Life Against The Grain

By: Nikki Marie
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  • Summary

  • Welcome to the Life Against The Grain Podcast. A safe environment for advice, inspiration & authenticity. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, it will inspire others to create an amazing, intentional life on their own terms without the burden of shame & blame. www.helpmenikkimarie.com
    2022
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Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Success Psychology
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Episodes
  • "Generational Well-What?

    "Generational Well-What?
    Aug 29 2022
    0:08   Welcome to the life against the grain podcast. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, a wife, mother, mental health advocate, and generational wellness coach. If you aren't ready to redesign your life according to your desires and your morals, but you feel trapped by the constraints of society and inherited beliefs, then you are in the right place. I want this podcast to serve as a safe space to explore, evaluate and envision your own blueprint for life. So let's get into it. 1:02   hello, hello, hello. Come on in, take off your shoes, relax and stay at while I'm your host, Nikki Marie and today is going to be a little different. We will be diving into what a generational wellness coach is and how I can help you in today's episode, generational wetness. 1:21   As you've already heard, I am a generational wellness coach. And what that means is my role as a generational Wellness Coach is to help people uncover limiting beliefs and things that they learned over the course of their lives, from family or society that are keeping them stuck, then to show them how to implement healthier habits. So they can live the life that they want to pass on to future generations and help past generations heal from an example of these limiting beliefs or things that we learned throughout our lives from family and society. 2:02   Take a woman as an example, that wants to become the top person in a field that's filled with men, but decides not to go for it decides not to try. Because all her life, she heard women are meant to do this certain thing, or women are not supposed to show up in this space. So that would be something that has been inherited a value that has been inherited from previous generations in society, that they no longer work for us now in society, and may have applied before. But Today's a new day, and things are different. And her limiting belief was passed on from her previous generation. And now it's affecting her current generation. And then by that she's going to go ahead and pass on that same belief, that same feel to a future generation. Therefore, repeating the cycle over and over again and never breaking it. And I'm here to help people identify that cycle, take what works for them, and keep it and take what doesn't work for them and does not apply and let it go. It's okay to let go ideas that people are telling you that have been here before you if they do not serve you if they do not have any application to your life. And if you don't believe it, it's okay to not believe in the same thing that somebody else believes him. Because you are the one who gets to live your life. And you're the one who lives your decisions. So no one else can tell you, your life is supposed to look like this. They can advise you like, Hey, I did this. This is what I went through. This is the feelings I had. And this was the outcome. And if that whole process works for you, and it leads you to exactly where you want to be, then go for it. If it does not, then you need to stop, reevaluate and create your plan. This topic is very important to me. Because not only am I a woman trying to make my own mark on this world, I am a mother. I'm a mother of three children, one of which is a girl. And I do not want her believing that she has to be limited because of what other people say what other people think what society is trying to lie to her about. I want to be that example. I want to implement better habits for her and for my son's so that they could create an even better life than the ones they have now. 4:39   And one of my own personal generational beliefs that I used to believe and that I'm worked through and realized that it wasn't true and it was actually hurting my life is crying or vulnerability was a weakness. 4:54   Guys, I'm a Puerto Rican woman from Brooklyn, New York. 5:00   So being soft in that environment made you a target being vulnerable, being emotional made you a walking target. So you had to keep a tough exterior. And an I don't give a fuck attitude in order to survive through the day in order to not have people come at you in order to feel good by the end of that day and feel strong. Even until today, when I'm hurt Emotionally, I get angry, and I want to break things. Crying is not the first thing that comes into my mind, because I have been conditioned to not show weakness. I've been conditioned, that even though I'm a girl, that that's not what I should be doing, I should get over it, I should just keep moving, I should not let things bother me. That's what was taught to me. And with those mindsets, and those lessons that I was learning throughout life, it made me create walls between me and other people or opportunities that I wanted to go for. Because I didn't want to look weak, or I didn't want to look a certain type of way, I didn't want to become a target. So I would stop myself, because of everything around me told me not to believe in that situation for myself. But as I grew up, I was seeing ...
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    23 mins
  • "I'm not showing off, I'm showing up!"

    "I'm not showing off, I'm showing up!"
    Aug 22 2022
    Welcome to the life against the grain podcast. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, a wife, mother, mental health advocate, and generational wellness coach. If you are ready to redesign your life according to your desires and your morals, but you feel trapped by the constraints of society and inherited beliefs, then you are in the right place. I want this podcast to serve as a safe space to explore, evaluate and envision your own blueprint for life. So let's get into it hello, hello, hello. Come on in, take off your jacket, put up your feet and stay a while. I'm your host, Nikki Marie and today we're going to be diving into something that hits close to home. And I'm still learning to work through. It's allowing yourself to shine guilt free. In today's episode, I'm not showing off. I'm showing up. Hey, guys, so this topic hits very close to home because ever since I was young, I've been creative. I've been social. I've been inquisitive, nosy. I've been all over I like to get into things. And it didn't always. It wasn't always welcome from others. And looking back now I can understand, from an outside perspective outsider's perspective, why they might have been reacting that way. But in the moment, I was just feeling down or thinking that there was something wrong with me. I was always told I was showing off when I wanted to sing when people thought I was being a quote unquote, teacher's pet. And because I was able to adapt to many different situations, I was able to just roll with the punches, and not let it affect my mood in a way that it would affect others. When I was younger, I used to be in a choir in the school choir. I loved every moment of it, because like I said, I love to sing. And for me, it's not even just performing and having people look at me because I'm actually nervous when it comes to that. But I just love singing I love music. I love anything. I love listening to other people sing. I just love music a lot. So I used to hum and and sing here and there. I even sometimes when I'm standing online, I'll sing to myself low and not noticing that other people are hearing me and then when somebody does hear me like, Oh, hey, you were singing. That was nice. I usually say thank you, but then I clam up and I'm like, holy crap, I have to stop singing. Like, I get really nervous about the person realizing that I was singing, I just wanted to say, but when I was in school, I used to have classmates and other choir mates jealous. And they used to be a little snotty at times. I had choir mates that used to tell me not to audition for stuff, because they wanted to have a chance like that they thought the teacher wouldn't pick them if I auditioned. And that honestly wasn't true. Other people had solos when I was a part of the choir. But me shining in that way. made someone else feel insignificant made someone else feel insecure. And it's not my job to make them feel that way. And it's not my job to like, hide myself because it feels weird to them. And why do we teach each other that it's okay to back down to dull ourselves and who we are so that someone else can shine. We have people shining together all over the place. There's nowhere that says Only one person can shine at a time and that that makes another person less than. So we really need to help encourage each other to learn from one another. Instead of wrapping these anchors of insecurities that we have about ourselves around other people's ankles and dragging them down into our own mess into our own negative thoughts. We have to stop telling other people to stop shining because it hurts our eyes. We need to get it together. We need to put our sunglasses on and learn how to shine too. It's not exclusive to one person, we could all get it done, you just have to do the work, you just have to show up and get the work done. I always used to be called a teacher's pet as well. And it honestly didn't even bother me. I didn't care that people were calling me a teacher's pet. But it's just another example of you trying to shine. And other people are uncomfortable with it from their own experiences and insecurities within themselves. So they pick at you and they want you to stop it. I was always a teacher's pet because I was friendly, and was friendly with the teachers, especially if it's a teacher that I liked. Why would I not be friendly? And that friendliness and being able to answer questions because I'm kind of a nerd. So I would always, I would always do my work, I was the kid that like to do extra credit, for no reason. Sometimes I gave myself extra credit to give. And that had nothing to do with the teacher, it had nothing to do with me trying to show the teacher something or make the teacher feel some type of boy, I just really enjoy learning, I enjoy sharing what I've learned, and I get excited about it. So I don't mind doing more work about when it comes to something that I'm passionate about, or that I'm excited about. And people really didn't like me ...
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    22 mins
  • What Respect?! Respect This Bish!

    What Respect?! Respect This Bish!
    Aug 15 2022
    0:00   Unfortunately, we've been, we've been victimized by "respect", way too long. We've been victimized by this word, "respect", which is actually not what they're using it for, I don't think. I don't think it means what they think it means. 0:11   Welcome to the life against the green podcast. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, a wife, mother, mental health advocate, and generational wellness coach, 0:35   if you are ready to redesign your life according to your desires and your morals, but you feel trapped by the constraints of society and inherited beliefs, then you are in the right place. I want this podcast to serve as a safe space to explore, evaluate and envision your own blueprint for life. So let's get into it... 1:13   Hello, hello, hello. Come on in, take off your jacket and stay a while. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, and today we will be diving into a classic. It's an oldie but goodie, Respecting Your Elders. In today's episode, What Respect? Respect this Bish! I could understand how we came to that conclusion of respecting your elders, because you don't want to disrespect someone's knowledge and experience that have came before you, and are here to try and help you learn so that you can grow, right? That is a perfect example of where respecting your elders should come into play. But unfortunately, most people do not use the "Respect your elders" as a thing, because they want to make sure they're getting respect the same way they're giving it. In my experience, I've heard the term "Respect your elders", when I questioned something that I didn't feel was right for me. But somebody else was telling me to do it and since they were older, I had to "respect them". I also had those moments where an older person was there berrating and disrespecting me. And if I stood up for myself, I was told, respect your elders. And I'm here to tell you guys, you already know you're ready. Now. Fuck that noise. All right. The idea of respect is you give what you get. You don't have to be disrespectful and crazy, but you will give respect when it's given to you. Respect is not an automatic thing Respect is earned. And in a split second, you can lose that respect. So on both parties, it's important. It's super important to respect on both ways. If you don't want someone to come and treat you this way make you feel this way, then why are you projecting that onto others. So respect, in my eyes, is something that you give when it's given to you. Not something that can be used by someone else who wants to control things in their life. And they're using it to oppress you. To oppress your intuitiveness to oppress your questioning, to oppress the way that you protect yourself. Unfortunately, we've been, we've been victimized, by respect, way too long, we've been victimized by this word, respect, which is actually not what they're using it for, I don't think I don't think it means what they think it means. So to say it loud and clear. Again, my number one biggest belief about respect is that you will get it when you give it other people pressuring you into stuff that you don't want to do is not them giving you respect, therefore, your respect is not required. And there's going to be a lot of Mad people listening to this podcast, especially people who have children. And they're going to be like "what what do you mean? My kids have to respect me I fully understand that. Definitely teach them to be respectful humans in society, but also teach them to keep themselves safe because not everybody's intention is meant to help their lives. Sometimes the intention is just to get somebody to do what they want. And in the name of respect, it's happened way too much. 5:00   In life, and we need to change it. We don't have to start disrespecting people, we just need to let people know that in order to vibe with me on the right plane in order to connect with me and to keep that connection, I need to know that I'm safe with you, my mental state is safe with you, my, my physical body is safe with you, my thoughts, my feelings, that everything is safe with you, just like you would want it back in return. And that's what we should strive for when we are teaching about respect. Another thing that I believe about respect wholeheartedly, is that you need to respect yourself. First, you need to respect yourself worth how you feel about yourself, what you allow from others. And you also have to respect what you believe in. If other people are trying to deter you from what your you believe. And inside your body, you know that that is not, that is absolutely not how you feel and it doesn't feel right. It is okay to question it. And no, that is not disrespectful. That is self preservation. And that's you owning your worth, because you're not going to step into something that can harm you. Because you're worth more than that. And my biggest thing that I want everybody to know is I'm not telling you to go out there and become hella disrespectful with ...
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    18 mins

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