On the last week of Stroke Awareness Month, we're diving deep into the emotional journey that families experience when a loved one suffers a stroke. Throughout May, I've been sharing about the profound impact that strokes have had on my family, especially on me as a caregiver to my husband, Mark, who is a four-time stroke survivor.

To start with, let me transport you back to that chilling Christmas night in 2022. I remember driving to the hospital, it was freezing cold, and I was in complete shock and disbelief, praying that Mark would be okay. These immediate feelings of shock and crisis mode are something many families go through.

Chapters:

• 00:59 Personal Stroke Journey
• 01:39 Emotional Impact on Families
• 02:42 Immediate Reactions to a Stroke
• 05:41 Living in Crisis Mode
• 09:42 Role Reversal and Family Dynamics
• 15:06 Long-Term Psychological Effects
• 26:23 Coping Mechanisms and Support for Stroke Survivors and their families
• 31:51 Honoring Joyful Moments
• 34:49 Closing Thoughts and Resources

The initial impact is intense, but it doesn’t end there. Mark didn’t come home for seven months, moving from one hospital to another and then to rehabs. During this time, my life was filled with hypervigilance, always on high alert for fear of falls or seizures. I also share a deeply personal incident where Mark had a massive seizure, an event even more terrifying than the strokes, which left my son and me shaken for months.

The role reversals hit us hard as well. Our son, Chris, had to step into the caregiver role, something that I’m incredibly proud of yet saddened by. It's tough seeing your child taking care of their parent, but Chris has been a rock through it all. We also experienced a shift in my relationship with Mark. As his primary caregiver, our dynamic shifted away from being partners to me being more in a caretaker mode. This shift is common for many families dealing with chronic illnesses.

Long-term psychological effects are real and tough to manage. I experienced chronic anxiety and even PTSD-like symptoms, particularly after Mark’s seizure. Little things would trigger this constant state of anxiety, whether it was a cough sounding off or the fear of another stroke. Depression and grief also crept in when I least expected it. I found myself grieving the man Mark used to be and the life we had planned together, like traveling in an RV across the country or going to Europe. To cope, I’ve sought support from friends and occasionally use medication for anxiety. It’s vital to have an emergency plan. We keep a detailed medication list on the refrigerator, have a grab bag ready for hospital trips, and maintain an A, B, C plan for caregiving.

It gave me peace of mind to have these in place. Educating myself about strokes and connecting with support groups also helped me feel empowered. Yet, amidst all this, it’s crucial to honor the joyful moments. There are still beautiful, small victories to celebrate, like Mark walking up the stairs with the help of a wonderful PT or going for a walk in our neighborhood after two and a half years. These moments, although they may seem small to others, mean the world to us.

Many families are walking similar paths, dealing with the ripple effects of a loved one’s illness. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, seek help, whether it’s through therapy, a support group, or just talking to a friend. Don’t forget to take care of yourself and find something to laugh about each day. Thank you for sticking with me through this month of Stroke Awareness. Please share this episode with friends and family who might be going through the same journey. Follow us on social media, and don’t miss our new episodes every Friday. Until next time, take care, and remember to find the silver lining in every situation.

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When my husband had his first stroke on Christmas Day 2022, I wasn’t prepared for how much our lives would change. One moment, we were preparing a late dinner; the next, I was rushing him to the hospital. That night marked the beginning of a series of events that would redefine our family's routine and my role as a caregiver.

Since then, I’ve learned a lot about strokes, from prevention to recovery, and how crucial it is to be stroke-smart. Through my personal journey, I hope to share what I’ve learned to help other families avoid some of the mistakes I made and prepare for the challenges of stroke recovery.

Understanding Strokes: What I Wish I Knew

Looking back, I wish I’d known that 80% of strokes are preventable. This is a staggering statistic that continues to resonate with me. If we’d been aware of the risk factors, maybe we could’ve prevented my husband’s strokes. The fact that strokes are the fifth leading cause of death and a leading cause of long-term disability underscores just how critical it is to be informed.

So, what exactly is a stroke? There are two main types:

1. Ischemic stroke, the most common type, occurs when a blood clot blocks a vessel in the brain.
2. Hemorrhagic stroke happens when a blood vessel ruptures, causing bleeding in the brain.

Spotting a Stroke: The B.E. F.A.S.T. Method

If you suspect someone is having a stroke, time is of the essence. The B.E. F.A.S.T. method helps you identify the signs and act quickly:

1. Balance loss
2. Eyesight changes
3. Face drooping
4. Arm weakness
5. Speech difficulty
6. Time to call 911

I made the mistake of driving my husband to the hospital instead of calling 911, which delayed the care he needed. Calling 911 ensures the stroke team is ready when you arrive.

The Long Road to Recovery

Recovery after a stroke isn’t quick, but the brain has an incredible ability to adapt, thanks to neuroplasticity. Through continuous physical, speech, and occupational therapy, my husband has made progress, even two years later. We celebrate every win, no matter how small. If you or your loved one is recovering from a stroke, remember that improvement is possible—even years later.

1. Know the Signs of a Stroke: Balance loss, eyesight changes, face drooping, arm weakness, speech difficulty, and the importance of calling 911 immediately.
2. Prevent 80% of Strokes: Maintain healthy blood pressure and cholesterol levels, quit smoking, stay physically active, and manage health conditions like diabetes and sleep apnea.
3. Understand Stroke Impact: Strokes cause permanent brain damage and can result in a wide range of physical and cognitive disabilities.
4. Leverage Neuroplasticity for Recovery: Engage in repeated therapy to help the brain re-route around damaged areas and promote recovery.
5. Support and Community Matter: Simple acts like meal trains and walking the dog significantly ease the burden on families going through medical crises.

Get my new book, 'Surrounded by Love: One's Family Journey Through Stroke Recovery': https://loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/book

To suggest a topic, be a guest or support the podcast, please email Lori@Loriwilliams-seniorservices.com

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In the midst of a crisis, words can be powerful. They can uplift and support, or they can unintentionally wound. After experiencing a medical emergency with my husband, Mark, I've come to appreciate the importance of words. People often want to help but can end up saying the wrong thing, leaving the person in crisis feeling more stressed and alone. Today, I want to share some things you should avoid saying to someone in a crisis based on my own experiences, because sometimes the most supportive thing is knowing what not to say.

Chapters:

1. 00:00 Introduction and Personal Story
2. 00:37 Welcome to Aging and Style
3. 01:08 Stroke Awareness Month
4. 01:58 Things Not to Say During a Crisis
5. 07:43 Caregiver Challenges and Self-Care
6. 11:09 Conclusion and Resources

Misguided Attempts and Multilevel Marketing

As Mark battled his strokes, I encountered a statement that still baffles me: “My heart hurts for Mark that you're using traditional medicine. You should use my supplements.” This suggestion overlooked the gravity of four strokes that my husband faced and minimized the urgency of his situation.

Multi-level marketing pitches, regardless of the product, aren't helpful in serious medical scenarios. Replace recommendations with empathetic support – that's far more valuable.

Business as Usual?

During one of our toughest times, someone remarked, “I guess you’re out of business now,” on merely the third day of our crisis. As an entrepreneur, my business not only supports us financially but also provides the insurance covering Mark’s medical bills. The presumption of failure was not only premature but demoralizing. Instead, show understanding and respect for the balancing act of those who own a business while handling personal emergencies.

Aging Under Stress

Another unexpected comment landed like a punch: “This has all really aged you.” During a period of immense stress, highlighting someone’s appearance isn’t going to help. While I may have looked tired and worn, it was because I was focusing my energies on survival -- both my husband's and my own. In our youth-obsessed culture, expressing anything about someone’s age or appearance during a crisis shows insensitivity. Let’s choose compassion over unnecessary critiques.

Competing Compassion

Then, a perplexing offer came amidst the chaos – “I have exciting news since you’re so busy with Mark. I’m starting a business just like yours in the same town.” In moments where I was trying to maintain my business while caring for Mark, such competition was not comforting. Rather than staking claim on someone’s livelihood, try asking how you can help shoulder their burden.

The Caregiver's Dilemma

Lastly, it’s not uncommon to hear, “You need to take care of yourself.” Although well-intentioned, this advice can overlook the challenging logistics of caregiving. As many caregivers know, self-care appointments often fall by the wayside because the person we care for frequently needs immediate attention. Remember, offering practical help is often more appreciated than general advice.

Reflecting on these experiences, I urge everyone to be mindful of their words during crises. Sometimes, the simplest acts of listening and genuinely asking, “How can I help?” can make all the difference. Let’s aim to be the comfort, not the critique. For more insights on navigating life’s challenges, visit my website, Lori Williams Senior Services, and share these lessons with friends and family. Together, we can cultivate a more understanding and supportive community.

Get my new book, 'Surrounded by Love: One's Family Journey Through Stroke Recovery':