We Are Pirates
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Narrated by:
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Jonathan Todd Ross
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By:
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Daniel Handler
About this listen
Mega-best-selling author Daniel Handler (aka Lemony Snicket) gives us his long-awaited new novel for adult listeners: a dark, rollicking, stunningly entertaining human comedy.
A boat has gone missing. Goods have been stolen. There is blood in the water. It is the 21st century and a crew of pirates is terrorizing the San Francisco Bay. Phil is a husband, a father, a struggling radio producer, and the owner of a large condo with a view of the water. But he'd like to be a rebel and a fortune hunter. Gwen is his daughter. She's 14. She's a student, a swimmer, and a best friend. But she'd like to be an adventurer and an outlaw. Phil teams up with his young, attractive assistant. They head for the open road, attending a conference to seal a deal. Gwen teams up with a new, fierce friend and some restless souls. They head for the open sea, stealing a boat to hunt for treasure. We Are Pirates is a novel about our desperate searches for happiness and freedom, about our wild journeys beyond the boundaries of our ordinary lives. Also, it's about a teenage girl who pulls together a ragtag crew to commit mayhem in the San Francisco Bay, while her hapless father tries to get her home.
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Story
What’s the point in solving murders if we’re all going to die soon, anyway? Detective Hank Palace has faced this question ever since asteroid 2011GV1 hovered into view. There’s no chance left. No hope. Just six precious months until impact. The economy spirals downward while crops rot in the fields. Churches and synagogues are packed. People all over the world are walking off the job—but not Hank Palace. He’s investigating a death by hanging in a city that sees a dozen suicides every week—except this one feels suspicious, and Palace is the only cop who cares.
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Not your regular mystery
- By Victor @ theAudiobookBlog dot com on 09-20-16
By: Ben H. Winters
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A Nail Through The Heart
- A Poke Rafferty Thriller
- By: Timothy Hallinan
- Narrated by: Victor Bevine
- Length: 10 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Poke Rafferty was writing offbeat travel guides for the young and terminally bored when Bangkok stole his heart. Now the American expat is assembling a new family with Rose, the former go-go dancer he wants to marry, and Miaow, the tiny, streetwise urchin he wants to adopt. But trouble in the guise of good intentions comes calling just when everything is beginning to work out.
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Ever been to Bangkok?
- By Richard Delman on 12-11-11
By: Timothy Hallinan
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American Gods [TV Tie-In]
- By: Neil Gaiman
- Narrated by: George Guidall
- Length: 20 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Locked behind bars for three years, Shadow did his time, quietly waiting for the day when he could return to Eagle Point, Indiana. A man no longer scared of what tomorrow might bring, all he wanted was to be with Laura, the wife he deeply loved, and start a new life. But just days before his release, Laura and Shadow's best friend are killed in an accident. With his life in pieces and nothing to keep him tethered, Shadow accepts a job from a beguiling stranger he meets on the way home, an enigmatic man who calls himself Mr. Wednesday.
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Read other Neil Gaiman first
- By Robert on 04-16-11
By: Neil Gaiman
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Double Feature
- A Novel
- By: Owen King
- Narrated by: Holter Graham
- Length: 16 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Unraveling the tumultuous, decades-spanning story of the Dolan family’s friends, lovers, and adversaries, Double Feature is about letting go of everything - regret, resentment, ambition, dignity, moving pictures, the dead - and taking it again from the top. Combining propulsive storytelling and mordant wit against the backdrop of indie filmmaking, Double Feature brims with a deep understanding of the trials of ambition and art, of relationships and life, and of our attempts to survive it all.
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Worst book ever! Well maybe.
- By Randall on 08-11-17
By: Owen King
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Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See
- By: Juliann Garey
- Narrated by: Dan Butler
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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In her tour-de-force first novel, Juliann Garey takes us inside the restless mind, ravaged heart, and anguished soul of Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive who leaves his wife and young daughter and for a decade travels the world giving free reign to the bipolar disorder he's been forced to keep hidden for almost 20 years.
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Psychosis or Syphilis?
- By Vira on 04-02-13
By: Juliann Garey
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The Arsonist
- By: Stephanie Oakes
- Narrated by: Fajer Al-Kaisi, Morgan Hallett, Rachel Botchan
- Length: 13 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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In this offering from Morris Award finalist Stephanie Oakes, three riveting points of view are woven together in a story that's part historical mystery, part contemporary coming-of-age, and completely unputdownable. When Molly gets a package leading her to Pepper, they're tasked with solving a decades-old mystery: find out who killed Ava back in 1989. Using Ava's diary for clues, Molly and Pepper realize there's more to her life - and death - than meets the eye. Someone is lying to them. And someone out there is guiding them along, desperate for answers.
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Thrilling with wonderful characters
- By Emily Schneider on 11-29-20
By: Stephanie Oakes
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She's Come Undone
- By: Wally Lamb
- Narrated by: Linda Stephens
- Length: 18 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Meet Dolores Price. She's 13, wise-mouthed but wounded, having bid her childhood goodbye. Beached like a whale in front of her bedroom TV, she spends the next few years nourishing herself with the Mallomars, potato chips, and Pepsi her anxious mother supplies. When she finally rolls into young womanhood at 257 pounds, Dolores is no stronger and life is no kinder. But this time she's determined to rise to the occasion and give herself one more chance before really going belly-up.
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Really disappointing narrator!
- By Jessica Williams on 01-21-12
By: Wally Lamb
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The Salt House
- A Novel
- By: Lisa Duffy
- Narrated by: Laurence Bouvard
- Length: 8 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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In the coastal town of Alden, Maine, Hope and Jack Kelly have settled down to a life of wedded bliss. They have a beautiful family, a growing lobster business, and the Salt House - an oceanfront cottage they're renovating into their dream home. But tragedy strikes when their young daughter doesn't wake up from her afternoon nap, taking her last breath without making a sound. A year later each member of the Kelly family navigates the world on their own private island of grief.
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Culturally closed minded to what going on today.
- By Susan Griggs on 01-11-22
By: Lisa Duffy
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The Leaving
- By: Tara Altebrando
- Narrated by: Karissa Vacker
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Eleven years ago, six kindergartners went missing without a trace. After all that time, the people left behind moved on, or tried to, until today. Today five of those kids returned. But as details of the disappearance begin to unfold, no one is prepared for the truth. This unforgettable novel with its rich characters, high stakes, and plot twists will leave listeners breathless.
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Plot Twist
- By Josh F. on 01-07-21
By: Tara Altebrando
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The Best Horror of the Year, Volume 4
- By: Ellen Datlow - author/editor, Stephen King, Peter Straub
- Narrated by: Meredith Mitchell, Rebecca Mitchell, Michael Healy, and others
- Length: 16 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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With tales from Laird Barron, Stephen King, John Langan, Peter Straub, and many others, and featuring Datlow’s comprehensive overview of the year in horror, now, more than ever, The Best Horror of the Year provides the petrifying horror fiction readers have come to expect - and enjoy.
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Only a few decent stories in this bunch.
- By Jerry on 12-06-14
By: Ellen Datlow - author/editor, and others
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The Art of Crash Landing
- A Novel
- By: Melissa DeCarlo
- Narrated by: Johanna Parker
- Length: 10 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Mattie Wallace has really screwed up this time. Broke and knocked up, she's got all her worldly possessions crammed into six giant trash bags and nowhere to go. Try as she might, Mattie can no longer deny that she really is turning into her mother, a broken alcoholic who never met a bad choice she didn't make. When Mattie gets news of a possible inheritance left by a grandmother she's never met, she jumps at this one last chance to turn things around.
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Unlikable character
- By RueRue on 09-18-15
By: Melissa DeCarlo
What listeners say about We Are Pirates
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- MICHELLE DE GUZMAN
- 03-06-15
Ever Just Want to Run Away from Home?
Would you listen to We Are Pirates again? Why?
Probably not. I read about 100 books a year. I really don't have time to re read.
What was one of the most memorable moments of We Are Pirates?
I loved when we discovered who the opening narrator was. It made the story even better.
Which character – as performed by Jonathan Todd Ross – was your favorite?
Errol was my favorite. "I have a problem with my memory."
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
no
Any additional comments?
When I was offered this book I jumped at the chance to review this book. I am a fan of the Lemony Snicket books and so was excited to read a book by this author for adults. I listened to the Audible production of the book. I must say that Jonathan Todd Ross did an AMAZING job of bringing this story to life with his voice. There are 2 young girls an elderly gentleman, several adult males, and adult females. Ross uses his voice masterfully though out this book. bringing each character his or her own sound thus never losing the listener. That is super important when listening to an audio book. The story is a little slow to get going. I find this to be true of all stories that really develop the psyche of the characters. Handler is no different. Where he is different is in how he weaves surprises into the story to trickle out rather than have them all happen at the end. I really liked the way this story developed and the pace. I found my self looking for a quite place to listen. I didn't want to be interrupted even for a minute. Each time you think you know what is about to happen Handler surprises you with a better story.
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- Barry
- 12-14-16
No remorse!?
I honestly do not know what Mr. Handler was thinking. If ever there was a case of a book's description differing from the actual content, this is it. I do not mean that the book blurb is misleading. I mean that the reviews are misleading; the people I rely on for thoughtful objective appraisal let me down. I consider myself a fan of Handler. That combined with the encouraging reviews I had seen made me look forward to this book. And there are certainly elements of this book that work well. He is very good at creating characters with individual thought processes and motivations. He is very good at bouncing these characters off each other with believable results. Those are not key characteristics of his Lemony Snicket books, but they are keenly in evidence here.
There are three things in particular that bothered me about We Are Pirates. One is that the key plot elements suggested a resolution that was serious, nuanced, and thoughtful; but instead he opted to go for a totally outrageous, over-the-top wackiness. This is one of those books where adults are basically clueless, and headstrong adolescents have nothing to rein them in. If it had been comedic that might have worked. I like dark comedy as much as anyone, but this was dark without the comedy. The second is that the author withheld information that one of the characters clearly knew from the start. This would have worked if the revelation had been especially important and transformative, but it wasn't. In fact, it ended tragically and pathetically. The third and worst offense is that a horrendously evil act occurs and there is no remorse, no consequences, no catharsis, no apotheosis, no personal growth; just a "let's pretend it never happened and get on with our lives" sort of thing.
The absence of remorse still bothers me the most.
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3 people found this helpful