The Hitman's Guide to Housecleaning
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Narrated by:
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Luke Daniels
About this listen
With some 66 hits under his belt, Tomislav Bokšic, or Toxic, has a flawless record as hitman for the Croatian mafia in New York. That is, until he kills the wrong guy and is forced to flee the States, leaving behind the life he knows and loves. Suddenly, he finds himself on a plane hurtling toward Reykjavik disguised as American televangelist Father Friendly. With no means of escape from this island devoid of gun shops, this country with absolutely no tradition for contract killing, he is forced to come to terms with his bloody past and reevaluate his future, to tragicomic effect. Toxic paints Iceland as an icy netherworld where in spite of peaceful appearances danger lurks - in the guise of terrifying romantic overtures with tough-girl Gunholder, fear of being caught in his blasphemous deception, and the threat of punishment at the hands of Thordur... whose name seems to be pronounced “Torture.”
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This is his story, or, rather, stories - lots of them, and all gut-punchingly hilarious, from that first far reach into a girl's tight jeans to turning forty with a cataclysmic party. In between you’ll hear about acid trips, threesomes, Nazi skinheads, his band Anal Chinook (Inuit for “warm wind”), Martians in northern Canada, throwing pedophiles in jail, dinner with the Clash, what happens when you crash Bill Maher's show wasted, and the true story of Vice magazine.
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if you don't buy this book, the terrorists win
- By Kelsey Gholi on 04-03-17
By: Gavin McInnes
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Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See
- By: Juliann Garey
- Narrated by: Dan Butler
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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In her tour-de-force first novel, Juliann Garey takes us inside the restless mind, ravaged heart, and anguished soul of Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive who leaves his wife and young daughter and for a decade travels the world giving free reign to the bipolar disorder he's been forced to keep hidden for almost 20 years.
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Psychosis or Syphilis?
- By Vira on 04-02-13
By: Juliann Garey
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Maya's Notebook
- By: Isabel Allende
- Narrated by: Maria Cabezas
- Length: 14 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Neglected by her parents, 19-year-old Maya Nidal has grown up in Berkeley with her grandparents. Her grandmother Nini is a force of nature, a woman whose formidable strength helped her build a new life after emigrating from Chile in 1973. Popo, Maya's grandfather, is a gentle man whose solid, comforting presence helps calm the turbulence of Maya's adolescence. When Popo dies of cancer, Maya goes completely off the rails, turning to drugs, alcohol, and petty crime in a downward spiral that eventually bottoms out in Las Vegas.
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Narrator ruins this book
- By R.J. Mulder on 05-13-14
By: Isabel Allende
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Strong Motion
- By: Jonathan Franzen
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello
- Length: 20 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Louis Holland arrives in Boston in a spring of ecological upheaval (a rash of earthquakes on the North Shore) and odd luck: the first one kills his grandmother. Louis tries to maintain his independence, but falls in love with a Harvard seismologist whose discoveries about the earthquakes' cause complicate everything.
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Compelling Story, Ridiculous Narrator
- By DianeReads on 02-28-16
By: Jonathan Franzen
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The Bone Clocks
- By: David Mitchell
- Narrated by: Jessica Ball, Leon Williams, Colin Mace, and others
- Length: 24 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Following a scalding row with her mother, 15-year-old Holly Sykes slams the door on her old life. But Holly is no typical teenage runaway: A sensitive child once contacted by voices she knew only as "the radio people," Holly is a lightning rod for psychic phenomena. Now, as she wanders deeper into the English countryside, visions and coincidences reorder her reality until they assume the aura of a nightmare brought to life.
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Not Short Listed, This Time
- By Mel on 09-23-14
By: David Mitchell
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A Fraction of the Whole
- By: Steve Toltz
- Narrated by: Colin McPhillamy, Craig Baldwin
- Length: 25 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Stewing in an Australian prison, Jasper Dean reflects on his relationship with his dead father and recounts the many zany adventures they shared together.
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A Funny and Thought-provoking Tale of Human Nature
- By Asha Ember on 01-27-10
By: Steve Toltz
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Since We Fell
- A Novel
- By: Dennis Lehane
- Narrated by: Julia Whelan
- Length: 12 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Since We Fell follows Rachel Childs, a former journalist who, after an on-air mental breakdown, now lives as a virtual shut-in. In all other respects, however, she enjoys an ideal life with an ideal husband. Until a chance encounter on a rainy afternoon causes that ideal life to fray. As does Rachel's marriage. As does Rachel herself. Sucked into a conspiracy thick with deception, violence, and possibly madness, Rachel must find the strength within herself to conquer unimaginable fears and mind-altering truths.
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Wait ....
- By Ann on 05-17-17
By: Dennis Lehane
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Tiger, Tiger
- A Memoir
- By: Margaux Fragoso
- Narrated by: Susan Bennett
- Length: 12 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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One summer day, Margaux Fragoso meets Peter Curran at the neighborhood swimming pool, and they begin to play. She is seven; he is 51. When Peter invites her and her mother to his house, the little girl finds a child’s paradise of exotic pets and an elaborate backyard garden. Her mother, beset by mental illness and overwhelmed by caring for Margaux, is grateful for the attention Peter lavishes on her, and he creates an imaginative universe for her, much as Lewis Carroll did for his real-life Alice.
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a weirdly loving diatribe against pervs.
- By Dane Flakeman on 05-21-11
By: Margaux Fragoso
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Stories
- All-New Tales
- By: Neil Gaiman - author/editor, Al Sarrantonio - editor, Joe Hill, and others
- Narrated by: Anne Bobby, Jonathan Davis, Katherine Kellgren, and others
- Length: 18 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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The best stories pull readers in and keep them turning the pages, eager to discover more—to find the answer to the question: "And then what happened?" The true hallmark of great literature is great imagination, and as Neil Gaiman and Al Sarrantonio prove with this outstanding collection, when it comes to great fiction, all genres are equal.
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Something for Everyone
- By Nicole on 05-24-17
By: Neil Gaiman - author/editor, and others
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Priestdaddy
- A Memoir
- By: Patricia Lockwood
- Narrated by: Patricia Lockwood
- Length: 10 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Father Greg Lockwood is unlike any Catholic priest you have ever met - a man who lounges in boxer shorts, who loves action movies, and whose constant jamming on the guitar reverberates "like a whole band dying in a plane crash in 1972". His daughter is an irreverent poet who long ago left the church's country. When an unexpected crisis leads her and her husband to move back into her parents' rectory, their two worlds collide.
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Terrible narration--read, don't listen
- By Penelope on 08-06-17
What listeners say about The Hitman's Guide to Housecleaning
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Thomas Juul Dyhr
- 04-20-15
Brilliant & Fun
It's a long time since I have laughed this much - while listening to a grotesque tour de force of a Serbian Hitman's history. It fils you with a bizarre taste for redemption biographies.
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- William R.
- 06-11-12
A Unique and Engaging Hitman Comedy
Tomislav Bok??i??, also known as "Toxic" is a hitman with a heart. He works for the mafia in New York and killed the wrong man so needs to do the LPP (Lowest Profile Possible) for awhile. Toxic goes overseas acting as a different person.
It is here where the story really begins. Half the story is Toxic's new life abroad and the other half is his telling stories about how Tomislav Bok??i?? became Toxic. The stories are funny and heartfelt but as you get through the book you will find the amusing anecdotes to start pulling at your heart strings.
This book is both funny and difficult to get through at the same time. I found myself caring more and more for this sorry guy just as some characters in the book did.
The whole "Hitman's Guide to Housecleaning" marketing bit is off a single line in the book that really has nothing to do with the overall story line but it is one of the funnier moments in the book.
Enjoy this engaging and unique book but be prepared to focus your listening since Luke Daniels puts on a heavy accent for the character.
-Bill
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1 person found this helpful
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- RBL
- 04-02-12
laugh out loud funny
I enjoyed every minute of the book. more more more more more more more more
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1 person found this helpful
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- Timbolicus Prime
- 04-09-13
Entertaining and Fun
Where does The Hitman's Guide to Housecleaning rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
Good pace, character building and the story is entertaining
What other book might you compare The Hitman's Guide to Housecleaning to and why?
I cannot think of any other book to compare this to, as it is the first of this genre that I have listened to.
Have you listened to any of Luke Daniels’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
Luke Daniels is an excellent narrator. His Slavic and Icelandic accents are quite good and made the story more entertaining.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Jen
- 03-11-13
An un-redemption story
Wow, that was not at all like I though it would be. Funny moments, but written in a story with a main character that is both an over the top caricature and a brutally real a**hole. I found the main character's accent very distracting - so heavy that it drags - and this could have interfered with my ability to bond with him. The other characters had excellent narration, and some of these people could have been very interesting and funny, but there were so many missed opportunities to give them more depth.
In the end, this was the story of the almost redemption of a hitman. Like the main character, the story just falls short in the end. The hitman is deep but unlikeable, the likeable characters shallow. It's too harsh to be light, and too funny to be bleak.
I've thought about the book since I finished it, talked about it with several other people, it was well written, not at all a throw away mystery or a nordic copycat. I just didn't enjoy it.
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1 person found this helpful
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- philip
- 12-17-17
outstanding performance
I read alot 200 Audible books under my belt thus far. This was one of my all time favorite book's now. I'm going to recommend this to my dad. sex, guns, unexpectedly religion. thank you for writing this book
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- Kevin
- 04-15-14
funny journey
Out of nowhere a Cruasian professional killer becomes an american evangelist in iceland, and thats just the beginning Luke Daniels is wonderful Well worth a credit!
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- Rajesh
- 08-24-14
Laugh and Smile through the book!
Unless you get annoyed with the Croatian accent this book is a laugh riot. It is without a serious plot, it just the narrative and style which is funny. A hit man escapes and takes an identity of priest in Iceland. But the events, goof ups, the characters and the wise cracks made the book worth listening to. I was laughing aloud at some instance. I do not think this book would have been as funny if it was read without the accent. It is a short book. Worth for a relaxed trip!
Check out the sample before you download, there is a thick eastern European accent at may not be something you can decipher.
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- Anonymous User
- 12-06-23
How much can one hate Serbians and be horny
the Croatian was really bad the pronunciation was horrible ah so horrible. the way it made fun of the horrible war even more so.
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- Jessica Layman
- 01-05-18
Quite entertaining
Made a really serious topic into a story funny and entertaining enough to listen to for hours on end. The performance by the reader with all the different accents and characters was phenomenal!
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