The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football
The NFL's Greatest Players, Plays, Scandals, and Screw-Ups (Plus Stuff We Totally Made Up)
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Narrated by:
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Dan Patrick
About this listen
Celebrated sports commentator Dan Patrick and comedy writer Joel H. Cohen team up with some of America’s greatest* comedy writers to tell you everything and nothing about America’s sport!**
*“greatest” is actually just a bad type-o for “mediocre”
**No, not darts, we mean pro football. (book on professional darts coming never)
Did you know . . .
Tom Brady is a very good quarterback. (True, but only according to statistics and accomplishments.)
The formation of the NFL took place in an auto dealership. The founders started an institution and also were convinced to buy rust-proofing for it. (Half true.)
The Carolina Panthers originated as a book club but turned to football when they couldn’t agree on which John Grisham novel to read. (Maybe true. Research isn’t our thing.)
The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football is a love letter to America’s favorite game, full of highlights, history, great plays and players, scandals, Super Bowls, and a series of lies, idiotic theories, baseless conspiracies, a diet that may kill you and, of course, a poorly-written haiku. The book takes the credibility Dan Patrick has built up over a stellar broadcast career (ESPN, NBC Sports, something called “Peacock”) and risks it all with these falsehoods, half-truths, and even some quarter-truths.
This parade of inanity is co-written by Joel H. Cohen (3 Emmys, several cavities due to poor flossing) and includes contributions from certifiably hilarious people, such as:
Andy Richter (Late Night with Conan O’Brien)
Brian Kelley (The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live)
Chuck Tatham (Modern Family, Arrested Development, How I Met Your Mother)
Mike Price (The Simpsons, F is for Family)
Donick Cary (Silicon Valley, New Girl)
Christine Nangle (Inside Amy Schumer, Saturday Night Live)
Broti Gupta (The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Simpsons)
Rob Cohen (Saturday Night Live, Big Bang Theory)
The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football informs (a little), entertains (a lot), and is the perfect gift to taunt the Jets fans in your life.
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In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
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Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
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Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
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Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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The Great Indoors
- By: Ginny Hogan
- Narrated by: Mae Whitman
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
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Alice's journey begins as all good journeys do: hitting on the sales guy at REI. After a tumultuous breakup, a quick career transition, family upheaval, and a sobriety journey that didn't fix her life quite as much as she expected it to, Alice decides that the only way to solve all her problems is to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. But as she begins preparing for the months-long quest, she realizes the answers she's seeking might not be on top of a snow-covered mountain. Especially since she just learned there was snow in California.
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Chuck full of laughs to lift anyone's spirits.
- By Laura Boogaert on 09-22-24
By: Ginny Hogan
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What listeners say about The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amazon Customer
- 12-02-23
Best Narrator Ever
6’ 200 lbs. Ding. I’m probably biased since I have been a fan of DP since Sportscenter but this is Dan at his snarky best. Will definitely listen to again.
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- J C
- 09-07-23
DP crushes it
I’ve listened to a lot of sports books but this had to be the funniest. Maybe one of the funniest anything books I’ve ever read/heard. Love the stuff about my Lions
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- robyn
- 01-21-24
Dan Patrick
Dan Patrick is an absolute riot reading and laughing at his own jokes; absolutely recommend
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- Rob Montoya
- 04-13-24
Dan Patrick’s Voice - Iconic
I enjoy the Dan Patrick show. So, it’s no surprise that I like this book too. Dan is an interesting narrator and personality. He made the stories fun. Thanks for your passion Dan. I appreciate your work.
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- Leah
- 09-19-23
Bo in Alabama. 6’1, 180. Hilarious satire and factual at the same time!
Dan et al do it right with this book. Much of the book is filled with fun puns and various fantastical factoids but at there are also real football facts. Great read/listen for any football fan! Dan does a great job reading it and listening to this book was so much fun. Highly recommend for a lighthearted and funny read!
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- Eileen M Gleason
- 10-27-23
Great listen
Dan you should look into doing audible reads I’d definitely listen and Marvin you should too
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- maryannbrooks
- 10-24-23
Struggle
I'm not certain where some of these reviews found humor, but I did not. I listen to DP everyday, he lost me on this one. It's not so much a waste of money as it is time lost
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- Anonymous User
- 11-11-23
A little confusing
The story wasn’t great. Was very hard to keep track of everything. I love DP but this wasn’t the best thing he did.
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- GMO
- 12-17-24
Glad I bought on sale
Wow, this is not what i expected and the overly positive reviews seem to be bots or hired by publisher. Dan Patrick is an icon and this spoof did a great job of capturing a lot of the history and ridiculousness of the NFL today. A lifelong football fan,
I would’ve said this is a waste except so many parts I recognize allow me to connect with my son on football history. It’s at a tone he will listen to - enough so that I bought the book afterwards (hoping he will read it first).
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- DonnaF.
- 10-29-23
Fun & Somewhat Factual
This is a fun listen and a genre I hope more people write! Having fun with sports and telling stories is such a great use of the Audible format! Dan does a great job narrating this (with Marvin's help) that it is easy to listen too. Because it is stories, it is easy to re-listen to again and again.
If you like sports & can have fun with them then listen to this book!
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