Lora Cheadle joins Dr. Rob to discuss the journey of self-discovery that the spouse must take after betrayal. Moments of vulnerability and self-disclosure can bring happiness into a healing marriage while also triggering feelings of old hurt, leaving spouses feeling angry and confused about whether or not they really trust their partner again. Lora understands that while you may have been victimized, you get to choose whether or not you will continue to be a victim.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:59] A little bit about Lora Cheadle and why she wanted to share her personal experience as a recovering spouse.

[5:00] Betrayal can come as a result of spouse control and manipulation.

[7:28] Transactional relationships are set up for failure.

[10:28] You were victimized by your spouse’s betrayal – don’t let anyone minimize that for you – but you get to choose whether or not you will continue to be a victim.

[15:03] As a partner, you can support your spouse without taking on the full responsibility of their addiction.

[16:07] How can you balance trust today with the possibility of future betrayal?

[19:40] Self disclosure and vulnerability from your partner is key evidence that betrayal has stopped.

[20:30] From a performative and transactional relationship to living her truth, Lora understands what a healthy marriage really looks like.

[24:01] “She should have known better” – but addicts can be really good at hiding things.

[26:12] Find someone who you can confide in who won’t judge you.

[28:01] Yes, you can find peace in a support group of betrayed spouses.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Dr. Geoff Goodman

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Lora Cheadle

QUOTES:

• “Infidelity and betrayal, for me, was my opportunity to see in myself what I had missed before.”
• “If someone isn’t doing what I think they should, the problem is theirs, right? Wrong.”
• “I did not want my husband’s addiction to win. I wanted me to win.”
• “He is a different person, but I am a different person too, so we do this dance differently.”