
Short Story Press Presents Not so Professional
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
3 months free
Buy for $3.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Eric Boozer
About this listen
Short Story Press Presents Not So Professional by Brandon Dowless
Tub the ogre is tired. Tired of the unfounded stereotypes placed upon ogres by humans. They parade around his woods, hunting his prey and gathering his berries, all the while assuming that ogres are a bunch of stupid, ugly, smelly (okay, maybe that one's not “unfounded”, per se) human-eaters. He also happens to be bored. Bored of the same menial tasks day in and day out; hunting prey and gathering berries to help feed the village until they move on to the next piece of land they stake for themselves. As we have found throughout history, being tired and bored is not an ideal state of mind for coming up with great decisions. And so, Tub comes up with a bad decision.
Tub decides to become a hired killer for a mysterious contact. He believes that the life of a professional hit man will give him all the excitement found in his spy novels, while striking fear into the heart of the humans. Alas, Tub ends up a mere pawn in the hands of someone who doesn't have his best interests at heart. The ogre finds all the excitement he could ask for, and more, but will he survive? Or will his escapades be a mere footnote in time?
Buy this audiobook today!
©2018 HowExpert (P)2018 HowExpertListeners also enjoyed...
-
The Final Empire
- Mistborn Book 1
- By: Brandon Sanderson
- Narrated by: Michael Kramer
- Length: 24 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For a thousand years the ash fell and no flowers bloomed. For a thousand years the Skaa slaved in misery and lived in fear. For a thousand years the Lord Ruler, the "Sliver of Infinity," reigned with absolute power and ultimate terror, divinely invincible. Then, when hope was so long lost that not even its memory remained, a terribly scarred, heart-broken half-Skaa rediscovered it in the depths of the Lord Ruler's most hellish prison.
-
-
Prepare for sleepless nights
- By tercia on 10-21-18
-
Off to Be the Wizard
- Magic 2.0, Book 1
- By: Scott Meyer
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 10 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It's a simple story. Boy finds proof that reality is a computer program. Boy uses program to manipulate time and space. Boy gets in trouble. Boy flees back in time to Medieval England to live as a wizard while he tries to think of a way to fix things. Boy gets in more trouble. Oh, and boy meets girl at some point.
-
-
Hang in there
- By Kelly on 03-04-17
By: Scott Meyer
-
The Crown Tower (Dramatized Adaptation)
- The Riyria Chronicles, Book 1
- By: Michael J. Sullivan
- Narrated by: Bradley Foster Smith, Chris Genebach, Danny Gavigan, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A warrior with nothing to fight for is paired with a thieving assassin with nothing to lose. Together they must steal a treasure that no one can reach. The Crown Tower is the impregnable remains of the grandest fortress ever built and home to the realm’s most valuable possessions. But it isn’t gold or jewels the old wizard is after, and this prize can only be obtained by the combined talents of two remarkable men. Now if Arcadius can just keep Hadrian and Royce from killing each other, they just might succeed.
-
-
Nope
- By Anonymous User on 10-01-22
-
Free the Darkness
- King's Dark Tidings, Book 1
- By: Kel Kade
- Narrated by: Nick Podehl
- Length: 16 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Raised and trained in seclusion at a secret fortress on the edge of the northern wilds of the Kingdom of Ashai, a young warrior called Rezkin is unexpectedly thrust into the outworld when a terrible battle destroys all that he knows. With no understanding of his life’s purpose and armed with masterful weapons mysteriously bestowed upon him by a dead king, Rezkin must travel across Ashai to find the one man who may hold the clues to his very existence.
-
-
What the heck people?
- By Mick on 03-12-17
By: Kel Kade
-
William Tyndale: The Smuggler's Flame
- Trailblazers Series
- By: Lori Rich
- Narrated by: Derek Perkins
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
William Tyndale lived a life of adventure and danger, dodging the king's men, fleeing from his enemies, and meeting with smugglers in the dead of night. What brought a well-educated young English man to such a state? Was he an outlaw? Was he a thief? No - he was a Bible smuggler and a brave one at that.
-
-
It was so impressive to hear of the long, tedious work that people have done to translate, the. print the Bible!
- By Kristin Vizzard on 06-18-25
By: Lori Rich
-
Dragonvein, Book One
- By: Brian D. Anderson
- Narrated by: Derek Perkins
- Length: 11 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Carentan, France, 1944 - Ethan Martin, a soldier in the 101st Airborne, is fighting for his life. But soon he will learn what peril truly is when he is ripped from his world and transported to a land of magic, swords, and dragons. And though the Nazis are now far, far away, danger is closer than ever.
-
-
Interesting Story but very light on in details.
- By Kindle Customer on 07-16-15
-
The Final Empire
- Mistborn Book 1
- By: Brandon Sanderson
- Narrated by: Michael Kramer
- Length: 24 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For a thousand years the ash fell and no flowers bloomed. For a thousand years the Skaa slaved in misery and lived in fear. For a thousand years the Lord Ruler, the "Sliver of Infinity," reigned with absolute power and ultimate terror, divinely invincible. Then, when hope was so long lost that not even its memory remained, a terribly scarred, heart-broken half-Skaa rediscovered it in the depths of the Lord Ruler's most hellish prison.
-
-
Prepare for sleepless nights
- By tercia on 10-21-18
-
Off to Be the Wizard
- Magic 2.0, Book 1
- By: Scott Meyer
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 10 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It's a simple story. Boy finds proof that reality is a computer program. Boy uses program to manipulate time and space. Boy gets in trouble. Boy flees back in time to Medieval England to live as a wizard while he tries to think of a way to fix things. Boy gets in more trouble. Oh, and boy meets girl at some point.
-
-
Hang in there
- By Kelly on 03-04-17
By: Scott Meyer
-
The Crown Tower (Dramatized Adaptation)
- The Riyria Chronicles, Book 1
- By: Michael J. Sullivan
- Narrated by: Bradley Foster Smith, Chris Genebach, Danny Gavigan, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A warrior with nothing to fight for is paired with a thieving assassin with nothing to lose. Together they must steal a treasure that no one can reach. The Crown Tower is the impregnable remains of the grandest fortress ever built and home to the realm’s most valuable possessions. But it isn’t gold or jewels the old wizard is after, and this prize can only be obtained by the combined talents of two remarkable men. Now if Arcadius can just keep Hadrian and Royce from killing each other, they just might succeed.
-
-
Nope
- By Anonymous User on 10-01-22
-
Free the Darkness
- King's Dark Tidings, Book 1
- By: Kel Kade
- Narrated by: Nick Podehl
- Length: 16 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Raised and trained in seclusion at a secret fortress on the edge of the northern wilds of the Kingdom of Ashai, a young warrior called Rezkin is unexpectedly thrust into the outworld when a terrible battle destroys all that he knows. With no understanding of his life’s purpose and armed with masterful weapons mysteriously bestowed upon him by a dead king, Rezkin must travel across Ashai to find the one man who may hold the clues to his very existence.
-
-
What the heck people?
- By Mick on 03-12-17
By: Kel Kade
-
William Tyndale: The Smuggler's Flame
- Trailblazers Series
- By: Lori Rich
- Narrated by: Derek Perkins
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
William Tyndale lived a life of adventure and danger, dodging the king's men, fleeing from his enemies, and meeting with smugglers in the dead of night. What brought a well-educated young English man to such a state? Was he an outlaw? Was he a thief? No - he was a Bible smuggler and a brave one at that.
-
-
It was so impressive to hear of the long, tedious work that people have done to translate, the. print the Bible!
- By Kristin Vizzard on 06-18-25
By: Lori Rich
-
Dragonvein, Book One
- By: Brian D. Anderson
- Narrated by: Derek Perkins
- Length: 11 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Carentan, France, 1944 - Ethan Martin, a soldier in the 101st Airborne, is fighting for his life. But soon he will learn what peril truly is when he is ripped from his world and transported to a land of magic, swords, and dragons. And though the Nazis are now far, far away, danger is closer than ever.
-
-
Interesting Story but very light on in details.
- By Kindle Customer on 07-16-15
-
Dread Nation
- By: Justina Ireland
- Narrated by: Bahni Turpin
- Length: 11 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jane McKeene was born two days before the dead began to walk the battlefields of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania - derailing the War Between the States and changing the nation forever. In this new America, safety for all depends on the work of a few, and laws like the Native and Negro Education Act require certain children attend combat schools to learn to put down the dead.
-
-
The Dead Are Never Lonely
- By Cynthia on 05-15-18
By: Justina Ireland
-
The False Prince (The Ascendance Series, Book 1)
- By: Jennifer A. Nielsen
- Narrated by: Charlie McWade
- Length: 8 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In a discontented kingdom, civil war is brewing. To unify the divided people, Conner, a nobleman of the court, devises a cunning plan to find an impersonator of the king's long-lost son and install him as a puppet prince. Four orphans are recruited to compete for the role, including a defiant boy named Sage. Sage knows that Conner's motives are more than questionable, yet his life balances on a sword's point - he must be chosen to play the prince or he will certainly be killed. But Sage's rivals have their own agendas as well.
-
-
Best read of the summer!
- By Middle School Teacher on 08-13-12
-
My Lady Jane
- By: Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows
- Narrated by: Katherine Kellgren
- Length: 13 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
At 16, Lady Jane Grey is about to be married off to a stranger and caught up in a conspiracy to rob her cousin, King Edward, of his throne. But those trifling problems aren't for Jane to worry about. Jane gets to be queen of England. Like that could go wrong.
-
-
Hysterical Alternate History
- By JGillSt on 06-17-16
By: Cynthia Hand, and others
-
Dungeon Deposed
- By: William D. Arand
- Narrated by: Andrea Parsneau
- Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ryker only has one goal in his life right now: Turn a certain adventuring guild into a flaming wreck while dancing merrily through the smoldering ruins. All for the chance to get back at a handful of people. It isn’t as if they didn’t deserve it either. They had driven him from his home. Chased him physically from the very guild house itself. Simply because he wasn’t as strong as they expected him to be. As strong as he’d expected himself to be. He’d returned the next day and left with something he’d hidden away and told no one about when he found it in one of his few Dungeon Dives.
-
-
Dungeoneering 101, how to become a dungeon for fun
- By LITRPG Audiobook Reviews on 06-01-18
By: William D. Arand
-
Passage to Avalon
- The Epic Adventures of the Techno Wizard, Book 1
- By: Mike Thayer
- Narrated by: Mike Thayer
- Length: 8 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Thirteen-year-old Sam Shelton is the only person in Avalon who can't use the magical power of aether. He's also the only person in Avalon with a bag of high-tech spy gear, a solar-powered cell phone with intermittent signal back to Earth, a YouTube account, and a murderous wizard-emperor on his tail. So he's got a lot going for him. When an earthquake hits his hometown of Bozeman, Montana, Sam gets inexplicably transported to Avalon, a strange world in which aether defines all aspects of life: the rich, the poor, the weak, the powerful, the oppressed, and the oppressors.
-
-
Awesome!
- By JJ on 12-06-20
By: Mike Thayer
-
The Castle in the Attic
- By: Elizabeth Winthrop
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Winthrop
- Length: 3 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A kid favorite for over 30 years, this award-winning modern-classic is sure to delight listeners for years to come! When William learns that his favorite caretaker Mrs. Phillips is leaving, he is devastated. But then she gives him her parting gift - a mysterious model castle that has been in her family for years. The castle is perfect in every way, with a drawbridge, a moat, and a fingerhigh knight to guard the gates. It's almost too real. Sure enough, when William picks up the tiny silver knight, Sir Simon comes alive in his hands.
-
-
Fun kids story.
- By Ari on 03-09-17
-
Servant of the Crown
- Heir to the Crown, Book 1
- By: Paul J Bennett
- Narrated by: Greg Patmore
- Length: 12 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tragedy tears Gerald's world apart, and only his unwavering loyalty to the Baron of Bodden saves him. After serving as a soldier for years, a single act of self-sacrifice thrusts his future into the world of politics. Cut off from all he knows, he becomes no more than a pawn to those in command. Banished with little more than the clothes on his back, he seeks a new purpose, for what is a warrior who has nothing left to fight for?
-
-
Well written and interesting
- By Kevin Potter on 05-24-19
By: Paul J Bennett
-
The Max Porter Box Set, Volume 1
- Max Porter Paranormal Mysteries Box Set
- By: Stuart Jaffe
- Narrated by: Stuart Jaffe
- Length: 19 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Delve into a world both Real and Supernatural when North Carolina history mixes with the paranormal in this pulse-pounding series. With over 50,000 readers, the Max Porter Paranormal Mysteries is a highly addictive series that'll keep you turning pages late into the night. Fun, funny, suspenseful, and scary, this omnibus edition includes the first three books in the best-selling series.
-
-
Sorry, but a struggle to get thru...
- By Jon Burnley on 05-27-17
By: Stuart Jaffe
-
Cage of Deceit
- Reign of Secrets, Book 1
- By: Jennifer Anne Davis
- Narrated by: Katie Bunn
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Sixteen-year-old Allyssa appears to be the ideal princess of Emperion - she's beautiful, elegant, and refined. She spends her days locked in a suffocating cage, otherwise known as the royal court. But at night, Allyssa uses her secret persona - that of a vigilante - to hunt down criminals and help her people firsthand. Unfortunately, her nightly escapades will have to wait because the citizens of Emperion may need saving from something much bigger than common criminals.
-
-
Buyer Beware!
- By Amazon Customer on 09-02-18
-
Death Becomes Her
- The Kurtherian Gambit, Book 1
- By: Michael Anderle
- Narrated by: Emily Beresford
- Length: 6 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Bethany Anne Reynolds isn't your typical government cold case investigator. Known for her fiery temper and creative cursing that would make even the battle-hardened blush, her pursuit of justice is borderline obsessive…And now, with her own life ticking away due to the same rare blood disorder that claimed her mother, her fight for the defenseless becomes even more urgent.
-
-
Vamp action at its' finest
- By BikeVON on 04-19-17
By: Michael Anderle
-
Wielder's Awakening
- Wielder Trilogy: Book One
- By: T. B. Christensen
- Narrated by: Malk Williams
- Length: 12 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A king grappling with personal tragedy prepares his army to save his kingdom. A restless princess seeks love and adventure. In the middle of it all is Traven, a poor, ambitious peasant who dreams of being more than a simple woodcutter and unknowingly holds the key to saving the world.
-
-
pointless
- By Andrew on 01-24-19
-
The Blacksmith's Son
- Mageborn, Book 1
- By: Michael G. Manning
- Narrated by: Alex Wyndham
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Mordecai’s simple life as the son of a blacksmith is transformed by the discovery of his magical birthright. As he journeys to understand the power within him he is drawn into a dangerous plot to destroy the Duke of Lancaster and undermine the Kingdom of Lothion. Love and treachery combine to embroil him in events he was never prepared to face. What he uncovers will change his understanding of the past, and alter the future of those around him.
-
-
Good story
- By Anonymous User on 09-20-22