159 Almost all of us instinctively approach our intimate relationships in mixed ways: ones that generate more loving intimacy and harmony, and ones that drive division and pain, which I call the Backfiring Tactics.

To have the marriage you want, it will take cultivating more of the first, and minimizing those Backfiring Tactics. This is always one of the very first things I help my clients do, and I want you to be able to do the same.

The thing is, it can be hard to do, because the backfiring tactics can seduce you into believing you are acting “empowered”, when really it’s a completely false sense of power that’s actually hurting you and your marriage.

So, if you want to feel close, connected, and on the same loving team in life with your honey, it’s essential to be on the lookout for these sneaky perpetrators of so much pain and division, so you can stop doing them and choose approaches that work SO much better in love.

Listen to this episode to hear the 7 primary Backfiring Tactics (I’ve added a few since the first episode on them years back), and why we are so prone to them, and what exactly they look like in action, along with recommendations for other episodes to go deeper into each one, so you can identify which ones you tend to fall prey to, and begin to put an end to them.

As you begin this process you will be moving out of the power-over dynamics that keep our marriages locked in painful cycles of struggle, and into the power WITH approaches, truly relationally empowered ones that make your marriage into one that continues to deepen over time in love, mutual respect, supportiveness, and joy.

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If you don't feel your partner loving you, or sometimes your partner’s supposed love isn’t matched by his actions, this episode is for you.

Women often share with me that this is a common experience for them, and they are hurting because of it. And without some insight into what is really going on in these instances, their relationship just feels worse and worse over time. I don't want that for you!

So listen in to hear what is likely going on for you, and for your spouse, when this happens. Why is it that, although he tells you he loves you and cares about you, he doesn’t always show it with kisses, doing special things for you, or listening to try to understand??

Take a moment and try to really understand, instead of making it into something it isn’t. Instead of falling prey to the belief that it’s because he doesn’t love you enough or that you aren’t somehow lovable enough to him.

Because that’s very rarely what is actually happening. You are, almost certainly, VERY loved. And when you can understand what is really going on, you will be able to FEEL so much more loved, and be best positioned to help your partner show you that love in the ways you like receiving it! So dig in.

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Take the QUIZ: What's Your Best Next Step To Improve Your Marriage?

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• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. Leave a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!
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157 There are many “micro” things you can do on a regular basis to keep your relationship strong (and so you don't need larger “interventions” that take a lot more time and energy in order to get things back on track).

And a very important one? Micro repairs. Today we dive into just how to make them, as well as how to make micro re-directs that will help stop a downhill-heading interaction in its tracks.

These are mini skills that you want to be able to do easily, because, in all relationships–even healthy ones– there will be moments of micro-rupture, when the sweetness of connection between you gets disrupted by reactivity, or normal human unskillfulness.

But these won't hurt your relationship as long as you make repairs when they happen–even if you weren't the one who “started” the rupture.

So listen in as I share when, why, and how to make these micro repairs, and give you the exact words to do so effectively.

You'll come away with the knowledge to easily mend any little rift between you and your spouse and also the best chance of your partner getting good at making these repairs, as well, so you will never be in discord for long as a couple, and can easily get back to connection, affection, and a palpable sense of love between you. Dive in.

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