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There Is No F--king Secret
- Letters from a Badass Bitch
- Narrated by: Kelly Osbourne
- Length: 6 hrs and 17 mins
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Publisher's summary
People ask Kelly Osbourne all the time: "What's your secret?"
Kelly Osbourne may not always have been a typical role model, but no one can say that her perspective isn't hard won after spending three decades in the spotlight: from growing up completely exposed to the heavy metal scene - replete with crazy antics most listeners have only begun to hear about - to spending her teenage years as the wild middle child of an even wilder Ozzy Osbourne, to the family's popular stint on their wacky eponymous reality show. Since then Osbourne has forged her own path as a style icon and powerful woman in the media who isn't afraid to tell it like it is and be honest with her fans. But being the daughter of a music legend hasn't always been glamorous; growing up Osbourne is an experience that Kelly wouldn't trade, but there are battle scars, and she is finally now ready to embrace and reveal their origins.
Told as a series of letters to various people and places in her life, There Is No F--king Secret gives listeners an intimate look at the stories and influences that have shaped Osbourne's highly speculated-about life, for better or for worse. The stories will make listeners' jaws drop, but ultimately they will come away empowered to forge their own paths to confidence, no matter how deranged and out of control they may be, and to learn the ultimate lesson: that there just is no f--king secret.
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Critic reviews
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Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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Dirty Thirty
- By: Asa Akira
- Narrated by: Veronica Worthington
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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As she contemplates turning 30 years old while still being in the adult film trade, Asa Akira, author of the best-seller Insatiable, delves into her past, present, and future, exploring the events that brought her to where she is now and the surprising and insightful plans she has for her future. Internationally known as a porn star, Akira's perceptive, funny, and straightforward writings on love, sex, death, marriage, and celebrity come together in a surprising book of essays.
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this was fun I'm going to buy her other book 2
- By Sir Lawrence on 01-09-19
By: Asa Akira
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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She Memes Well
- By: Quinta Brunson
- Narrated by: Quinta Brunson
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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From comedian Quinta Brunson (creator and star of Abbott Elementary) comes a deeply personal and funny collection of essays about trying to make it when you're struggling, the importance of staying true to your roots, and how she's redefined humor online. In her debut essay collection, Quinta applies her trademark humor and heart to discuss what it was like to go from a girl who loved the World Wide Web to a girl whose face launched a thousand memes. This special Audible edition includes never-before-heard details about the making of Abbott Elementary.
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That moment you know you’re a TEACHER…
- By chrissybrown on 09-19-22
By: Quinta Brunson
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You're Making Me Hate You
- A Cantankerous Look at the Common Misconception That Humans Have Any Common Sense Left
- By: Corey Taylor
- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In the tradition of the late, great George Carlin, Corey Taylor, the lead singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour, sounds off in hilarious fashion about the many vagaries of modern life that piss him off. Whether it's people's rude behavior in restaurants and malls, the many indignities of air travel, eye-searingly terrible fashion choices, dangerously clueless drivers, and - most of all - the sorry state of much modern music, Taylor's humor and insight cover civil society's seeming decline.
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New perspective.
- By jeremy on 09-22-15
By: Corey Taylor
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This Might Get a Little Heavy
- A Memoir
- By: Ralphie May, Nils Parker
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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There was a time when Ralphie May was one of the biggest stand-up comedians in the country, both by ticket sales and by tonnage. While some things changed - Ralphie lost half his body weight - others did not: He will be remembered as one of the most successful comics of his time. Completed just months before his untimely passing, in This Might Get a Little Heavy, Ralphie takes listeners on a behind-the-scenes tour of his life and career, one that winds across the country, over obstacles, beyond heartbreak, and through the golden age of stand-up.
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brilliant and tragic
- By Timothy Trujillo on 08-12-18
By: Ralphie May, and others
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White Girl Problems
- By: Babe Walker
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Babe Walker, center of the universe, is a painstakingly manicured white girl with an expensive smoothie habit, a proclivity for Louboutins, a mysterious mother she's never met, and approximately 50 bajillion Twitter followers. But her "problems" have landed her in shopping rehab - that's what happens when you spend $246,893.50 in one afternoon at Barneys. Now she's decided to write her memoir, revealing the gut-wrenching hurdles she's had to overcome in order to be perfect in every way, every day.
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Hysterical
- By Kimberlykate on 02-01-13
By: Babe Walker
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Dirty Daddy
- The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian
- By: Bob Saget
- Narrated by: Bob Saget
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Millions of viewers know and love Bob Saget from his role as the sweetly neurotic father on the smash hit Full House, and as the charming wisecracking host of America's Funniest Home Videos. And then there are the legions of fans who can't get enough of his scatological, out-of-his-mind stand-up routines, comedy specials, and outrageously profane performances in such shows as HBO's Entourage and the hit documentary The Aristocrats.
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Meh to the 2nd Power
- By Hilary on 06-30-14
By: Bob Saget
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Idiots
- Marriage, Motherhood, Milk & Mistakes
- By: Laura Clery
- Narrated by: Laura Clery
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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A fresh, hilarious, and relatable collection of essays about everything from motherhood and marriage to sobriety and work-life balance (or imbalance) from the nationally bestselling author of the “honest, complicated” (SheKnows) Idiot.
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Tears and laughs!!
- By Anonymous User on 04-07-22
By: Laura Clery
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I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends
- Confessions of a Reality Show Villain
- By: Courtney Robertson, Deborah Baer
- Narrated by: Courtney Robertson
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Complete with stories, tips, tricks, and advice from your favorite Bachelor alumni, and filled with all the juicy details Courtney fans and foes alike want to know, I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends is a must-listen for every member of Bachelor nation.
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I didn't come here to make friends
- By Carolyn on 06-10-15
By: Courtney Robertson, and others
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I Can Barely Take Care of Myself
- Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids
- By: Jen Kirkman
- Narrated by: Jen Kirkman
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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"You'll change your mind." That's what everyone says to Jen Kirkman - and countless women like her - when she confesses she doesn't plan to have children. But you know what? It's hard enough to be an adult. You have to dress yourself and pay bills and remember to buy birthday gifts. You have to drive and get annual physicals and tip for good service. Some adults take on the added burden of caring for a tiny human being with no language skills or bladder control.
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Funny. Not fall down laughing funny, but funny
- By david on 05-22-13
By: Jen Kirkman
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I Like You Just the Way I Am
- Stories About Me and Some Other People
- By: Jenny Mollen
- Narrated by: Jenny Mollen
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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Jenny Mollen is an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. She is also a wife, married to a famous guy (which is annoying only because he gets free shit and she doesn't). She doesn't want much from life. Just to be loved - by everybody: her parents, her dogs, her ex-boyfriends, her ex-boyfriends' dogs, her husband, her husband's ex-girlfriends, her husband's ex-girlfriend's new boyfriends, etc.
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Hmm...Why am I listening to a bio of Jenny Mollen?
- By Elisabeth W. on 09-16-15
By: Jenny Mollen
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Fat Girl Walking
- Sex, Food, Love, and Being Comfortable in Your Skin...Every Inch of It
- By: Brittany Gibbons
- Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Fat Girl Walking is a collection of stories from my life, my thoughts about the issues that I have faced as a woman, wife, mom, daughter, daughter-in-law, and Internet personality in regards to my weight. I have tried to be as honest as I possibly could - apologies in advance to my husband and parents, but hopefully any discomfort you feel is quickly replaced by laughter.
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One Woman's Body; One Woman's Story
- By Meghan Matt on 06-03-15
By: Brittany Gibbons
What listeners say about There Is No F--king Secret
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- emily60906
- 10-09-20
Weirdos of the world should read (listen)
I listened to this book in two days while working, delivering Amazon packages. Such an easy listen if you don't mind the cursing. Especially since I relate to Kelly so much. Personality wise and her struggle with addiction. I laughed, cried and laughed some more. Thank you Kelly for being you!
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- Destaney
- 03-19-20
spectacular #womeninhistory
narrator was the one the story was about so i couldn't imagine another person portraying her life any better than she. I love the first hand from the "horses mouth" so to speak vibes of it and how open and honest she was. it is amazing she wrote this at 32 years old. the very age I am and wanting to write my journey out so far. I am far from that point I have a lot more to accomplish but its inspiring.
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- Rogue_Mama03
- 01-26-21
I absolutely loved it!
Kelly Osbourne is completely amazing! And I really loved the fact that she narrated her own book!
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- Pazzie
- 02-01-23
I enjoyed it!!!
I loved the fact that Kelly read it and I honestly love the fact that she DIDN'T mention other peoples names; you don't have to use a name to tell a story. It was also very interesting to hear all of the things she has gone through and is surprisingly normal. I'm happy that she seems very happy and that its not based on the amount of zeros on a check but, because she has truly been through hell and made it through (I can not even imagine the thought of having both of your parents in health crisis as a teenager). Kudos to Kelly for making it through.
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- David Anderson
- 05-20-23
Great to hear the facts from the source!
If you grew up in the era where the Osbourne’s ruled the television you will most likely be fascinated and captivated by Kelly. I always wanted and needed to know more about her and I was not disappointed. The letter to Joan Rivers had me wiping tears from my eyes. Kelly we need more!
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- Shaunathin14
- 02-01-19
absolutely amazing inspirational and life changing
I absolutely lov d this book Kelly is an amazing person who has been through so much and I am so inspired by this book.
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- Clare
- 04-21-21
Fantastic book!
She’s open, wickedly honest and insightful beyond her years.
The secret: don’t forget to own that you’re bad ass, despite what life throws at you.
Highly recommend this book! Enjoy
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- RoxH
- 08-01-21
Fuck Yeah !
Wow!
Thank you for introducing yourself to all.
You are remarkable.
Great Book and it made me think about my life.
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- Kelly
- 02-02-24
Loved this book
I really enjoyed hearing Kelly tell her story. and her reading it. If you love The Osbournes, I highly recommend
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- Sita Ross
- 05-23-17
I laughed; I cried
Kelly delivers such inspiration & snarky humor in this account of her life experiences and the wisdom she's gained from it. I loved every minute of it!
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3 people found this helpful