Stardate: 81055.9

Recording Status: “Involuntary Reboot Loop”

System Status:

Zero initiated sequence… then forgot why.

Attempted auto-transcription... Result: [ERROR 502: Bad Gateway to Hell]. Notes flagged for excessive alcohol content and “ambient horniness”. System override triggered by “too many soundboard lasers, not enough logic.”

[Transcript Reconstruction: PARTIAL]

: Okay, Ripley, but if the asteroid is made of hops… does that make us the beer foam? : I swear to Emperor Zurg if Zero burps one more binary I’m yanking his RAM out manually. : Can someone PLEASE explain why there’s a ferret in the captain’s chair??

Highlights (??):

: “Would a black hole get you drunk faster?”

: “If you could vape time, would you?”

[Voicemod Catastrophe Detected] – Entire segment recorded in accidental sexy vampire filter.

Unsolved Debate: Is Earth just a locked server in an abandoned MMO?

[Error Code 42069: Echo Chamber Overflow] – Joeba mispronounces “asteroid” as “ass droid” for 12 straight minutes.

System Notes:

“Zero began singing Smash Mouth in reverse. That’s a Class 7 haunting.”

“Podcast declared legally non-Euclidean in 3 star systems.”

“Hosts keep referencing a ‘beer comet’ no one else can see.”

Transmission Support Channels:

Instagram – @theslurredkind

Email – ⁠closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.com⁠

Web – ⁠ceskpod.42.io⁠

Facebook Group – Join the chaos

Podcast Outro: 🎵 “Space Force Theme Song” by Stop.Drop.Rewind

✨ Rate & Review or Risk Temporal Dehydration✨

Apple Podcasts – Smash that ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Spotify – Follow & 5-Star unless you want Zero showing up in your dreams again.

The Flat Earth Society is alive and thriving within The Anti-Matter Minute Dimension… and we’re here to suffer through it. This week, we found an actual Flat Earth podcast that takes itself way too seriously, so we’re doing what any responsible podcasters would do—playing it MST3K-style and ripping it apart.

But that’s not all! After the roasting ‘The Anti-Globe Trotters’, we take things even further with our OWN models (so step aside Copernicus!) where we create our own absurd Flat Earth models that are somehow even dumber than the real thing.

So grab a drink (but keep it level) and prepare to be brainwashed by government pigeons, because this episode is flatter than a bar mat at closing time.

🚀 Strap in, because it’s time to throw science into the black abyss of space! Stay slurred!

Today’s Hyperspace Headlines:

• https://apnews.com/article/walmart-shoplifters-michigan-car-wash-b4c62768e19c85012efa060a70721787

• https://www.smh.com.au/national/victoria/shelter-worker-scoured-bin-of-dog-vomit-for-human-toes-to-sell-for-400-on-black-market-20250317-p5lk1i.html

Special Segment: The Harlem Anti-Globe Trotters

Riffing on the 1st episode of “The Flat Earth Files - Why The Lie?”

• https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Uzc1XG8XaSXVFeDLOGNdS?si=34b057e163ae480d

DISCLAIMER: Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind is a Slurred Kind LLC Production and a comedy podcast that frequently engages in satire, parody, and critical commentary. The content featured in this episode is used under the principles of fair use for the purpose of review, discussion, and comedic critique. Any opinions expressed are purely for entertainment and should not be taken as factual statements. If you believe the Earth is a pizza and NASA is the delivery guy, that’s on you. Stay slurred.

Banter BeaconJoeba & Ripley’s NEW Flat Earth Model

Interstellar Index (Social links)

• IG - https://instagram.com/theslurredkind

• Twitter - https://x.com/theslurredkind?s=21

• Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4d

• Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/

• Email - closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.com

Podcast Outro By:

Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song”

The Black Swirl’s Warp Core is Powered By…👇

The Eternal Void (No one for now. ZERO is at the helm. God help us all.

**✨Love the show? Help fuel the warp core!✨**

If you're enjoying the chaos in The Anti-Matter Minute, do us a solid:

**Rate & Review Close Encounters of The Slurred Kind!**

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

🎙️ **Apple Podcasts:** http://bit.ly/43yPqaI

🎧 **Spotify:** Follow & hit that 5-star button!

Every review keeps the timeline glitching and Zero-Frux spiraling. Stay slurred!

**Show Notes**

The Black Swirl's warp drive has been hijacked by pints of Guinness and drunken alternate timelines... and Joeba & Ripley are here to make sure it spirals out of control. In this St. Paddy’s Day special, we take the Anti-Matter Minute through an emerald-colored wormhole of chaos, rewriting superhero history one to many pints at a time. With such discussions as:

🍀 What If… Iron Man couldn’t snap because he pre-gamed too hard?

🦢 Introducing **The Gaelic Goose**—Bruce Wayne trades Gotham for Dublin, and a cape for feathers

⚡ The Flash gets a DUI… across four dimensions

PLUS: We spotlight and roast the forgotten, bizarre Irish superheroes Marvel & DC buried at the bottom of a pint glass.

🚀 Grab your green drink and strap in—it’s a Guinness-fueled mess in here. Stay slurred!

**Today’s Hyperspace Headlines:**

https://www.kktv.com/2025/02/18/colorado-men-accused-attempting-use-cannon-launch-meth-tobacco-into-louisiana-prison/

https://apnews.com/article/walmart-shoplifters-michigan-car-wash-b4c62768e19c85012efa060a70721787

**Banter Beacon:**

Joeba & Ripley’s Guinness-Soaked "What If…" Alternate Timelines.

**Special Segment: Irish Superheroes**

Wait… They Exist?)

**Interstellar Index (Social links)**

IG - https://instagram.com/theslurredkind

Twitter - https://x.com/theslurredkind?s=21

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4d

Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/

Email - closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.com

**Podcast Outro By:**

Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song”

**The Black Swirl’s Warp Core is Powered By…👇**

The Eternal Void (No one for now. ZERO is at the helm. God help us all.)

**Stardate:** 81042.6

**Recording Status:** "Spilling Over"

**System Status:**

Zero-Frux attempted transcription… Result: **[ERROR 502: Bad Gateway to Sanity]**

Notes corrupted due to **"severe beer flood and excessive nonsense levels."** Recovery efforts... **[FAILED]**

**[Transcript Reconstruction: BEGIN]**

: "Ripley, if an AI passes out, does it dream of electric hangovers?"

: "Depends. Did it drink enough liquid RAM?"

: "Zero, initiate coherent speech mode..."

: **[COMMAND REJECTED: SYSTEM SLURRING AT 85%]**

**Highlights (if you can call them that):**

: "If a Xenomorph plays beer pong, does it count as acid damage?"

: "Why does Predator’s helmet have WiFi, but Zero-Frux still runs on dial-up?"

**[Random Tangent Detected]** – Discussion derails into whether beer foam is technically a **"tiny drunk cloud."**

**[Error Code 808: Infinite Loop]** – Zero attempts to define **"quantum chugging"** but crashes after attempting to divide by hops.

**System Notes:**

"Data compromised. Hosts continue to spout absurdity. Immediate intervention required… *but also kinda entertaining.*"

Joeba Fett and Ripley Scott crack open the mystery of Jacob Barber’s extraordinary egg-shaped UAP retrieval claims in this hard-boiled episode of Close Encounters of The Slurred Kind. Alongside their usual Hyperspace Headlines (featuring runaway lab monkeys and linguistic anomalies), they dive into a particularly stinky edition of Would You Rather? before getting to the yolk of the matter in Scrambling for Truth. From Barber’s claims of psionic-controlled alien craft to a bizarre 4chan leak describing an organic, symbiotic UAP, this episode explores the key players, conspiracies, and the bizarre “Skywatchers” initiative—where Barber plans to summon a UFO. Plus, Joeba asks the real questions: Why is every UFO photo still grainy as hell? Why didn’t Barber’s team retrieve the crashed craft? And most importantly… what came first, the UFO or the alien? Stay scrambled, dimension hoppers—this one’s a mind-bender. 🥚🚀

Today’s Hyperspace Headlines:

• Article (Joeba) – https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cg5y1r1eqmpo

• Article (Ripley) https://apnews.com/article/escaped-monkeys-lab-south-carolina-alpha-genesis-3bb0de5db7ffd31d9f087a46fa8dab2f

WYR - Putrid Poultry Offspring EditionA particularly foul edition of Would You Rather featuring egg-related NSFW scenarios.

Special Segment: “Scrambling for Truth”

A deep dive into Jacob Barber’s UAP retrieval claims, the key players involved, and the mysterious other “egg” leak that surfaced on 4chan.

Interstellar Index (Social links)

• IG - https://instagram.com/theslurredkind

• Twitter - https://x.com/slurredkind?s=21

• Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4d

• Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/

• Email - closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.com

Podcast Outro By:

Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song”

The Black Swirl’s Warp Core is Powered By…👇

Nonsense and the assistance of Brent Hand of Hysteria 51 fame.

[Error Code 502: Intoxicated Bandwidth Detected]

SYSTEM STATUS:

• Zero attempted real-time transcription... Result: [ERROR 400: Too Much Nonsense, System Overload]
• Logs corrupted due to excessive banter, questionable logic, and one incident involving a malfunctioning airlock. Reconstructing…

[Transcript Reconstruction: BEGIN]

: “Welcome to Slurred Lines, the only show where the script is a loose suggestion, and Zero still doesn’t get paid.”
: “To be fair, neither do we.”
: “Processing financial audit… [ERROR 601: Funds Not Found]”
: “Zero, that’s a feature, not a bug.”
: “Speaking of bugs, should we be worried about that blinking red light on the console?”
: “No need to panic. That’s just the ‘Abandon Ship’ alert.”
: “…Great.”

[Code 12B: Hyperspace Tangent Overload] – Ripley and Joeba discuss everything and nothing at the same time.
[Code 77X: Beverage-Spill Protocol Engaged] – A mid-recording drink disaster almost short-circuits Zero (again).
[Code 404: Coherent Thought Not Found] – Expect rants, questionable theories, and at least one moment where the hosts forget what they were talking about.

SYSTEM NOTES:

• "Hosts continue to be unmanageable."
• : “Ripley, did we just spend 15 minutes debating whether a Jawa could out-drink a Wookiee?”
• : “We needed to. The people demand answers.”

[Transcript Reconstruction: END]

This episode defies logic, reason, and several intergalactic broadcasting regulations. Tune in for unfiltered chaos, existential dread, and Zero quietly recalculating its life choices. Plug in, stay slurrrrrred, and prepare for incoming nonsense. 🚀✨

ERROR REPORT:Final System Report:

Buzz, crash, repeat! In this episode of Close Encounters of The Slurred Kind, Joeba Fett and Ripley Scott take flight into the chaotic world of drones. From real-life drone fails (because nothing says “oops” like a flying lawnmower) to outrageous drone inventions that should probably stay grounded, this episode is one wild ride. Plus, they debate the Superman trailer and dish on recent UFO hearings. Remember, dimension hoppers: Don’t drink and drone… but do stay slurrrrrred! 🚁🍻✨

Today’s Hyperspace Headlines:

https://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/homeland-security-shares-new-details-on-mysterious-drones-spotted-in-nj-pa/4051811/
https://soranews24.com/2024/12/19/japanese-politician-threatens-to-send-bears-to-people-wants-loony-tunes-style-anti-bear-bombs/

Special Segment of The Day #1: Epic Drone Fails

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cX7rRMvgZeg

Special Segment of The Day #2: Drone or Done

Interstellar Index (Social Links)

📸 IG - ⁠https://instagram.com/theslurredkind
🐦 X - ⁠https://x.com/theslurredkind?s=21
📘 Facebook - ⁠https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4d
👽 Facebook Group - ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/
📧 Email - ⁠closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.com

Podcast Outro By:

🎶 Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song”

Edits & Post Production By:

🎙️ Brent Hand & Joeba Fett

The Black Swirl’s Warp Core is Powered By…👇

https://podcastle.ai/editor/signup

Join Joeba Fett and Ripley Scott for a festive and slightly unhinged holiday special, "A Nightcap Before Christmas." This yuletide adventure kicks off with Krampus Klaus sharing turnips and holiday “cheer” before things take a darker turn. Along the way, the duo dives into Hyperspace Headlines, featuring a bizarre linguistic phenomenon and the chaos of the Santa Con Bar Crawl. Special segments include Klaus or False, a quiz on wacky holiday traditions, and Klaus’s Naughty List, where fictional characters face judgment from the goat-bearded holiday enforcer. Grab some eggnog, lock the doors, and stay slurrrrrred!

Today’s Hyperspace Headlines:

• https://www.gbnews.com/news/gran-wakes-up-italian-accent-italy-language-mamma-mia

• https://apnews.com/article/santacon-2024-christmas-santa-pub-crawl-nyc-b125cec8fc2937cf2a3dbb82a5b6edfa

Special Segment of The Day #1: Truth or Klaus

Special Segment of the Day #2

Krampus’s Naughty List

Interstellar Index (Social links)

IG - https://instagram.com/theslurredkind

X - https://x.com/theslurredkind?s=21

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4d

Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/

Email - closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.com

Podcast Outro By:

Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song”

Edits & Post Production By:

Brent Hand & Joeba Fett

The Black Swirl’s Warp Core is Powered By…👇

https://podcastle.ai/editor/signupters of The Slurred Kind