“I know that my parents loved me fiercely. I’m not sure if they liked me. And that dominated a lot of the relationships in my life & so that means that there was a wrongness in me.”

Feeling different growing up as a queer child is a common thread for many guests on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ This week’s guest echoes that.

Gray Burke-Stowe (he/him) is the Lead Researcher for Trans+ History Week so I get to work with him again this year as we veer towards year two, 5 - 11 May. With his academic background, love of literature, characters & history plus his self-confessed status as a ‘big nerd’, Gray is the driving force behind the Trans+ History Week Workbook which is fundamental to the overall objective - giving people the trans+ history lesson they never had.

Gray grew up in the south of America and though they were part of a big extended family, they felt they lived a fairly solitary existence within that. Intellectually, little Gray was above many of their classmates which led to further exclusion from regular activities at school - yet being just a child, he lacked the emotional maturity to understand why. Gray simply didn’t “fit the mould” and shares how he was often seen as an ‘intrusion’ or ‘challenge’. And he did challenge things too & talks about a successful school petition to start a drama club. He also reveals how he was acting before he’d even got on stage when it came to his queerness.

When Gray found himself in a church, he was subjected to conversion therapy - an experience he kept hidden for years. As life started to turn itself around at university, he was then coerced into an abusive relationship following an illness which was followed by addiction to opioids. Gray talks about ‘main character energy’ yet this was a period where he lost control of his life & story. Survival mode eventually led to him breaking free.

These days, so many things bring Gray joy - especially parenting his two children & he shares wonderful anecdotes & insights. We also dive into Gray’s distinction between sobriety & true recovery having been part of a queer centred recovery community focusing on shared trauma in identity. “If you have something to offer, offer it. If you need something, ask for it” are Gray’s words of wisdom that we should all take on board, especially given how demanding & divisive things feel right now.

This episode covers some challenging topics around mental health, conversion therapy & addiction so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

For news & updates on Trans+ History Week, subscribe to Queer AF & follow us on Instagram, Bluesky & LinkedIn! Download the Workbook too to hear more about the lessons covered + guidance on how you can organise activities & events to celebrate the week!

I credit this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ with getting me involved with our LGBTQ+ staff network when we were colleagues which essentially kickstarted what I am doing now.

Terry Eastham (he/him) is a proud & loud LGBT+ activist. He’s the driving force behind much of London South Bank University’s Pride activities as well as being heavily involved in UNISON’s LGBT+ group where, as well as being Co-Chair of the Greater London Region LGBT+ group, he was also a member of the UNISON National LGBT+ Committee.

Whilst he can often be seen during Pride donning rainbow trainers, caps & tees, this hasn’t always been the case. In his own words, Terry “spent a long-time swimming down the river Denial” when it came to his sexuality - something which spurred his decision to join the armed forces back in the mid 80s. It was a time he reflects on with pride & joy & shares his proudest moment so far being his passing out parade. And even though the training was hell & despite the suspicions & invasive investigations for being gay, he fondly recalls the spirit of togetherness through the suffering. - “everyone is going through it with you”.

Terry finally stepped out of the closet at the age of 45 - a moment of pure relief. He shares an anecdote about coming out at a family dinner which references Cliff Richard & a game of Trivial Pursuit.

We chat about Terry’s love of London - the freedom & friendliness of the city, along with the magic that theatre brings him as a theatre reviewer. Terry & I share a passion for volunteering too having been some of the original volunteers for Queer Britain, the UK’s first & only dedicated LGBTQ+ museum. We explore his love of rules & willingness to break them on his terms, giving speeches & emotions. Terry describes himself as someone who just “goes through life” & doesn’t see him as remarkable - I beg to differ & I’m sure you will too. Enjoy!

Take care of yourself whilst listening as always as we cover some challenging topics.

“I was going on random forums & adding people as friends saying ‘I just want to hear your story’. They weren’t particularly mind blowing or interesting but just hearing people share what they’d been through made me really comforted.”

This simple act of interviewing people to help them understand their own experience for this guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ led to the creation of Love Queers, a community platform committed to shining a spotlight on the LGBTQ+ community. As well as two successful & truly brilliant podcasts, Queer Talk & Outsiders Talk, both of which champion the importance of intergenerational & intersectional conversations.

Spencer Cooper (them/them) reflects on the role of Love Queers in their own journey as it has just hit 50k followers - which they find somewhat baffling but also proud of what they’ve achieved. It also sparks a timely & frankly refreshing conversation about Spencer’s attitude towards social media. It’s something I personally needed to hear & if you’re like me, you probably do too.

In preparation for this interview, Spencer asked their parents what Little Spencer was like & essentially, that they were a troublemaker - or in Spencer’s own words ‘a little shit’ who liked to push people. We dive deep - really deep - into their childhood, their relationship with their parents & school life which sees Spencer firmly in the driving seat from a young age as they share anecdotes that highlight their confidence, independence & strategic thinking - traits that they’ve channelled & carried into adulthood. We also explore the complexities around bullying & becoming a bully. A brave & open admission that has shaped the Spencer we know today.

Intergenerational friendships are crucial to Spencer, describing them as a blessing, and they share why it’s so important as well as their thoughts on the concept of ‘respect’. We chat about Spencer’s big move from Rhyl to London, their love of Lilo & Stitch, watching WWE wrestling & why you should “just give yourself a fucking break!” Enjoy…

Oh & BTW Outsiders Talk series two, featuring Spencer’s co-host & last week’s guest Paula Harrowing, is on the horizon. Stay tuned!

As usual, this episode contains some challenging topics so take care of yourself whilst listening.

“The scene saved me on so many levels.” This week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ shares as she reflects on her love of the 90s LGBTQ+ scene. She truly deserves her status as Queer Clubland royalty.

As a Club Promoter & Host, Paula Harrowing (she/her) was a driving force behind some of London’s most popular nights, including Queer Nation & Fruit Machine, and particularly events for queer women. Being on the scene in the capital during the early 90s, which she describes as both finding her community & family as well as “chaos & colour”, meant Paula witnessed the rise of HIV & AIDS and with that, many of her friends falling ill & dying.

Whilst there was support for gay men at the time, Paula sprang into action to address the lack of support for women, teenagers & children being diagnosed & co-founded the support agency Body & Soul. As Director, Paula helped brought the conversation around HIV into the mainstream & worked with major organisations such as MTV, The Body Shop, Children in Need & Comic Relief.

All of which is well documented - she’s undoubtedly a nightlife legend & loves the disco. She recounts her first night on the queer scene & name drops Wham!, Kajagoogoo & Sylvester - oh to be a fly on the wall. Yet her origin story is just as RICH!

Paula was born in Eastbourne, to an English father & Burmese mother, but grew up in East Africa & South Africa. She shares anecdotes about safaris with her aunt & a rescue pet rhino. Her relationship with her mother was strained & she often found herself being palmed off or sent to boarding school. She always felt like an outsider - it’s something that she’s channelled throughout her life in the way she shows up for her community. Paula also co-host the brilliant podcast Outsiders Talk - an intergenerational conversation focused production - alongside Spencer Cooper (next week’s guest) which dives into the concept of being an outsider & how this is so common in the queer community.

There’s a brilliant anecdote about chasing Jeremy Irons for an autograph and Paula shares her move to London, early TV career, love for her father, passion for music & women, activism & the gay scene then compared to now plus the lesbian renaissance we’re seeing today - and yes, she loves to see it! Oh & stay tuned for Outsiders Talk series two…

This episode covers some tough topics including family issues, reflections on the HIV & AIDS crisis & life generally being quite challenging so please take care of yourself whilst listening & enjoy - it’s a cracking conversation!

This week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ was not a particularly ambitious teenager. It was generally teased that he likely wouldn’t go on to achieve anything great. Fast forward to today and three degrees, a published book & an Honorary Doctorate later, he’s the leading figure in integrating intersectionality, inclusion and equity in higher education systems, policy and programmes both nationally and internationally.

Dr Arun Verma (he/him) grew up in a big, working class family in Southwest London embedded in two very different cultures. His homelife was centred around Hinduism with the cultural celebrations & festivities that came with that. And on the flip side, his family were the only Indian family on the street & he went to a Church of England school. The two, he feels, were worlds which didn’t fit quite together and he felt both a sense of belonging but also displacement at times - initially from being the quiet one in the family & later with being gay.

Arun didn’t like being told what to do or what to learn. He originally wanted to be a jazz musician & reflects on his experiences on playing in jazz bands around London yet when it came to continuing this as a career, he felt he didn’t have the tenacity that others had.

Flitting between various roles & career focuses including marketing & counselling, he set his sights on research and eventually, after 20+ applications, he was accepted for a PhD at the University of Dundee after a long & gruelling interview process. This was a truly transformative experience for Arun - his discovery of intersectionality not only shaped his career, reputation & impact but became a personal journey & healthy metaphor for his own experiences. This also resulted in a full circle moment having been awarded an Honory Doctorate from Dundee last year during a special ceremony which he recounts.

We chat about the joy of community & working in DEI with amazing humans - and as someone who has got to work with Arun, I agree! - switching off, Arun’s pride in finishing what he starts & how essential disruption is. Enjoy!

This week’s guest was described at school as a ‘natural born leader’ - and it’s clear to see why. Tash Koster-Thomas (she/her) is a DEI consultant & educator, public speaker & activist. She also runs Breaking the Distance, a travel blog with her wife, Marthe, which explores their love of culture, their life together & positive queer representation.

Tash is mum to almost two-year old Sutton - who adorably pops up on lots of our call - and we chat through the joy she brings, the evolution of motherhood & the reality of raising a child in today’s political landscape as part of the LGBQ+ community.

When talking about the mental pull between her need to speak out & take action against injustice - something innate to Tash - & protecting Sutton from what’s going on around her, she shares “I want the world to be a better place for you but I also want to be able to be here for you now, and be a better person for you now.” It’s hard not to be all-consumed with global events so this is something I am sure many people can relate to.

Tash’s confidence shines through & whilst it was no surprise to hear her talk about feeling comfortable in the spotlight, I was not aware of Tash’s colourful career as a performer & dancer! From cruise ships to performing in Spice Girls & Little Mix tribute bands, her love of being on stage was there from a young age, starting with ballet, & she very much affirms “I am still a performer”. Connecting with the audience is a passion she brings to all of her work.

We dive into Tash’s journey to DEI, her relationship with her ‘Superman’ dad & the lessons she learned about herself from being in labour for 3 days! Enjoy…

“I feel like I’ve lived a hundred lives. With so much more to live!”

My guest for this episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ has covered A LOT of ground in her career in a multitude of roles across various industries. Yet I know - and love - her as a champion of inclusion & community and the Co-Founder of Bērytī, a Lebanese restaurant in Barcelona that not only celebrates Lebanese culture but also Queer Arabs in the city, providing a safe space for community, great food & fun!

Cindy Nehme (she/her) was born in 1985 during the civil war in Lebanon. Yet despite, and because of this, she recalls a happy childhood & explains how her mother shielded her from the fear & pain going on around them. When Lebanon was under attack last year, she’d have video conversations with her parents who were in complete blackout with air strikes going on in the background. “We’ve been through this before,” they’d say to her. She has the utmost respect for their faith & their resilience.

Little Cindy, at 6 years old, would go out early in the morning & return in the evening after a full day of doing the rounds visiting her neighbours. Her love of community shone through back then & she’s brought that Lebanese spirit to Barcelona with her. During COVID-19, Cindy & her team at Bērytī rallied around to support their elderly neighbours with collecting shopping & medication, helping to keep them safe.

As a teenager, Cindy describes herself as a bit of a troublemaker & still, even this with the aim of protecting those around her in many cases. Realising her queerness came later for Cindy & she shares how the first bit of representation she saw of two women kissing on TV was the faux lesbian band t.a.T.u with the video to their 00’ tune ‘All The Things She Said’. Their album being something we both confess to still listening to occasionally!

We explore Cindy’s early career, including some of the failures that have shaped her the most, through to her journey to establishing the restaurant in Barcelona with her Co-Founder & friend, Pamela - who describes as ‘her parachute’ with Cindy being ‘the jumper’. With the support of an ‘army of women’, they wanted to create a home from home. They never originally set out to create such a cultural hub that celebrates their love of Arabic language, music & queerness but an organic shift led to where it is now. “We dream, love & feel in Arabic” she beautifully shares when talking about why it’s so important to provide the space that centres its roots.

What started with knocking on doors with invitations through to now, Bērytī has been embraced by its local community in Barcelona & it’s beautiful to hear. Seriously, if you’re in Barcelona, you gotta pop in to see Cindy & the team for some delicious food & a great atmosphere! We also dive into the importance of humour, gratitude & paying it forward - all on strong display throughout. Enjoy!

As always, some of the topics we cover are challenging so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“I didn’t go home for a week. This is my tribe. This is where I’m supposed to be.”

This was my guest’s recount of the moment she met other LGBTQ+ people like her for the first time & the joy on her faces as she tells this story of pure affirmation. It’s a feeling I remember well, as would many queer people I’m sure.

Angel Maxine (she/her) is a prominent Ghanaian trans artist, musician, and activist currently based in Berlin where she recently relocated and she shares how she is taking her time to adjust & integrate into a whole new world trying to live as happily & peacefully as she can. Though she misses her home country & her community, she feels much safer without the fear & risk of attack. This is due to the rise of anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric & attempts to introduce a new bill into Ghana’s Parliament criminalising same sex relationships, identifying as LGBTQ+ & even supporting LGBTQ+ rights.

As Ghana’s first openly trans musician, Angel Maxine uses music and artistic expression as advocacy tools to amplify LGBTQ+ rights and create awareness about the challenges faced by marginalized communities, especially trans women. All of which is crucial right now as the queer community around the world rallies together to campaign, protest & essentially #KillTheBill.

I’ve been following Angel Maxine’s incredible work on social media for over 3 years so I was delighted when she said yes to appearing as a guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind… to find out more about her origin story.

‘Little Angel Maxine’ grew up in a religious home surrounded by love & acceptance for who she was by her family & her church. And though it was outside the home where she experienced challenges due to being different & effeminate, she always felt she had the protection of her parents along with their encouragement & support. When talking about how she felt about the world growing up, she would simply ask herself “why don’t these people see me as who I am?” From an early age, it is something she knew she would have to deal with for the rest of her life.

We explore her love of cooking & going on to become a chef - bringing her passion and love of singing & dancing to her work - as well as discovering her love of music, joining a band & the life-defining moment on stage that shaped the artist & activist we see today.

Angel Maxine radiates grace, gratitude & warmth, online & throughout our conversation. She explains how grateful she is for her journey & everyone who has helped her one way or the other & encourages all to be themselves & keep smiling: “Your smiles can change the hearts of the wicked”. But through her lyrics, her message around acceptance is bold & unwavering. In one of her new songs ‘Nicely Nice’ from her upcoming album, she warns ‘be nice to me, or I will fight you”.

She beams with excitement discussing her album, out in March, her freedom in Berlin & her community. We touch on the impact of colonialism on Ghana as well as its history of recognising different gender identities, her determination to provide hope & inspiration and how being your authentic self is crucial to thrive. It’s a wonderful conversation - enjoy!

Go check out Angel Maxine’s music, support her work & explore ways in which you can show up for & support the LGBTQ+ community in Ghana. Visit LGBTQ+ Rights Ghana for more info.