Embert’s back in black—suit, tie, and outrage—after witnessing the most unholy sight of all: a woman filming herself at a funeral. In this dark but hilarious episode, he breaks down how we’ve lost all sense of decorum, especially when it comes to saying goodbye.

Includes:

• TikTok eulogies and sparkle filters

• Grandson’s latte-fueled grief post

• Funeral homes with hashtags

• A man who listened to a murder podcast during a hymn

• And Embert’s suggestion that we bury our phones with our dignity

If you miss the days when mourning meant something more than engagement metrics, this one’s your spiritual reset.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert puts his own phone in a drawer for good.

In this revved-up episode, Embert’s grumbling about smart cars, sassy GPS voices, and grown adults who let a robot park their car for them. Back in his day, the only thing the car said was “vroom”—and it meant it.

Topics include:

• The death of glove box maps

• Grandson’s misguided faith in “smart mobility”

• Self-driving as “assisted loafing”

• Emotional support dashboards

• And why your car should shut up and drive

If you miss when vehicles didn’t beep, talk, or make you feel judged, Embert’s got your back.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert disables voice control with a screwdriver.

In this heavily starched episode, Embert rants about the decline of personal appearance—from mesh pants and taco glasses to green mohawks and designer pajamas. What happened to ironing a shirt and looking respectable?

He covers:

• The guy in mesh pants and a top hat

• Pajamas in public

• His grandson’s misguided ideas about “freedom”

• Barber disasters and facial metal detectors

• And a plea to bring back denim that doesn’t quit

If you believe style should include sleeves and sense, Embert’s preaching your gospel.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert spots another man in capri leggings.

In this thunderous throwback episode, Embert unpacks everything wrong with modern nightlife—from standing-room-only dance caves to cocktails with more herbs than a garden center. He longs for the days when you went out, danced with a stranger, and maybe remembered their name the next day.

This episode includes:

• DJ Migraine and his assault on Embert’s spine

• A crisis over no chairs

• Grandson's failed attempt to “vibe”

• The shocking app called Bonkr

• And why romance died somewhere between the fog machine and the cover charge

If you miss when a night out didn’t require hearing protection and GPS, Embert’s here to remind you: it used to be fun. Now it’s just cardio with neon.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finds a place that still has booths.

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In this high-velocity episode, Embert unleashes a righteous rant against the rise of adults on scooters. What used to be a toy for kids is now a full-blown urban menace—and Embert’s not having it.

In this episode:

• Embert almost loses a hip to “Skyler on a Segway”

• Grandson tries (and fails) to defend scooter culture

• QR code chaos, sidewalk slalom, and smug riders

• And the quote of the day: “You wanna relive your childhood? Mow a lawn.”

If you’ve ever had to sidestep an e-scooter crash site or just miss when grown-ups had dignity, this episode will glide right into your soul.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert gets his sidewalk back.

In this episode, Embert unleashes his fury on the modern restroom revolution. Gone are the days of simple stalls and cranky hand dryers—now it’s a full-blown laser-guided obstacle course of confusion.

Expect rants about:

• Motion sensor meltdowns

• The toilet that flushed before Embert sat down

• Mirrors that advertise oat milk

• The scandal of air dryers

• And one too many conversations about “inclusive design”

If you’ve ever walked out of a bathroom feeling older, wetter, and more confused than when you walked in, this episode will feel like a warm roll of paper towels from 1987.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finally figures out how to work the soap.

In this special Father’s Day episode, Embert slaps on his black socks and sandals and storms headfirst into the downfall of modern fatherhood. From backyard grill legends to dads who fixed everything with duct tape and pure rage, this one's a tribute to real men who didn’t need therapy to show they cared—they just handed you tools and taught you how to use ‘em.

Highlights include:

• The power of the “dad stare”

• Embert’s father: a man who built a shed from spite

• Why vulnerability has its place—but not in the garage

• A brutal takedown of TikTok parenting

• And a salute to all the dads who show love without hashtags

If your dad ever handed you a hot dog with one hand while tightening a bolt with the other, this episode’s for you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert hears someone say, “My child prefers not to be corrected.”

In Season 4, Episode 41, Embert rants his way through a traumatic lunch at a modern restaurant that promised him a “burger” and delivered botanical sadness.

In this episode:

• Embert battles the “plant-forward” movement

• A waiter’s eyebrows spark a war

• Grandson tries (and fails) to defend quinoa as an entrée

• And the zinger of the day: “If your patty has a soul cycle membership, it’s not a burger.”

If you’ve ever left a restaurant hungrier than when you arrived, this episode will fill you—with rage and common sense.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finds food that doesn’t require decoding.