: 13 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the summer of 1894, John Addington and Henry Ellis begin writing a book arguing that homosexuality, which is a crime at the time, is a natural, harmless variation of human sexuality. Though they have never met, John and Henry both live in London with their wives, Catherine and Edith, and in each marriage, there is a third party: John has a lover, a working-class man named Frank, and Edith spends almost as much time with her friend Angelica as she does with Henry.
-
-
Brilliant historical fiction
- By Shrewsie Shrew on 01-15-23
By: Tom Crewe
-
Gay Bar
- Why We Went Out
- By: Jeremy Atherton Lin
- Narrated by: Jeremy Atherton Lin
- Length: 7 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the era of Grindr and same-sex marriage, gay bars are closing down at an alarming rate. What, then, was the gay bar? Set between Los Angeles, San Francisco, and London, Gay Bar takes us on a time-traveling, transatlantic bar hop through pulsing nightclubs, after-work dives, hardcore leather bars, gay cafes, and saunas, asking what these places meant to their original clientele, what they meant to the author as a younger man, and what they mean now.
-
-
Gay Bar : A Review
- By Anonymous User on 05-17-21
-
Blackouts
- A Novel
- By: Justin Torres
- Narrated by: Ozzie Rodriguez, Torian Brackett
- Length: 6 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Out in the desert in a place called the Palace, a young man tends to a dying soul, someone he once knew briefly, but who has haunted the edges of his life. Juan Gay—playful raconteur, child lost and found and lost, guardian of the institutionalized—has a project to pass along. It is inspired by a true artifact of a book, Sex Variants: A Study in Homosexual Patterns, which contains stories collected in the early twentieth century from queer subjects by a queer researcher, Jan Gay, whose groundbreaking work was then co-opted by a committee, her name buried.
-
-
meh
- By Thomas E Flint on 10-28-24
By: Justin Torres
-
Farrell Covington and the Limits of Style
- A Novel
- By: Paul Rudnick
- Narrated by: Daniel Henning
- Length: 14 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Devastatingly handsome and insanely rich, Farrell Covington is capable of anything and impossible to resist. He’s a clear-eyed romantic, an aesthete but not a snob, self-indulgent yet wildly generous. As the son of one of the country’s most powerful and deeply conservative families, the world could be his. But when he falls for Nate Reminger, an aspiring writer from a nice Jewish family in Piscataway, New Jersey, the results are passionate and catastrophic. Together, the two embark on a unique romance that spans half a century.
-
-
Great audiobook
- By Ryan Macht on 11-30-23
By: Paul Rudnick
-
Young Mungo
- By: Douglas Stuart
- Narrated by: Chris Reilly
- Length: 13 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Born under different stars—Mungo a Protestant and James a Catholic—they should be sworn enemies if they’re to be seen as men at all. Their environment is a hyper-masculine and sectarian one, for gangs of young men and the violence they might dole out dominate the Glaswegian estate where they live. And yet against all odds Mungo and James become best friends as they find a sanctuary in the pigeon dovecote that James has built for his prize racing birds.
-
-
Suffering Sappho!
- By Richard Stewart on 04-12-22
By: Douglas Stuart
-
Lavender House
- A Novel
- By: Lev AC Rosen
- Narrated by: Vikas Adam
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lavender House, 1952: the family seat of recently deceased matriarch Irene Lamontaine, head of the famous Lamontaine soap empire. Irene’s recipes for her signature scents are a well guarded secret—but it's not the only one behind these gates. This estate offers a unique freedom, where none of the residents or staff hide who they are. But to keep their secret, they've needed to keep others out. And now they're worried they're keeping a murderer in. When your existence is a crime, everything you do is criminal, and the gates of Lavender House can’t lock out the real world forever.
-
-
OMG so amazing
- By Trarv211 on 11-08-22
By: Lev AC Rosen
-
If I Survive You
- By: Jonathan Escoffery
- Narrated by: Torian Brackett
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the 1970s, Topper and Sanya flee to Miami as political violence consumes their native Kingston. But America, as the couple and their two children learn, is far from the promised land. Excluded from society as Black immigrants, the family pushes on first through Hurricane Andrew and later the 2008 recession, living in a house so cursed that the pet fish launches itself out of its own tank rather than stay. But even as things fall apart, the family remains motivated, often to its own detriment, by what their younger son, Trelawny, calls “the exquisite, racking compulsion to survive.”
-
-
Good except for the ending
- By Morris Nelms on 11-20-22
-
Remarkably Bright Creatures
- A Novel
- By: Shelby Van Pelt
- Narrated by: Marin Ireland, Michael Urie
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After Tova Sullivan’s husband died, she began working the night shift at the Sowell Bay Aquarium, mopping floors and tidying up. Keeping busy has always helped her cope, which she’s been doing since her eighteen-year-old son, Erik, mysteriously vanished on a boat in Puget Sound over thirty years ago. Tova becomes acquainted with curmudgeonly Marcellus, a giant Pacific octopus living at the aquarium. Marcellus knows more than anyone can imagine but wouldn’t dream of lifting one of his eight arms for his human captors—until he forms a remarkable friendship with Tova.
-
-
Hidden gem, incredible narration!
- By Christine T on 05-17-22
By: Shelby Van Pelt
-
The Rose Code
- A Novel
- By: Kate Quinn
- Narrated by: Saskia Maarleveld
- Length: 16 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As England prepares to fight the Nazis, three very different women answer the call to mysterious country estate Bletchley Park, where the best minds in Britain train to break German military codes. Vivacious debutante Osla is the girl who has everything - beauty, wealth, and the dashing Prince Philip of Greece sending her roses - but she burns to prove herself as more than a society girl, and puts her fluent German to use as a translator of decoded enemy secrets.
-
-
My Favorite Book!!!
- By Jan M on 03-09-21
By: Kate Quinn
-
The Lincoln Highway
- A Read with Jenna Pick (A Novel)
- By: Amor Towles
- Narrated by: Edoardo Ballerini, Marin Ireland, Dion Graham
- Length: 16 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In June, 1954, eighteen-year-old Emmett Watson is driven home to Nebraska by the warden of the juvenile work farm where he has just served fifteen months for involuntary manslaughter. His mother long gone, his father recently deceased, and the family farm foreclosed upon by the bank, Emmett's intention is to pick up his eight-year-old brother, Billy, and head to California where they can start their lives anew. But when the warden drives away, Emmett discovers that two friends from the work farm have hidden themselves in the trunk of the warden's car.
-
-
I'm totally opposite
- By Meaghan Bynum on 10-10-21
By: Amor Towles
-
In Memoriam
- A Novel
- By: Alice Winn
- Narrated by: Christian Coulson
- Length: 12 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It’s 1914, and World War I is ceaselessly churning through thousands of young men on both sides of the fight. The violence of the front feels far away to Henry Gaunt, Sidney Ellwood and the rest of their classmates, safely ensconced in their idyllic boarding school in the English countryside. News of the heroic deaths of their friends only makes the war more exciting. Gaunt, half German, is busy fighting his own private battle—an all-consuming infatuation with his best friend, the glamorous, charming Ellwood—without a clue that Ellwood is pining for him in return
-
-
Amazing
- By Henry on 03-21-23
By: Alice Winn
-
The Town of Babylon
- A Novel
- By: Alejandro Varela
- Narrated by: Timothy Andrés Pabon
- Length: 11 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When his father falls ill, Andrés, a professor of public health, returns to his suburban hometown to tend to his father's recovery. Reevaluating his rocky marriage in the wake of his husband’s infidelity and with little else to do, he decides to attend his 20-year high school reunion, where he runs into the long-lost characters of his youth.
-
-
I will think about The Town of Babylon for a long time.
- By Ian Huntington on 05-20-22
By: Alejandro Varela
-
Gay Like Me
- A Father Writes to His Son
- By: Richie Jackson
- Narrated by: Richie Jackson
- Length: 4 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Jackson's son born through surrogacy came out to him at age 15, the successful producer, now in his 50s, was compelled to reflect on his experiences and share his wisdom on life for LGBTQ Americans over the past half-century. Gay Like Me is a celebration of gay identity and parenting, and a powerful warning for his son, other gay men, and the world. Jackson looks back at his own journey as a gay man coming of age through decades of political and cultural turmoil.
-
-
The guidance I didn’t realize I so desperately needed from a parent
- By Kati Hetrick on 01-03-21
By: Richie Jackson
-
The Alice Network
- A Novel
- By: Kate Quinn
- Narrated by: Saskia Maarleveld
- Length: 15 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the chaotic aftermath of World War II, American college girl Charlie St. Clair is pregnant, unmarried, and on the verge of being thrown out of her very proper family. She's also nursing a desperate hope that her beloved cousin Rose, who disappeared in Nazi-occupied France during the war, might still be alive.
-
-
We are standing on the shoulders of giants...
- By Marie on 02-25-18
By: Kate Quinn
-
Punch Me Up to the Gods
- A Memoir
- By: Brian Broome
- Narrated by: Brian Broome, Robin Miles
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Punch Me Up to the Gods introduces a powerful new talent in Brian Broome, whose early years growing up in Ohio as a dark-skinned Black boy harboring crushes on other boys propel forward this gorgeous, aching, and unforgettable debut. Brian’s recounting of his experiences—in all their cringe-worthy, hilarious, and heartbreaking glory—reveal a perpetual outsider awkwardly squirming to find his way in. Indiscriminate sex and escalating drug use help to soothe his hurt, young psyche, usually to uproarious and devastating effect.
-
-
All I Can Say is Wow!
- By Sonya on 05-29-21
By: Brian Broome
-
What the Wind Knows
- By: Amy Harmon
- Narrated by: Saskia Maarleveld, Will Damron
- Length: 12 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Anne Gallagher grew up enchanted by her grandfather’s stories of Ireland. Heartbroken at his death, she travels to his childhood home to spread his ashes. There, overcome with memories of the man she adored and consumed by a history she never knew, she is pulled into another time. The Ireland of 1921, teetering on the edge of war, is a dangerous place in which to awaken. But there Anne finds herself, hurt, disoriented, and under the care of Dr. Thomas Smith, guardian to a young boy who is oddly familiar.
-
-
A Captivating Historical Romance!
- By Melanie on 03-04-19
By: Amy Harmon
What listeners say about My Government Means to Kill Me
Highly rated for:
Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Ervin4Life86
- 02-19-23
Loved it!
I loved that this story didn't end like I expected it to end. I loved that the protagonist is from Indianapolis, IN, which was born and raised. Loved that he moved to NYC to find his own way of life to be himself and discover who he was. Looooved the plot, the characters, themes and time period. There were MANY hot, steamy scenes throughout this novel. The historical aspect of it was a very nice touch, too. This point of view of a well-spoken, educated, young Black, Gay Man during the AIDS epidemic/crisis was very refreshing. Trauma did not define him. Thank you!!! Jelani Alladin was an EXCELLENT narrator for this novel. Perfect choice! His storytelling was engaging, sexy , and fun to listen to. His character choices were believable. Spot ON!!! I hope to hear more of him as a narrator in future audiobooks to come. 😍👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Lorenzo Taylor
- 01-19-25
Fabulous read! Loved this book.
Beautifully captures the pathos and possibilities of a pivotal period of U.S. history through the eyes of a Black gay teen in New York. He integrates historical figures like Rustin and Kramer and Fred Trump into dealing with a recent family tragedy. Brilliant!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Kris
- 02-08-23
Must Read
Vibrant and entertaining story. I thought it would be too heavy, I was so wrong. The characters in Newson’s story made me feel like I knew them, the lessons in each chapter are very relevant for our times.
This was so good I bought a physical copy.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- MB
- 03-01-23
Wonderful book
Wonderful book about gay life at the beginning of AIDS epidemic. Great performance. One if those books that stay with you long after you finish the last chapter.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Heather & Owen
- 03-03-24
Clear and descriptive narrative
this was a great book made me laugh made me cry and I'm forever changed.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- tyrone aguillard jr.
- 09-13-22
superb!
wonderful on all counts!!!! It was awesome and well done! The narrative execution was excellent!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Amber Holloman
- 06-18-23
Thoroughly enjoyed this book!
The writing was captivating! The author did a great job at developing the characters
and taking the readers directly to New York in the 1980s during the AIDS epidemic. The book kept a good pace and many interesting themes were covered.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Quinn
- 09-16-22
I enjoyed it in the end
There is so much to love about this book. The narrator was great. The subject matter was important. The history should be heard. The second half was very gripping.
The first half of the book, I felt, was a little all over the place. I think that is because they were trying to fit a lot of history and historical events and references into one person’s story and because of that, it was a little hard to focus on.
I wish the plot had been a little more streamlined but the second half was great.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Chawn Real
- 04-07-23
Bruv! This was AMAZINGLY GREAT!! BUT....
...that ending?!! Meh!
Man when I tell u this book was awesomely well written...bih, it was! it reads like a memoir...yet it's fiction...with historical references (that are mostly fictionalized)....wow! it was like a gay black Forrest Gump sans Forrest, Bubba Gump & Jenny!
Fantastic job, Rasheed..from this Native Harlemite!
But that ending tho....I need a season 2 or sumthin!!! the rice musta been boiling over and u were done with this book! *9.135 of 10 stars*
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- GRL
- 04-26-23
By far one of the best books I’ve ever read
This book will forever be up there for me with other transformative reading experiences, such as I know why the caged bird sings, the grapes of wrath, 1984, to kill a mockingbird, and many more. I cried, I laughed, I cried some more. I wanted to hug Trey and tell him everything would be alright. This book is brilliant
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!