I used to believe my anxiety was going to kill me. It was so debilitating that it felt like I would explode. In a moment of misguided confidence, I decided to stop taking my anxiety medication because I thought I was 'better.' But of course, I was 'better' because I was on the medication. Two weeks later, I unraveled. Alone in a silent, empty house during the middle of the workday, my emotions were screaming so loudly inside my head that my anxiety felt like it was tearing through my skin. I finally spun my chair around and shouted, 'I can’t take it anymore!'

Emotions were the gasoline for my anxiety. I used alcohol to shut the engine down. Because of my program I now have the tools to make the engine purr. Emotions are a necessary part of being a human being. They protect us, guide us, and power our aspirations and actions. They teach reasoning and help us grow. When I shut down the engine with alcohol, I stop moving through life and stop growing.

Today I live my way into a new way of thinking, instead of thinking my way into a new way of living. I know now that when I pause and stay in my uncomfortable feelings, they aren’t going to kill me. And my medication works! The pill bottle warning was right — “Don’t drink alcoholic beverages with this medication.” Go figure!

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