164 All marriages have ups and downs. It's in large part how you handle the downs that determines the overall quality of your relationship, and whether it grows more deeply loving and stays that way, or it disintegrates.

In this episode I candidly share how I recently applied my own coaching teachings to my own marriage during one of those harder times (when I was feeling like my husband wasn't supporting or caring for me well), and how I coached myself into feeling not just supported again, but even cherished.

As vulnerable as this is to share with you, I really wanted you to be able to see that even people with skills like mine go through harder times, and that instead of that being something to weaken your marriage, it is an opportunity for more growth, both personal and as a couple–WHEN you apply the coaching (and self coaching) I teach you and my clients.

You’ll not only hear the exact process I went through, but also how I dealt with resistance to doing my end of the work, how I took ownership over the hard emotions I was feeling, and how I shed the anger and hurt and began to feel loved and supported again–in just 10 or 15 minutes of my time! – so you can learn from me and even use this same process yourself.

I truly want you to be able to know just how to move out of those inevitable harder times in your marriage and get back to the love, connection and mutual supportiveness you cherish, so you can feel more fulfilled and secure, and keep evolving in the best ways both personally and as a couple. So listen in!

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163 Understanding this one thing about relationships can truly make or break your marriage:

What we practice grows stronger. And in our relationship, we are, consciously or unconsciously, always practicing.

We practice having arguments, or finding our way to a solution. We practice reactive communication, or choosing to communicate more consciously, we practice repulsion or we practice attraction, etc.

If that sounds intriguing but confusing to you, and you aren't sure how to practice the things that build a strong and loving relationship that lasts, then this is a must-listen episode.

Because in it, I tell you what is actually at the source of the patterns you are practicing in your relationship, so you can make a conscious choice about if you want to keep practicing them, or instead choose ones that are going to truly enrich your relationship.

This is a truly back-to-the-basics episode–meaning, a deep and important reminder of what I teach that is most essential to understand to improve your marriage in big ways.

What you will hear today is what distinguishes my approach to relationships from most relationship advice out there, and WHY my clients get such amazing results with me, when they haven’t with all the other relationship help they've tried before. So dig in.

SHOW NOTES:
Join Hannah for 4 months of private 1:1 Marriage Coaching, and get her deep, super individualized support to harness your power to feel amazing in your marriage and get more sensitivity, connection, and support than ever from your partner. Get started by filling out this form.

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162 Today you'll hear about one of the big things my husband and I do once a year that just lights up our marriage–it’s like a total connection, attraction, and intimacy rejuvenator for us. And it can be for you, too.

Although usually the most important work you can do in your marriage is about small actions and changes made on a regular basis, I’ve found that there are some bigger things you can do occasionally that will really infuse your relationship with so much of ALL that you most want it to be. This is one that I highly suggest.

Listen in to hear why this is so good for any marriage (including how it can amp up the attraction and passion between you, as well as set you up for a more connected relationship for the rest of the year), how to do this well as an HSP, how to handle obstacles to making it happen, and what to do if you have any resistance to this idea.

You’ll also hear why, although doing this is truly a gift to any intimate relationship, there is something that is definitely more essential to do when it comes to having a loving connected marriage–and I will share just what that is in this episode. Dive in.

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Get deeper marriage help from Hannah:

• Is everything decent between you and your spouse, but a bit dull? If bringing alive more of that flirty attraction and connection of the earlier days is your top priority, my short training, Bring Back The Attraction, is a great starting place for you! Grab it here.
• Even better? When you join Hannah for 4 months of private 1:1 Coaching, you'll get her deep, super individualized support to harness your power to feel amazing in your marriage and get more sensitivity, connection, and support than ever from your partner. Get started by filling out this form.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

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161 Today is a quick dip into an absolutely ESSENTIAL part of building and maintaining a great relationship with your significant other: consciously fostering fondness of them. (You’ll do it in just 5 minutes!)

And yes, you CAN absolutely feel more warmth, admiration and love for them on purpose, and build in more of all the good stuff between you and your spouse.

A solid body of research about what makes marriages work indicates (and my clients experience confirms) that it will make your marriage stronger, your friendship deeper, and even the passion in your relationship more alive.

Unfortunately, it’s all too easy to let this piece slide (or just not know HOW to do it!). Then things tend to feel worse and worse in our relationships.

Luckily there are many ways to actively build a stronger sense of fondness for this person you've chosen to spend your life with–and only good things will come out of it, when you know how and actually put them into practice.

Today, I give you a very specific process (including 5 quick questions for you to answer) to do so! So dive in!

SHOW NOTES:

-->Take the free QUIZ: There are 3 core areas that are at the very SOURCE of what's not going well–and what will make it go well–in all marriages. Just ONE of these areas is most important for YOU to focus on first — and when you make some good changes in that area, you will see your relationship improve quickly.

Which area is it for YOU? Take my 2 minute free quiz, What's Your Best Next Step To Improve Your Marriage? to find out.

-->NEW!! For the Summer and Fall of 2024: Join Hannah for 4 months of private 1:1 Coaching.

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160 A common question I have heard from women I work with is, “How can I hold my partner accountable?” And the internet is full of people saying we need to hold our husbands accountable.

But what even does that really mean when it comes to an intimate relationship? And how do you actually do it? That’s what you will learn here today.

The truth is, “holding someone accountable” can be an important part of growing a great relationship, if you understand some of the subtleties of what it looks like. But there are many ways to try to do it that not only don’t work, but can sabotage an otherwise good relationship.

And even though you can’t force your partner to be accountable to his goals, agreements, or becoming a great partner, you can create the best conditions for them to hold themselves accountable. And that is what we really want to happen in our intimate relationships.

Listen in for 7 keys to doing so, including a very specific script for how to navigate it when he breaches an agreement, so your spouse will be most likely to follow through on better and better ways of being in your relationship.

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-->NEW!! For the Summer and Fall of 2024: Join Hannah for 4 months of private 1:1 Coaching.

-->Take the free QUIZ: What's Your Best Next Step To Improve Your Marriage?

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159 Almost all of us instinctively approach our intimate relationships in mixed ways: ones that generate more loving intimacy and harmony, and ones that drive division and pain, which I call the Backfiring Tactics.

To have the marriage you want, it will take cultivating more of the first, and minimizing those Backfiring Tactics. This is always one of the very first things I help my clients do, and I want you to be able to do the same.

The thing is, it can be hard to do, because the backfiring tactics can seduce you into believing you are acting “empowered”, when really it’s a completely false sense of power that’s actually hurting you and your marriage.

So, if you want to feel close, connected, and on the same loving team in life with your honey, it’s essential to be on the lookout for these sneaky perpetrators of so much pain and division, so you can stop doing them and choose approaches that work SO much better in love.

Listen to this episode to hear the 7 primary Backfiring Tactics (I’ve added a few since the first episode on them years back), and why we are so prone to them, and what exactly they look like in action, along with recommendations for other episodes to go deeper into each one, so you can identify which ones you tend to fall prey to, and begin to put an end to them.

As you begin this process you will be moving out of the power-over dynamics that keep our marriages locked in painful cycles of struggle, and into the power WITH approaches, truly relationally empowered ones that make your marriage into one that continues to deepen over time in love, mutual respect, supportiveness, and joy.

SHOW NOTES:
-->NEW!! For the Summer and Fall of 2024: Join Hannah for 4 months of private 1:1 Coaching.

-->SHORT TERM FREE OFFER --Sorry-Expired!: Get the PODCAST MAP, a trail guide to help you make the most of the podcast and find answers to your relationship questions, so you can have a better marriage as an HSP FOR FREE! This offer expired, but you can still get the Map! Get the Podcast Map by becoming a Podcast Supporter, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE.

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If you don't feel your partner loving you, or sometimes your partner’s supposed love isn’t matched by his actions, this episode is for you.

Women often share with me that this is a common experience for them, and they are hurting because of it. And without some insight into what is really going on in these instances, their relationship just feels worse and worse over time. I don't want that for you!

So listen in to hear what is likely going on for you, and for your spouse, when this happens. Why is it that, although he tells you he loves you and cares about you, he doesn’t always show it with kisses, doing special things for you, or listening to try to understand??

Take a moment and try to really understand, instead of making it into something it isn’t. Instead of falling prey to the belief that it’s because he doesn’t love you enough or that you aren’t somehow lovable enough to him.

Because that’s very rarely what is actually happening. You are, almost certainly, VERY loved. And when you can understand what is really going on, you will be able to FEEL so much more loved, and be best positioned to help your partner show you that love in the ways you like receiving it! So dig in.

SHOW NOTES:
NEW!! For the Summer and fall of 2024: Join Hannah for 4 months of private 1:1 Coaching.

Take the QUIZ: What's Your Best Next Step To Improve Your Marriage?

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

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157 There are many “micro” things you can do on a regular basis to keep your relationship strong (and so you don't need larger “interventions” that take a lot more time and energy in order to get things back on track).

And a very important one? Micro repairs. Today we dive into just how to make them, as well as how to make micro re-directs that will help stop a downhill-heading interaction in its tracks.

These are mini skills that you want to be able to do easily, because, in all relationships–even healthy ones– there will be moments of micro-rupture, when the sweetness of connection between you gets disrupted by reactivity, or normal human unskillfulness.

But these won't hurt your relationship as long as you make repairs when they happen–even if you weren't the one who “started” the rupture.

So listen in as I share when, why, and how to make these micro repairs, and give you the exact words to do so effectively.

You'll come away with the knowledge to easily mend any little rift between you and your spouse and also the best chance of your partner getting good at making these repairs, as well, so you will never be in discord for long as a couple, and can easily get back to connection, affection, and a palpable sense of love between you. Dive in.

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The Stop Taking It So Personally Course

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