“I know that my parents loved me fiercely. I’m not sure if they liked me. And that dominated a lot of the relationships in my life & so that means that there was a wrongness in me.”

Feeling different growing up as a queer child is a common thread for many guests on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ This week’s guest echoes that.

Gray Burke-Stowe (he/him) is the Lead Researcher for Trans+ History Week so I get to work with him again this year as we veer towards year two, 5 - 11 May. With his academic background, love of literature, characters & history plus his self-confessed status as a ‘big nerd’, Gray is the driving force behind the Trans+ History Week Workbook which is fundamental to the overall objective - giving people the trans+ history lesson they never had.

Gray grew up in the south of America and though they were part of a big extended family, they felt they lived a fairly solitary existence within that. Intellectually, little Gray was above many of their classmates which led to further exclusion from regular activities at school - yet being just a child, he lacked the emotional maturity to understand why. Gray simply didn’t “fit the mould” and shares how he was often seen as an ‘intrusion’ or ‘challenge’. And he did challenge things too & talks about a successful school petition to start a drama club. He also reveals how he was acting before he’d even got on stage when it came to his queerness.

When Gray found himself in a church, he was subjected to conversion therapy - an experience he kept hidden for years. As life started to turn itself around at university, he was then coerced into an abusive relationship following an illness which was followed by addiction to opioids. Gray talks about ‘main character energy’ yet this was a period where he lost control of his life & story. Survival mode eventually led to him breaking free.

These days, so many things bring Gray joy - especially parenting his two children & he shares wonderful anecdotes & insights. We also dive into Gray’s distinction between sobriety & true recovery having been part of a queer centred recovery community focusing on shared trauma in identity. “If you have something to offer, offer it. If you need something, ask for it” are Gray’s words of wisdom that we should all take on board, especially given how demanding & divisive things feel right now.

This episode covers some challenging topics around mental health, conversion therapy & addiction so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

For news & updates on Trans+ History Week, subscribe to Queer AF & follow us on Instagram, Bluesky & LinkedIn! Download the Workbook too to hear more about the lessons covered + guidance on how you can organise activities & events to celebrate the week!

I credit this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ with getting me involved with our LGBTQ+ staff network when we were colleagues which essentially kickstarted what I am doing now.

Terry Eastham (he/him) is a proud & loud LGBT+ activist. He’s the driving force behind much of London South Bank University’s Pride activities as well as being heavily involved in UNISON’s LGBT+ group where, as well as being Co-Chair of the Greater London Region LGBT+ group, he was also a member of the UNISON National LGBT+ Committee.

Whilst he can often be seen during Pride donning rainbow trainers, caps & tees, this hasn’t always been the case. In his own words, Terry “spent a long-time swimming down the river Denial” when it came to his sexuality - something which spurred his decision to join the armed forces back in the mid 80s. It was a time he reflects on with pride & joy & shares his proudest moment so far being his passing out parade. And even though the training was hell & despite the suspicions & invasive investigations for being gay, he fondly recalls the spirit of togetherness through the suffering. - “everyone is going through it with you”.

Terry finally stepped out of the closet at the age of 45 - a moment of pure relief. He shares an anecdote about coming out at a family dinner which references Cliff Richard & a game of Trivial Pursuit.

We chat about Terry’s love of London - the freedom & friendliness of the city, along with the magic that theatre brings him as a theatre reviewer. Terry & I share a passion for volunteering too having been some of the original volunteers for Queer Britain, the UK’s first & only dedicated LGBTQ+ museum. We explore his love of rules & willingness to break them on his terms, giving speeches & emotions. Terry describes himself as someone who just “goes through life” & doesn’t see him as remarkable - I beg to differ & I’m sure you will too. Enjoy!

Take care of yourself whilst listening as always as we cover some challenging topics.

“I was going on random forums & adding people as friends saying ‘I just want to hear your story’. They weren’t particularly mind blowing or interesting but just hearing people share what they’d been through made me really comforted.”

This simple act of interviewing people to help them understand their own experience for this guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ led to the creation of Love Queers, a community platform committed to shining a spotlight on the LGBTQ+ community. As well as two successful & truly brilliant podcasts, Queer Talk & Outsiders Talk, both of which champion the importance of intergenerational & intersectional conversations.

Spencer Cooper (them/them) reflects on the role of Love Queers in their own journey as it has just hit 50k followers - which they find somewhat baffling but also proud of what they’ve achieved. It also sparks a timely & frankly refreshing conversation about Spencer’s attitude towards social media. It’s something I personally needed to hear & if you’re like me, you probably do too.

In preparation for this interview, Spencer asked their parents what Little Spencer was like & essentially, that they were a troublemaker - or in Spencer’s own words ‘a little shit’ who liked to push people. We dive deep - really deep - into their childhood, their relationship with their parents & school life which sees Spencer firmly in the driving seat from a young age as they share anecdotes that highlight their confidence, independence & strategic thinking - traits that they’ve channelled & carried into adulthood. We also explore the complexities around bullying & becoming a bully. A brave & open admission that has shaped the Spencer we know today.

Intergenerational friendships are crucial to Spencer, describing them as a blessing, and they share why it’s so important as well as their thoughts on the concept of ‘respect’. We chat about Spencer’s big move from Rhyl to London, their love of Lilo & Stitch, watching WWE wrestling & why you should “just give yourself a fucking break!” Enjoy…

Oh & BTW Outsiders Talk series two, featuring Spencer’s co-host & last week’s guest Paula Harrowing, is on the horizon. Stay tuned!

As usual, this episode contains some challenging topics so take care of yourself whilst listening.