Preview
  • The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football

  • The NFL's Greatest Players, Plays, Scandals, and Screw-Ups (Plus Stuff We Totally Made Up)
  • By: Dan Patrick, Joel H. Cohen
  • Narrated by: Dan Patrick
  • Length: 4 hrs and 48 mins
  • 3.6 out of 5 stars (25 ratings)

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The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football

By: Dan Patrick, Joel H. Cohen
Narrated by: Dan Patrick
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Publisher's summary

Celebrated sports commentator Dan Patrick and comedy writer Joel H. Cohen team up with some of America’s greatest* comedy writers to tell you everything and nothing about America’s sport!**

*“greatest” is actually just a bad type-o for “mediocre”

**No, not darts, we mean pro football. (book on professional darts coming never)

Did you know . . .

Tom Brady is a very good quarterback. (True, but only according to statistics and accomplishments.)

The formation of the NFL took place in an auto dealership. The founders started an institution and also were convinced to buy rust-proofing for it. (Half true.)

The Carolina Panthers originated as a book club but turned to football when they couldn’t agree on which John Grisham novel to read. (Maybe true. Research isn’t our thing.)

The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football is a love letter to America’s favorite game, full of highlights, history, great plays and players, scandals, Super Bowls, and a series of lies, idiotic theories, baseless conspiracies, a diet that may kill you and, of course, a poorly-written haiku. The book takes the credibility Dan Patrick has built up over a stellar broadcast career (ESPN, NBC Sports, something called “Peacock”) and risks it all with these falsehoods, half-truths, and even some quarter-truths.

This parade of inanity is co-written by Joel H. Cohen (3 Emmys, several cavities due to poor flossing) and includes contributions from certifiably hilarious people, such as:

Andy Richter (Late Night with Conan O’Brien)

Brian Kelley (The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live)

Chuck Tatham (Modern Family, Arrested Development, How I Met Your Mother)

Mike Price (The Simpsons, F is for Family)

Donick Cary (Silicon Valley, New Girl)

Christine Nangle (Inside Amy Schumer, Saturday Night Live)

Broti Gupta (The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Simpsons)

Rob Cohen (Saturday Night Live, Big Bang Theory)

The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football informs (a little), entertains (a lot), and is the perfect gift to taunt the Jets fans in your life.

©2023 Dan Patrick and Joel H. Cohen (P)2023 Recorded Books
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What listeners say about The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football

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Best Narrator Ever

6’ 200 lbs. Ding. I’m probably biased since I have been a fan of DP since Sportscenter but this is Dan at his snarky best. Will definitely listen to again.

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    4 out of 5 stars
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DP crushes it

I’ve listened to a lot of sports books but this had to be the funniest. Maybe one of the funniest anything books I’ve ever read/heard. Love the stuff about my Lions

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Dan Patrick

Dan Patrick is an absolute riot reading and laughing at his own jokes; absolutely recommend

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Dan Patrick’s Voice - Iconic

I enjoy the Dan Patrick show. So, it’s no surprise that I like this book too. Dan is an interesting narrator and personality. He made the stories fun. Thanks for your passion Dan. I appreciate your work.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Bo in Alabama. 6’1, 180. Hilarious satire and factual at the same time!

Dan et al do it right with this book. Much of the book is filled with fun puns and various fantastical factoids but at there are also real football facts. Great read/listen for any football fan! Dan does a great job reading it and listening to this book was so much fun. Highly recommend for a lighthearted and funny read!

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Great listen

Dan you should look into doing audible reads I’d definitely listen and Marvin you should too

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    3 out of 5 stars
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Struggle

I'm not certain where some of these reviews found humor, but I did not. I listen to DP everyday, he lost me on this one. It's not so much a waste of money as it is time lost

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A little confusing

The story wasn’t great. Was very hard to keep track of everything. I love DP but this wasn’t the best thing he did.

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Fun & Somewhat Factual

This is a fun listen and a genre I hope more people write! Having fun with sports and telling stories is such a great use of the Audible format! Dan does a great job narrating this (with Marvin's help) that it is easy to listen too. Because it is stories, it is easy to re-listen to again and again.
If you like sports & can have fun with them then listen to this book!

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Great listen!!!

Funny and well written book with great narration. If your a sports or football fan, highly recommended!!!

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