On Earth as It Is on Television
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Narrated by:
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Hayden Bishop
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By:
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Emily Jane
About this listen
In Emily Jane's rollicking debut, when spaceships arrive and then depart suddenly without a word, the certainty that we are not alone in the universe turns to intense uncertainty as to our place within it.
"Weird and sweet … like a 2020s White Noise: loud and colorful Americana with a sprinkle of apocalyptic doom."—Edgar Cantero
"Heartfelt, witty, and secretly romantic … a delightful and poignant story about what it is to be human, and what we owe each other." —Christina Lauren
Since long before the spaceships' fleeting presence, Blaine has been content to go along with the whims of his supermom wife and half-feral, television-addicted children. But when the kids blithely ponder skinning people to see if they're aliens, and his wife drags them all on a surprise road trip to Disney World, even steady Blaine begins to crack.
Half a continent away, Heather floats in a Malibu pool and watches the massive ships hover overhead. Maybe her life is finally going to start. For her, the arrival heralds a quest to understand herself, her accomplished (and oh-so-annoying) stepfamily, and why she feels so alone in a universe teeming with life.
Suddenly conscious and alert after twenty catatonic years, Oliver struggles to piece together his fragmented, disco-infused memories and make sense of his desire to follow a strange cat on a westward journey.
Embracing the strangeness that is life in the twenty-first century, On Earth as It Is on Television is a rollicking, heartfelt tale of first contact that practically leaps off the planet.
©2023 Emily Jane (P)2023 Hyperion AvenueListeners also enjoyed...
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- Narrated by: Devon Sorvari
- Length: 12 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Mystery-book aficionado Birdie Lindberg has an overactive imagination. Raised in isolation and homeschooled by strict grandparents, she's cultivated a whimsical fantasy life in which she plays the heroic detective and every stranger is a suspect. But her solitary world expands when she takes a job the summer before college, working the graveyard shift at a historic Seattle hotel. In her new job, Birdie hopes to blossom from introverted dreamer to brave pioneer, and gregarious Daniel Aoki volunteers to be her guide.
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Great characters wrapped in a mystery inside a romance
- By cheryl anderson on 07-11-19
By: Jenn Bennett
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The Amateurs
- By: Sara Shepard
- Narrated by: Renee Chambliss
- Length: 10 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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As soon as Seneca Frazier sees the post on the Case Not Closed website about Helena Kelly, she's hooked. Helena's high-profile disappearance five years earlier is the one that originally got Seneca addicted to true crime. It's the reason she's a member of the site in the first place. So when Maddy Wright, her best friend from the CNC site, invites Seneca to spend spring break in Connecticut looking into the cold case, she immediately packs her bag.
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Most irritating narrator ever!
- By Hilary on 04-06-17
By: Sara Shepard
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The McAvoy Sisters Book of Secrets
- A Novel
- By: Molly Fader
- Narrated by: Nancy Peterson
- Length: 9 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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It’s been 17 years since the tragic summer the McAvoy sisters fell apart. Lindy, the wild one, left home, carved out a new life in the city, and never looked back. Delia, the sister who stayed, became a mother herself, raising her daughters and running the family shop in their small Ohio hometown on the shores of Lake Erie. But now, with their mother’s ailing health and a rebellious teenager to rein in, Delia has no choice but to welcome Lindy home.
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Great story
- By Nessa on 09-25-23
By: Molly Fader
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The Story of Arthur Truluv
- A Novel
- By: Elizabeth Berg
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Berg
- Length: 6 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Three people find their way back from loss and loneliness to a different kind of belonging in this deeply moving novel. Arthur, an old widower struggling to overcome his grief, meets Maddy, a troubled teenage girl who avoids school by hiding out where Arthur goes every day for lunch. The two strike up a friendship that draws them out of isolation.
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Sickly Sweet
- By Amazon Customer on 01-19-18
By: Elizabeth Berg
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Lakewood
- A Novel
- By: Megan Giddings
- Narrated by: Adenrele Ojo
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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When Lena Johnson’s beloved grandmother dies, and the full extent of the family debt is revealed, the Black millennial drops out of college to support her family and takes a job in the mysterious and remote town of Lakewood, Michigan. On paper, her new job is too good to be true. High paying. No out of pocket medical expenses. A free place to live. All Lena has to do is participate in a secret program - and lie to her friends and family about the research being done in Lakewood.
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Fact or Fiction
- By Penda K on 06-09-20
By: Megan Giddings
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May We Be Forgiven
- By: A. M. Homes
- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 20 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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May We Be Forgiven, a darkly comic novel of 21st-century domestic life, stars Harold Silver, a historian who's always been jealous of his successful brother, George. But when the hot-tempered George is institutionalized for committing a violent act, Harold finds himself comforting his brother's wife and children. What follows is a scathing examination of a family so fractured it may never be whole again.
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Give this one a try!
- By JWB on 02-13-13
By: A. M. Homes
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Agatha of Little Neon
- By: Claire Luchette
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Agatha has lived every day of the last seven years with her sisters: They work together, laugh together, pray together. Their world is contained within the little house they share. The four of them are devoted to Mother Roberta and to their quiet, purposeful life. But when the parish goes broke, the sisters are forced to move. They land in Woonsocket, a former mill town now dotted with wind turbines.
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Xceptional!
- By Bebe Guill on 08-11-21
By: Claire Luchette
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Face It
- By: Georgette Kaplan
- Narrated by: Anastasia Watley
- Length: 8 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In college, Elizabeth Smile shared a magical tryst with her roommate, Michelle Harlow. She had no idea the night would leave Elizabeth pining after her for the next ten years. Now Michelle is back with a strange offer: Will she pretend to be Michelle's lesbian lover to beat Michelle's cheating husband?
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Give it a chance—brilliant!
- By Meredith on 01-22-23
By: Georgette Kaplan
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June Bug
- By: Chris Fabry
- Narrated by: Chris Fabry
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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For as long as she can remember, June Bug and her father have traveled the back roads of the country in their beat-up RV, spending many nights parked at Walmart. One morning, as she walks past the greeter at the front of the store, her eyes are drawn to the pictures of missing children, where she is shocked to see herself. This discovery begins a quest for the truth about her father, the mother he rarely speaks about, and ultimately herself.
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Get Out The Box Of Tissues
- By 20eagle16 on 07-03-21
By: Chris Fabry
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The Free
- A Novel (P.S.)
- By: Willy Vlautin
- Narrated by: Willy Vlautin
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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In his heartbreaking yet hopeful fourth novel, award-winning author Willy Vlautin demonstrates his extraordinary talent for illuminating the disquiet of modern American life, captured in the experiences of three memorable characters looking for meaning in distressing times. Severely wounded in the Iraq war, Leroy Kervin has lived in a group home for eight years. Frustrated by the simplest daily routines, he finds his existence has become unbearable.
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Free Fallin', Brilliantly
- By W Perry Hall on 03-11-14
By: Willy Vlautin
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The Good Father
- By: Diane Chamberlain
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne, Arielle DeLisle, Emily Durante
- Length: 10 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Four years ago, 19-year-old Travis Brown made a choice: to raise his newborn daughter on his own. While most of his friends were out partying and meeting girls, Travis was at home, changing diapers and worrying about keeping food on the table. But he's never regretted his decision. Bella is the light of his life. The reason behind every move he makes. And so far, she is fed. Cared for. Safe. But when Travis loses his construction job and his home, the security he's worked so hard to create for Bella begins to crumble....
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A must-read tear jerker!
- By Wayne on 12-01-15
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Timely, beautiful, terrible and haunting
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Julie Crews is a coked-up, burnt-out 30-something who packs a lot of magic into her small body. She’s trying to establish herself as a major psychic operative in the NYC magic scene, and she’ll work the most gruesome gigs to claw her way to the top. Desperate to break the dead-end grind, Julie summons a guardian angel for a quick career boost. But when her power grab accidentally releases an elder god hell-bent on the annihilation of our galaxy, the body count rises rapidly.
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Recording is terrible
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Jen Williams, acclaimed author of The Copper Cat trilogy, featuring The Copper Promise, The Iron Ghost and The Silver Tide, returns with the first in a blistering new trilogy. The great city of Ebora once glittered with gold. Now its streets are stalked by wolves. Tormalin the Oathless has no taste for sitting around waiting to die while the realm of his storied ancestors falls to pieces - talk about a guilt trip. Better to be amongst the living, where there are taverns full of women and wine.
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When Enae's grandmaman passes away, Enae inherits something unexpected: a diplomatic assignment to track down a fugitive who has been missing for over 200 years. No one actually expects Enae to succeed; it's an empty assignment meant to keep hir occupied. But Enae has never had a true purpose—no one ever expected hir to do more than care for grandmaman—so sie is determined to accomplish this task to the best of her ability.
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Single themed and not on par with the series
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Gav isn't really sure how he ended up with a castle full of goblins, or why he has a princess locked in a cell. All he can do is play along with his own evil plan in hopes of getting his memories back before he gets himself killed. But as he realizes that nothing—from the incredibly tasteless cloak adorned with flames to the aforementioned princess—is quite what it seems, Gav must face up to all the things the Dread Lord Gavrax has done. And he'll have to answer the hardest question of all—who does he want to be?
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The goblins!
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Service Model
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Humanity is a dying breed, utterly reliant on artificial labor and service. When a domesticated robot gets a nasty little idea downloaded into its core programming, they murder their owner. The robot discovers they can also do something else they never did before: They can run away. Fleeing the household they enter a wider world they never knew existed, where the age-old hierarchy of humans at the top is disintegrating into ruins and an entire robot ecosystem devoted to human wellbeing is having to find a new purpose.
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Another banger from Tchaikovsky
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Someone You Can Build a Nest In
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Shesheshen is a shapeshifter, who happily resides as an amorphous lump at the bottom of a ruined manor. When her rest is interrupted by hunters intent on murdering her, she constructs a body using a metal chain for a backbone, borrowed bones for limbs, and a bear trap as an extra mouth. However, the hunters chase Shesheshen out of her home and off a cliff. Badly hurt, she's found and nursed back to health by Homily, a warmhearted human, who has mistaken Shesheshen as a fellow human
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Lovely!
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The Book That Wouldn't Burn
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The boy has lived his whole life trapped within a book-choked chamber older than empires and larger than cities. The girl has been plucked from the outskirts of civilization to be trained as a librarian, studying the mysteries of the great library at the heart of her kingdom. They were never supposed to meet. But in the library, they did. Their stories spiral around each other, across worlds and time. This is a tale of truth and lies and hearts, and the blurring of one into another.
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Keeps the reader guessing
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What listeners say about On Earth as It Is on Television
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Andreanna S.
- 11-15-23
An absolute joy to listen to!
It hits all the right notes for me; it has romance,philosophical undertones on living, mystery, and ufos. It’s a dream book for me ❤️
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- Rebecca
- 06-21-23
Fun and engaging
A fun adventure story that I couldn't put down - nor did I want to. I love wish fulfillment tales and this fits the bill perfectly. A perfect summer read!
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- Jimmy white
- 12-30-23
Lukewarm Drama
It’s a nice feel-good story with minimal risk and drama. The kids were absolutely annoying.
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- JG
- 06-19-24
Random find, unexpectedly amazing!
First, the performance:
Hayden Bishop gives such a fantastic performance that I'm considering buying other books she's read.
My wife and i listen to audio books nonstop. When we can't find an audio book, we use a text-to-speech reader. I can't tell you how many times we've turned away from bad readers who over-pronounce certain consonants, or read with an odd cadence, making a robotic voice more pleasurable.
Hayden Bishop gives voice to these characters in a beautiful way, bringing them to life and making me want more of them.
A good book only gets better when the reader is this good.
The story:
Emily Jane lays down a tale of immense emotion. I went into the story blind, without reading much more than a blurb. Started the preview on a whim, and bought the book to continue the story. My only regret is that Emily Jane has not written more books!
I haven't laughed and then cried and then laughed so hard I cried while reading (or listening to) a book in a very long time. Her skill with humor is exquisite, touching on the darker parts of life in ways that make brighter times nearly blinding.
If you enjoy stories about human emotion, rambunctious children, TV, and cats, then this is definitely the story for you. I will certainly be recommending this book to friends and family.
I will be impatiently watching for more from Emily Jane.
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- Amazon Customer
- 06-21-23
An Optimistic Take on Uncertainty and Humanity
I'd found this title on a list of anticipated sci-fi books of the summer. I purchased it right when it came out, something I usually avoid with sci-fi until I read reviews. I'm really happy I did! It was a great, casual listen while I hiked, jogged, or worked outside.
Some things I liked: the first 30% of the book shows the fear and uncertainty that comes with a world-altering event, and the struggle people experience with trying to figure out what it all means and how to find answers. It then switches gears a bit as truths get revealed and turns into a great piece about perspective, seeing beauty in all of life, and what it really means to be human.
The sci-fi aspect of the book was kept uncomplicated, letting the characters and their journeys drive the plot. This made it an easy and enjoyable listen.
The take on cats experiencing the universe on a totally different wavelength is, honestly, the best take on cats I've read so far. Funky little freaks doing Olympic sprints at 4am must be aware of greater universal wisdom, right?
The author captures the feeling of being an excited stranger trying to fit in to a strange land so well. Marveling at every little cultural idiosyncrasy, stuffing yourself full of new food, trying to insert yourself into daily life like a local despite the obvious "outsider" quirks you can't quite shed. And loving every minute of your life you've built despite those differences
Some areas of improvement:
The narrator did a great job with providing so many different voices, though occasionally it was hard to tell a few apart in conversations.
I love cats and dogs alike, but I don't know if non-cat people would feel put off by the constant "hims a chonky boi!" I'd be interested to hear what non-cat people think about it
While the reactions of every day people are spot on (especially Dave and his cult camp of Ohioan alien fighting militia doomsday preppers) it was hard to buy how chill world governments seemed towards the end. I think it was intentional on the author's part to keep the focus on the characters' journeys, not try to figure out whatever political clusterfuck would occur as a result of the ships appearance, but some might find it a little too optimistic to digest, if that makes sense.
Overall, this is a book for someone looking for a great, casual summer read that will no doubt remind them what a confusing, beautiful, chaotic, and wonderful thing it is to be a puny life form on a puny rock hurtling through the endless vastness of the universe. And what a lovely invention cheese is
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- Marissa
- 08-04-23
Slow burn
I almost stopped listening to this book halfway through because it didn’t seem to be getting anywhere. Thankfully, I kept listening and I enjoyed the second half much more than the first.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 07-26-23
Great story!
There are some books that I just enjoy better in print and I think this is one of them. Some of the voices grated on my nerves and I hated the voices of the children. I know they were supposed to be annoying...but I'd rather read it and imagine it than actually have to suffer through it.
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- Amazon Customer
- 07-19-23
Close encounters with nostalgia
Earth as it is on television is an easy read, that reminded me of some of my favorite sci fi movies from childhood, maintaining the lightheartedness of ET and had similarly wonderful character and relationship development as that of Close Encounters. The plot starts as a number of loose ends and leads the reader through a series of relatable sceneries and character interplay. All of which are painted with playful imagery before the story ties together at the end.
The performance was done well, providing a consistent read-through. The readers impression of annoying children is incredibly effective.
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- Housepants97
- 06-28-23
Funny new author. Pros & cons:
Pros:
Loved the narrative of Blaine and Ann and the narrators voices used for the kids were so good and charming and hilarious.
Cons:
Wish that Heather & Oliver’s stories had a different narrator. Not because the narrator wasn’t great, it just was hard to keep track of the different narratives.
Pros:
Intriguing. I wanted to keep going.
Cons:
Slow at first.
Overall:
This was more tender and funny than “thrilling” (even tho I felt the tension at times.) I’m looking forward to reading more from this author. Clearly a talent, even though this book never went as deep as I’d expected it to.
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- Kendra
- 07-17-23
What did I just read?
Funny, brainless, original alien invasion story with annoying children and too many cats. Aliens obsessed with plastic who look like meerkats. Idk how this got published.
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