We want to work with YOU! 15 Minute Free Consultation Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. As experienced therapists with backgrounds in addressing trauma and mental health disorders, we believe there is hope and there certainly is healing. We've spent our lives supporting people through the ups and downs, and we want to share these insights with you. Together, we'll unravel the layers of personal growth, healing from trauma, and building healthy relationships. Each week, we'll bring you engaging conversations, expert insights, and practical strategies to help you heal from the past, foster healthy communication, and develop enduring love. This podcast is your guide to transforming adversity into triumph, healing wounds and past trauma, gaining wisdom and insight, and creating meaningful, fulfilling connections. So if you're here to heal, to better understand yourself or your relationships, you're in the right place. So sit back, get comfortable, bring your trauma and your drama, and let's start healing. Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy. Hey everyone, welcome back to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy podcast. We're so glad that you're here with us today. So in the last episode, we talked about communication and why word choice is so important and can impact your relationship. So we're going to continue that today. This will be part two of that. So far, we covered examples of constructive versus destructive word choice when we're talking about feelings, when we're discussing responsibilities, as well as when we're addressing concerns. And today we're going to pick up right there, but we're going to talk about subtle shifts in communication, as well as give you practical tips for communication in general. We just want to remind you that there are so many different nuances in communication. And when we see couples, a lot of times this is one of their main issues that they come in with. I'll ask them what they need help on, and a lot of times communication is their answer. And so when we look specifically at word choice, it's important because the words and the content matter, but really it also affects the emotional tone of the conversation. And it can positively affect it or it can negatively. So one clear example of this, and we used this in the last episode, but it's coming in and just saying what's wrong versus, hey, how are you doing? One is very assumptive and accusatory, and the other really comes from a place of concern and care. Or even just curiosity. And that leads to open dialogue and communication. So as we look today at those subtle shifts, one of the things that we want to look at is a request versus a demand. So an example of this would be, hey, would you mind helping me with the groceries versus help me bring the groceries in? And I know in the last episode, you talked about the pleasantries and the importance of that. And so I think that fits perfectly right here with requesting versus demanding. Oh, for sure. Because ultimately, the same thing happens in the end. There's going to be help with groceries, but there might be more begrudging help with the groceries, or there might be more irritable help with the groceries versus much calmer and more pleasant engagement with helping with the groceries. And again, one thing people can think is like, well, they should just grow up and get over themselves. They just need to come help the groceries. And maybe there's an element of truth to that. But again, you can smooth over a lot of potential difficulties by just being a little more careful and adding in a little more pleasantries into the discussion. And some of this is as simple as saying please or thank you. I think sometimes we get so comfortable with our spouse and I hear people saying, well, I shouldn't have to say all the extra stuff. They know what I mean. But in communication, it really is important to be intentional with your words. And some of that includes the pleasantries and saying please and saying things like, will you please help me with the groceries because just adding in that please or that thank you makes a world of difference. So another example of a subtle shift is expressing needs versus blaming. So blaming would look like you always ignore me when I'm talking to you versus being able to express your need. You could say, I feel important when you listen to me. There's something important I have to share with you. Could we find a time to talk without distraction? And I think one thing that's important about this is that one is coming from a place of vulnerability and the other one is being more aggressive and actually trying to hide or mask that vulnerability. And so when you're going from blaming, you're not really ...
